Do people hold back kids in your town?

[MaryAnnDVC]

as the first generation of these held back kids are going to HS they are seeing a lot of problems. Freshman driving, Jr high's seeing problems that were once unique to HS's, 18 and 19 year old seniors with 'I'm an adult' attitudes.

I really think this trend is going to come back to bite us.

Exactly!

 

[Aneille]

My daughter missed our school cut-off so she will turn 6 right after starting K.

She is so ready to go to K but has to do another full year of pre-school.

Holding back here is pretty common too.

 

[Beth76]

Nate, our son also has a May birthday

I was a bit shocked, however, when his teachers would always say that he was one of the youngest boys in his class. The cut-off here is September 15, so I wondered where all the other boys, whose birthdays were in June - September 15 were.

We'll face the same with our older son. He's April and is the youngest in his preschool classes. The only thing that makes me feel better about this is that he's pretty big for his age. He's the youngest but one of the biggest in his class.

 

[tkd lisa]

Something to think about is that the cut off date is different in many places. My DS has a late August birthday. He started school in MD, the day he turned 5. His pre-school teachers encouraged us to put him in school, because they said he'd be bored staying in the pre-school level. He's also physically VERY small (at 12 1/2, he's about 85 pounds and 4 foot 10 or 11 inches, and he was always off the bottom of the growth chart).

The decision worked okay for him until we moved here to Florida. I'm not sure what the cut off here is, but my DS is far and away the youngest in his classes. Many of the kids turned 13 at the beginning of the year, and some will be 14 before the school year is up. Add to this his size, and the fact that he's immature, and I'm wishing he was only in 6th grade. And with all that's gone on in our life, he's doing very badly academically (he's just overwhelmed with life now), so he'll probably end up re-doing 7th grade next year, which will put him on level with other kids his age.

 

[rascalmom]

We started our daughter at the usual time, but by the end of kindergarten it was very apparent she was behind the other kids. Academically she was on target, but she had some fine motor skill issues. We ended up sending her through the developmental first grade program in our district. She also worked with an occupational therapist for a couple of years. It was a good decision for her - she excels academically now & everything else has worked out. She STILL was usually the smallest kid in her class, even though she was a year older than many of them.

Now that she is in high school, she has been "the driver" for most of her group of friends. They recently changed the drivers requirements here, so there are still quite a few 17 year olds who don't have their licenses. Sports were never an issue - if they play school sports in our district, they play with their grade as long as they are academically eligible. They are not penalized for starting late (or being held back) & can play if they make the school team. Non-school leagues are grouped by age, not school grade but my daughter was able to stay on a team with grade school peers by applying for a "play down" ruling. Since she had OT, she was eligible.

I can see a lot more maturity in my daughter than some of her peers, but she is in the right place for her academically and socially. As far as the maturity, sometimes she is more mature than I am - so I don't think it had too much to do with her starting 1st grade late.

 

[AmyJ of Ca]

We were encouraged to keep DS back one year because he was extremely shy and wouldn't even talk to the person evaluating him at his preschool. It had nothing to do with sports or intelligance. They even call it the "gift" of another year to let him mature. He entered Kindergarten at 6 and has been an excellent student ever since and has matured so he does communicate more easily.

 

[Ava83]

Sports is the main consideration for these kids. The funny thing is that most parents didn't look far enough in advance to see that their kids won't be eligible to play sports.

That is exactly what happens in my DH hometown, the HS there have been the state champs for like 5 out of 6 years and all the parents want their kids to play sports...it is a HUGE sports community. I thought it was odd if the child was ready why not send them? But this is also the town I saw parents keeping score at a non-competive t-ball game (and I mean individual stats)

DD3 is an Aug baby and our cut-off is Sept. we will need to make a choice to send her to K, but if she keeps developing the way she is (preschool has helped tons) I think she will end up going (We reserve the right to change our mind)

 

[Kaycee]

We held younger DS back because his birthday is September 21 and, although here in Kentucky he could've started kindergarten because the cutoff is September 30, we had just moved here from South Carolina where the cutoff was September 1, so we had already planned on having him start the next year. It has worked out well for him so far. He is 14 and in 8th grade, and he seems to be about average for age. He's tall for his age, but not nearly the tallest in his class.

We didn't hold older DS back because he has a June birthday. Up until 5th grade he was one of the youngest boys in his class. There were several boys who were over a year older than him in the same grade. To make it worse, he was rather small for his age in elementary school. I would walk into his classroom, and it would just shock me to see how much bigger the other boys in his class were. A lot of the girls in his class were older than him too, but it seemed to be mostly boys.

