Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[DisneyTigers]

Every party we throw, every single guest asks, "What can I bring?"

Every party we attend, we ask "What can we bring?"

That's usually the way it works. If it's a potluck, I say that upfront (ie, bring a sidedish to share), and all of our friends LOVE potlucks b/c even tho we "have" to bring something, guess what? Nobody has to plan dinner or cook the whole thing themselves. For us SAHM's, it's BRILLIANT!

I usually don't have a "list" or "assign" dishes to anyone, unless it is, say, a wine-tasting party where everyone brings a favorite bottle, or something to that effect.

From your posts, I'm assuming you don't have a large family (ie, lots of kids).

We do, as do most people we know, which is why I guess we're all so willing to make it easy on each other so that we can all pitch in and still socialize regularly.

Works for us!

 

[PastorsWife]

We are discussing people that that throw parties and then ASSIGN items for guests to bring

Here's a can of worms - church!

Does this extend to retired church ladies who assign a 30-something full-time executive (who can't bake anyway) to make a PIE??? from SCRATCH??? Which would require a shopping trip and cleaning the kitchen 2x (before and after!) and baking 4 pies before I got one that looked right...

I'm usually pretty accommodating - but when I found out that I had been assigned to bake a pie the same weekend I was hosting an event for work...I lost it and told the lady NO. She looked at me in shock and said "but all the ladies are baking pies". Of course, all the ladies on the list were over 60 and had time to bake pies. I told her that I'd be happy to buy one from the grocery store and she was insulted. "We can't serve storebought pies!" I told her I couldn't even be there because I had an event to run that weekend...and she said "but you're the pastor's wife!" I offered to pay $25 for materials and time for someone else to make the pie...and she said "WE-HELL that's ridiculous. You can find time to make a pie!" So, I took her list, scratched off my name, and said "my husband does the baking at our house. Talk to Pastor about what kind of pie you want him to make."

Turned around as I walked away to see her gasping like a fish out of water.

Hubby never heard about the pie. hee hee.

Boy am I glad we moved.

 

[hentob]

Here's a can of worms - church!

Does this extend to retired church ladies who assign a 30-something full-time executive (who can't bake anyway) to make a PIE??? from SCRATCH??? Which would require a shopping trip and cleaning the kitchen 2x (before and after!) and baking 4 pies before I got one that looked right...

I'm usually pretty accommodating - but when I found out that I had been assigned to bake a pie the same weekend I was hosting an event for work...I lost it and told the lady NO. She looked at me in shock and said "but all the ladies are baking pies". Of course, all the ladies on the list were over 60 and had time to bake pies. I told her that I'd be happy to buy one from the grocery store and she was insulted. "We can't serve storebought pies!" I told her I couldn't even be there because I had an event to run that weekend...and she said "but you're the pastor's wife!" I offered to pay $25 for materials and time for someone else to make the pie...and she said "WE-HELL that's ridiculous. You can find time to make a pie!" So, I took her list, scratched off my name, and said "my husband does the baking at our house. Talk to Pastor about what kind of pie you want him to make."

Turned around as I walked away to see her gasping like a fish out of water.

Oh you are one of THOSE pastor's wives



Well, Sweetie, come sit by me Because I love ya already!!!!!

 

[PoohHappens]

I think there is a difference between having a get together with friends and "hosting" a party. If I am having a party for an occasion, I do not ask for anyone to bring anything. However, if I am having a casual get together with friends, say "ya want to get together and watch the game on Sunday afternoon" I usually have folks bring things--however I very rarely have to ask they offer. We have a group of friends that we always all assume the responsibility of food.

Now I do have a question. We are planning to have our sons birthday at a local theater. There is a large party room. I fully intend on providing snacks, cake beverages and movie tickets for those invited to the party (maybe even food depending on the time of day). I was thinking though tofputting an enclosure in the invite that states that if a parent would like to attend the movie with us that there are additional tickets availible at $$$ cost at the box office. Do you all think this is rude. I as a parent would never expect someone to cover my cost to attend a child's birthday. I can afford the party, but it would be very tight for us if I am buying tickets for parents and siblings. Now if only like 3 parents stay, that is fine and I would just pick those up, but 15 is a different story. DS will be turning 7.

