Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[stschaefer]

How about a birthday party for a niece where it starts at a restaurant and goes to a movie theater? My DD was invited to attend. When the check came the BIL paid for my nieces friends, but there were seperate checks for our family (including DD), and my MIL and FIL. BIL gave everyone tickets to the movie, but only gave snacks to our niece's friends - not to DD. I always thought that if you have a party you are the host and provide refreshements. I felt like I helped pay for the refreshments at his party (and no - he is not hard up for money - just bought a new car and went on a ski trip to Coloardo).

 

[DisneyTigers]

Okay, this is the last post I will make about my (not so) humble opinion about this, only because I think I'm right!

There is a HUGE difference between a BIRTHDAY PARTY for a kid where, sorry to say, gifts are a significant part of the deal, and a GET TOGETHER for a large group of friends.

I TOTALLY AGREE with the rudeness of having guests pay for part of the birthday party - that's tacky!!!

But, if I want to have a cookout at my house and the only way I can afford it is if everyone brings a side dish to share, then having a good time with my friends trumps the smugness I would feel over paying for everything myself. If I'm hosting a wine and cheese night, everyone brings a bottle of wine that they love to share with others.
And, this is very telling, OUR FRIENDS DON'T CARE!!! Every single person in my social circles would rather have a good time together and have the "burden" of bringing an appetizer or a case of beer rather than not get together at all. We value fellowship and commeraderie over whether or not someone had the "audacity" to ask us to provide a soda!!!!!

If a person can pay for the whole she-bang, good for them!! But I'm sure those of us who can do that regularly are few and far between, and frankly, we love our friends to much to go that long without seeing them!

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now!!!

 

[d1gitman]

i think we as parents don't give kids enough credit that they know how to have fun. we have done the ready made parties (chuck e cheese, etc...) and the parties at our house. both have their merit, both can be costly. both can be affordable. the one thing that is universal, is the kids had fun no matter what. we as parents need to give our kids credit in the fact that they know how to have fun in most any circumstance. my observation at all the various parties we have either attended or thrown is that the kids have fun IN SPITE of what planning the parents did. heck, my DS2.5 & DS7.5 have just as much fun playing with a stick and a mud puddle as they do firing up the video games. we need to remember that kids are kids and just wanna be kids, that means having fun. i think us parents get too caught up in trying to impress others and 'keeping up with the jone's"

last year we did a Lego party at our house. we served cheese pizza and chicken fingers. the kids played in the house (it was December in MA) to start things off. then we did a grab bag where kids reached in and pulled out a small lego kit (bionicles). then each kid (about 12 of them) sat down and built each kit, with assistance from us parents. i was amazed that about 4 kids (age 7) NEVER had played with legos before and didn't even get the concept. they had tons of fun and got to keep their creation at the end of the party. after the lego building session, the kids did food, then a pinata, then cake & ice cream (that the b-day boy helped make w/mommy). then it was freeplay until the parents came to pick them up. my son said afterwards that it was the best party ever, even better than chuck e cheese.

needless to say, the cost of the party was less than CC's.

in the end, the kids had fun and that's all they really want.

 

[ZPT1022]

When it was time to leave, one of the boys came up to me and said, "I didn't get my goody bag." I looked down and he was holding his bag in his hand. I kind of laughed and said, "You've got it right there in your hand." He said, "No, this is the bag of all the stuff I got in the shops." I had to tell him that, yes, that was his goody bag. Poor child.

We had one of those too. We had a well stuffed pinata and that was the goody bag. None of the other kids seemed to think anything of it but this one little boy was prompted by his mother to ask for not only a goody bag for himself but one for his tagalong little brother as well I couldn't believe how nervy that was! I was so dumbfounded that I just handed him two things of bubbles that I had forgot to put out for the kids to play with. He didn't even say thank you, just "OH".

This kid has really bad manners problems anyhow so I guess it shouldn't be a shock but it still surprised me.

Oh and btw, your Harry Potter party sounds neat

In the past, it would not have been a problem because of the venue. Had they gone to the zoo, for example, I could have just driven to the zoo and paid my own admission so I could accompany her. I wouldn't need to be an "official" chaperone. I'd be a de facto chaperone. Fine with me.

