Do I need a lawyer?

[arthur06]

I need a little help. My lawyers office is closed already for the holiday, as is the courthouse. In 2006 my ex and I went to court over custody of my son. In 2007, the judge made his ruling on the case. It included a full 50/50 split to time with my son. I have him 26 weeks per year, as does she. I pay a very small amount of child support and all his medical. One of the stipulation to joint custody was that we both maintained residence within the town that he went to school in. Its a town of about 30,000 so it's not overly tiny.

My son came over today to say that she bought a house out of town, about 10 miles away. Which is a violation of the court judgement. She (and her husband) have been terrible through all of this, and I want to protect my rights as well as my sons (and sticking it to her wouldn't be bad either).

How do I proceed if she is in contempt of court? Do I need to have my lawyer involved or do I simply just go to the courthouse and file one on my own?

She doesn't close on the house until February, so I am just getting all the info and knowledge before that point.

 

[tasha99]

A lawyer isn't the sort of counselor I think you need.

 

[Robinrs]

You said you already have a lawyer. Wait until his office opens and contact him.

Will she be taking him out of his school district? This can be an issue though 10 miles sounds like across the street to me.

You have time, she knows the rules, handle your business.

 

[kathie859]

Just a hunch--but it seems to me the issue would be if he were changing schools.
That puts a burden on you. Do you think that's her intent--to make your custody a pain?

If he's staying in the same school--then its a big "so what?" to me.

Good luck and kudos for remaining so involved in your son's life.

 

[MrsPete]

Ten miles out of town? That's what? 5-10 minutes more in the car? Nothing. The distance is not going to prevent you from seeing the child, and that's what this type of stipulation aims to prevent. She hasn't broken the agreement; she's still in the area.

If it's true that they've been "terrible" throughout this, you can only rile people up by complaining about this non-issue. You sound like you're telling the truth when you say that you want to "stick it to her". Your rights haven't been violated.

If you (and his mother) want to do what's best for your son, you'll work on getting along with one another. You're setting the example he'll follow as an adult.

 

[bemily]

Hi Arthur..

I think before proceeding you should find out if she plans to change your son's school. If not, then I would say it would not be an issue and let things be. If she is, then I would contact your lawyer next week when the office is open.

I am newly divorced and chose to move 22 miles from my children's school, but kept my kids in the same school so as to not put them through any more change at the moment (private school in a big city, so it doesnt matter what town I live in). Their dad was not supportive at all and I know my kids felt it, so keep that in mind when talking about it all with your son.

Good luck!

 

[Tink-aholic]

Ten miles out of town? That's what? 5-10 minutes more in the car? Nothing. The distance is not going to prevent you from seeing the child, and that's what this type of stipulation aims to prevent. She hasn't broken the agreement; she's still in the area.

If it's true that they've been "terrible" throughout this, you can only rile people up by complaining about this non-issue. You sound like you're telling the truth when you say that you want to "stick it to her". Your rights haven't been violated.

If you (and his mother) want to do what's best for your son, you'll work on getting along with one another. You're setting the example he'll follow as an adult.

I agree with this.

You get to choose...is this the hill upon which you want to die? It will cost a lot of time and money (not to mention sore feelings) to take this to court, and she might just get the proverbial "slap on the wrist" or you might get laughed right out of the building. That is time and money that could be spent on your (COMBINED -- he isn't just "your") son.

No one ever said co-parenting would be easy, but she isn't trying to move across the country (or out of it). Other parents have had to suck up much worse for the good of their kids.

Good luck.

 

[DVCLiz]

Call your lawyer when his or her office reopens. Find out exactly what is happening and what your divorce agreement is. Then make each party stick to it unless it is changed in front of a judge.

Once a couple is divorced there is no such thing as "choosing your battles" - you will be much better off in the long run if you stick to the agreement.

Now, what you CAN do is agree to have the decree amended to include her new residence. But I would never, ever just let it happen in the interest of being a "good guy." You need it in writing.

The "stick it to her" part is something I can understand - I felt the same way on many occasions. I will say that being the better person paid off in the long run, not only with adults but with my children as well.

But, get everything in writing if it deviates from your original arrangment in any way.

 

[kim929]

I have this same stipulation in my divorce. I would talk to your ex. see what her plans are. Is she going to keep your son in the same school and use your address or did she think that she would change schools.
In my case, the judge would not take the children out of their schools. It wasn't cheap for this discussion. As someone else said, is this really worth fighting over. It's not like she is moving across country.

eta: the custody agreement then went from shared time to every weekend and school vacations instead of half the week

 

[Leajess99]

I would talk to your ex and find out her thoughts. If she refuses to talk to you than I would definitely get your lawyer involved. If it is a hardship than I would also rquest that the pickup location would be no more than the mileage of the previous pickup/dropoff location.

If you are unable to afford a lawyer than you may want to check with legal aid to see if you qualify. Good luck. Just keep doing your best with your son and try to keep him out of the middle. It is hard but if she is making things problematic, your child will see it for themself.

