Do you like being called "The Wife?"

[Liberty Belle]

Maybe that's it, I just know that I see it more all the time. I thought perhaps "my wife" sounds too much like a possession? If that's the case I could understand that. It will be interesting to hear more opinions.

I suppose it makes it sound more like a possession, but not necessarily in a bad way. The Wife has the same ring to it as the house, the car, the furniture.

 

[puffkin]

I suppose it makes it sound more like a possession, but not necessarily in a bad way. The Wife has the same ring to it as the house, the car, the furniture.

But that is exactly my issue with the term. I am not a possession of my husbands and I am certainly not in the same category as the house, car or furniture!

 

[PrincessJo]

Hubby and I have way more pressing issues to deal with in life besides what we call each other. If my hubby did call me 'the wife' or 'the little lady' while joking around with his friends, I don't know about it and I really don't care. Been married 24 years this year. My friends hate me because I get flowers at the office quite often, he comes up to take me out to lunch and holds the car door open for me after all these years.

After watching Celine Dion mourn her beloved husband, I try to keep things in persepective. I don't know what I'd do without 'the husband'.

 

[Liberty Belle]

But that is exactly my issue with the term. I am not a possession of my husbands and I am certainly not in the same category as the house, car or furniture!

And that's why I said, "more like," but I was thinking more in lines of "my heart" or "my love" type of things.

 

[Kimkimba]

Dh can call me anything he wants. I know he respects me and I know where his heart is. I hate all the PC stuff. It's over the top.

 

[shoney]

I've only heard it used in informal situations....like "i'll check with the wife". Doesn't bother me one bit.
It is better than being called "the ex-wife"

As for "hubby" my mom has always used that term, so it doesn't register on my radar.

 

[keishashadow]

When I first heard a guy referring to his spouse as "the wife" I thought it sounded kind of impersonal, like maybe he couldn't stand to refer to the woman as "my wife." But I'm seeing/hearing this reference more often, so I'm interested in how the women here at The Dis feel about it. If you're a guy, do you refer to her as "the wife?"

My wife has always been my wife. She's been ok with it for 41 years.

As long as my DH is around to call me (anything) i'll be happy. Life is short.

btw, he introduces me as "my wife", followed by my given name.

Only time either my old lady, or man for that matter, would slip out is when we drag out the harley for a spin around the block

 

[Danman]

I don't refer to my wife that way at least when she is around, maybe around the guys or as another poster said in informal situations. Then again I wouldn't care if my wife referred to me as "the husband" either because in reality I know she doesn't see me the way it sounds if that made sense.

 

[jrmasm]

I think it's stupid and I tell my husband that when he says it. In no way is it disrespectful, he just thinks he's funny.

 

[IndyRnRfan]

There's a lot worse things to be called. With that being said, I don't think I've ever said "the wife"

 

[ols386]

I have no problem being called the wife. I hear a lot of folks say this.

 

[littleblackegg]

I can't imagine my husband calling me that. LOL!

 

[littleblackegg]

I find it objectifying and demeaning. I'm not even really comfortable when DH refers to me as "my wife" without following it up with my name. Of course, I'm an old feminist from the 70s who kept my own name when we got married. DH is cool with that; he's just happy that I'm still here with him, still crazy after all these years! (31, but who's keeping count?)

Yay for the old feminists from the 1970's!!!! Where would we be without them? My mother, a hippie, a feminist, and a librarian gave me a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves for my 12th birthday.

 

[LiveYourLife]

I do not like being called "the wife", AT ALL. Because I'm "the BOSS", that's why!

 

[wishesuponastar]

My husband will sometimes say Wife where's dinner? I know he's joking around so no big deal but I do tell him not to call me old lady. Married 19 yrs and my husband is a big joker which I love about him.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I really don't care. I hate all this PC hypersensitive crap.

 

[Minnesota!]

The husband calls me "the warden". I am cool with it.

 

[JJsmama]

I find 'the wife' insulting, as it is almost always used to imply a negative -- 'The wife will be angry... the wife won't let me do that..don't let the wife know.' Taking the personal MY out of the sentence seems to take any affection out of the statement, in my experience. Perhaps men don't realize that, but in general, the men I have heard use the phrase are not the type to care if it bothers 'the wife.' It doesn't bother me to be called My Wife at all. It is the little things...

 

[*3*Mouseketeers]

It's a little better than "old lady," which is what I hear a lot in my part of the country. I think that's very disrespectful.

Oooh, I despise that, too! My DH referred to me as his "Old lady" once when we first married and I set him straight. I let him know that I was his wife and furthermore I am 15 years YOUNGER than he is so I'm not the OLD lady.

 

[Magpie]

Well... when we talk about our children we say, "The Boy" (he's 18) and "The Girl" (she's 19). My husband is, well, "My Husband", and the pride in his voice when he says, "MY Wife" never fails to make my toes curl.

I can't imagine him ever using "the wife" in a dismissive or objectifying way, so I can't imagine it bothering me. Intent is everything. I'd object to him using my own proper name, if he used it dismissively! "I can't go out tonight because of Magpie." Yeah, I'd object to that, no matter what he called me.

As for what other people do, that's up to them. If they like it, great! If they don't, then they should say something.

Though... whether family members actually respect their requests is another issue entirely. My mum - an old school Sixties Feminist - would never let anyone refer to her as "Magpie's mom" or "mother of one" or any descriptor that in any way "reduced" her to being "just a mom" as she put it. (Which stings a little, when you're the child.) Even if she wasn't divorced, "wife" would have been right out. She's DOCTOR Lastname and that's all there is to it. So, rather obnoxiously, I deliberately dedicated the book I wrote to "Mom", and then thanked "Doctor Lastname" in the backpages as if she's two different people.

Honestly, though, the idea that being identified as a wife or mother is in any way demeaning feels very anti-feminist to me. What is it about my work that makes me in any way a lesser person? Wife and mother are important roles! Why shouldn't I be as respected for those, as I would be for any other work I do (like "tutor" and "author" and "artist")?