But this was a play in an auditorium with obviously limited seating. No more seats means no more seats. I couldn't just follow behind in my own car, pay admission and join the group. We had other concerns. As I said, it's a very high crime area and I didn't know any of the parents that well who were chaperones. If it had been a close friend and I could have said, "___, do you swear to watch her like you would your own?" maybe it would have been different.

Last of all, we're talking a 1 hour ride each way into a city of a few million people. Vey busy highways. They hire very nice coaches with plush seats, restrooms and TVs in the seats. A far cry from the yellow school buses we took everywhere. However......and I cannot believe this.....there is no promise that every coach would have seatbelts. If I won't put her in my own car without a seatbelt, why would I allow her to ride unbelted on the interstate into a huge city on a coach with a driver that I can only hope has been thoroughly checked out by his employers? (Recently there was an article in the paper about this very thing....the lack of verification of training and background checks on these drivers.) Since the schools get horsey about us driving them on our cars and not on the hired coaches, that was just one more issue.

We just said....Forget it. An amusement park sounded like a better day all the way around. Thanks for the support!


More on topic, I agree that BAB is great about keeping kids on budget. At ours, after the kids select/stuff their bears, they all sit down and each one is told how much they have left to spend on an outfit. They get a tag or something to that effect and the workers help them pick something out if they get stuck.

I don't blame you on the chaperoning. There's only been one field trip I didn't chaperone and it was for DS. He's in a special needs preschool and their normal ratio is one adult for every two kids so no worries there.

Was it by any chance the Apollo theater?? My mom had similar concerns 15 years ago when I went in late high school

 

[lillygator]

goodness what is wrong now a days? If you can't cover all aspects of the party, don't have one...I could not begin to imagine asking guests to pay part of thier admission, bring drinks etc...

 

[hentob]

But, if I want to have a cookout at my house and the only way I can afford it is if everyone brings a side dish to share, then having a good time with my friends trumps the smugness I would feel over paying for everything myself.

I guess we are all different.

If I could not afford to supply a few side dishes for a cookout, the last thing I would be worried about is having a BBQ.

Do you really think people are smug when they want to properly host a party?

goodness what is wrong now a days? If you can't cover all aspects of the party, don't have one...I could not begin to imagine asking guests to pay part of thier admission, bring drinks etc...

 

[iheartdisney]

I guess we are all different.

If I could not afford to supply a few side dishes for a cookout, the last thing I would be worried about is having a BBQ.

Do you really think people are smug when they want to properly host a party?

It is not a matter of being able to afford a few side dishes...it is a cultural thing, I guess, as most BBQs I've ever been to everyone brings a dish to pass. Everyone has a "specialty" and it is great when you get to have a favorite dish that one of your friends makes well.

 

[skajabowled300]

Interesting stuff guys thanks

 

[disneychrista]

Sorry, Can't go with you on this on Mocharilla.
I think if you are having a party for your kid at Chuckies (which I loathe hate & despise with a passion ). You've got to foot the bill for a whole lot of tokens.

I get everything else that has been stated (at least what I have read) but on this. If the party-giver wants to LIMIT the amount of tokens that each child gets but the child wants to do more IMO they are either S.O.L. or that parents child should pay. It is NOT up to the party giver to allow the party-goer to have unlimited anything.

 

[a1tinkfans]

My DD went to a mini-golf birthday party and I put $5 in her pocket for "treats" after they finished golfing (they have video games, candy, etc) when she came home she told me she didn't get to do any of that because the mom used her $5 to pay for her mini golf game! She said a couple of girls didn't bring money and they didn't get to play - just walked with them to each hole!!

OH MY GOODNESS DISGUSTING!!!

 

[a1tinkfans]

I agree 100%. If you can't afford to host a Lazer Tag, bowling, Build-a-Bear, or whatever party for all your child's friends, essentially you have two options: 1) Make it a cake and ice cream party at home, or 2) Invite fewer friends. Charging friends to attend is just plain tacky.

I happen to agree! Its like EVERYTHING else, do what YOU can AFFORD to do. Have a HOME party, they can be creative and kids LOVE them if planned with THEM in mind! I just had to say....

