Do you believe in spanking??

[marybet]

My boys are 33 and 37 and I spanked them. Neither has married do you think that is why?

The most effective was the slap on the hand when they were picking up things that they shouldn't. To me it was more to get their attention, how much does it hurt when they have all that padding on their bottoms? I don't remember doing it very often and I do remember them laughing about it when my hand hurt more than their bottom. I don't think I spanked them after the age of 4 or 5, taking away privileges worked better.

I did learn not to give them a punishment that was harder on me than them. The youngest would go out in the street and I told him he would have to stay inside for two days if he did it again. That was a very long two days. But it did keep him out of the street.

 

[elizke]

I always had a strong ideal that I would not spank. College education in Early Childhood combined with spanking memories made me decide it was not the right way, and also for all the reasons other posters have stated. I was resolute.

Then came my son. He has tested every parental ideal I EVER had, and I have failed at ALL of them at times with him.

Some kids are just easier to communicate to and just easier to handle, and if you can stick to the ideals that's great. And like I always said, not spanking does NOT mean lack of discipline! My daughter is a very easy child and gets things very easily. Never had to spank her, but we do use discipline. I think for many kids other methods, as long as they "cost" them in some way and are consistent, can work as well or better.

But some kids are just really hard!!

 

[Maleficent13]

And here I thought you always agreed with me!

Have we finally found something that we don't have in common?

Not necessarily. I know that DD won't be spanked; I know myself well enough to know that! BUT...I am not against a swift swat on the butt if necessary...I think my DH's nephew would benefit greatly from one or two. That would require a level of gumption neither of his parents have, though.

 

[Aidensmom]

The method of discipline that is going to work the best depends upon the temperment and personality of the child. What works for one child does not neccessarily work for another. I don't believe a parent who spanks is better or worse than one who doesn't, and vice versa.

DH and I believe in spanking as a last resort form of discipline, and it has had to be used with our very stubborn, strong willed child at times, when talking, time outs, taking things away, restricting activities, etc did not work. I do agree with the poster who said it is probably more effective for children under 5. For us, that form of discipline was most often used when my son was 3, because though DH and I were capable of reasoning, my son didn't always have the same ability. I can't remember the last time we used spanking now that he is 5, although we still threaten to now and then.

I believe spanking, hitting, and abuse are three different things, with hitting and abuse being very closely related. I don't abuse my child and I don't hit him, but I have spanked his bottom.

 

[cardaway]

Would the people OK with spanking allow others to spank their child?

Personally I think somebody has to spend hours a day with kids they are not allowed to spank to see there is no reason for it.

JMO, not a judgement about those that decide otherwise.

 

[puffkin]

If nothing else worked, I would spank my son. I don't want to, and hopefully never will have to, but I am not going to rule that out as a punishment if need be.

I was spanked as a child (not too often though ) but my DH was spanked with paddle and neither one of us will do that to my son!

 

[RitaZ.]

Would the people OK with spanking allow others to spank their child?

Personally I think somebody has to spend hours a day with kids they are not allowed to spank to see there is no reason for it.

We all know that kids behave better for other people.

I'll give you an example: When DD was in 1st grade, she was in a musical and had to have her hair in a bun. Now, this child (just like her mother did as a child) had always refused to have her hair in anything that resembled a ponytail. When her teacher sent home the instructions on how to do DD's hair, I figured it would make for a "very unpleasant morning". Guess what? She sat quietly and perfectly still for me while I put her hair in a bun. When the play was over, she asked her teacher if she could put her hair down.

 

[kidshop]

Nope. I have never hit anyone for any reason, much less a child. I don't see the point or benefit. I have 2 boys, and pretty much me getting up and doing something to stop the unwanted behavior immediately (depending on the age...distraction, removal, time out) works. I don't make empty threats, and there are swift and sure consequences for bad behavior every time. I don't need to hit them.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

No I don't believe in spanking, and my experience as a teacher just reinforces that belief, for two reasons.

One is that I think once you've started down that road it's hard to turn around. At school I find the children who I know are spanked at home to be harder to manage (not impossible, just harder). Whereas disapproval, time out, reasoning etc . . . work very well with children who aren't physically disciplined at home, when I use those techniques with kids who are spanked they think "Oooh, she didn't hit me, I got away with it". As a parent I want my child to behave because he understands the values behind my rules, not because he was afraid of the consequences. Children who behave out of fear tend to revert to their old behavior when the adult's back is turned. Children who understand the reasoning/values behind good behavior tend to keep it up.

The second reason why I don't like spanking is that I think it's unneccessary. I'm a special education teacher and I've done a lot of work with emotionally disturbed children. If I can manage a class full of children who start the school year biting, throwing chairs and otherwise completely out of control, and end the year behaving 1000% better, without spanking, I think I can manage my child without it too. I don't believe that spanking causes problems every time, but the research pretty clearly tells us it causes problems sometimes, and I don't see a reason to risk it when there are many ways to handle children that don't carry the same risks.