 

[PoohHappens]

Here's a can of worms - church!

Does this extend to retired church ladies who assign a 30-something full-time executive (who can't bake anyway) to make a PIE??? from SCRATCH??? Which would require a shopping trip and cleaning the kitchen 2x (before and after!) and baking 4 pies before I got one that looked right...

I'm usually pretty accommodating - but when I found out that I had been assigned to bake a pie the same weekend I was hosting an event for work...I lost it and told the lady NO. She looked at me in shock and said "but all the ladies are baking pies". Of course, all the ladies on the list were over 60 and had time to bake pies. I told her that I'd be happy to buy one from the grocery store and she was insulted. "We can't serve storebought pies!" I told her I couldn't even be there because I had an event to run that weekend...and she said "but you're the pastor's wife!" I offered to pay $25 for materials and time for someone else to make the pie...and she said "WE-HELL that's ridiculous. You can find time to make a pie!" So, I took her list, scratched off my name, and said "my husband does the baking at our house. Talk to Pastor about what kind of pie you want him to make."

Turned around as I walked away to see her gasping like a fish out of water.

Hubby never heard about the pie. hee hee.

Boy am I glad we moved.

Oh yeah, being a PK I just can't wait to read your post to my mom. SOOOOO been there done that for her. My mom is definately the hostess with the mostess, but there were days where she was not feeling very 'christian' you might say.

 

[hentob]

I was thinking though tofputting an enclosure in the invite that states that if a parent would like to attend the movie with us that there are additional tickets availible at $$$ cost at the box office. Do you all think this is rude.

I don't think that is rude at all You should not be expected to pay for the parents.

 

[PastorsWife]

I don't think that is rude at all You should not be expected to pay for the parents.

I don't think it's rude either. I think that it *is* rude to bring yourself or your child's siblings (cousin, neighbor, etc) to a party or event without at least calling the host ahead of time.

I think if a parent "invites" themself that they should make themselves available to help the host.

 

[PastorsWife]

Oh you are one of THOSE pastor's wives

Well, Sweetie, come sit by me Because I love ya already!!!!!

I can wield a mighty power tool but pastries are beyond me. I'm daddy's boy.

And, I'm the worst kind of PW - going to seminary this fall!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I
Now I do have a question. We are planning to have our sons birthday at a local theater. There is a large party room. I fully intend on providing snacks, cake beverages and movie tickets for those invited to the party (maybe even food depending on the time of day). I was thinking though tofputting an enclosure in the invite that states that if a parent would like to attend the movie with us that there are additional tickets availible at $$$ cost at the box office. Do you all think this is rude. I as a parent would never expect someone to cover my cost to attend a child's birthday. I can afford the party, but it would be very tight for us if I am buying tickets for parents and siblings. Now if only like 3 parents stay, that is fine and I would just pick those up, but 15 is a different story. DS will be turning 7.

How many child guests are you having? I would never leave my 6-7 yr old at the movie theater without what I considered to be adequate supervision. I think you should state something in your invitation about the number of adults present, so parents might be comfortable with not staying. You could say something along the lines of -- We will be serving lunch and treats during the movie. We'll also have plenty of adult supervision, so please feel free to have an hour or two to relax! Please pick your child up at 2:45 pm.

If I were having a party for 6-7 yr. olds and didn't expressly tell the other parents I had plenty of adults coming, I would expect one parent to stay for each child in my cost calculations, and I would expect to pay for their admission -- and then hopefully be pleasantly surprised when the bulk of the adults paid for themselves. JMHO

I have a ds10, and we go for the big, splashy parties. Not out of trying to outdo someone else, mostly because he's our only, it's January, and all the kids in the class really look forward to a party. Plus, I couldn't fit all those kids in my house...we have always paid for everything ourselves, I would not dream of asking a guest to pay for anything -- we always pay for siblings and I don't blink. I know by now who's coming with a sib, and have plenty of goodie bags. Our goodie bags usually have only one or two items. One year it was a small plush from the Disney Store. I think they were 3/$10, which is less than I would have spent on those junky toys.

