Do you have *that* one relative that gets on your every last nerve? Holiday...

[mousefanmichelle]

I used to have 2 people like that in my family. My 2 sisters are alcoholics except 1 of them has now quit drinking until she drinks again. When my parents were alive and it was any of the big 3 holiday's one of them would be smashed. The sober one would argue with the drunk one - the kids would get involved (my oldest sisters kids usually) and BAM! the holiday would go to hell in a hand basket. Ruined basically every holiday. Now that both of my parents are gone I don't have to suffer and do holidays with my sisters. I nixed that tradition last year and boy what a relief it was!!!! No more holiday dinners with them and my immediate family couldn't be happier! I am sure my parents looking down are sad - my dad was a big one with - family is all you got - well I have my dh and my kids -that's all I need lol!!!!

 

[ronandannette]

Has my DH been speaking with you! Seriously, he looks at the situation the very same as you. He "does his thing" and ignores them for the most part. And yes, the rest of us ARE imposing restrictions on ourselves. Yes, we really would prefer they not attend our functions but I feel so wrong to not include them...they are, after all, blood relatives who live within 2 miles of us. I'm often my own worst enemy.

I know you're not asking for advice, but my DH and I are basically the "crazy relatives" in your scenario. For lack of a more nuanced way to put it, we "got religion" in our early adulthood. Most of our family members also hold to a similar creed but do not find it necessary to have changed their attitudes and lifestyle the way that we have. And that's perfectly OK with us - we've never felt any compulsion to tell them how to live.

It's very possible that they may also read our declining to participate in certain activities as "exuding a strong sense of disapproval" but honestly, we've never done one thing to imply that, nor would we. We're sometimes excluded from events and some events we decline on our own, when things would make it awkward for everyone. But it's kinda painful. We LOVE our family members - not because we're on-board with everything they do; who is? But we certainly want to be part of their lives and share ours with them. That's what family means to us.

And one of the reasons we want to stay close is so that our loved ones know that they can come to us in the tough times. Ironically, the ones who don't want to "party down" with us are the first to call when they are in need because they know we will receive them with comfort, support and practical help.

I don't know how close these relatives of yours actually are, but if the relationships really matter, I'd urge you to consider lightening up a little. Be yourselves, let them be themselves and maybe you'll really get to know (and like) each other on a whole different level. I wish you all well.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

My FIL is stupid. Complaints they have no money. He retires 6 months sooner than he should and is forced to pay $1200 a month for just his wifes medical insurance. Then tells us months later that he wishes he would have worked longer then he would not have had to pay so much for her. Well DAH! A few years ago he got the bright idea to go to amish country and purchase a bedroom suite for us! What possess one to up and spend thousands of dollars on a bedroom suite without consulting us. I told him I don't want it - its ugly and it is really ugly. Well he said he would give it to his other son. The other son likes 8 hours away and he too did not want it. It is now in the tiny spare bedroom in the in laws house and there is no room to walk around the bed.

 

[okeydokey]

My inlaws. It's always pretty tense with them around. They are racist and narrow minded and can't understand that anyone would have an opinion different than theirs. I tried for years to stay out of those conversations but i think they finally realized that I was very opposite beliefs than they. They don't get into their complaining too much around me anymore, but all the years have taken their toll amd now I avoid them whenever possible.

 

[Happiest.Haunt_999]

Several actually.

 

[Sabeking]

Typical Christmas Day conversation (imagine a strong southern drawl)

DH and I: Merry Christmas mom and dad!! How are you?

MIL: Well, your daddy kept me up all night with that damn TV set to 70. He finally fell asleep at 3 am on the couch. Didn't even turn the tv off so I had to get up out of the bed and do it myself. Walking through the kitchen I noticed he left the loaf bread out. Stale as all get out now. Needless to say he made some collards, cornbread, corn ham, country ham, Brunswick stew, and Lima beans. Burnt the damn rolls though. I think eating that 4th piece of pie probably put his diabetes into a tale spin. Speaking of tale spin that nurse from the doctor said she would call on Christmas Eve to check your daddy's diabetes level and she didn't. Why do people lie? Like your Uncle Herb? He knows full well that when Uncle William died that family purposely left us out of the funeral plans. He and your daddy were real close and your daddy should have been in charge. Speaking of being in charge I wanted your brother to handle putting up that handicap bar in the bathroom cause my back hurts when I take a shower but I have asked him several times and he ain't done it yet. I know he works out of town and said he would hire someone himself to do it but I don't feel right about him not doing it because I know he really wants to.....how are you?