We ended up holding him back in 5th grade (for reasons that have nothing to do with this topic) and now, at age 16 in 10th grade, he's about average in both age and size.

 

[Poohnatic]

The concept of holding back just for sports is a poor reason, IMO.

I can understand the late birthday rationale. My older brother is a November b'day and cutoff where we lived was 12/1. He did kindergarten on time, was promoted, but my mom said there was no way he could handle first grade. That was extremely smart. He had undiagnosed learning disabilities that didn't shake out until the end of his 'encore' kindergarten year.

Here in Florida, we've got a 9/1 cutoff. For a half second I contemplated holding younger son back. He's the smallest and youngest in his class. Academically, he's fine. Socially, he got the helping his brother didn't, so I'm glad that I didn't hold him back.

It's gotta be hard if your child starts on time and their peers are old enough to drive, shave, etc. there's already enough peer pressure and issues to add that to the mix.

Suzanne

 

[rileyroosmom]

My case is a little different. My son has an April birhtday and we sent him to school on schedule, kindergarten at 5. Through pre school he struggeled with fine motor skills, I wasn't concerned. Kindergarten, he was one of the ones not catching on, struggling a little. First grade, struggled but was given extra help in reading and math. I was a little concerned, but I excepted he'd never be at the top of his class and learning would be something he'd have to work at. That summer we moved from NY to Georgia. Here the cut off is Sept.1 instead of Dec. 31st we were used to. He started 2nd grade and after the 1st week I got a call saying he really needed to go back to 1st grade. We struggled with this decision and in the end we decided it would be best for him so back to 1st he went.
Many people here do hold their kids back due to the earlier cut off date. I see the problem when it comes to sports. A child is placed on the team according to grade level. He is in 2nd grade but technically should be 3rd. We put him on a 3/4th grade team so he can play with kids his age, but this leads to not knowing anyone, his school friends are in 2nd. He fits in socially with both levels and is of average height (surprising he is not the largest in his class),
Anyway, now that I rambled, I think it's an individual decision, I did my thesis in college on this, and studies showed it is best not to be the youngest in a class.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

DD's Birthday is 2 weeks before the cutoff date. We put her in 3yr. old preschool last year. Then, when it was time to register, we discussed it with her teacher. She really thought DD would thrive, if we had her repeat 3yr. again this year, because she would be the oldest. It worked and she is definitely a leader this year. The difference is huge.

I agonized over this decision, but in the end I reminded myself that if she had been born 2 WEEKS later she would have been in this class anyway.

 

[JVL1018]

DS will be 5 this September. He has to be 5 by 10/1/06 to start K, so he is eligible..but he's not going.
It would be easier for me to send him, he and DD would be at the same school and it would save me $3000 a year for PreK..but we can't do it and feel good about our decision.

His preschool teachers think it's best to hold him back, my friends(3 of whom are teachers 3rd,4th and 6th) all say to hold him back.
We just don't think he's ready.

My daughter started K this year at almost 6(her bday is in October so she just missed the cutoff) and she is doing wonderfully--and I think that has to do with being older.

I wouldn't hold my son back unless he was within 2 months of the cutoff. August or September birthdays.

Friends sent their daughter to K this year against the advice of her preschool teachers-she turned 5 in September-and the Dad told my husband recently that they regret sending her-she does the work but it does not come easily, she gets moody and cranky after a day at school, it just would have been better to wait.

On the flip side, if my daughter had been born in Septemebr rather than October I would have sent her last year, I think she would have been ready.

I still feel bad not sending him next year..it's not an automatic response for us, it's been after much careful thought.
We want to give him the best start we can.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I should of but didnt at first. My sons b-day is 10-3 and the cutoff date at the time was 10-15. He did ok in K & 1st but started to struggle really bad in 2nd and 3rd grade. Once in third we decide to hold him back. He just wasnt as mature as the other kids andwas having a hard time. Now he is 13 and in 7th grade. He went from being the younger one in his class to know one of the older ones.

Now the cutoff date has cnaged to 10-1.

My 6yo 1st grade has a late August birthday and was fine. I will have to see with my younger 2 when the time comes. one is 8/26 and the other is 9/1. ( My 4 kids were all born between 8/19 and 10/3)

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I know alot of people say that Sports is a huge reason, but I can't say I know of anybody who made that decision due to sports.

My oldest son has an August birthday. We didn't hold him back but I spent alot of those early elementary years hearing "your son is quite intelligent, but he just isn't as mature as....." Then I had to go through his beginning High School year where he was barely 14 years old, hanging out with 18 year old Seniors. That was not fun.

