Do people hold back kids in your town?

[CEDmom]

Our DD's birthday is Aug 30th and we had thought about holding her back for kindergarten because of her social and emotional development. In the end we decided to keep her in her daycare for kindergarten and see how the year went. She was in a class with 5 students so she got a lot of 1 on 1 time. She blossomed so much and started 1st grade on schedule without any issues.

 

[pooh4evr]

My DD will be 5 on Feb 9 she is in her second yr of preschool/pre-k she goes 3 full days a week now - she is definately going to Kindergarten in July- public school here is 5 full days, she is more than ready- already reads, does some math and loves science! (Mom is a former middle school science teacher and dad is Doctor) DD2 will be starting preschool in Feb 1 morning a week (she will be 3 in May) when the new yr starts in July she will be going 3 mornings a week! As for having kids in Middle school driving and being more mature than others it is hard to teach to all of the students effectively. I had kids in the same classes that were light years apart in so many ways!

 

[taximomfor4]

My oldest dd is also on the opposite side. July birthday (here, cutoff is 9/30 but slated to possibly change to 7/31, rumor has it.) She started school right on time, Just-turned 5 so the second-youngest in her grade at her school. Several years in counseling, testing, psychoeducational couseling, and trying creative solutions at school, she was moved up a grade provisionally and then permanently. So now she is in 8th grade at 12, an Honor Roll student, with more friends than she ever had before (she used to not enjoy time with other students her age, because they never understood her or her sense of humor). She knows that she will not be driving till senior year of high school. She knows that she might have to go to a college nearby instead of living in a dorm. She knows that she cannot do all the things kids in her grade do, because it is not all appropriate for 12 yr olds. But has never regretted moving up, so I don't regret it either. We did what we had to at the time, after carefully exploring options. If, someday, this is no longer the best place for her, we will once again explore options. As for sports, she will be in the largest 3-grade (10th-12th) high school in the state, where the sports programs are tough to get into since so many kids try out. So she opted to participate OUTSIDE of school, with kids her own age.

My nephew, on the other hand, August birthday, only child, destructive and immature. Did not know how to play with others, or be responsible with others' belongings, etc. He was held back, started K at barely 6. He is still a bit socially delayed, according to his teachers, but that just reaffirms that for him, starting at 5 he would have been MASSIVELY delayed socially.

 

[Ronda93]

There's a huge difference between holding a child back so they will be on par with the other kids and holding them back so they will have an advantage over the other kids. We have lots of parents who do the latter.

I find that, in their parent's eyes, these children are rarely on the wrong side of anything, too. It's a cure all.

 

[mickeyboat]

I have two DD's on either side of he coin. Cut off is Sept 1 here, and Hannah was born on Sept. 2. I toyed with the idea to ask if she could enroll a year early, but decided she would benefit from being one of the older kids in her class.

Emily was born less than a year later on August, 27th, so when we struggled with the decision of whether or not to hold her back. One because she would be the youngest child in her class, two because it would put her in the same grade as her sister.

I enrolled both girls in the school district's pre-K program last year and asked the teachers what they thought. Hannah was clearly ready to go to K. Emily's teacher said she was also ready to go to K, she had formed a peer group which was important to her, and there were really no major issues with having her sister in the same grade (I did specify that I would like them in separate classrooms).

So this year, they both started K, and are doing just fine. The love being together on the bus and at recess, they get to do many of the same activities and lessons - just not together. It has worked well for us. We do still have some issues when different programs divide the children by age and not by grade level, but most of the time I can ask that Emily be squeezed into the higher level, or Hannah into the lower one.

Denae

 

[golfgal]

There's a huge difference between holding a child back so they will be on par with the other kids and holding them back so they will have an advantage over the other kids. We have lots of parents who do the latter.

This is what I was trying to say and couldn't get my point across!

 

[Sparx]

I had to wait a year before starting kindergarten. My birthday is October 22, so we had too. seems pretty normal around here. several of my friends also had to wait.

 

[jacksonsmom]

We held my son back. The cut off here is 9/1 and his b-day is 8/11.
He is in Kindergarten this year and doing great.

To tell you the truth I was not too worried about him being able to "do" Kindergarten last year, he could have done it. I was more worried about hitting a snag come 3rd + grade. Plus I think maturity wise he just wasn't quite there yet.

We do not regret our decision at all. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Now if he was born in January-May I would have sent him because I do feel that is too much of a difference to hold them back, but a month or two (mainly summer birthdays) I don't have a problem with and I do think most of the time is it better for the child.

 

[Jennifer S]

Both my sons have summer birthdays and are the youngest in their class. They did two years of preschool and that teacher said send them so I did. Both are doing great one is in K and the other 4th grade.

I do get sick of the comments of others who say they'd never send a child w/ a summer birthday on time. Why not? They meet the criteria and are smart enough to handle to work.

I understand if a child needs the extra time but if they don't what is the point of holding them back?

 

[daisyduck123]

Yes, people do hold kids back in my town.

I have the opposite experience though. My DD11 has an August b-day but she skipped a grade...so all of her friends are much much older. She can't get her license until her senior year & will graduate at 16.

We always joke with her that if they raise the driving age to 17 she won't be able to get her license until she is in college!

 

[buddy&wooz]

Yes, people do hold kids back in my town.

I have the opposite experience though. My DD11 has an August b-day but she skipped a grade...so all of her friends are much much older. She can't get her license until her senior year & will graduate at 16.

We always joke with her that if they raise the driving age to 17 she won't be able to get her license until she is in college!

This is exactly what's going on with my son . He's a senior now, and doesn't turn 17 until August.
In NJ the driving age is 17! So he won't be driving until 2 weeks before he goes away to college. Provided, of course, that he passes the test .

Sure, he's complained about it, but he deals .

