Do I need a lawyer?

[daisax]

If she's that much under the thumb of her husband, this may be the husband's way of making her give up custody by forcing the issue. Then you come in and complain, the court finds in your favor, you get the kid, and YOU'RE the bad guy (in their eyes) who took away her child.

If he's that bad, your son is better off out of that household, so it may work out for the best regardless.

For those quibbling about the 10 miles, the way these things go with some people is that of COURSE she's going to say she'll do all the driving (because the court will insist on it). Until she doesn't feel like it one day, and he has a test, so she has him call Daddy. And that becomes frequent. Or there's an after school sport he wants to play, but she says no because of the driving, and tells him if his father won't drive him, then he can't play, and he can blame dad, etc. etc.

 

[disfan07]

And again, that was a minor comment in a long, well-stated thread about a major custody agreement matter. It was presented as an "oh, and by the way..." afterthought - hence the use of parentheses.

He's not joyful about it by any means; he just 'oh by the way wouldn't mind'.

Just my opinion, but it would be great if more people in this thread would focus more on the problem presented by the OP, and less on a throwaway comment he made.

Ah...but this is the DIS...the most minor insignificant comments create the most interesting responses and posts.

I did not take the OPs comment to mean that the would PURPOSEFULLY do something to "stick it" to his ex wife or something that would harm his child in anyway. It sounds like he is a wonderful father and I applaud him for being so involved in his childs life. It was just an honest thought of his but I highly doubt in a harmful way. People are just being overly sensitive about this.

The OP has explained the background to this whole situation and I understand his frustration. If she blocked him moving 10 miles away, why should she be allowed to? Especially if it means a different school district?

For everyone who posted about the "stick it" comment...what would your advice to him be if he had NOT added that comment?

OP...I hope this gets resolved quickly for you.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I think it is glaringly obvious which posters on this thread have been through nasty custody battles and which ones have no idea what they are like.

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I haven't been - but I have a sibling who has and can absolutely empathize with the OP.

arthur06, I'm on your side. I can't give you any legal advice or specifics of that situation - but feel free to PM me any time.

 

[LilyWDW]

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I haven't been - but I have a sibling who has and can absolutely empathize with the OP.

arthur06, I'm on your side. I can't give you any legal advice or specifics of that situation - but feel free to PM me any time.

I have not posted on this thread yet, because kaytieeldr has pretty much said exactly what I would say.

Arthur06, I hope and wish you the best.

 

[arthur06]

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I haven't been - but I have a sibling who has and can absolutely empathize with the OP.

arthur06, I'm on your side. I can't give you any legal advice or specifics of that situation - but feel free to PM me any time.

Thanks, I appreciate all the support.

I know to some people its only 10 miles, but to me its the fact that have followed the rules and fought for every second I have with my son.

Instead of being the bad guy that "wouldn't mind sticking it to my ex", how about a few people view me as the father that fought to have the equal opportunity to raise his son in a "broken home" situation.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I haven't been - but I have a sibling who has and can absolutely empathize with the OP.

arthur06, I'm on your side. I can't give you any legal advice or specifics of that situation - but feel free to PM me any time.

I am so sorry that your sibling has had to deal with that. It must make you feel so helpless to watch them go through it and not be able to do anything.

My ex and I are very close friends - in fact he just left our home today after spending 4 days with us for Christmas so he could be with his girls. DH's ex on the other hand is the stereotypical nightmare ex who has pulled every trick in the book to screw over DH in and out of court. It's not pretty and the kids are the ones that suffer.

I applaud arthur06 for standing up for his child and for his own parental rights.

Thanks, I appreciate all the support.

I know to some people its only 10 miles, but to me its the fact that have followed the rules and fought for every second I have with my son.

Instead of being the bad guy that "wouldn't mind sticking it to my ex", how about a few people view me as the father that fought to have the equal opportunity to raise his son in a "broken home" situation.

No, most of us totally get that. You are trying to follow the rules that the court set up in the best interest of your child. Your ex thinks the rules don't apply to her. Please keep us updated.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Instead of being the bad guy that "wouldn't mind sticking it to my ex", how about a few people view me as the father that fought to have the equal opportunity to raise his son in a "broken home" situation.

You've got that support from several of us.

Posters should consider how many times the fathers are out of the picture by choice, or only see their kids once a week and every other weekend - and compare those much more common custody situations to the OP's very involved one (alternating weeks) before criticizing an aside he made.

And nobody's answered daisax's question yet: if he hadn't thrown in 'that' line, how would you critics have replied to him?

