Do I need a lawyer?

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

Arthur-
I have worked in the court system as a Guardian Ad Litem and also done much mediation work with families, here is my suggestion:

First, you are working off the comments of a child. Children can mis hear things and also misinterpret things. I would first ask that you get clarification as to what is REALLY taking place, the facts...I know you mentioned that you cannot speak to your ex in person, so I would suggest a certified letter to her (make copies of everything for yourself) ask her to clear up the matter. Don't be accusatory, just state that you would like to know the facts of the matter: is she moving? Where? When? if so, what are her intentions for school/ visitiation drop offs and pickups, etc. Again, don't be accusatory, simply ask her to make everything clear. I would ask on the letter that she please reply to you within 15 business days.

Second, DON'T BE ACCUSATORY!!! I know I have mentioned this a lot, but you really don't want to put someone on the defense when you really don't KNOW what the truth is. (yes, you have heard it from a third party, but you need the FACTS from the source) Just be very plain and simple and ask for clarification.

Second (again)- if you do not get a response within 15 business days, then I would suggest a mediator before a lawyer. Judges sincerely appreciate the use of mediators (it clears some room on their dockets) and it also shows that the participants that use mediators really are looking for an amicable solution in the best interest of the child while still maing everyone happy.

Third, if you get a reply and she is in fact moving and it will impact the school your child attends, or she does plan to ammend the custody agreement by moving or changing pick up and drop off locations etc, then I would suggest getting a mediator involved if you want to save the cost of a lawyer. A mediator will help everyone come to an agreement and also make sure everything is legal and put into writing.

Forth, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get everything in writing. No matter how small of a detail you might think something is at the time, it may have huge impacts on the future. I am glad to hear that you have many documents saved. I certainly find those items useful.

Also, you are correct, If you don't say anything about this move (if it is in fact true), then yes, it is seen by the courts as a mutual compliance to the custody agreement. Since you wanted to move years ago and she said no to you moving, she in fact strengthened the custody agreement by enforcing
her rights in that original agreement.

There is a lot more information to gather before you make any drastic phone calls or decisions about what to do. After you get the facts, then you can weigh your options and take action.

I wish you luck, I applaud any parent (regardless of gender) that is willing to step up and provide for their child.

 

[cheermom1]

Arthur-
I have worked in the court system as a Guardian Ad Litem and also done much mediation work with families, here is my suggestion:

First, you are working off the comments of a child. Children can mis hear things and also misinterpret things. I would first ask that you get clarification as to what is REALLY taking place, the facts...I know you mentioned that you cannot speak to your ex in person, so I would suggest a certified letter to her (make copies of everything for yourself) ask her to clear up the matter. Don't be accusatory, just state that you would like to know the facts of the matter: is she moving? Where? When? if so, what are her intentions for school/ visitiation drop offs and pickups, etc. Again, don't be accusatory, simply ask her to make everything clear. I would ask on the letter that she please reply to you within 15 business days.

Second, DON'T BE ACCUSATORY!!! I know I have mentioned this a lot, but you really don't want to put someone on the defense when you really don't KNOW what the truth is. (yes, you have heard it from a third party, but you need the FACTS from the source) Just be very plain and simple and ask for clarification.

Second (again)- if you do not get a response within 15 business days, then I would suggest a mediator before a lawyer. Judges sincerely appreciate the use of mediators (it clears some room on their dockets) and it also shows that the participants that use mediators really are looking for an amicable solution in the best interest of the child while still maing everyone happy.

Third, if you get a reply and she is in fact moving and it will impact the school your child attends, or she does plan to ammend the custody agreement by moving or changing pick up and drop off locations etc, then I would suggest getting a mediator involved if you want to save the cost of a lawyer. A mediator will help everyone come to an agreement and also make sure everything is legal and put into writing.

Forth, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get everything in writing. No matter how small of a detail you might think something is at the time, it may have huge impacts on the future. I am glad to hear that you have many documents saved. I certainly find those items useful.

Also, you are correct, If you don't say anything about this move (if it is in fact true), then yes, it is seen by the courts as a mutual compliance to the custody agreement. Since you wanted to move years ago and she said no to you moving, she in fact strengthened the custody agreement by enforcing
her rights in that original agreement.

There is a lot more information to gather before you make any drastic phone calls or decisions about what to do. After you get the facts, then you can weigh your options and take action.

