Do people hold back kids in your town?

[taximomfor4]

I am glad things are going ok for your DD but first she is a girl and girls do much better on average in this situation, second, she is the exception to the rule. Next year when she is in high school at age 12/13 she will be in classes with 18 and 19 year olds. I don't thing people understand what a HUGE difference this is. There is a HUGE difference between a 16 year old and an 18 year old. Hopefully your DD won't be bothered by not being able to go out with friends or not being able to date when all her friends are but usually that isn't the case. When she is 14 and a sophomore and all her friends are driving, dating and she is sitting home all weekend with nothing to do, will it still be ok with her? Each year is going to get a little harder, at least for most kids.

We certainly did go into the whole situation with our eyes completely open. But we also had to make a decision that would be appropriate at the time. As she moves upward in grade levels, we constantly re-evaluate. We are very aware that the time may come when we might have to either homeschool or pursue small private school. There are several in the area where grade-skipped kids end up. And DH encounters grade-skipped kids in the high school where he teaches. We carefully encourage social bonding with the kids from her Irish Dance school and Orchestra Camp. Even PSR. My biggest fear is not high school, to tell the truth...she has another year of junior high (7-8-9th) before high school...it is college.

But as parents who choose holding back or not holding back do, we carefully explore and evaluate, then choose a position and head towards it -- try to give as much support and encouragement as we can, and a strong sense of self esteem. I just mentioned her on this thread so that parents whose kids are 5 and in Kindergarten with 6 or 7 yr olds will hopefully realize that in the long run, it will probably still be fine. Heck, when I lived in a small French town, the things those kids learned at 6 years old really shocked me. It was a lot, and required diligence...but these kids DID it. Kids can do amazing amounts of learning when it is expected of them, apparently.

Beth

 

[barkley]

our public schools don't have a suggested start age for kindergarten-just a mimumum age requirement for attendance (and as i posted before the kids have to take an entrace exam to determine their placement-so from day one the kids know whose in the "smart k class" vs the "slow k class" ).

i gotta wonder how the kids who started "right on time" and then got moved ahead so they end up graduating at 16 fare when they hit college. i know it was hard in high school on some of the ones i went to school with (and those whose parents i know) in highschool-the girls whose parents would let them date found that none of the serious guys (who were interested in more than a semester "fling") would ask them out (did'nt want to encounter the "i'm 18 dating a minor" scenario), got chided a bit for being "the child" in the graduating class...but it seems it could get real odd when that 16 year old goes away to college (and going away seems to be THE THING TO DO these days-even if you have a top university a few miles down the road ) and is interacting socialy with young 20 somethings. seems like it could be a recipie for disaster.

dh and i have an interesting take on this. he's 6 1/2 years younger than me and had a friend during dh's highschool years that had been fast tracked (genius i.q.)such that the kid ended up at the same college i attended when he was 15. i remember the kid as being way out of his element and while he did well academicly being a total social misfit. dh remembers him being regarded among his age group as the smart kid who had so much more life experience and the "coolest college ideas for fun". dh now looks back and sez "my god, i can't believe the stuff he got us into-dangerous, stupid behaviours" (stuff that an 18/19 year old would have blown off as reckless if they had seen some of the "bone heads" at college doing it). but this kid was so eager to "fit in"-he went along with it.
he did manage to get his bachelors and master by age 21/22 but could'nt find any work in his chosen field (employers wanted someone with more maturity and "life experience") and did a major crash and burn. found at age 22 the friends his age were finishing up their college and the "friends" from college were into their careers/starting families. he kind of got socialy stuck out in the cold.

 

[darrose]

While skipping grades does happen it seems to be much more rare than holding kids back these days. I think I know one child in our school district who was skipped ahead, but could list tons more children who were held back. The current trend is defintely more children being held back than skipped ahead.

We sent our children to school within our school district guidelines. So not all of out out there are holding their kids back for some kind of extra year advantage.

Though I guess it would be a bonus of having your child enter college at 19 which means they are home longer for you to enjoy.

 

[buddy&wooz]

i gotta wonder how the kids who started "right on time" and then got moved ahead so they end up graduating at 16 fare when they hit college.

Well, I guess we're about to find out next fall!

Seriously, you do raise some valid points. Things like dating and driving are huge parts of HS life, and not something to take lightly. In fact when my son was advanced at age 7 I was warned that the drivers license thing would be a Big Deal- and they were right, to a point. Sure it bugs him, but he's handling it very well.

But my son has had all kinds of support over the years, and he's a (brag on) well adjusted mature kid. He's always been a bit ahead socially than his age-peers, and that's why this works. I have another son who academically may have done just as well had he skipped a grade- but he doesn't have the maturity to deal with older kids, never has. And he's one of the older kids in his class with a December birthday! There's just no one rule for all kids, even within a family.

But like I said, the social issues are valid ones, and they come into play for kids held back a year and for kids skipped a year, they're just different issues. I guess what matters is that the parents really make sure they're making the choices for the right reasons, keep their eyes open, and be aware of the pitfalls- support at home can make all the difference.

 

[buddy&wooz]

While skipping grades does happen it seems to be much more rare than holding kids back these days. I think I know one child in our school district who was skipped ahead, but could list tons more children who were held back.

