Do you have *that* one relative that gets on your every last nerve? Holiday...

[Grumpy's Gal]

Do you know what I'm talking about? The relative you dread seeing at family functions? The one that seems to ruin things every time for whatever reason? The one that gets on your every last nerve? You can't believe a word that is said? It's all about them? They plot in advance to..... do whatever , usually bad, to draw attention to themselves? Volatile personality.

I have that relative! Sociopath is the best description I can use.our family will all be together during the holidays this year so I can't avoid. Is it bad to say, if I never saw this person again, I'd be totally ok with that?

Everyone walks on eggshells. When this person isn't around, we all can relax and enjoy ourselves. But oh my, it really changes the dynamic.

I'm not asking for help. Just curious: Are we the only ones who have a relative who causes so much disruption ? We were talking last night...." wonder how The holidays will be this year?"

 

[lorimay]

You betcha!

 

[ronandannette]

Yep. One couple, who are very "central figures" in our extended family, are functional alcoholics. The kind who start "cocktail hour" around noon and are absolutely wasted from 6:00 pm onward. We're very, very careful about what kind of events we invite them to, and for big family gatherings we've coped by always having them host at their house so we can all leave when we've had enough.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I think Im that person in my family, starting in what I call the burr months. Everything is hard Christmas prep. I think my family is over Christmas by Columbus day. I may or may not be listening to Christmas music currently. Lol

 

[design_mom]

Ours is my mother's cousin. She used to teach 3rd grade (retired now) and speaks to everyone who is younger than she is like they're one of her students (sing song voice, is quite sure she knows more about whatever-subject-it-is than you could possibly know). She's nearly 70 now... and I'm 45. Do not speak to me like I am 8 years old. Even when I *was* 8 years old, I still hated it. My own 3rd grade teacher did not speak to me with that level of condescension.

 

[CynBeth]

I used to have these cousins who consisted of a father, mother, son, and aunt that we would have dinner at their house on certain holidays starting when I turned 15 for 8 years I believe. The father and son who is a year younger think they know everything and I was always trying not to say much because every time I spoke they would jump on me about how I was wrong and made nasty comments. When I started dating my husband my first year of college they included him in the invite. The few times they agreed to let us host at the house I grew up in over the years they complained about everything from the food we served to things in the house you name it. After we got married we invited them plus other relatives over to see our new townhouse that had recently been finished being built and the whole time they spent telling us all the flaws with the paint job, etc. A few years after I was married I told mom I was tired of spending these holidays like this and I would prefer if the 3 of us and maybe some friends who did not have family in the area spend these holidays together instead. Luckily we were able to get out of it with no hurt feelings. My mom was friends with the mother and aunt until they both passed so she talked to them often and they had a lot of health issues so got together with them every now and then but I have not had contact with that part of the family. The son will once in a while come to my place of worship. One time a few years ago he pulled me aside at services and started grilling me about why we no longer have a relationship, etc and wanted to get together which made me feel so uncomfortable and I felt it was not the right time and place. At that time my husband who has Crohn's Disease was having some issues so I told him it was not a good time.

My husband is a different religion and we agreed to honor each other by celebrating each other's holidays among other things. We unfortunately have no kids at this point. His mom and stepfather have never approved of me because I am a different religion. His sister has had several children outside of marriage. The first when she was 16 and the other when she had a 5 year affair with her married commanding officer in the military although she did eventually find someone to marry and has kids with him and his 2 brothers have also done things as well including experimenting with other religions but no grief has been given to any of them. When we were dating and early in our marriage his mom and stepfather made many terrible comments about me and my religion and told lies about us to his siblings and his aunt and uncle and first cousins saying things we never said and how my husband is planning to convert to my religion, etc because they can't understand and accept him taking part in anything having to do with my religion. With everything I have been put through over the years I do not like his family. They should be thankful he found a great person. These days that is rare. Because it is important to my husband we do go to see his family on certain holidays but I always am uncomfortable being there. My mom gets invited and goes as well.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Yep. You're not alone.

 

[rastahomie]

All of them.

Truth be told, Mrs. Homie's side of the family treats us "interlopers" (those of us who married into the family) like we're not even there. If they're gossiping about the pilot light going out in the furnace at Hooten Holler First Baptist, and I start mentioning an amusing anecdote about propane and propane accessories, they'll just start talking right over me as if I wasn't even speaking.

Then there's the devoutly-Catholic cousin (DCC) who wants to make sure everyone knows she's devoutly Catholic. Any topic of conversation that can be remotely brought back to The Holy Father, The Holy See, or Catholic doctrine, she's sure to try to steer it that way.

Then there's DCC's husband, who thinks that woman in Charlottesville deserved to die, that Colin Kaepernick should be publicly whipped in the town square (seriously), that St. Louis should be burned to the ground to rid the city of *******, well, you get the idea.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Yeah, we have a couple, actually. My mom was always a drama queen--you could count on a meltdown in the middle of dinner because she felt under-appreciated. And maybe she was, but honestly, she brought it on herself. One of my brothers could always be counted on to stir up trouble, so by the time dinner was over, Mom would be in tears and everyone else would be mad at each other. It was completely miserable. Now when I celebrate holidays, I make a point of doing things completely different, and doing just what I WANT to do, and what my family wants. (No big dinner, snack-type grazing, etc.)

For better or worse, now my mom is dead, and my obnoxious brother lives in Germany, so no more dramatic family meals.

