Do you let your kids....

[dez1978]

Do you let your kids go over to their friends houses without asking the other parents/kids if it's ok first? When I was a kid, there were only a couple of friends who lived out in the middle of no where with me, but my mom always made me call to ask if it was ok before I went over there, so thats just a thing I make my kids do. But now we live in what I call a really rural subdivison, prob 18 houses spread over 150 acres or so. There are 4 houses out here that have kids all roughly the same age and I guess this isn't a thing here. I'll look outside and there will be 2-3 kids over here playing with mine and then when it's dinner time, I feel bad sending them home, but I didn't plan to feed that many other boys so I didn't make enough. I do make my kids ask their friends if its ok if they come over 1st, or if the other kids are outside playing and my kids want to go over, I'll tell them they can, but need to ask if it's ok when they get there and come home at whatever time. And I'll usually text the parents saying send them home if it's not a good time. Whats neighborhood playing etiquette?

 

[DeeBee3]

I would say you should make sure all the parents/caregivers are aware. I'm just thinking from a safety perspective in case someone gets hurt or whatever.

Also think it depends on ages.

 

[mmbrad02]

We are also in a more rural area, with about 5-7 kids on the street beside us, but all younger than my DD (She is 11). She is also the only girl. So she takes it in spurts as to whether or not she even wants to play, but when she does, we always make sure she texts/facetime’s the friend or I send a text to the parent (as I said, the kids are younger). I have never found any of them just randomly in our yard without my daughter or their parent asking first. Now I will say, sometimes my daughter may go play with one neighbor, and another neighbor’s kids may join in, so I’m not 100% sure what happens during that time as far as who asks what.

 

[zillayen]

I grew up in a neighborhood where the kids were all outside from after school until dinner and our parents never bothered to call ahead - everyone was just outside playing and the group would move from yard to yard depending on the day or game. My daughter's best friend lived down the street and they would be back and forth every day, just showing up at the other one's house to play. I honestly never really considered or expected them to call ahead and ask. If it wasn't a good time for us I'd send her home. If they were still there at dinner and I didn't want them to stay for dinner I'd just tell them time to go home!

 

[Robbie Cottam]

Yes, but my kids are 22 and 19

 

[kdonnel]

No.

My kids grew up on a street with 16 homes that all had kids of similar ages.

The kids freely went from home to home. Often times there would be 10-20 kids at my house. Later they would all be at another house.

 

[Disneylover99]

It depends on their age.
Teens, no.
Under 12, generally, yes.

 

[EilonwyWanderer]

No. As the pandemic lifts my kids will go to their friends houses and knock on the door/ring the bell to see if their friends can play. I do make sure I have the numbers of the parents and I ask the kids to let me know if they're going to go from FriendAs house to FriendBs house before they do so I know where they are. It's not uncommon to have a text thread where the parents ask people to send the kids back for dinner or whatever.

And yeah we sometimes have a bunch of kids at our house but I usually just say "We're eating dinner time to go home!" and they all file out. Same when my kids are elsewhere. We have talked about manners and if it looks like someone else is sitting down to dinner they aren't to invite themselves, etc.

 

[Southernmiss]

I grew up in a neighborhood where the kids were all outside from after school until dinner and our parents never bothered to call ahead - everyone was just outside playing and the group would move from yard to yard depending on the day or game. My daughter's best friend lived down the street and they would be back and forth every day, just showing up at the other one's house to play. I honestly never really considered or expected them to call ahead and ask. If it wasn't a good time for us I'd send her home. If they were still there at dinner and I didn't want them to stay for dinner I'd just tell them time to go home!

This was how I grew up and how my kids grew up.

If my kids were inside the house and kids came to the door, my kids would say "Can so and so come in and play?" Usually, the answer was yes, unless we were doing something.

 

[dez1978]

Interesting. I guess it's just weird to me bc I didn't grow up with really any kids to play with. I was 11 before there was another kid that lived anywhere near me so I don't have much experience with it. My boys are 8 and almost 11 and there is another family with boys those same ages, then 2 girls that are 11 and some younger kids, and another couple of boys around my kids ages.

 

[brockash]

Do you let your kids go over to their friends houses without asking the other parents/kids if it's ok first? When I was a kid, there were only a couple of friends who lived out in the middle of no where with me, but my mom always made me call to ask if it was ok before I went over there, so thats just a thing I make my kids do. But now we live in what I call a really rural subdivison, prob 18 houses spread over 150 acres or so. There are 4 houses out here that have kids all roughly the same age and I guess this isn't a thing here. I'll look outside and there will be 2-3 kids over here playing with mine and then when it's dinner time, I feel bad sending them home, but I didn't plan to feed that many other boys so I didn't make enough. I do make my kids ask their friends if its ok if they come over 1st, or if the other kids are outside playing and my kids want to go over, I'll tell them they can, but need to ask if it's ok when they get there and come home at whatever time. And I'll usually text the parents saying send them home if it's not a good time. Whats neighborhood playing etiquette?

If they're staying outside then no. We often have kids in our yard playing and mine have gone to others. If they're going inside then yes my kids have to ask me to go and ask the others parents if they're kids we don't have over that often.