 

[hentob]

It is not a matter of being able to afford a few side dishes...it is a cultural thing, I guess, as most BBQs I've ever been to everyone brings a dish to pass. Everyone has a "specialty" and it is great when you get to have a favorite dish that one of your friends makes well.

She said "...But, if I want to have a cookout at my house and the only way I can afford it is if everyone brings a side dish to share"

So, I was responding to a matter of asking people to bring a side dish due to the host not being able to afford to make them Sorry, if you are in such dire straits that you can't feed your friends, it is NOT time for a luxury such as a BBQ.

With that being said, I would never show up empty handed at any event. Never.

If it is a BBQ, you bet I am bringing a huge fruit tray or tons of my yummy bacon stuffed deviled eggs on ice For a more formal event, I bring a very good bottle of wine for the host.

But to actually be the host and request items be brought to a party/BBQ/cocktail hour for any reason --I am holding tight---> T.A.C.K.Y.

 

[disneybound31]

Ditto this post, they are extremely good about keeping kids within th preselected budget in a way that does not disappoint the children. The are also good at communicating the extras that are not part of the their selection with out disappointment. I give BAB alot of credit for doing such a great job in their parties!

In my own experience just 2 weeks ago my DD6 was invited to and attended one of these Build a Bear parties, and while I love BAB, they were NOT very good at all about keeping up with the kids choices and the budget set by the party mom. All kids in attendance had a parent there except for 2 girls. And these girls recieved no help from the workers (my DD and the other kids had parental help staying within the allotted budget) and when the 2 girls finished gathering up what they wanted to dress their animal in they were very embarrassed to hear "you have gone over and have to put those things back" in front of the group. Then the BAB worker proceeded to re-outfit the girls bears with none of what the girls picked out, but instead what fit the budget. I felt bad and wanted to help the girls just put a couple things back and keep a couple things they actually wanted, but it happened so fast.

I was so glad I never just drop off at parties beacuse I just knew how mortified DD would have been to be called out like that. These workers were not discreet at all and very loudly made a scene over it.

The party mom should have paid more attention to the girls I thought to avoid that kind of embarrassment.

 

[PastorsWife]

OK, that's tack-tastic. Although, if you think about it, it's really not much more tacky than having a "travel wedding" where there will be significant gas/hotel/flight expenses for the guests, and also the expectation of a gift.

I feel bad having a birthday party and having kids bring over $10-$15 toys. My DD has WAY too many toys (And WE don't buy them - I think my mom, raised by a frugal child of the depression, is blowing my inheritance buying American Girl dolls for herself...err for my daughter) and someone always ends up feeling bad.

I would decide whether your daughter wants to go to a $10 laser tag day (that's not really that expensive) or invite the girl over for a sleepover or movie night (with the possibility of giving a present).

 

[anabelle]

In my own experience just 2 weeks ago my DD6 was invited to and attended one of these Build a Bear parties, and while I love BAB, they were NOT very good at all about keeping up with the kids choices and the budget set by the party mom. All kids in attendance had a parent there except for 2 girls. And these girls recieved no help from the workers (my DD and the other kids had parental help staying within the allotted budget) and when the 2 girls finished gathering up what they wanted to dress their animal in they were very embarrassed to hear "you have gone over and have to put those things back" in front of the group. Then the BAB worker proceeded to re-outfit the girls bears with none of what the girls picked out, but instead what fit the budget. I felt bad and wanted to help the girls just put a couple things back and keep a couple things they actually wanted, but it happened so fast.

I was so glad I never just drop off at parties beacuse I just knew how mortified DD would have been to be called out like that. These workers were not discreet at all and very loudly made a scene over it.

The party mom should have paid more attention to the girls I thought to avoid that kind of embarrassment.

A few years ago, DD had a Build a Bear party. I was very clear what the budget would be on the invites. I have to say that the workers were awesome at helping the girls stay within budget. I guess it depends on the store. I honestly felt embarrassed to even mention it on the invites, but I knew that the price tag could quickly add up in that store.

 

[Grumpy'sWife4Ever]

This thread is still going..... Obviously this topic has struck a nerve.

I think we can all agree that it is tacky to add on expenses to birthday party invites....and particularly tacky if the expenses are unexpected.

