Do you believe in spanking??

[Tigger&Belle]

If we're talking about spanking children , I never did before having children and really didn't after having my older three children. I then had Jake... My views changed a little--he has been the test of our parenthood and the best form of birth control a person could hope for. I still don't think it should be the primary form of discipline and we didn't use it much with him, but it was one of the forms of discipline that we used. BTW, he's also a wonderful blessing and we are glad that he is a part of our family (didn't want to give people who don't know me and my dry sense of humor the wrong impression).

 

[Jennasis]

I absolutely believe in spanking (though like a few others, have no kids and DH and I never will). I was spanked as a child when I crossed the line...and believe you-me, I never crossed that line again. My older sister knew she could get spanked and never crossed the line. My younger sister never got spanked and ALWYSY crossed the line. The one who grew up to be a screw up? The one who never got spanked.

I totally approve of a parents right to choose their method of punishment, though I wish spanking would make a come back!

It isn't even in the same league as abuse. Abuse is abuse. A smack on the butt is a smack on the butt.

BTW, as for the "animals" stuff. You should see what my herd of horses does when one of the youngsters gets out of line. It ain't pretty!

 

[Dina]

It's not for me. I was spanked, and I don't see it as abuse. It's not that I don't "believe in it"-- its just not for me. My husband doesn't want to spank either, so luckily we're on the same page.

Now, I know someone who I've witnessed slap their child across the face (more than once)-- once it was at the child's birthday party in front of the whole family-- that to me is child abuse (but I don't think that's what you're talking about). We're using the time out method, or (with my older son) I take away priveleges (no TV priveleges or Leapster etc.), I know it's not perfect, but it actually does work for us. My kids are really well behaved. Everyone has to do what works for their family.

 

[lindakmonty]

yes, I believe in spanking. You don't have to hurt them for them to get the point. I think you have to do what works for that child. My son has only had a few spankings in his life but he has gotten them. Usually he has to stand w/his nose against the wall for 5 minutes. I also started giving him allowance. $5 a week. Everytime he misbehaves I warn him and if he keeps on he loses a quarter... now THAT works!!! He sees that money start disappearing and doesn't like it one bit. Now he asks...if I do this will I lose money? Do what works! I got plenty of spankings and I'm glad I did. My cousins didn't and they're total brats w/no respect for anyone or anything. All kids are different, all parents are different...do what works for you!

 

[Beth]

Isn't it funny how many of us without children have seen fit to chime in on this one?!?

I often try to bite my tongue on this issue - because I don't feel I "have a right" to voice my opinion.... not having any kids.

But I totally agree with this!!!:

I also think it is more effective when they are below the age of 5 as well. It is almost impossible to reason with someone that is below the age of 5 (there are exceptions, but they are rare), so there must be something they do understand that is quick and to the point.

As an example, a kid that won't listen when you tell them not to try and play with a knife. I would much rather see them get a swat on the butt, which causes pain that they then associate with trying to play with the knife, than to feel the pain that would be caused by actually getting ahold of the knife and playing with it.

My DH and I often use a similar example - but with "running away from the parent and into the street/the path of an oncoming car" intead of "playing with a knife."

To me, as you said, Master Mason, I just don't see the whole "time out" thing for a 2-3 year old. But that same 2-3 year old is MORE than capable of running out into the street. It is a matter of their safety that this point be driven home to them - quickly and effectively.

All I know is.... most of our friends have children - and, for the MOST part, we see glaring differences in the behavior patterns of those who are disciplined with spanking versus those who are "sent to time out."

And - for the record - we were both spanked as children, and only tend to hit each other once in a while.....

 

[Disney Ella]

Ugh! Me caveman!! Me hit because me no smart!!

My point is that we as humans have so many other ways to deal with behavior that we don't like than automatically raising a hand, so why rely on violence as a means of controlling children? Not when we have evolved so much more than other mammals and have options they don't. So many people who hit do it because that's the way they were raised, without ever giving a thought as to the message that hitting sends to children, without ever considering other methods.

There were days when my kids were little that I would have like to have hit something (not necessarily them) because I was so frustrated, but I managed not to hit. If I had hit them then, it would have been mostly due to my frustration and not necessarily that what they'd done was so terrible.

I was hit and usually because my mother was in a bad mood that day and had less tolerance for the behavior that would be tolerated on another day. Being hit did affect me. Even as a child, It though it was wrong and couldn't imagine wanting to cause pain to someone I love. Not when there are time-outs, not when I can remove the child from the situation, not when I can take away toys or privileges, not when there are options. If I take away a privilege and later find out that I didn't know the full situation, I can always restore the privilege. You can't take back hitting someone.

 

[punkin]

I don't believe in it for the reasons stated by others, but that does not mean I do not ocassionally do it.