 

[teller80]

My sister in law. Ugh. Always makes digs and snide remarks to me. I stopped letting her bother me a long time ago, but I have an awesome story:

We were at a picnic with most of my husbands family and her remarks/comments were the usual digs and jabs. The group conversation shifted to retirement (we're both 55), and a nephew asks her, "How old are you Aunt Sue, 65?" Nephew is 40, you'd think he'd know better by now, but by gosh I was ready to kiss him. I'm still not sure if he said it purposefully because he is aware of her nastiness to me or if it was an innocent question.

 

[SallySkelington]

My step dad. He's a functioning alcoholic and has a mean temper. However he usually stays home when my mom's side of the family get together and we're able to avoid it.

This year may be different though. My oldest sister had a mental breakdown earlier this year and has finally tipped the scale to the crazy side. It's a long story, but I dread seeing her whether or not its the holidays. There's no telling if she's gonna be having a good day or a bad day. And if it's a good day, that's great, but god help the person that sets her off.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

All of them.

Truth be told, Mrs. Homie's side of the family treats us "interlopers" (those of us who married into the family) like we're not even there.

THIS! I get so annoyed when my in laws announce they want just " blood relative" pictures. Which leaves out all daughter- in- laws and all son- in- laws but of course, includes our children! The next time this happens, I'm going to ask for a picture of " NON blood relatives" and see how that goes.

I want to point out that without daughter- in- laws, you wouldn't have grandchildren!!!!!

 

[kimblebee]

We did, and then she showed her true colours and we cut her off. Her name isn’t even welcome anymore.

 

[dosekies]

My Aunt! My entire family, including my grandpa (her dad), knows she is crazy. She is like 60 something, still lives with my Grandpa, barely works, pays for nothing, and things she knows everything. Even the little kids don't like her because she tries to act like everyone's mother. She also likes to invite herself along to everything.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Not that I can think of, so maybe it's me.


I do have an aunt who is best in small doses - the smaller, the better.

 

[amberpi]

Not so much now that I'm divorced That family was a toxic pool of of co/interdependence, control issues, abuse, etc. They weirdly thought they were awesome because they spent so much time together. It was because none of them had any friends outside of the family. But, that's over now.

I have one aunt that is a total ***** but we rarely see her. I just feel bad she makes my wonderful mother and aunt - who are both just good women, a little miserable, but inserting myself into her being crappy to them won't help. Otherwise, my family now is pretty great...some of them have trouble with time management, but I can deal with that any day. I am so grateful for them every day.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

THIS! I get so annoyed when my in laws announce they want just " blood relative" pictures. Which leaves out all daughter- in- laws and all son- in- laws but of course, includes our children! The next time this happens, I'm going to ask for a picture of " NON blood relatives" and see how that goes.

I want to point out that without daughter- in- laws, you wouldn't have grandchildren!!!!!

I find that odd that you are that offended. When we have large family get togethers there are pictures taken of only grandchildren, only siblings, only parents, only parents and offspring, and everyone together. I can see parents wanting a picture of just their grown children. It doesn't bother me in the slightest when my mother-in-law asks me to take a picture of her and her adult children exclusively. That said, when we are on vacation or celebrating an occasion with my kid's long term boy/girl friends I won't ask them to step out of pictures.

 

[wenrob]

Not that I can think of, so maybe it's me.


I do have an aunt who is best in small doses - the smaller, the better.

I have concluded that it must be Me. I mean can the whole lot of them be batcrap crazy, narcissistic, sociopathic, drama queens/kings? People who are never happy no matter what you do or how far you bend over backwards to please them? Not ALL OF THEM right? Right?

In all seriousness, I just stopped playing the game after one particularly awful Christmas. I’d had enough of the stress, expense, mess and crying after everyone left. I invited them all to host the holidays from then on. Fifteen years running and not one of them has. Which is cool with me because every year my kids declare that, “This was the best Christmas EVER!” Just our little family. It’s so peaceful.

On the inlaw thing. I think some people are just wired to dislike the person who married into the family, no matter who it is. I spent a LOT of years trying to figure out why my FIL dislikes me so. It was a fruitless endeavor. I really do believe it’s because I married his son and no other reason. His loss, I’m pretty awesome.

 

[quandrea]

Not so much now that I'm divorced That family was a toxic pool of of co/interdependence, control issues, abuse, etc. They weirdly thought they were awesome because they spent so much time together. It was because of none of them had any friends outside of the family. But, that's over now.

I have one aunt that is a total ***** but we rarely see her. I just feel bad she makes my wonderful mother and aunt - who are both just good women, a little miserable, but inserting myself into her being crappy to them won't help. Otherwise, my family now is pretty great...some of them have trouble with time management, but I can deal with that any day. I am so grateful for them every day.

This is my family! They totally think they are awesome and I'm that realative that drives them all crazy.

Anyway, this is a fun read. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

 

[Alice Hart]

Yeah, we have a couple, actually. My mom was always a drama queen--you could count on a meltdown in the middle of dinner because she felt under-appreciated. And maybe she was, but honestly, she brought it on herself. One of my brothers could always be counted on to stir up trouble, so by the time dinner was over, Mom would be in tears and everyone else would be mad at each other. It was completely miserable. Now when I celebrate holidays, I make a point of doing things completely different, and doing just what I WANT to do, and what my family wants. (No big dinner, snack-type grazing, etc.)

For better or worse, now my mom is dead, and my obnoxious brother lives in Germany, so no more dramatic family meals.

That's a sad comment about your mum.