do you every feel completely overwhelmed...

[sdoll]

I feel like I am going crazy sometimes. I work full time as a human resource manager for a larger retailer. I average about 45 hours a week. My husband also works retail so we both have crazy hours and schedules. We very rarely are together. I have 2 amazing boys ages 2 and 4. I have the most helpful husband in the world but I still feel completly stressed. I stress over everything. I feel guilty about the time I spend with my kids. I would love to be with them more than I am. I think we make the most out the time we do have but is that enough? But they learn something new everyday and I want it to be from me. We have an amazing babysitter I have a cleaning lady that comes every other week and does the basics (bath rooms, kitchen, sweeping) but I feel like I am hanging on by a thread sometimes.

Today I figured out preschool for my kids next year. I will have them both going in the afternoon. which is ok but it completly takes me out of the picture. (sometimes I can drop off right now because my oldest does morning preschool) I just feel guilty what kind of mother is not involved with their kids school will the teachers think I am horrible having our babysitter doing everything. I am just sad. I am sure this is stupid and it will be ok but its not ok with me.

Since I have had our last baby I have gained 65 lbs. I know what I need to do to lose the weight but I just can't seem to stick with anything. I will lose 20 lbs just to gain 25 back. I am so frustrated right now.

I have made an appointment to talk to someone so I guess thats a good thing. It just seems crazy that I have the blues. I have everything I have always wanted, great husband, great kids why do I feel this way?

 

[Heidijs]

the working mommy blues... I understand ya, I really do. I work 40 hours a week and so does DH...I never wanted to return to work but financially, I had to...it got better as she got older but there's those days where she says, mommy can we just stay home please! but then I see how much fun she has at daycare and how independant she is...she started preschool this year and it's in the mornings so I switched my hours so I can drop her off every morning and then me and another mom pick them up at lunch and take them to our daycare and then DH picks up every day...I think she's sooo ready to be in school full time, she just loves it, but she has another year of pre-school to go after this one I do volunteer in the classroom when we get our goofy gov't holidays off and they still have school or I take two half days and help in the class when I can. She loves that...I feel good knowing when she started, she felt secure enough for me to not be there. She told me to leave! While other kids cried and clung...she did get a little upset a couple mornings and every morning she wants that hug and kiss before I leave but for the most part she does very well. I'm rambling...

You gotta do what you gotta do...sometimes it's hard to deal with and other days it's better...when I get home and she tells me what a great day she's had, I feel like I'm doing the right thing...then on her bad days I feel guilty but she'd have bad days if we were home every day too and wouldn't have the social interaction with other kids like she does now and I feel that's important at an early age...

Could you cut back your hours at work so you could be home a little more?

 

[Duckyiam71]

I agree with Heidi about the mommy blues. You are doing the right thing by reaching out for help. I am in a similar situation as yours. I work in a retail environment working 45 hours. My husband is in the Army getting ready to deploy. I have being going to a therapist for awhile. It is just good to get things off your chest and not being judged about your actions. I have two boys 5 and 10 and i spend any moment I can with them. If I close at night, I pick them up from school. Just be sure that when you are with your kids. you are "with" your kids. Meaning, tyr to avoid the computer, phone within means. I know that is hard in this day and age but it really works. We have tv rules of only 2 hours over the weekend. We play games, go to parks do crafts. If you can get out work early, do it and take a moment for you as well. I can assure the therapist can help you. She has helped me.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

I'm a firm believer that which ever way you choose to live your life whether it be working or stay at home, Motherhood can be exhausting, overwhelming, guilt ridden and the most joyous thing in the world.

Don't be so hard on yourself..and the previous posters have great suggestions. Its all about quality not quantity.

I'm lucky I have a flexible employer that I'm able to handle a lot of drop off/pickups..and school activities..but I miss stuff too. or I'm stressed because I know I need to get something done and I can't do it all. I would start by looking at your job to see what you can do to make it easier..If you are a type A like me, Yes you may not be performing at your full potential at work while you are trying to balance work/life but THATS OKAY.