 

[Jey12]

First I would talk to her when your son isn't around. Ask if they plan on keeping him in the same school. If they do, problem solved, money saved on a lawyer and carry on. A population of 30k to me really isn't that big of a city. Usually cities that size have a decent amount of outlying rural areas and it's really not that big of deal to have a little extra drive. I can't imagine where she'd want to change schools with him, because that's going to cause an issue for the other half of the year he's with you. I think on this one you're just going to have to put on your big boy pants and tell her congrats on the new home. As long as your son's school stays the same I don't see where there's an issue? I live in an area where the metro area has a population of all of the different cities combined of 2 million. We even border another state and I have friends that have joint custody where their ex living in another state is a non issue. I doubt the court is going to give you much support over a 10 mile change of address.

 

[Leajess99]

I have this same stipulation in my divorce. I would talk to your ex. see what her plans are. Is she going to keep your son in the same school and use your address or did she think that she would change schools.
In my case, the judge would not take the children out of their schools. It wasn't cheap for this discussion. As someone else said, is this really worth fighting over. It's not like she is moving across country.

eta: the custody agreement then went from shared time to every weekend and school vacations instead of half the week

That seems wrong if the other parent did nothing wrong. I would be pissed and fighting if my ex and I had shared custody and he got to move with the kids and I lost my shared custody.

ETA: Thankfully I do not have this situation as my ex has proven to the judge what an idiot he really is by admitting to biting our child.

 

[wenrob]

You want to take her to court over 10 miles? Really?

 

[DVCLiz]

You want to take her to court over 10 miles? Really?

It's not really about the distance. It's about the amending of a legal agreement. If you had a legal agreement with someone, how would you feel if the other party changed it without your knowledge? That's what this is. It's not a case of being the nice guy. The OP CAN be a nice guy by agreeing to change the original court order, but he would be foolish not to have it in writing.

 

[java]

Merry Christmas

Call your lawyer on Monday. Address it then. If she wants to amend your agreement she has to do that legally before just moving. But let it go in your heart. Don't try to stick it to her. Rise above it. Just handle yourself legally. Remember sticking it to her means sticking it to your son too. (her attitude from your sticking it to her may impact your son)
And I am assuming you have verified the information on the move.

 

[Leajess99]

Merry Christmas

Call your lawyer on Monday. Address it then. If she wants to amend your agreement she has to do that legally before just moving. But let it go in your heart. Don't try to stick it to her. Rise above it. Just handle yourself legally. Remember sticking it to her means sticking it to your son too. (her attitude from your sticking it to her may impact your son)
And I am assuming you have verified the information on the move.

He will probably have to wait until Tuesday as Monday is a Federal Holiday so no mail or banks or government offices and probably no lawyers either. When a federal holiday falls on a Sunday than the Monday is observed as the Federal Holiday. It will be the same for New Years as Jan 2nd will be observed as the Federal Holiday.

 

[seashoreCM]

Is she willing to chauffeur DS to and from school for her days of custody?

Not expecting him to stand by the window watching for the car?

And at the times needed in case he wants to do after school sports?

Will the school keep him enrolled even though he is spending half the time in another town?

Is she willing to hand write a letter requesting you to keep him overnight on one of her custody nights each and every time that should happen (no photocopies or printer output)?

 

[4under4]

It's not really about the distance. It's about the amending of a legal agreement. If you had a legal agreement with someone, how would you feel if the other party changed it without your knowledge? That's what this is. It's not a case of being the nice guy. The OP CAN be a nice guy by agreeing to change the original court order, but he would be foolish not to have it in writing.

Agreed! It's a slippery slope if OP does nothing, and the next unauthorized change could be much more significant. The ex's address isn't really the issue, it's whether or not she follows the rules to make it happen.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

(Been there, done that.)

1) Talk to your lawyers next week when their office opens.
2) Nothing can be done this weekend.
3) Don't let anything get to you, until after a lawyer talk.

4) Regardless of outcome, any change needs to be in writing.
5) Could be among lawyers, or officially through the court.
6) But, don't let agreements "just happen".
7) Once contracts are informally changed, it sets a precedent.
8) In the future, this could spell disaster for other matters.

NOTE: Personally, I would try to get a side addendum through the
lawyers. As long as the kid doesn't change schools, I doubt it will
be worth the cost to litigate. It is ONLY ten miles. Besides, the
marriage is over. Try to get along. Bitterness between ex's solves
nothing. The only people who benefit from fights between ex's are
the lawyers. Squabbling ex's are the gift that keeps on giving. And,
usually the gifts are Mercedes, BMW's, and McMansions for your
lawyers.

 

[Swan4Me]

I live 12 miles from my Mom-there are 3 school districts in that 12 miles

Did the judgement say both parents have to live in the same school district? Cant imagine thta at all

10 miles is nothing-not worth the expense od fighting, IMO

I think the op is jealous that they are getting a new home and wants to "stick it to her"