Do you like being called "The Wife?"

[disneyseniors]

When I first heard a guy referring to his spouse as "the wife" I thought it sounded kind of impersonal, like maybe he couldn't stand to refer to the woman as "my wife." But I'm seeing/hearing this reference more often, so I'm interested in how the women here at The Dis feel about it. If you're a guy, do you refer to her as "the wife?"

My wife has always been my wife. She's been ok with it for 41 years.

Only if I'm married to Donald Trump

 

[pat fan]

Though... whether family members actually respect their requests is another issue entirely. My mum - an old school Sixties Feminist - would never let anyone refer to her as "Magpie's mom" or "mother of one" or any descriptor that in any way "reduced" her to being "just a mom" as she put it. (Which stings a little, when you're the child.) Even if she wasn't divorced, "wife" would have been right out. She's DOCTOR Lastname and that's all there is to it. So, rather obnoxiously, I deliberately dedicated the book I wrote to "Mom", and then thanked "Doctor Lastname" in the backpages as if she's two different people.

Honestly, though, the idea that being identified as a wife or mother is in any way demeaning feels very anti-feminist to me. What is it about my work that makes me in any way a lesser person? Wife and mother are important roles! Why shouldn't I be as respected for those, as I would be for any other work I do (like "tutor" and "author" and "artist")?

You're awesome!!!!

 

[Dis703]

DH called me "the wife" for most of our marriage. I didn't love it but wasn't too bothered by it at first. After we started having issues it began rubbing me the wrong way and felt rather impersonal. Not a fan anymore.

 

[Micca]

Only if I'm married to Donald Trump

When Donald says it he has to insert the word "current."

 

[Ember]

I refer to my husband as "the boy" when talking about him. It started as a joke, though I don't actually remember the original context. I used to call him "boy" which then became "the boy" when referring to him around other people. As long as it was loving, "the wife" wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[Nancyg56]

"the wife" sounds cold to me, I don't like it personally. My husband says "my".

It sounds like a piece of furniture or a tool to me. The table. The screwdriver. The apple. The Wife.

 

[Nancyg56]

I hate it. I was a kid when I first heard a neighbor refer to hi wife as The Wife. Even then I cringed. My dad never called my Mom that and my DH never calls me that.

 

[Magpie]

It sounds like a piece of furniture or a tool to me. The table. The screwdriver. The apple. The Wife.

But what about "The Doctor"? That doesn't sound like you're reducing the person to a piece of furniture. It's a title of respect, and implies authority.

"The doctor says I need to lose weight," is somehow very different from, "The wife says I need to lose weight."

Maybe the problem is not so much what we call people, but the respect we hold for them and the value we put on their roles in society. I can't imagine anyone objecting to being called "the doctor".

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I was in real trouble the day The Wife met my Old Lady, who is the sister of my Baby Mama.

 

[cijay]

I don't like "the wife" but it's up to the woman who is being referred to.

 

[Mortlives]

Maybe they mean "THE" wife. Like the one and only, the one above all others.
...

DH used to call me The Wife (we don't have the correct font for this. They way he pronounced it was illuminated manuscript style. You could hear the gold leaf). He meant it as the one and only. It never bothered me.

*He stopped because pet names evolve over time, and his parents always gave him a hard time about it, not because he doesn't still think of me that way.