Focus on the Pros not the cons and remember there are pros and cons to all ways of doing things.

For us the pros are, My husband and I share the burden, and my kids see that so I think they will grow up with a healthy view of parenting...they are also very very close to their dad.

We also have no worries for their school education for private highschool/college.

We maximize our vacation time and last year I took part in a voluntary furlough program to take additional time off in the summer.

I recommend writing down all your pros and cons..if the cons outweigh, then Its time to figure out what you can tweak to make it better...

My motto is if its not working, don't dwell, figure out how to change it.

 

[Tricia's mom]

DITTO....Thanks for the post. I thought I was just weak not being able to juggle it all.

I quess were not alone.
I also work retail crazy hours...a customer coming in the 2 minutes before we close and spending 30 minutes "browsing" means 30minutes less Ispend with DD...Jerks.

 

[arielmomma]

I'm a firm believer that which ever way you choose to live your life whether it be working or stay at home, Motherhood can be exhausting, overwhelming, guilt ridden and the most joyous thing in the world.

Don't be so hard on yourself..
My motto is if its not working, don't dwell, figure out how to change it.

I absolutely agree! We Mothers can be so hard on ourselves sometimes. We want to be able to be everything: great providers, great wives, great mothers, great children to our parents, great friends, great volunteers, etc, etc.

Just the fact that you you are reaching out means that you want what is best and want to be the best Mom that you can be.

I don't want to give advice. I just want to say that I am glad to see women supporting each other and not ripping one another down. We all need support sometimes.

So here is a big and I'm saying a prayer for you.

 

[Joyful3Heart]

I work part time and still feel this way sometimes... Especially when working a few evenings in a row when I only see my older kids off to school in the morning. I try to laugh and say mom is spelled g-u-i-l-t...
It sounds like you are doing the right thing by talking to someone, but here's a few hugs coming your way in the meantime .
I hope you are feeling better soon!

 

[browniemtb]

Hey, what about the Dad's in all this. Here is my run down....work 50+ hours running my own business, do all the grocery shopping and cooking, Coach girls soccer in 2 leagues, very involved in our town - meeting at night discussing finance on one night, capital improvements on another, Health Care Liabilities another night, cart girls around from girls scouts to basketball, and help the wife in housework, and on and on.......but I will say to the Mom's you do have a tough job and I commend all of you for keeping it all together.

 

[puffkin]

Please don't feel bad....you just have the working mommy blues. We all have it! And especially reading these boards, you can feel like a minority because you aren't the perfect SAHM that so many claim to be It does wear on your pschye a bit.

Just a little perspective for you, but both my DH and I work FT jobs. I got laid off this past summer from my corporate job. To save money we thought about keeping DS3 home from daycare (he goes to a wonderful center) a few days a week. We gave it a trial run and he hated it. He wanted to be at school with his friends, doing all the fun activities. So we cut costs in other areas to keep him in school FT. I did pick him up earlier than usual and did keep him home some days to do something special (kids matinee movie, swimming, zoo) but most days he went. Some of my SAHM friends just couldn't understand why we did that. But DS is a very smart, independent, social child who NEEDS that type of enviroment.

Now that I am back to work FT most of the childcare stuff still falls to me since DH has an hour commute. I do drop off/pick up, all dr. appt etc. DH did arrange his schedule though to leave an hour early on Monday afternoons so that he can pick up DS at least once a week. It isn't much, but at least it gives him SOME interaction with the teachers and his school. Would you be able to arrange it so that you could at least do pick up/drop off once or twice a week? It really does make a difference.

Hang in there and just know that you aren't alone!!!!

 

[Normangirls]

Ditto, ditto and ditto.

I am also a working mom, H.R. manager, with DD13, DD9, and DD4.

I also feel guilty whenever I am not with them -- only because that's where I'd really like to be.