To be the devil's advocate -- we have a friend who holds all her children's parties in the church basement. The kids are 7 and 9 now, and every single year it is the exact same thing -- musical chairs, craft the kids don't want to do, limbo, and pinata. My son doesn't want to go anymore. He likes the kids, he just finds the parties boring (the birthday boy/girl then proceeds to open each and every present, while all the other kids sit in a circle). I think budget parties are great, but you should try to mix it up a little! Plus, these parties take 3 hours, I just have no idea why. They take forever to start -- she won't do anything until every last family member she expects is there, and then the kids are just running around. It was fun for the first 5 years or so, but it's getting old. I think even her kids are bored. She could really mix it up with theming, activities, etc., but she's very complacent that she's throwing this party with the least amount of effort, and scoffs at me because my kid has a party in a different venue every year. So, I just caution everyone not to be smug, whatever you are doing.

Those of us throwing the big parties are putting our hearts and souls into this, and hopefully you can appreciate that and not make fun of the effort involved....

 

[d1gitman]

I think there is a difference between having a get together with friends and "hosting" a party. If I am having a party for an occasion, I do not ask for anyone to bring anything. However, if I am having a casual get together with friends, say "ya want to get together and watch the game on Sunday afternoon" I usually have folks bring things--however I very rarely have to ask they offer. We have a group of friends that we always all assume the responsibility of food.

Now I do have a question. We are planning to have our sons birthday at a local theater. There is a large party room. I fully intend on providing snacks, cake beverages and movie tickets for those invited to the party (maybe even food depending on the time of day). I was thinking though tofputting an enclosure in the invite that states that if a parent would like to attend the movie with us that there are additional tickets availible at $$$ cost at the box office. Do you all think this is rude. I as a parent would never expect someone to cover my cost to attend a child's birthday. I can afford the party, but it would be very tight for us if I am buying tickets for parents and siblings. Now if only like 3 parents stay, that is fine and I would just pick those up, but 15 is a different story. DS will be turning 7.

oooh, good one. we did a d-day party at Chuck e Cheese one year and ALL the parents dropped their 4 yr olds and ran. it was absolutely nerve wracking with 15 kids running around a non-secure environement. the next year we did CC's again, this time we put in the invite that a parent was required. this worked much better. we provided food for the parents and increased the amount of tokens that teh kids got with the CC b-day package.

i personally don't think that ANY guest should be expected to pay if invited or required to be the invitee's chaparone.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Now I do have a question. We are planning to have our sons birthday at a local theater. There is a large party room. I fully intend on providing snacks, cake beverages and movie tickets for those invited to the party (maybe even food depending on the time of day). I was thinking though tofputting an enclosure in the invite that states that if a parent would like to attend the movie with us that there are additional tickets availible at $$$ cost at the box office. Do you all think this is rude. I as a parent would never expect someone to cover my cost to attend a child's birthday. I can afford the party, but it would be very tight for us if I am buying tickets for parents and siblings. Now if only like 3 parents stay, that is fine and I would just pick those up, but 15 is a different story. DS will be turning 7.

I would plan to pay for ONE parent as well. I would not really feel comfortable leaving my DD7 at a movie theater. What if she needed to go to the bathroom and one of the chaperones just let her go? I would definitely want to stay. Now if I were attending I would expect to pay for my ticket, but if I was throwing the party, I would pay for one parent to stay as well just because it is such a large place and the potential for harm is too great (same for swimming venues!)

 

[mjkacmom]

I would plan to pay for ONE parent as well. I would not really feel comfortable leaving my DD7 at a movie theater. What if she needed to go to the bathroom and one of the chaperones just let her go? I would definitely want to stay. Now if I were attending I would expect to pay for my ticket, but if I was throwing the party, I would pay for one parent to stay as well just because it is such a large place and the potential for harm is too great (same for swimming venues!)