This is true- in fact I wasn't aware of any other students in our district who were advanced a grade other than my son, until this year I heard two 1st graders were advanced (although I don't know any details.)

Though I guess it would be a bonus of having your child enter college at 19 which means they are home longer for you to enjoy.

I'd have to say that's the biggest drawback of my son going away to college at 17- I'm really going to miss him .

 

[mum4jenn]

Exactly. If immaturity is such a problem, why not move up the cut off date?

I also wonder if some of the kids that "old" for their grade have the problem with boredom in the classroom?

My dd is one of those that is "old" for her class but she was not held back. (I posted earlier that the cut-off is Sept 1st and her BD is Sept 6th) She is always the oldest in her class and lots of kids make fun and say she was held back. She has always acted very mature for her age and has always been smart(NOT just my opinion!!) She knew the alphabet by 18 months....She was the only kindergartner that could read and lots of other things were learned way ahead of her classmates. She is also an only child so she does not play alot...she reads and like learning things...likes discovery channel and history channel. Thank goodness her Kindergarten teacher recommended her to be tested for gifted!! I think she would be terribly bored if it wasn't for the challenge classes she goes to. I had thought at one time about looking into the skipping a grade but now this year she has made lots of friends and all the gifted kids are grouped into two rooms so these will be the kids she has most interaction with the rest of her school days so I would not dream of changing that now.

When she is in middle school she will be 12,13,14 and will graduate high school only a few months before she turns 19!!

Even if her birthday had been Sept 1st(I WISH) or August there is no way I would have held her back.However...I have a niece that had an Aug 23rd BD and she started on time but ended up repeating Kindergarten. BUT....she struggled her whole school career and barely graduated and still struggles. I don't think her BD has ANYTHING to do with it though...she just never was as smart as some kids.

 

[Pinnie]

Pinnie, I am not sure I understand what your are saying. Does your school district always recomend spring children to be held back? Does the state give your school district more grant money for the held back children in that ECP program? And could it be that the kindergarten is doing first grade work because really most children in that class should be in first grade age wise? (ie. is it easier to teach the older child things because really they should be in the grade above so doing the grade below is easy?)

Also, does the skills children learn in school...are they age based or based on first grade, 2nd grade?
For example, say tieing one shoes is it a skill that teachers want to have in place by the end of first grade. Is it the case that its easier to teach the 7 year old to ties his shoe, but that skill (on average) really should have been in place a year agofor the average child. Where as the six year old takes more of your teaching time to learn this skill, but its an age apporiate skill?

On the contrary, my district does NOT recommend children with SPRING birtdays be held back. IF parents are holding them back, we recommend further testing for other issues such as a language delay, etc.

Right now our state if funding our Young 5s program until we can somehow get our legislators to change our Kindergarten entry age to either Sept. 1 or earlier. Our state is also looking to fund MSRP (MI School Readiness Program) for ALL pre-k families that desire a preschool experience.

ECP is funded by the state and federal government. IT requires a disability and an IEP to qualify.

Our kindergarten is "literacy based" and children come out of it reading. That is the goal of our district and soon to be entire state in line with NCLB standards.

As to tying shoes......today I had only 1 kid with laces....most are now wearing Velco and slip ons!

Kindergarten is VERY different from when MY sons went through the program. Back then it was "developmental" but it seems as though society has pushed the schools into doing MORE so now we have this on our plate.

pinnie

 

[darrose]

Ahh, Pennie, thanks for the clarification!
Tying shoes was the only think I could think of this morning to use as an example of something kinda non academic that might be taught for that age group.
I remember LOVING velcro shoes for the kids when they were little. LOL

 

[castleview]

I wish this would work in reverse as well. Our cutoff date is sept 1st and dd's birthday is Sept 6th. She is always the oldest in her class and lots of kids think she was held back. She was ready for school and I wish they would have made an exception since it was just 5 days. She is in gifted classes and has always been mature for her age.

But it seems obvious that being the oldest in her class has benefitted her...just my thoughts from what you've said about how well she's doing.

 

[Crankyshank]

In my family we had both situations occur. I could read at a 3rd grade level at 4 when it was time for kindergarten testing. I had no preschool and was an only child at the time and only grandchild. I was a 12/29 birthday with a school district with a 12/31 cut off. My parents were encouraged to put me into school for academic reasons. I was 1 of 2 December birthdays that wasn't held back so in my class of 17 there was over a year age difference between myself and some of the students. Academically I did fine. Being one of the tallest kids and the only kid that could read at that point was a little bit hard for a shy kid because I stood out. In my case I really should have been sent to preschool first and should have stayed home a year before college because that was when the maturity issues with my age were apparent the most.

The district changed its cutoff date to 9/1 to match the surrounding areas. I have 2 younger siblings that were both sent to preschool (DB with a 10/6 birthday, DSis with a 10/26 birthday). My brother was sent on to school turning 6 a month after school started and did fine - good athlete, popular, average grades.

Dsis was held back a year for maturity issues. She turned 19 2months after graduation. She is a shining example of why holding a child back can be a great example - popular, athletic, stellar student, no maturity issues at all throughout school and college. She regularly had friends and boyfriends over a year younger and it wasn't an issue at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you really need to evaluate the child on several levels before making a decision and not let anyone pressure you because what worked out for X won't necessarily work out for you.