(And I also need to lose this darned baby weight, four years later!)

Oh, and I also live in NW Ohio!

The one thing you said that stood out to me is that you have a great babysitter. Daycare has been the most stressful thing in my life for 13 years. Now that I have a good sitter, I can't believe how much better things are.

I'm glad you said you are going to talk to someone -- no advice here, just .

 

[QVCshopper]

You may want to look at other options. Two parents working FT is just one option, as is one stay at home parent. My husband works full-time during the day, while I work 25 hours part-time at night. It's a hard schedule, but I'm there to run the kids around, while keeping my toe in the working world. My brother and his wife both work full-time--he works week days, while she works weekend nights. Only you and your family can figure out what's best for you, but there are many different options and variables. Plus, things change as time goes on. Best of luck to you!

 

[DISNEYFOS]

You may want to look at other options. Two parents working FT is just one option, as is one stay at home parent. My husband works full-time during the day, while I work 25 hours part-time at night. It's a hard schedule, but I'm there to run the kids around, while keeping my toe in the working world. My brother and his wife both work full-time--he works week days, while she works weekend nights. Only you and your family can figure out what's best for you, but there are many different options and variables. Plus, things change as time goes on. Best of luck to you!

yes yes yes. This is what I mean by tweaking. I got my employer to move me to a 4 day work week. I telecommute so its a bit easy to deal with the 10-12 hour days..but I have Friday with the kids. My husband also goes in early so he can get home early and help with dinner/homework/baths. I start my day later so I can handle the breakfast/getting ready for school. We try to minimize the amount of time they are with a sitter..even though we love the sitters we have.

Explore your options..to try to find a happy medium

 

[frkymcky]

I agree with what all the PP's have said. I too worked in retail up til 6 months ago, when I decided to leave. I was a Dept Supervisor at Home Depot, the hours were crazy. Never the same schedule, same days off...overnights, early mornings, just too much for me in addition I had atleast a 2 hour commute roundtrip.

I decided to leave and found a job much closer to home, with set hours and allows me to bring the kiddies when needed (ie sick). I also now have the flexibility to take off to do school activities. As good as all this sounds, I did take a pay cut but IMO it is well worth it. My DD(7) is in school full time and spends just about an hour with my sitter(teenage neighbor) and my DS(3) goes to daycare which he needs. He absolutely loves it, cries on the weekends to goto school and if I offer a day home with Mommy, he tells me NO!!

Being a mom, as they say, is the most difficult job in the world. We are all in the same boat, although there are different situations. You have support here with "us Mom's", feel free to reach out. I can tell you are a wonderful mother, stay strong!!!

 

[frtchr]

I'm a SAHM, and I'm always stressed, too. Being a parent is hard whether you're around 24/7 or not. It sounds like you're a great mom, and I'm sorry things are so nutty right now.

 

[deerhart]

you have a full time job and 2 24/7 jobs and MORE! of course your going to be stressed if you think you have to juggle it all, because you can't.

We are humans and therefore never perfect (though my oldest STILL isn't convinced he's not perfect ).

I work 40-50 hours a week easy, plus have to deal with clients on my off times. My dh works a mandatory 45-50 hour week (retail so it changes frequently) including at least 1 3am shift each week, 1 weekend, and 1 closing shift. He is also a full time grad student. Both my children have multiple issues which require lots of discussion with the school, doctors etc..

Do I HATE missing my kids events during the school day. Of course I do and I make every attempt at making them, but I'm not always successful, especially for anything that is scheduled short notice (I need at least 2-3 months and sometimes longer then that to reserve a time). But I learned long ago that working was the best thing for my sanity and I actually spent better more focused quality time with the kids when I work.

Dh and I also trade things on and off. My MIL also comes in to watch the kids after school, and does some cleaning (usually laundry and dishes and sometimes cooking). And somedays, well stuff just doesn't get done! But hey its all good...