I am a little surprised, however, at the reactions to having guests bring drinks or side dishes to cookouts or get-togethers. I think you have step back and examine the guest list. Our group of friends is pretty tight, and when one of us suggests we have "party" the first thing asked is "what do we bring?" It is not a matter of propriety or who is trying to impress whom, it is simply how we do things. It is fine if that is not how it is done everywhere, but I sure hate to see people being told they are rude or improper for accepting a bit of hospitality from friends. It is a little smug to assume to know the nature of every party and to pass judgment as such.....

Just saying.....

 

[DisneyTigers]

She said "...But, if I want to have a cookout at my house and the only way I can afford it is if everyone brings a side dish to share"

So, I was responding to a matter of asking people to bring a side dish due to the host not being able to afford to make them Sorry, if you are in such dire straits that you can't feed your friends, it is NOT time for a luxury such as a BBQ.

With that being said, I would never show up empty handed at any event. Never.

If it is a BBQ, you bet I am bringing a huge fruit tray or tons of my yummy bacon stuffed deviled eggs on ice For a more formal event, I bring a very good bottle of wine for the host.

But to actually be the host and request items be brought to a party/BBQ/cocktail hour for any reason --I am holding tight---> T.A.C.K.Y.

Believe me, as you probably can attest to since you provide everything, the CHEAPEST part of hosting a party is getting the side items, so I was just presenting a hypothetical situation.

When it comes to being social, maybe we are just a little more laid back than you

If times are tight (or even if they're not!) and we want to hang with friends, the VERY BEST way to do that is to host a Barbecue/Party/Cocktail Hour in the backyard where friends share their bounty with each other -Parties like this aren't a luxury...they are are way of life, and I'm sorry for people whose way of life is so uptight that they don't have good enough friends that they feel comfortable enough with to call them all up and say, "Hey we'd love to clean our house, grill some meat, buy some paper products, furnish a case or two of beer and a few bottles of wine, so why don't you come on over, bring a dessert to nibble on and let's all have a good time." Like I said, not a luxury, a way of life, and I count my blessings everyday that we have such good friends!!!!!

Sorry, that was harsh. And tacky, too, I guess!

 

[Handbag Lady]

I've been making notes in case we get pregnant. Now I know that if I have a kid, I need to stuff their pockets with cash just in case they get invited to a birthday party!

 

[hentob]

Believe me, as you probably can attest to since you provide everything, the CHEAPEST part of hosting a party is getting the side items, so I was just presenting a hypothetical situation.

When it comes to being social, maybe we are just a little more laid back than you

If times are tight (or even if they're not!) and we want to hang with friends, the VERY BEST way to do that is to host a Barbecue/Party/Cocktail Hour in the backyard where friends share their bounty with each other -Parties like this aren't a luxury...they are are way of life, and I'm sorry for people whose way of life is so uptight that they don't have good enough friends that they feel comfortable enough with to call them all up and say, "Hey we'd love to clean our house, grill some meat, buy some paper products, furnish a case or two of beer and a few bottles of wine, so why don't you come on over, bring a dessert to nibble on and let's all have a good time." Like I said, not a luxury, a way of life, and I count my blessings everyday that we have such good friends!!!!!

Nah. Try and twist it Won't work with me

Not uptight at all Have a great life with lots of friends Very close friends I love to entertain. I enjoy cooking for my friends and supplying them with yummy drinks and appies The works!

Uptight and pitied because I would never tell them what to bring to my house to feed my guests

Either you host a party or you don't. Chances are, your friends will show up with something to share on their own terms.

Why have poor etiquette and tell them to bring an item

 

[hentob]

Our group of friends is pretty tight, and when one of us suggests we have "party" the first thing asked is "what do we bring?" It is not a matter of propriety or who is trying to impress whom, it is simply how we do things. It is fine if that is not how it is done everywhere, but I sure hate to see people being told they are rude or improper for accepting a bit of hospitality from friends. It is a little smugto assume to know the nature of every party and to pass judgment as such.....

We are not talking about people asking what they could bring

We are discussing people that that throw parties and then ASSIGN items for guests to bring

With all due respect, I don't think anyone who is against "admission fess/ item assignments" to invited guests is smug.

Friends asking friends "What do you need?" is a totally different subject.