Do you believe in spanking??

[Aidensmom]

How on earth do you spank a child without hitting him? Does your hand stop before it makes contact with him? Otherwise, you are hitting him, plain and simple.

I said I don't believe hitting and spanking are the same thing. To me, spanking is an intentional swat on the bottom, not done out of anger or frustration, but for discipline purposes. Hitting is done out of anger or frustration.

 

[kaw1218]

you could count on one hand the number of times I had to spank my kids... but they knew that it wasn't an idle threat.

I also think it is more effective when they are below the age of 5 as well. It is almost impossible to reason with someone that is below the age of 5 (there are exceptions, but they are rare), so there must be something they do understand that is quick and to the point.

As an example, a kid that won't listen when you tell them not to try and play with a knife. I would much rather see them get a swat on the butt, which causes pain that they then associate with trying to play with the knife, than to feel the pain that would be caused by actually getting ahold of the knife and playing with it.

Youngest son is 14 now, last time I laid a hand on him, he was 6. He has had the capacity to listen since that time, and understand I was serious when I told him things that were for his protection.

I agree with this.....each of my kids were spanked(or as they like to put it...beaten) once.... my oldest for when she was about to put scissors in an outlet(she was just shy of 3) and my youngest when she was a little under 2 she opened the back door of the car when we were driving down the Atlantic City expressway(on a Saturday afternoon-you know 4 lane highway doing about 65-70) My oldest is now 10...she still will not even plug in the vacuum(gets her out of cleaning!!!so she thinks ) and neither of my kids touch a car door until the car is off

 

[missypie]

I am 48 years old and back when I was growing up, "everyone" was spanked. I remember being so surprised when I started work as a lawyer - one of my colleagues mentioned one time that neither of her parents had ever laid a hand on her. What a revelation! Here she was, a girl from a very large family, gainfully employed and a delightful human being, and her parents managed to accomplish that without spanking!

 

[Master Mason]

The one that got to me most was "I brought you in this world, I can take you out" ... I will NEVER say the things to my son that my mother did to me!

yea I swore that same thing when I was a kid... Then you have kids, and they make you mad.... at it just comes out... And then your horrified and thinnk to yourself... "Oh my god I am him" And then if your lucky you look back and think... well that isn't such a bad thing.

 

[epcotfan]

Yes, I do believe in it, when used properly.

Ditto

 

[lookingforward]

Being a social worker and former guidance counselor I can see where corporal punishment goes "wrong", and it does go wrong sometimes. That said, when my 16 year old was born I wrote an editorial about how I would never spank my child (it was in response to a women who said "spare the rod and spoil the child). Since my 16 year old was born I have had two other children and can count on one hand the number of times I swatted them on the but. BUT I did swat them. Never in anger and always in response to something really awful, but I did it. Felt bad about it but my kids are okay. They knew I meant business because I did not often spank them, so it made a statement.

I wish I could "edit" my editorial from 1990, I was so SURE that I would never spank my children. HA!

It is not against FLorida law to spank but it is against the law to leave bruises or injury. I tell parents to use their best judgement but to never spank when they are angry and try everything else first. Around here, if a parent leaves a mark they will be arrested, investigated or at the very least put into a parenting program.

 

[Ragnrok23]

I also think that "nobody loses" in a game or contest is bogus it just sets your kid up for a very big let down when they do finally find out that not everybody wins.

 

[JoyG]

Would the people OK with spanking allow others to spank their child?

Personally I think somebody has to spend hours a day with kids they are not allowed to spank to see there is no reason for it.

JMO, not a judgement about those that decide otherwise.

Absolutely!!

I wouldn't let strangers spank, but my parents and my husband's parents should spank if necessary. My parents have used that form of discipline on occasion with my boys.

We actually have a problem with dh's parents and the spanking issue. His parents are very soft spoken...wouldn't hurt a fly type people...very loving with my children...but there was a time when I couldn't trust them with my kids. They refused to spank...and they could never get their voices raised to the point they were taken seriously by my kids. This created some unsafe situations.

For example, my MIL couldn't be left alone in the house with the boys b/c they would run all over her and I came home to find magic marker on the walls and things all over the floors...someone could have hurt themselves!