I wish you luck, I applaud any parent (regardless of gender) that is willing to step up and provide for their child.

I agree with everything you said! the only thing though is that if he sends a letter and she is in fact moving out of town she is doing so KNOWING it is in violation of the CO. So i really don't think she will respond, however i think it is a good idea to send one and just ask to know if what son said is true. Sending the letter but knowing she will not respond. Sad but most likely she won't given the fact that she refused to let op move so she KNOWS that moving out of town is not allowed, so why would she respond? She may think that if she doesn't then after it is done will get to stay.

I can;t tell you how wrong this is. Sorry but op is getting a raw end of this deal! the ex can say nope you can;t move but then turns around and moves herself? She KNOWS what she is doing is wrong therefore not saying anything and I doubt she will respond to a letter or anything else. The sad part is the op has to try and ask one way or another to show he tried.

Op if I were you i;d call my lawyer when they open and have him take care of everything, and I understand where you are coming from when you said 'sticking it to her wouldn't be bad' the thing is that she PUT HERSELF in that position for what she did. Seems to me that she wants to do what she wants but still control you as well. NOT COOL!

 

[Princesca]

I'm sure multiple people have already said this, but I don't think being joyful over getting to "stick it to" your ex is a very good example to set for your child. You have a legitimate gripe if she's breaking the agreed-upon arrangement, but if you choose to pursue it (I'm not sure I'd bother over 10 miles) then at least please do it in as civil and subtle a way as possible under the circumstances.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm sure multiple people have already said this, but I don't think being joyful over getting to "stick it to" your ex is a very good example to set for your child. You have a legitimate gripe if she's breaking the agreed-upon arrangement, but if you choose to pursue it (I'm not sure I'd bother over 10 miles) then at least please do it in as civil and subtle a way as possible under the circumstances.

Yes that was not a the greatest of comments he could have made however the reason he is so upset is b/c he wanted to move 10 miles away himself and she refused! that is not right if she doesn't want him to move then she shouldn;t move either it is a control thing pure and simple and that is not a good example for her to setting for her son!

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Yes that was not a the greatest of comments he could have made however the reason he is so upset is b/c he wanted to move 10 miles away himself and she refused! that is not right if she doesn't want him to move then she shouldn;t move either it is a control thing pure and simple and that is not a good example for her to setting for her son!

Did he say he wanted to move 10 miles? He said earlier he wanted to move away and she blocked it but I don't think he said how far. He could have wanted to move 60 miles away and she blocked it.

 

[cheermom1]

Did he say he wanted to move 10 miles? He said earlier he wanted to move away and she blocked it but I don't think he said how far. He could have wanted to move 60 miles away and she blocked it.

I am pretty sure he said 10 miles or 10 mins. Will have to go look. But what does that matter anyway? He wanted to move she said no now she wants to move and she is keeping it quite. That is IF his son heard it right?

 

[cheermom1]

OP here....

Thanks for all the comments. Some I agree with, some I don't, but this is exactly why I posted this. I wanted to hear other thoughts and opinions and take the weekend to ponder what I want to do.

I have a court document that clearly states that "both parents must maintain residence within the xxxxx xxxx School District". I don't care at all that she moved (not jealous in any way). But in 2009, I asked her if I could move to a town that I graduated from and where my wife is from that is about 10 miles south of where we live. She clearly stated that it was a NO and she would never reconsider. She has now moved east 10 miles to another school district. I would love to live in my hometown area. Why should she get to move and I have to stay put. If I move, then its a problem, because we would both me out of the school district then.

I live 2 blocks from his current school and he can easily walk everyday.

I have him from Friday to the following Friday every other week. 7 consecutive nights, then 7 for his mom and so on...

We were never married. So it was not a divorce settlement, only a child custody issue.

Right there that is where he said he wanted to move 10 miles away too.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I'm sure multiple people have already said this, but I don't think being joyful over getting to "stick it to" your ex is a very good example to set for your child.

And again, that was a minor comment in a long, well-stated thread about a major custody agreement matter. It was presented as an "oh, and by the way..." afterthought - hence the use of parentheses.

He's not joyful about it by any means; he just 'oh by the way wouldn't mind'.

Just my opinion, but it would be great if more people in this thread would focus more on the problem presented by the OP, and less on a throwaway comment he made.

 

[arthur06]

And again, that was a minor comment in a long, well-stated thread about a major custody agreement matter. It was presented as an "oh, and by the way..." afterthought - hence the use of parentheses.