 

[NFLDERS]

As a survivor of child abuse and as someone who lost a sibling because of child abuse, I am absolutely appalled at some of what I am reading in this thread. Blanket statements about family - blood family - being all that we have left in the end are not at all helpful or compassionate to those who have suffered at the literal hands of family members. If they are all I have left at the end, I pray I decay unfound where I take my last breath. I don't ever again want them anywhere near me, whether I am dead or alive. If that makes me a person worthy of being judged negatively, so be it. My choice in cutting ties with my abusers has allowed me to have a beautiful, peaceful family of my own making.

 

[ronandannette]

Typical Christmas Day conversation (imagine a strong southern drawl)

DH and I: Merry Christmas mom and dad!! How are you?

MIL: Well, your daddy kept me up all night with that damn TV set to 70. He finally fell asleep at 3 am on the couch. Didn't even turn the tv off so I had to get up out of the bed and do it myself. Walking through the kitchen I noticed he left the loaf bread out. Stale as all get out now. Needless to say he made some collards, cornbread, corn ham, country ham, Brunswick stew, and Lima beans. Burnt the damn rolls though. I think eating that 4th piece of pie probably put his diabetes into a tale spin. Speaking of tale spin that nurse from the doctor said she would call on Christmas Eve to check your daddy's diabetes level and she didn't. Why do people lie? Like your Uncle Herb? He knows full well that when Uncle William died that family purposely left us out of the funeral plans. He and your daddy were real close and your daddy should have been in charge. Speaking of being in charge I wanted your brother to handle putting up that handicap bar in the bathroom cause my back hurts when I take a shower but I have asked him several times and he ain't done it yet. I know he works out of town and said he would hire someone himself to do it but I don't feel right about him not doing it because I know he really wants to.....how are you?

I'm picturing Vicky Lawrence on the old Carol Burnette Show...

 

[NFLDERS]

Let me get thru Halloween and then I'll get back with ya. Just remember most of my family live on my street so we will see how Trick-or-Treating goes!!!

Oh! That could be so much fun on so many levels, the possibilities endless!!

 

[Sabeking]

I'm picturing Vicky Lawrence on the old Carol Burnette Show...

Exactly!!!

 

[NFLDERS]

I'm picturing Vicky Lawrence on the old Carol Burnette Show...

AND, I'll likely have dreams while hearing D. A. D. D. Y! over and over again.

 

[NFLDERS]

I'm picturing Vicky Lawrence on the old Carol Burnette Show...

AND, I'll likely have dreams while hearing D. A. D. D. Y! over and over again.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Holidays are pretty miserable these days. That's why we began our annual Disney Thanksgiving trip. Now I only have to deal with Christmas.

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

Holidays are pretty miserable these days. That's why we began our annual Disney Thanksgiving trip. Now I only have to deal with Christmas.

I wanted to clarify my like of your post. I don't like that your holidays have been miserable, but I DO like that you now have an annual fun thing to look forward to for at least one of the holidays. Hopefully, you will soon find a way to feel joy at Christmas, too.

 

[cleverclovers]

Do you know what I'm talking about? The relative you dread seeing at family functions? The one that seems to ruin things every time for whatever reason? The one that gets on your every last nerve? You can't believe a word that is said? It's all about them? They plot in advance to..... do whatever , usually bad, to draw attention to themselves? Volatile personality.

I have that relative! Sociopath is the best description I can use.our family will all be together during the holidays this year so I can't avoid. Is it bad to say, if I never saw this person again, I'd be totally ok with that?

Everyone walks on eggshells. When this person isn't around, we all can relax and enjoy ourselves. But oh my, it really changes the dynamic.

I'm not asking for help. Just curious: Are we the only ones who have a relative who causes so much disruption ? We were talking last night...." wonder how The holidays will be this year?"

You only have ONE relative like that? YOU ARE LUCKY!

 

[belleatdisney]

My family of orgin is toxic so I say most of them. They would probably say I am the troublemaker. I do not see or talk to them anymore so holidays are either traveling or just my little family and it is wonderful.