Once with my FIL, he was driving them in the car and the boys unbuckled their seat belts got up and were climbing over the seats in the van while he was driving. I would have pulled over in a NY minute and spanked them...that's no time to be considering a timeout...and at that age they couldn't think far enough to realize when they got home they'd get a time out.

Anyway, my FIL just kept driving with them acting up like that in the car. He could have gotten into an accident with them. I realized then, we couldn't trust them with the boys because he really lacked the ability to discipline.

Now as the boys are getting older, we may start trying to let them spend more time alone with them...the guys are beginning to respond to the thought of a "future punishment"...as in if you act up in school you will not get to watch tv, that sort of thing...but when they were younger that didn't fly.

Again, it depends on the personality of the children, and I love them to death, but my boys are just like Lynette's children from Desperate Housewives...and in our household, spankings are part of our discipline program.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Yes, I believe in spanking...NOT beating. My parents raised 8 children, they spanked and we are not a bunch of hitters or abusers. Amazing isn't it!

I personally think this is what is wrong with the teenagers of today.....they knew there was nothing a parent would/could do to them when they were young and still know there is nothing they will/can do to them as teenagers, so, they do what they want. Not all but a lot of teenagers and yes I know ALL Dissers children are perfect!

 

[cats7494]

I do not spank my children. I have a 12 year old dd and she was never spanked and is very well behaved. I also now have a 6 month old dd and will not spank her. I used time outs effectively with 12year old...you have to be consistent!
HOWEVER I DO understand why other parents do spank their children - that is their choice. Spanking does not equal abuse as long is it is not in anger and is meant for discipline only. (not in revenge!)
I was spanked as a child on rare occasion and always deserved. I had some cousins who were beaten - there is a huge difference.
I think spanking should be the last resort not the first reaction. Spanking can escalate the behavior of the child who is behaving badly.

 

[wendy46001]

No I don’t believe in spanking, why because I believe in rules and following them
I grew up in a home with three kids and my parents never spanked...we knew the rules and followed them...No need to hit...
and yes spanking is hitting …there is no dividing line…
saying I wont hit them in the face does not negate the fact that you are hitting your child, why is one part of the body so different then the other?….Its like saying I wont spit in my childs face, but I will spit on their back. You may view it differently but a child does not, they are still being hit by their parent

Also I have to admit I'm shock at the responses of people who say not getting smacked around is what is wrong with kids today...seriously?
It not that their parents are just whacking them on the butt and not taking the time to teach them how to behave

but to each their own...your kids ...your rules

 

[elizke]

No I don't believe in spanking, and my experience as a teacher just reinforces that belief, for two reasons.

One is that I think once you've started down that road it's hard to turn around. At school I find the children who I know are spanked at home to be harder to manage (not impossible, just harder). Whereas disapproval, time out, reasoning etc . . . work very well with children who aren't physically disciplined at home, when I use those techniques with kids who are spanked they think "Oooh, she didn't hit me, I got away with it". As a parent I want my child to behave because he understands the values behind my rules, not because he was afraid of the consequences. Children who behave out of fear tend to revert to their old behavior when the adult's back is turned. Children who understand the reasoning/values behind good behavior tend to keep it up.

The second reason why I don't like spanking is that I think it's unneccessary. I'm a special education teacher and I've done a lot of work with emotionally disturbed children. If I can manage a class full of children who start the school year biting, throwing chairs and otherwise completely out of control, and end the year behaving 1000% better, without spanking, I think I can manage my child without it too. I don't believe that spanking causes problems every time, but the research pretty clearly tells us it causes problems sometimes, and I don't see a reason to risk it when there are many ways to handle children that don't carry the same risks.

I agree with much of what you've said, and as I said I think other forms of discipline are ideal. But I wonder, how could you know in any great number who is spanked and who is not? And as for the spanked ones being more trouble, there is no way you could know whether they are more trouble because they are spanked, or they are spanked because they are difficult to handle. In my case you would jump to the conclusion that my daughter is much better behaved because she was not spanked, when it was BECAUSE she was reasonable and other disciplines work with her that she was not spanked. If I had only her I would never have known anything else.