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

You've got that support from several of us.

OP, I have thankfully not been through what you are going through, and I have no legal advice for you. But you are in my thoughts and prayers.

My only advice (already stated by several) is to follow the agreement to the letter and require your ex to do the same. People may say it is "only 10 miles", but tacit agreement to the move might result in your child going to a different school without your consent. It's a slippery slope once you start moving away from what is legally enforceable. I think you wouldn't want to allow a precedent that gives your ex latitude to make up her own rules.

 

[Marionnette]

OP, I'll admit that the "stick it to" the ex comment made me bristle. But I understand your feelings. My brother divorced last year. He and his ex share physical custody of the kids as per their child custody agreement. Each of them has the kids 50% of the time. He has a calendar just to keep track of when he had them so that she doesn't come back at him for "dumping" the kids on her for too long (her words).

There are times that he would like to "stick it" to her as well. In fact, I would get a small amount of satisfaction if he could "stick it" to her without hurting the kids.

One thing that he insisted on as a part of their seperation and then divorce was that she had to maintain a residence in their school district. In fact, after she moved out and took the kids while he was out of town, she relocated to a town that was more than 20 miles away. She drove the kids to school during that time, but they were chronically late. This just reinforced the need for her to live within the district for the children's own good.

I'm totally behind you on this, OP. If you haven't contacted your lawyer yet, it would be a good idea. He can show you the best direction to take, whether it be just discussing it with her yourself or having a strongly worded letter sent to her via your lawyer.

I hope this works out in the best possible way for your son. Good luck.

 

[Tink-aholic]

If she's that much under the thumb of her husband, this may be the husband's way of making her give up custody by forcing the issue. Then you come in and complain, the court finds in your favor, you get the kid, and YOU'RE the bad guy (in their eyes) who took away her child.

If he's that bad, your son is better off out of that household, so it may work out for the best regardless.

For those quibbling about the 10 miles, the way these things go with some people is that of COURSE she's going to say she'll do all the driving (because the court will insist on it). Until she doesn't feel like it one day, and he has a test, so she has him call Daddy. And that becomes frequent. Or there's an after school sport he wants to play, but she says no because of the driving, and tells him if his father won't drive him, then he can't play, and he can blame dad, etc. etc.

I read this comment and it really hit home to me...and I want to quote it so it doesn't get lost among the others.

Stepdad sounds like a jerk. It isn't his business to be preventing OP and his ex from discussing their OWN CHILD.

This could all just be a plan to get the child out of the house and forget about the 50/50 split and all that forsluggin' communication that goes along with it...

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks, I appreciate all the support.

I know to some people its only 10 miles, but to me its the fact that have followed the rules and fought for every second I have with my son.

Instead of being the bad guy that "wouldn't mind sticking it to my ex", how about a few people view me as the father that fought to have the equal opportunity to raise his son in a "broken home" situation.

OP I do understand you wanting to follow the rules. A few years ago I was you. I followed every rule and he followed none. My custody agreement states that he was to pay CS and have insurance for her. It also stated that we have to notify the court or a new adress within 10 days of moving. It also states that we have to ask the court if we can move out of the county...plus a lot of other rules. I followed all of them. He followed none. He moved out of state w/o telling anyone. He stoppped paying on health insurance...something I found out about when we went to the ER and got a nice bill. When I went to court I was told since he wasn't able to get Ins I HAD to or be in comtempt (I wasn't even working at the time). So yes I get it.

 

[MineMail]

I think your only real concern should be the son's school and district. Our school districts are wacky because of population, so I'm zoned for a high school five miles from my house, but the students within walking distance of the school are zoned for a HS miles away!

Our school district is lenient about transfer requests, so most people just ask for a variance and it's granted. That may be the case with your ex's new house. I know of people who have 50/50 custody and live in different areas - they just agreed on one school and that's the one the kid attends. The school system worked with them to make sure the kid's in a stable, productive environment. That's what really matters!

I agree with the person who said to calmly talk about the new house with your ex when your son's not around. Your only concern should be what impact the move will have on your son's schooling and your custody agreement. Unless it's going to impact those things, you really have nothing to complain about.

If you're going to be a PITA about "The Agreement," it's going to come back to haunt you in the end. They'll look for things that you do that are in violation of "The Agreement" and it'll turn into a pissing match. I hate to say it, but YOU have to take the high road, even if it hurts. Your son will only be young for so long, so don't make his childhood miserable. I've seen the dad's side of the "nasty divorce" fence three times with good friends and family members. It's not pretty, but an eye for an eye doesn't work. Be firm and focus on what's important: your son. A good friend of mine joined a Dad's support group in his area and found out how to manage a similar situation, even though he wasn't the custodial parent.