 

[RitaZ.]

Some children are more difficult than others, we all know that. In my experience with my 3 kids, they will push my buttons, but if another adult corrects them, they will apologize and listen immediately. It's normal for kids to push their parents to see how far the limits are set.

Kids that have consistent discipline will likely be more respectful of others. Again, it takes time and perseverence, it's not the kind of thing that you teach one time. A couple of months ago, I was at Target with my kids buying some cards for Father's Day. A woman was looking at some cards also and her son (7 or 8) was sprawled on the floor of the main aisle. I'm not exaggerating, just picture making a snow angel. Other shoppers were trying to make their way to the cash registers, but they couldn't because of the kid on the floor. The mom was a total wimp, I felt like slapping her. She just kept saying in a wimpy voice, "Come on, get up. We have to go." Give me a stinking break!

 

[steen995]

Our primary form of discipline is time out. That being said I give "swats" when called for (ie, if they leave timeout, which they didn't after the first swat) and my husband gives the "spankings." The spankings are reserved for big things. They are warned before getting a spanking and that is usually all it takes. Tough love all the way!

 

[dcgrumpy]

We all know that kids behave better for other people.

ITA. I see it all the time with my own kids and my niece.

 

[Dina]

Personally I think somebody has to spend hours a day with kids they are not allowed to spank to see there is no reason for it.

I feel like an idiot-- but I'm not following what you are saying here??


Editing because after I read it again I understand.

Though I don't spank, I do totally agree kids do behave better for other people (except teachers-- I know this one from experience hehe!).

 

[Toby'sFriend]

3 kids ages 16, 13, and 3

Do I believe in spanking? yes

My oldest was spanked the most because he was and remains to this day my most "out of control, push the envelope" child. Now that he is 16, spankings are long in the past, but he does still often (way too often) need quick and certain discipline on occassion. BTW I agree. This is the child that we nicknamed "The Monster" as a preschooler. But every teacher he has ever had has loved him to death.

My 13 year old is a sweetheart. He is the type of kid who will always ask before even thinking of whether or not he should take a cookie out of the cookie jar. I really can't remember EVER spanking him but he claims I have so it must be true. Probably once or twice.

My 3 year old --- impulsive. We've had a couple of "no you DO NOT stick a fork in the light socket, no you DO NOT dash across that street etc incidents where the point needed to be driven home." But he hardly ever misbehaves with intent so he hardly ever gets more than a time out.

 

[Pigeon]

I don't abuse my child and I don't hit him, but I have spanked his bottom.

How on earth do you spank a child without hitting him? Does your hand stop before it makes contact with him? Otherwise, you are hitting him, plain and simple.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Would the people OK with spanking allow others to spank their child?

It would depend on the situation, but I would say that if it came down to a case where no other discipline was working, then I'd personally be more concerned with my child's lack of respect for the teacher rather than the resulting spank he received.

 

[Golf4food]

I believe in it, especially before the child is old enough to reason and understand things on a higher level. You can't reason with a 3 year old, I'm sorry.

My DW and I were both spanked (not abused, just spanked when needed) and we aren't homocidal maniacs. Spanking does not have to equal abuse. Like all things, use moderation and common sense.

 

[cardaway]

The point about not being able to spank a child is not theirs is not about whether or not the child acts better around others or not, it's about those few times parents say they will spank their children.

If another adult (teacher, daycare provider, other family member) spends enough time with a child they are not allowed to spank, there usually is a time when that child will the same thing that would cause their parents to spank them, but this other adult must find different solution.

JMO, but if this other adult can do it, so can the parents.

And then there are the times when you tell the parents what they did and they get a spanking hours later.

 

[Froggyswife]

I believe in spanking. I believe that the reason for the disrespect I see from kids today come from the fact that they weren't spanked and taught there are consequences for their actions. I also think that "nobody loses" in a game or contest is bogus it just sets your kid up for a very big let down when they do finally find out that not everybody wins.

There is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child and if you don't know that difference then no you shouldn't spank your child. I think that taking discipline out of the hands of teachers and principals was a big mistake. Especially in the middle school and jr. high schools because now they just get suspended miss school (like they care if they miss school especially when they get home and say but mom I didn't do anything and gets a pat on the head ... Please) and have their grades be affected.

There are other alternatives yes. (timeouts IMO are a joke. Tried them didn't work.) I take things away like toys, tv time, phone time stuff like that. If that doesn't work though my dd knows that she will get a spanking. As for spanking other people's kids.. if they stay with me and they act up and nothing works I tell the parents I will spank them before they leave them with me. If I can't treat them like one of my own don't leave them with me. So far no one has said no to that and I have never had to spank anyone else's child because they knew I had permission from their parents to spank if needed.

These are my oppions and beliefs all people are different and have different ideas and ways.