He's not joyful about it by any means; he just 'oh by the way wouldn't mind'.

Just my opinion, but it would be great if more people in this thread would focus more on the problem presented by the OP, and less on a throwaway comment he made.

As the OP, this is more along my line of thinking. It seems that many times people will elaborate the truth in an online chatting format to make one self look better. I posted an honest assessment of how I was feeling at the time, without getting into ALL the details of the past.

I could go on and on with the details of the past, but it really doesn't pertain to this issue.

 

[cheermom1]

As the OP, this is more along my line of thinking. It seems that many times people will elaborate the truth in an online chatting format to make one self look better. I posted an honest assessment of how I was feeling at the time, without getting into ALL the details of the past.

I could go on and on with the details of the past, but it really doesn't pertain to this issue.

Op i feel your pain and I understand where you are coming from as I am a step mom and have seen my dh go through crap like this with his ex all the time.

It is more of a control issue as it is anything b/c she wants to think that she is still in charge of your life and can call the shots. Which is why you need to not let it slide it is more of the principle then it is how far she is moving. Now IF she had not blocked your chance to move I could see where you might want to back off but the mere fact that she blocked you from doing the very same thing is the issue! She can't have her cake and eat it too!

 

[arthur06]

Op i feel your pain and I understand where you are coming from as I am a step mom and have seen my dh go through crap like this with his ex all the time.

It is more of a control issue as it is anything b/c she wants to think that she is still in charge of your life and can call the shots. Which is why you need to not let it slide it is more of the principle then it is how far she is moving. Now IF she had not blocked your chance to move I could see where you might want to back off but the mere fact that she blocked you from doing the very same thing is the issue! She can't have her cake and eat it too!

I think she likes to have control. My neighbor who works a couple of nights a week at a family owned steakhouse in town, said that her and her husband come in on occasion. When they come in, he will order for her and makes the decisions. I don't know if trying to control this part of her life is all she has left to control, so she tries to...

 

[seashoreCM]

It is 10 miles people. In a town of 30K it will take about 7 minutes of extra driving.

Heads up, people. It's more like 24 minutes of extra driving to go the extra mile, er, 10 miles.

If you also want to move, your ex could get DS into a school of her choice. Better to stay put and then you can keep DS where he is.

Let your lawyer know about this more for a "heads up" as opposed to a contempt charge against exDW. You might suggest to your lawyer at this time only a written acknowledgement (and affirmation) that exDW is to get DS to and from school, and also to deliver him and pick him up every Friday.

YOu may stand fast against helping on transportation.

Don't contact exDW regarding this. Let the lawyer make the contact. I want to say wait until a problem develops before asking questions but one reason for bringing it to your lawyer quickly is so that you don't lose your rights because you procrastinated.

Even better is re-affirming that the existing agreement remains in effect, with temporary permission to take DS out of the district.

 

[Blondiex46]

pick your battles, if it means moving him out of the school district that is one thing, and don't think you need your lawyer for contempt, in PA you don't, thik that was your question....

I think she likes to have control. My neighbor who works a couple of nights a week at a family owned steakhouse in town, said that her and her husband come in on occasion. When they come in, he will order for her and makes the decisions. I don't know if trying to control this part of her life is all she has left to control, so she tries to...

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I think it is glaringly obvious which posters on this thread have been through nasty custody battles and which ones have no idea what they are like.

OP - I feel for you. Your ex is all about controlling the situation. I would contact your attorney and have him send a letter to her attorney about her violation of the court order if she does move. The court order was put in place to protect the child's best interests. The judge who put the order in place would not be amused that your ex is pretty much thumbing her nose at the order.

We have been there and done that with DH's ex. It is nothing short of a nightmare. We have found though that if you give an inch, she takes a mile. I have a feeling your ex is the same way with her blatant disregard of the court order.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[pyrxtc]

I know my agreement says I need to give my ex notice of moving if I am moving more then 50 miles further from him. 60 days advance and he can contest it in court.

 

[cheermom1]

I think it is glaringly obvious which posters on this thread have been through nasty custody battles and which ones have no idea what they are like.

OP - I feel for you. Your ex is all about controlling the situation. I would contact your attorney and have him send a letter to her attorney about her violation of the court order if she does move. The court order was put in place to protect the child's best interests. The judge who put the order in place would not be amused that your ex is pretty much thumbing her nose at the order.