I would have no problem leaving dd7 at a theatre party - by now I know most of the parents, and I can't imagine they wouldn't have at least 2 chaperones. If I had concerns (like the bathroom), I'd ask questions. I'd never expect they'd buy me a ticket - it cost $10.50 here!

 

[timzagain]

My DD turned 16 last month, she chose to do a nice sit-down dinner with a few friends (no adults allowed!) I was about to fork over some money and DD told me not to, because she and her friends were going dutch! I was shocked/ horrified. Apparently that's the way she and her friends do it! She had been to other b-day dinners like that. As she put it, it's just like getting together for movies!

We still chipped in toward the cost, in spite of DD's protests that "everyone goes dutch for b'day dinners!"

 

[ZPT1022]

My DD turned 16 last month, she chose to do a nice sit-down dinner with a few friends (no adults allowed!) I was about to fork over some money and DD told me not to, because she and her friends were going dutch! I was shocked/ horrified. Apparently that's the way she and her friends do it! She had been to other b-day dinners like that. As she put it, it's just like getting together for movies!

We still chipped in toward the cost, in spite of DD's protests that "everyone goes dutch for b'day dinners!"

My friends and I started doing that around our 16th birthdays. We were all working or at the very least babysitting, so we were kind of proud of ourselves going out with our own money

 

[EMom]

I don't blame you on the chaperoning. There's only been one field trip I didn't chaperone and it was for DS. He's in a special needs preschool and their normal ratio is one adult for every two kids so no worries there.

Was it by any chance the Apollo theater?? My mom had similar concerns 15 years ago when I went in late high school

No, but it does share some similarities. When I began asking DH his opinion, I started out with, "It's a play so I can't just buy my own ticket and tag along. They'd have to ride on those coaches and I don't even know if she'd have a seatbelt. They can't guarantee that stalker kid would be kept away from her. (Long story....Yes, she had a stalker at age 7. )" At some point he asked where the play would take place. I told him and he made this face:

His next words were, "Oh hell, no."

 

[stemikger]

One word for you:

TACKY!!!!

 

[ilisao]

Every party we throw, every single guest asks, "What can I bring?"

Every party we attend, we ask "What can we bring?"

That's usually the way it works. If it's a potluck, I say that upfront (ie, bring a sidedish to share), and all of our friends LOVE potlucks b/c even tho we "have" to bring something, guess what? Nobody has to plan dinner or cook the whole thing themselves. For us SAHM's, it's BRILLIANT!

I usually don't have a "list" or "assign" dishes to anyone, unless it is, say, a wine-tasting party where everyone brings a favorite bottle, or something to that effect.

From your posts, I'm assuming you don't have a large family (ie, lots of kids).

We do, as do most people we know, which is why I guess we're all so willing to make it easy on each other so that we can all pitch in and still socialize regularly.

Works for us!

Why is it so hard for people to understand there is a difference between asking if you can bring something, and the host requesting items? Huge difference. Yet people seem to be so thick that they don't get it.

 

[iheartdisney]

Why is it so hard for people to understand there is a difference between asking if you can bring something, and the host requesting items? Huge difference. Yet people seem to be so thick that they don't get it.

I guess thickness is in the eye of the beholder.
If we are talking about "bring a dish to pass" that is acceptable. If you are talking "Please bring potato salad" I'll agree, its a little tacky to "assign" the menu.
Must just be a cultural difference, I guess.

I'm still baffled by the "don't limit the tokens at Chuck E Cheeses/ Budget at Build a Bear" mentality. Following that logic train off the end of a cliff, not even a home party would be affordable, if Little Timmy decided he wanted 5 juiceboxes and 10 pieces of cake. Are limits acceptable there, or still tacky?

 

[hentob]

Why is it so hard for people to understand there is a difference between asking if you can bring something, and the host requesting items? Huge difference. Yet people seem to be so thick that they don't get it.

Thank you.

 

[JoanneGreco]

I have three kids and have never been asked to pay their way when they're invited to a birthday party.

As for us...I always give my kids a choice of a big party and a small gift from me and m husband OR a more expensive gift and one friend to sleep over. They always choose the expensive gift and a friend to sleep over.