 

[unrequited23]

We're in a suburb. There are 3 other families with kids around the same age within a two minute walk of our house. The kids will just ring the bell and see if anyone can play. Sometimes they're inside, mostly they are outside. Kids are sent home when the house that they are playing at is having dinner. If it's hot outside I'll bring them water or popsicles, if they've been playing for a couple hours I'll throw together some snacks.

 

[BrianL]

Just around the neighborhood it was fine, and the expectation wasn't that they would stay for meals - they just ran home to eat. If it were somewhere where it was a little further, even bikeable, we would ask, and of course to stay for dinner or overnight.

I did once have a freind stay over for most of Christmas vacation. Every night we would call his parents to ask if he could stay over again. Eventually they showed up with a bag of clothes and told my mom to, "Keep him as long as she wanted!" We just had a blast together and my mom didn't mind.

 

[tzolkin]

Do you let your kids go over to their friends houses without asking the other parents/kids if it's ok first? …
Whats neighborhood playing etiquette?

I think when the kid rings the doorbell and asks “Can Johnny play?” is still technically asking if it’s okay first.

I think the difference between this and your childhood is that you are now talking about kids walking/biking and playing in a neighborhood. The parents are free to say, “sorry but no” or “time to go home” at any time and the child(ren) will just leave on their own. To me, that’s something completely different than driving a child over to your house and dropping them off. For that, I would absolutely expect to be asked for permission and given some details about arrival and departure times. But I don’t think that’s necessary if it’s neighbors because I don’t need to let the child in if I don’t want to or wait on a parent to pick them up when I’m ready for them to leave.

 

[amylevan]

For any of the kids within our development, no, kids just conjugate at various houses and move from yard to yard as the games proceed. If it’s cold, raining, or no one’s out, they will ring doorbells and ask. But at any given time, I can look outside and see a gaggle running around. They just get sent home if we need to eat dinner or if I have to go out.

For any friends that require a ride to get together with, parents are asked first.

 

[anniemae]

Growing up, we all just went outside and found other kids to play with. If you were in your driveway, kids would start to come over and join you. It was common to move from house to house. "Hey lets go to Ben's house to play on his swing set." Then later, "lets go to Carries house to go in her pool."

It's different these days. I think people like things more scheduled because kids are so scheduled these days. Less free roaming. When kids are little I think the parents need to be involved, but when they are older, it's different. They have phones so you can contact them. OP-how old are your kids?

I was never a fan of kids just ringing the bell, but if my kids were outside, I was fine with kids coming over. I would just send them home when it was dinner time and I never felt guilty about it LOL!

 

[fly girl]

Do you let your kids go over to their friends houses without asking the other parents/kids if it's ok first? When I was a kid, there were only a couple of friends who lived out in the middle of no where with me, but my mom always made me call to ask if it was ok before I went over there, so thats just a thing I make my kids do. But now we live in what I call a really rural subdivison, prob 18 houses spread over 150 acres or so. There are 4 houses out here that have kids all roughly the same age and I guess this isn't a thing here. I'll look outside and there will be 2-3 kids over here playing with mine and then when it's dinner time, I feel bad sending them home, but I didn't plan to feed that many other boys so I didn't make enough. I do make my kids ask their friends if its ok if they come over 1st, or if the other kids are outside playing and my kids want to go over, I'll tell them they can, but need to ask if it's ok when they get there and come home at whatever time. And I'll usually text the parents saying send them home if it's not a good time. Whats neighborhood playing etiquette?

Don't feel bad. It's the neighborhood kids, not a kid that you made special arrangements to have over because they don't live nearby.

We have a next door neighbor whose grandson (same age as my dd) comes to visit every other weekend. They don't hang out as often as they did when they were younger, but I vividly remember both myself and my neighbor saying, "time for so-and-so to go home, it's dinner." Not a big deal at all. If they were having a good time and wanted to keep playing, they scarfed down their food and met up afterwards. Of course, during they day when they got thirsty/hungry they would raid both kitchens to see which one of us had the best option. (I think they usually snacked at both.) LOL

 

[slo]

I live on a street with 3 houses (that is including mine) and we all have girls. When they were younger they bounced around from house to house - we/parents never checked with each other first. My rule was not that I know about the girls coming, but that their parents know they are coming so their was no one worrying (this was before the girls had their own phone). When it’s nice out my door is open and the girls would just come in and out - I never cared - my rule for that was for them to not accidentally let the dog out when they came in. The good ol days. Now the girls are older, involved in their activities and barely home, so I rarely see them - I miss them.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My DS is older now, but there were a lot of kids in the neighborhood when he was little. They would knock on doors and ask each other to come outside all the time. If DS brought someone in to play, I would have them call home just so their folks knew they were here.

 

[Nennie]

I live in Florida, so we have great weather year round, which means kids are always playing outside. My kids can usually just walk outside and find someone to play with, but if not, they ring on doorbells to get their friends to come outside. My kids aren't allowed inside someone's house without my permission (just so I know where they are), and are good about running home to ask first. It's few and far between that the kids are inside though. 99% of the time when my kids ask if a friend can come inside I say no, and tell them to play outside! LOL!! I usually don't want to deal with the mess/noise they will make, and prefer that they run around outside instead.

Several of my neighbors have a designated garage bay set up a like a play room, with play kitchens, toys etc. I think it's a great idea, and am thinking of doing that too. It's a nice way to play "outside" but have indoor space too, to get some shade, etc.