 

[shortbun]

While the "me caveman" comment made me smile, I DO believe that adults (even the not so smart ones) could discipline most children without spanking them. I HAVE told my child this, " IF I was a parent who believed in spanking, this would be one of those times." That statement alone has totally changed his behavior. I use natural consequence when at all possible. It sometimes takes a minute or two to get to that place or if I can think of absolutely nothing, colateral is a good thing. My son hates losing his earned TV or video game time as well. He is a VERY active 11yo child but has a good heart and IF his behavior is questionable, I can usually point it out and it changes. This took some time and work on my part and his. He's a wonderful young man, if I do say so. I'm so proud. I'm sure we have some trying times ahead with hormones and adolescence. I drive a school bus, I'm not scared! lol!

 

[Bob Slydell]

My point is that we as humans have so many other ways to deal with behavior that we don't like than automatically raising a hand, so why rely on violence as a means of controlling children?

Not when there are time-outs, not when I can remove the child from the situation, not when I can take away toys or privileges, not when there are options.

You're assuming (incorrectly so) that because I say I've spanked my child that this is the only discipline technique I've ever used. We do a number of other things and yes, all of them have their effectiveness. But there still, IMO, remains a time and place when a whack on the bottom (which, BTW, is hardly considered "violence") is the most effective discipline for us.

 

[Dina]

Time out can work for a child under 5. I'm not saying its wrong to spank, but quite a few people have said that those not spanked aren't well behaved and children under 5 can't have time outs. If it is done consistently, it can work. If my 3 year old is doing something wrong-- I sit him down on my lap. If the TV is on-- it goes off, if he's playing with something he doesn't have it. And, I keep repeating what he's done wrong and that he can't do it. I do it for 3 minutes every time (one minute per year of age). It absolutely does work-- but not the first time -- sometimes not the third time, you have to keep doing it, and it has to be done immediately. Spanking is fine too, but a few people have been saying that you can see a difference between those kids that are spanked and those that are not. I think you see a difference between those that effectively discipline and those that don't-- through spanking or other means. Timeouts don't work for everyone, but not everyone is always consistent with it (that's the most important thing). It is hard to reason with a kid under 5, but if you they have to stop them from playing, and keep staying don't hit or don't bite (really the things they do wrong are that basic)-- they get it. Or maybe I have two more of those miracle children. it's just not for me, but that doesn't mean my kids are brats.

 

[Pigeon]

BTW, is hardly considered "violence"

If somebody came up to me and gave me a "whack on the bottom," I would most certainly consider it violence.

 

[Jennasis]

I chimed in even though I have no kids because I WAS spanked as a child...so I can speak from experience as to the effectiveness of the disciplne.

 

[PlutosFriend]

Animals use violence with each other because they can't speak. As a person who can speak, I would rather use my brain and come up with a way to deal with the behavior in way that I wouldn't purposely hurt my own child. I have always told my kids that when they aren't getting along that hitting isn't the answer, that reasonable people can find other ways to handle their problems than resorting to violence. It seems hypocritical to say "You can't hit your sister when she does something you don't like, but it's fine for me to hit you if you do something I don't like." There are always other solutions as far as I'm concerned.

Good point! I always despised my father saying "don't do as I do, do as I say"

 

[TiggerTails57]

I was spanked as a child.......along with being hit with a wooded spoon (it broke on me a few times) as well as being choked, kicked, punched, and verbally abused.
You see, a small spank can get out of hand and lead to uncontrollable violence, I still bare the scars inside and out.

I have never spanked my DD (now 17) never will ..........I broke the cycle!! for that I'm proud.

 

[deekaypee]

No, I do not.

 

[Maleficent13]

I swear, I saw this thread and thought to myself, I'll just find poohandwendy's post, quote it and say, "Me, too!"

But she hasn't chimed in yet...if/when she does, I'm sure I'll agree with her.

 

[SamIAm21]

Good point! I always despised my father saying "don't do as I do, do as I say"

Oh, if you hated that one, what about this one??

You wanna cry? I'll give you something to cry about!!

That one still irks me to this day!!

 

[jimmalru80]

I do believe in it, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

 

[lindakmonty]

Oh, if you hated that one, what about this one??

You wanna cry? I'll give you something to cry about!!

That one still irks me to this day!!

The one that got to me most was "I brought you in this world, I can take you out" ... I will NEVER say the things to my son that my mother did to me!

 

[NMAmy]

I swear, I saw this thread and thought to myself, I'll just find poohandwendy's post, quote it and say, "Me, too!"

But she hasn't chimed in yet...if/when she does, I'm sure I'll agree with her.

And here I thought you always agreed with me!

Have we finally found something that we don't have in common?