You should be very supportive of your son and the move because he's probably feeling a little nervous. Don't add to his anxiety by complaining about this in front of him - get him something for his "new room" like a desk lamp or a poster.

 

[hereyago]

I


If you're going to be a PITA about "The Agreement," it's going to come back to haunt you in the end. They'll look for things that you do that are in violation of "The Agreement" and it'll turn into a pissing match. I hate to say it, but YOU have to take the high road, even if it hurts. Your son will only be young for so long, so don't make his childhood miserable.

.

No offense, but have you read the ENTIRE thread? His ex was a PITA when he wanted to move and was like no you can't move, but then when SHE wants to move it's ok? people can't have it both ways.

When people break up with kids, they want Oh no boyfriends, gfs there, but when they get a a so, the rules have to change to suit them, come on.

As for the son's childhood being miserable, I think it may be because of the step dad's temper in front of the child.

 

[seashoreCM]

For those quibbling about the 10 miles, the way these things go with some people is that of COURSE she's going to say she'll do all the driving (because the court will insist on it). Until she doesn't feel like it one day, and he has a test, so she has him call Daddy. And that becomes frequent. Or there's an after school sport he wants to play, but she says no because of the driving, and tells him if his father won't drive him, then he can't play, and he can blame dad, etc. etc.

Then Daddy brings him from after school sports to Daddy's house and Mommy had to come get him if it was Mommy's time for custody. Also for each and every occurrence Daddy writes a letter to his attorney "for information only".

After just a few occurrences it is time to request either a contempt charge or leave (permission) to hold DS at Daddy's house past the Friday custody changeover to better ensure punctual arrival at a Saturday sports meet.

If this gets out of hand Daddy can put in a request for full custody where at first the primary purpose of this request is to make heads upstairs roll.

No offense, but have you read the ENTIRE thread?

Psst! It is acceptable netiquette to reply without having read the ENTIRE thread of several pages.
.

 

[arthur06]

You should be very supportive of your son and the move because he's probably feeling a little nervous. Don't add to his anxiety by complaining about this in front of him - get him something for his "new room" like a desk lamp or a poster.

I am pretty sure that they wouldn't allow something that I buy to be in "their" home. He isn't even allowed to bring his DSi from our house to their house.

 

[hereyago]

Psst! It is acceptable netiquette to reply without having read the ENTIRE thread of several pages.
.

Only if you want to be misinformed and make yourself look like an bafoon,lol.

I find it always helpful to read everything then make a statement as to not repeat what others have written or to just go from the first post and write without reading the "whole story".

 

[neffernie]

DH and I are in a similar situation. His ex-wife moved without giving us notice though the agreement said she couldn't move more than 50 miles away. She is now 2 counties away and we are in the middle of another custody dispute. DD12 says they have to leave her mom's house at 6:45 on Monday after her weekend with her to get to school by 9am. We live in Tampa and if anyone is familiar with I75 and I275 in the morning, they can be a pain.

Talk to your lawyer. Be patient. Stay calm.

Even if nothing comes from it, you at least have documentation in case it is needed later.

BTW: we weren't even the ones to reopen the dispute. She was since it was such a pain to drive the kid to school and pick her up 6 days a month. As noncustodial parent she can't change DD's school.

 

[seashoreCM]

Yet another approach is having Mom get your permission each and every week to remove DS from the school district, as if going on vacation.

This does need the lawyer:
1. To see if this idea fits in with the custody agreement as it stands,
2. To see whether it is better to draw it up right away versus wait until after Mom moved and after some kind of problem developed.

Even though Mom should be responsible for added transportation, you should agree before the lawyer that both of you should report the same transportation expenses when figuring out who pays the other for a bit of child support and figuring out who get the child dependent tax exemption.

 

[Kat77]

I can not believe some of the comments here. The OP followed the agreement even when it did not fit with his wishes while his ex is attempting to violate their custody agreement in a sneaky manner over the same issue.

Arthur- I second the advice to hire a mediator and work with the mother outside of court if possible. It will look better if you do have to take it in front of a judge for resolution. Good Luck!

 

[zurgswife]

Arthur I've read the entire thread. I agree that if you just let it go then you have agreed to the move without agreeing....Talk to your lawyer.