We have been there and done that with DH's ex. It is nothing short of a nightmare. We have found though that if you give an inch, she takes a mile. I have a feeling your ex is the same way with her blatant disregard of the court order.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I think you are so right! Been there from both ends my ex wanted custody just so he could let him mom raise them. He told me this! I told him over my dead body seeing as how he turned out..He is in prison and has been most of his adult life.

I seen it from my dh's side to the point the judge would laugh her out of the court room b/c of lies she would spill of why he shouldn't get to even have phone contact let alone see them. The biggest lie was when she said she had pics of doing umm "things" in front of the kids. He asked for the pics and her lawyer said she had to have a recess to get them. He again reminded her why they were there (only reason they were there in court was b/c of the pic it was an emergency hearing) she said she still had to get them. judge dismissed the case.

Now we didn't have to be in court only our lawyers so dh's called him to tell him he won. As soon as he hung up his ex called telling him that she won and that she will get his money and mine and he will never see his kids again! Dh told her that he just talked to his lawyer and he had won and he will get to see his kids. Which was all he was concerned about.

This was NOT the only time she tried to pull something like that, nor the last time she involved police or the courts or even cps. Not was targeted to my son, why i do not know.

But my point is this that you never really know what is really going on when someone posts something like this. He could be dealing with a complete idiot and only wants to see his kids. I also suspect the op was mainly doing some venting as well. I can see that as he may have been dealing with a lot of crap from her and may needed to get it off his chest too.

Op let us know what the lawyer says ok.

 

[tinkerbelletreasure]

I only read through the first page of replies, so forgive me if I duplicate some things that have already been said. IA with other's who's first gut reflex is, are you really getting bent out of shape over 10 miles? My husbands ex moved 2.5 hours away without giving us ANY notice!!
But on a more helpful and positive side, My divorce decree (and my husbands) both state a 60 mile radius with 30 days written notice, that includes any proposed changes in schools and visitation. During that 30 days we have time to respond to the court. So what you need to do is have her formally give you notice. (if it's not until February, she is probably not in violation yet. ) At which time you could make a response to the court that you aknowledge her decision to move and as long as the child isn't changing schools and the terms of your visitation are not being changed, then you don't have a problem with it. That kind of simple response would in effect modify your decree to the point that she could not change your kids school despite where she chosses to live.
As much fun as it is to "stick it" to our ex's, it really is in our children's best interest to at least maintain a outward level of civility.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I only read through the first page of replies, so forgive me if I duplicate some things that have already been said. IA with other's who's first gut reflex is, are you really getting bent out of shape over 10 miles? My husbands ex moved 2.5 hours away without giving us ANY notice!!

Well normally I wouldn't do this - I'd tell you you need to read additional information provided by the OP.

The custody agreement decrees both parents must live in the same city.
They alternate weeks of custody.
Two years ago, when he asked her if he could move ten miles south, to his hometown, she said something to the effect of, "No, never!"
Now, she's moving to a different city (see custody agreement restriction) ten miles east of where they both live, information that came from his son - no permission requested.

So since the OP couldn't reach his lawyer when he got this information, it being Friday evening at the beginning of a long holiday weekend, he came here. Again, "(oh, and I wouldn't mind sticking it to her)" was a side comment, a throwaway - NOT the focus of his post that so many people are trying to make it.

 

[tinkerbelletreasure]

.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Well normally I wouldn't do this - I'd tell you you need to read additional information provided by the OP.

The custody agreement decrees both parents must live in the same city.
They alternate weeks of custody.
Two years ago, when he asked her if he could move ten miles south, to his hometown, she said something to the effect of, "No, never!"
Now, she's moving to a different city (see custody agreement restriction) ten miles east of where they both live, information that came from his son - no permission requested.

So since the OP couldn't reach his lawyer when he got this information, it being Friday evening at the beginning of a long holiday weekend, he came here. Again, "(oh, and I wouldn't mind sticking it to her)" was a side comment, a throwaway - NOT the focus of his post that so many people are trying to make it.

Exactly. Look past the comment and at the issue. The ex is blatantly violating the court order when she blasted the OP for even ASKING if he could do the exact same thing. Wanting to "stick it to your ex" has nothing to do with your relationship with your child but stems from the years of frustration of having to deal with someone who continuously sticks it to you. Been there done that as have many on this board. It was an honest statement but probably not best said/typed for others to see.