My middle son has a July birthday and there was no question that he would be held back. He has hearing loss and his verbal skills were delayed. That extra year was a huge benefit to him. He isn't the oldest in his class however, he fits right in with everybody else. However, after my experience with his older brother, I would have held him back regardless.

I mean, kids go into Kindergarten now expected to sit for hours, be able to read and compute simple Math functions and all sorts of stuff.

Sorry, but many 5 year olds just are not ready for that - they just haven't matured enough yet and they need that year.

 

[castleview]

In CT, the cutoff is Dec. 31st. We held DD6 and DD4 back because their birthdays are Sept. and Oct. I had several teachers in my family recommend it and it seems to be good so far. Although I wasn't worried about kindergarten readiness, I was worried about her hitting a snag in 5th or 6th grade. DH was Dec and held back and he thinks it was the best thing that happened to him. My DS was Oct and put in. Academically, she did excellent. However, it was a social nightmare.

There are a lot of people who have done the same thing in my town and some who look at me like I have two heads. I even get the "well, my child is so intelligent we can't keep him back" comments . I just keep my head high and know I made the best decision for my kids.

 

[JVL1018]

Just wanted to add..I have never known anyone to hold their child back for a reason to do with sports! Wow-who knew? That's silly-how do you even know what they'll play..or IF they'll play?

Also about too many people holding their kids back..my daughter was the second child to turn 6 in the entire K of her school(the kids have a graph so we see)..and the boy who turned 6 before her was an early October birthday(she's 10/24) so there is no child in her grade at her school who was held back, it doesn't seem like a widespread issue here.

 

[golfgal]

When DS was at the Catholic school in town there were 68 kids in his grade (3 sections). They were split down the middle boys/girls. Of the 34 boys in his class there are about 5 that started "on time". There are about 7 girls that were held back, one had an Aug 31 birthday, completly understandable, the others were April, May, June, pushing it in my opinion. Two of them are Jan/Feb birthdays. Academically they are just fine, I can't figure out WHY they were held back. This one girl with the Jan birthday is turning 15 in a few days, unreal. She will be getting her drivers permit and driving in 8th grade.

A few years ago DH was thinking about taking a job with another company and it would have required a move. We seriously considered holding DS13 back then and having him repeat 5th grade. We talked to him about it and he was ok with that but we ended up not moving.

This is one decision that what others are doing DOES effect your decision. If I group DS13 with other 13 early 14 year olds, he is just fine socially (academically he is fine). You put him up against a bunch of 15 year olds and he seems really immature for obvious reasons.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

Held back DD8 just because I wanted to and thought whether she was ready or not, it would be in her best interest in the end (I have the good fortune of being a SAHM - I realize this decision is not that simple for many) - her birthday is in early fall, but that really had nothing to do with it. My SIL had held her older DD's back for same reason and she never regretted her decision, so I went by that at the time. I enjoyed my extra year with her and feel she will possibly be that much more mature.

It does not seem to be the norm here - it is mostly boys who have been held back because they were told they were not ready.

Since making the decision I have spoken with educators - both in the school and out (one was a retired teacher now working as a realtor) - the consensus has always been that it is a good move, if you can do it: they wish more parents did; and that in the end it can't possibly hurt.

 

[disykat]

While I don't know anyone who made the decision just for sports, I do know quite a few people who made the decision because they want their child to have a headstart at everything. In our area, the people that hold back for Spring birthdays (I'm not taking about people with birthdays within a month or two of the fall deadline - I'm talking about March, April, and May) are really high powered parents who have their children involved in everything.

We end up with classes that have a two year age span - with the parents of the year older high achievers pushing for more and more academics for their bored children and the young kids (those in the target age range for that class) feeling stupid for being the right age.

There's a huge difference between holding a child back so they will be on par with the other kids and holding them back so they will have an advantage over the other kids. We have lots of parents who do the latter.

 

[debster812]

DS is on the young side of the scale (June birthday, cutoff is Sept 30), but he has a couple of pals who are a few weeks younger. He's also 'smallish', not tiny, but a little shorter than most of his pals.

I don't know that many parents specifically hold kids back so that they will excel in sports, I think that might be something that just manifests itself over time. We're actually dealing with the flip side of that. My DS is an 8 year old 3rd grader, who is playing indoor soccer on a team of mostly 9 & 10 year old 4th graders. They're a little bigger, a little stronger, and more skilled. DS is being forced to work a bit harder to keep up, and the improvement he's shown has been great. His advantage right now is that he's smaller, and quick, and can squeeze in and around some of the bigger kids.

So I guess it goes both ways, and I do know folks who have held their kids back, but mostly for the emotional, maturity, or academic reasons, not for sports.