 

[daisyduck123]

This is exactly what's going on with my son . He's a senior now, and doesn't turn 17 until August.
In NJ the driving age is 17! So he won't be driving until 2 weeks before he goes away to college. Provided, of course, that he passes the test .

Sure, he's complained about it, but he deals .

Hmmm...I never thought about her not passing the test.
Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
I'm not looking forward to her driving.
She's a horrible backseat driver.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

What's wrong with be the youngest in the class? When I graduated from high school I was 17 and I did fine all through school. I turned 18 my first day of college. Don't see what the big deal is.

 

[Skatermom23]

I've talked to his preschool about it and they told me that as the first generation of these held back kids are going to HS they are seeing a lot of problems. Freshman driving, Jr high's seeing problems that were once unique to HS's, 18 and 19 year old seniors with 'I'm an adult' attitudes.

I really think this trend is going to come back to bite us.

Talk to the teachers in middle school and high school. You might be surprised at the difference in opinion.

 

[aprilgail2]

yes and I find it increadably annoying!

DS will be 5 in May and is going to kindergarten this fall. I can't imagine him staying home another year. But I feel tons of pressure to hold him back so he won't be the youngest because everyone else is holding their kids back and so on and so on.

I've talked to his preschool about it and they told me that as the first generation of these held back kids are going to HS they are seeing a lot of problems. Freshman driving, Jr high's seeing problems that were once unique to HS's, 18 and 19 year old seniors with 'I'm an adult' attitudes.

I really think this trend is going to come back to bite us.

I just can't imagine being 18 or 19 and still in high school!! I was 16 when I graduated and my daughter will be 17 when she graduates. I was already in college 2 years by 18! I can see WHY the 19 year old would have an "im' an adult" attitude...its because they ARE adults...I really shutter at the thought of my 13 year old high school freshman going to school with some adult that is 19 years old...just doesn't seem right! My daughter is on the young side, she is a Nov baby and the cut off was Dec. 1st. I had thought about holding her back due to her age but she was smart enough and mature enough to handle full day kindergarten. I made the right choice too since she is in 1st grade and still bored with the work..I can't imagine if I had made her wait another year. I can sort of understand people holding their kids back if they are really immature and have full day kindergarten but I just don't get the ones that hold them back from half days kindergarten..thats just like preschool hours that kids do at 3 years old.

 

[slo]

The cut-off in Indiana in July 1st and my DD's birthday is July 22nd. I really wanted her to start school when she was 5, but it wasn't allowed. So she had to wait until she was 6.

 

[mickman1962]

My son is a junior and 15, he has kids in his class who are 18. Kindergarten at 6 then something called pre-1st is very popular here then 1st grade. There is one kid whose parents held him back so he would older/more physically mature for sports

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I can sort of understand people holding their kids back if they are really immature and have full day kindergarten but I just don't get the ones that hold them back from half days kindergarten..thats just like preschool hours that kids do at 3 years old.

It's not being able to handle a half day kindergarten at 4-5yo that's a problem with a lot of kids, it's handling 3rd grade or 6th grade (big transition years). And the problem is making that determination when the kids are only 4yo.

My 3 older kids were all sent on time. We had a 12/31 cutoff and my DD is a Dec baby and my boys the end of September. It's worked out ok, even though one son would maybe have done a little better with that extra year (but he's the one that seemed the most ready). My 4th child has a Dec birthday, but the K cut-off was changed so he had to be held back. I'm glad because he is very smart, but a bit immature socially so he's doing well in K this year.

And yes, a lot of people hold their kids back here. I don't have a problem with it as long as parents evaluate it based on what is in their kids best interest. Some people want them to be ahead of the other kids, and then complain when they are older because the kids are bored.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

NYS is about to make this harder - they are about to LOWER the age from 6 by Dec to 5 by Sept 1 - parents will be able to apply for a one year waiver if they feel their child is not ready. This coupled with their also making all day K mandatory is not the best move, IMHO - thank goodness for the one year waiver and that they at least changed the date to Sept. Within these guidelines I still would have been able to do what I had planned - as my DD's birthday is after the Sept 1 deadline. The State justification for these moves are studies show the EARLIER a child starts school - the better they do - but I am having a hard time believing that...I can't believe that pushing them sooner is better than giving them a year to be more mature and more ready to learn. Interesting!

 

[Patch'sD]

I don't see how NY is going to make it harder. New York State right now as the earliest entrance into school with a 12/31 cutoff. They must be 5 by 12/31 to Start Kindergarden, In NY Kindergarden is not manditory thus you get the Age 6 for Starting First Grade. So here in NY with School Starting Sept 1, 1/3 of the Kids are starting school at 4 years old. By moving it to 9/1 they are increasing the age of the child when entering Kindergarden. This seems to me coming more in-line with the rest of the country. I have two boys now in college. The oldest had a November Birthday and was born 3 weeks premature. Socially he was not ready for School and we held him back. He was one of the most maturest kids in his grade, respected by his peers, and during his last two years of High School was making mature well thought out decisions when they were the most important. My Second started on-time, he has an August Birthday. In most other areas of the Country we would have held him back. Since his birthday was almost 5 months beyond the cut-off and he was socially ready we sent him. His maturity level was always a little behind and this led him into making some poor decisions in his last years of High School. Now in college, he is making more sound decisions, however he has to make up for some of the poor decisions he made in his senior and junior years in High School. I think that every case is different and it is up to the parents to decide what is best. As for Sports, at 17 my son had to compete with 18 and 19 year olds, In New York you can compete in High School Sports at 20. In his last year he has grown Six inches and put on 30 lbs, That would have made one heck of difference in his Sports Activities. But you don't know that at 4 and 5 years old, But it is something to think about. Again it is the Parents Choice what to do