Do I think that spanking solved the problems with my son? Nope. But do I know that I am human and not perfect and that spanking did stop the problem in the moment at times? Yes.

I also think that the classroom has its own difficulties to be sure, and I have much admiration for all teachers and their patience!! But it is not the same as a home environment. Home and family has stresses and details and messiness all it's own, that you can't know or judge.

Don't get me wrong, I agree it is not ideal to spank. I just think there is too much "judging" of other parents in general and too many who proclaim to know how everyone else should be parenting. I think more support and understanding for and between parents is more constructive.

 

[SpectroMouse]

you could count on one hand the number of times I had to spank my kids... but they knew that it wasn't an idle threat.

I also think it is more effective when they are below the age of 5 as well. It is almost impossible to reason with someone that is below the age of 5 (there are exceptions, but they are rare), so there must be something they do understand that is quick and to the point.

As an example, a kid that won't listen when you tell them not to try and play with a knife. I would much rather see them get a swat on the butt, which causes pain that they then associate with trying to play with the knife, than to feel the pain that would be caused by actually getting ahold of the knife and playing with it.

Youngest son is 14 now, last time I laid a hand on him, he was 6. He has had the capacity to listen since that time, and understand I was serious when I told him things that were for his protection.

I totally agree with Master Mason, I have a 10 mo. old DS, with a taste for electrical cords, he tried to chew on everyone he could get his little hands on....after a full day of a swat to the when he grabbed a cord, he has figured out this is not a good idea and mommy means it when she says "don't touch -that is not for baby" Now when he hears those words he knows better than to wait for the swat and just moves on to playing with his toys.

 

[MidgeD79]

I agree with spanking. I was spanked by my Dad one time. Never again. I never did anything in school (70's) to get the paddle. I saw or heard some of my friends get it and I vowed never to do anything that might get me swatted. Does anyone else wonder why kids seem more out of control now than 20+ years ago?

 

[PixiePop]

I do not believe in spanking. I use time outs and other methods (example:missing out on tv time, etc.). I do not judge those who do spank, as I was spanked as a child.

 

[Beca]

Well, my dd is 4 and I have spanked her twice. Each time, I have had to excuse myself and go cry in the bathroom. I just felt so "dirty" after I did it. Like, God gave me this beautiful little girl...and, that's how I treat her? Each time I did it, I kept hearing, "There's got to be a better way" echoing in my head.

So, for me...and my daughter....I do not believe in spanking. I promised myself after that second time that would find some other way to effectively get my point across other than hitting her. I mean, I don't let her hit the dog. I always say, "She will treat you the same way you treat her."

I just had to start taking my own advice. I just think children are for cuddles, and hugs and kisses...

cats7494...your daughters are BEAUTIFUL!!!!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Spankings rule here! When they were little they would get a swat to teach them something wasn't allowed-I would much rather give them a swat on the butt than have them injured by something much worse.
As they got older we went to the time out method-I have a black mark on my wall in the corner from their faces being in there and it doesn't always work AND the same goes for taking away their toys and tv and not allowing playing with friends.
When all else failed they got whacked-Three or four whacks on the butt got the message across and they know when I start the countdown that when I get to 3 there will be consequences and they don't want that
Now I don't even have to count---I just hold up one finger and they automatically stop whatever they're doing wrong OR start doing whatever it is that they're supposed to be.
I as a child was beaten,I would have loved a simple butt whupping but instead got whatever was handy thrown at me,belt and stick beatings(Remember having to get your own?-I learned after a couple of times DON'T PICK THE GREEN ONES!!) and other tortures.
So for me I KNOW where the line is and have never crossed it and never will but I will whup a butt when all else has failed and can guarantee the results.

 

[Lynn CC]

We NEVER spanked DS and he's in college now. I just don't get it when parents spank their kids

 

[highland3]

I was raised without spankings and I'm continuing the family tradition with my kids.

 

[jimmiej]

Our kids are grown, but we used spanking as a form of punishment. It was rare and only for serious offenses (ex: lying). My parents used it (mostly on my brother ), DW's parents used it. We turned out alright.