Do I have a right to be upset??? LONG...

[Minnie]

Yes, OP I would have been hurt too

You "downsized" your plans to a dinner out and then he made plans when he knew it would upset you. So yes in this case your DH clearly needs to get his priorities in order.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Last night this thread was half way through the 5th page. This morning, theres only one post on the 5th page.

 

[inkedupmomma]

yeah, i was just wondering if I was losing it or if half the page was gone glad i'm not losing it!

 

[disneystacy]

I would be very upset if I were you.
I would also be planning a trip for hubby and I and he would be "required" to go, if he said "no" again, I would demand to know "what was up?"
Something sounds fishy to me.

 

[sbell111]

Plans change. Sometimes you just have to roll with it. If you find that you are unable to be flexible with such things, you are unlikely to be happy in the long term.

 

[jaycat]

I would be very upset. If there was a good reason that my husband couldn't do anything on my birthday at the very least (after promising a trip and going back on his word) I would be unhappy. I would go on a trip alone - and have fun.

 

[Carly_Roach]

In my world there are more important things that I'd save my angry emotion for. Life's too short to get fixated on particular days and having to do things on just those days.

If the situation had happened with my DH (nixed a trip, nixed a dinner, volunteered for a particular date), I'd probably wait a few days and then ask him (not accusingly: calmly, rationally, with concern) what was up because he's not usually like that. It would seem like avoidance to me. (Not avoidance to me, just that he's avoiding something)

My DH isn't like this but yours may be: could the BIG 4-0 be a time that he's not looking forward to, therefore he doesn't really want to acknowledge it? If either of you are turning 40 then it's a solid demonstration that you're both getting older. Maybe he doesn't want to think about that?

That would be my first thought if it was my DH doing that. My second thought would be that he's just not up to celebrating. You can bet that if my DH said I could take a vacation by myself and spend whatever I want, I'd be out that door so fast.....



....that he'd probably change his mind and come along to protect the charge card.

 

[WDSearcher]

To me, this kind of sounds like a classic case of "Boy ... that sounded good when we first talked about it, but now that the time to do it is almost here, it just seems like so much bother." When a birthday or holiday or vacation is six months away, it's all, "That sounds GREAT!", but as the date gets closer -- and after more travel, apparently, during the year than anticipated -- yet another trip, celebration, get-together, whatever just doesn't sound as appealing.

While I can certainly understand why the OP is upset, I do have to agree with the folks who said that there were no real concrete plans to any of this. There was (as far as I can tell) no specific "dinner on my birthday", "trip to Vegas in July", etc. type of solid plans that DH was purposely trying to avoid. And the whole volunteer thing -- that's a tough one. Sounds like DH can be swayed pretty easily to go along with things, and if he's got a bunch of folks asking him to participate and take charge, he may have been swayed to say "yes" even before he knew when the event was.

It seems as though the OP wants to be assured that it's okay for her to be upset about all this, which kind of makes me think that she's not sure she really IS upset. I mean, yes ... she's frustrated that what should be a simple little birthday celebration has turned into such a "thing." But at no point does she really seem angry at her DH or anything like that.

I agree with whoever it was said it was a communication issue. Because it seems like all of this could have been solved by more solid communication. The OP left too much up in the air. DH said a trip was fine. Great. Plan the thing! Get airline tickets that can't be returned and reserve a hotel that can't be refunded. Poof. Trip. DH said dinner out. Wonderful. Choose a restaurant, make a reservation. He comes back with a volunteer assignment, then move the reservation or choose another restaurant or tell him he can't do both and that dinner was on the list first. Be clear. Be concise. Talk in short sentences. Make yourself understood.

Because on the DH side of this, he could easily say, "Well ... yeah ... we TALKED about all sorts of stuff, but we never had any PLANS." And he'd be absolutely right.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I really wonder why people post their thoughts, when they clearly haven't read that OPs post.

Just to go over it again..... The OP and her DH had decided to go on a vacation for their birthdays - BOTH of their birthdays. Then when it came time to book it, OPs DH said he didn't want to go. OP said fine, we will just make a day of it that day at home. OPs DH said fine. Then he decided no, he'd rather go to work that day, and just have dinner out that night. OP said fine. Then OPs DH comes home, and says - "Hey I decided to work a booth at the local "whatever" rather than celebrate with you."

Sorry, but if anyone in here says that they would be "fine" with that, your either lying to yourself, or just nuts (j/k)!!! I do agree that there may be a lack of communication here, and there is obviously something deeper going on with OPs DH then we know, but I'd still be royaly PO'd if my DH agreed to something - 3 somethings - and then said "No" later on. JMHO

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I'd be really ticked. It would be hard enough that we were no longer going away for our birthdays, but him volunteering on my B-day (after he said we would go out to dinner that night) would basically make me feel like I didn't matter to him. The fact that he feels like he can't say no to the town, would make me feel like he felt like the rest of the town is more important than me. The only way I would be ok with it, would be if he was the Mayor or something and HAD to do the town night thing. Otherwise, unless he had something big planned already for another day, I would be VERY hurt. For me, it's not really about the day, but about him doing SOMETHING to make me feel important and loved. OP,

 

[JESW]

I agree with Sharpmomoftwo...I often wonder if some people actually read OP's or if they just go and comment on whatever they want... Just because someone feels that birthdays are important doesn't make them an 8 year old! Sheesh..what's wrong with having a special day once a year?? If YOU (general you) don't care about your birthday then fine, but others do.

OP, yes, I would be upset with my dh if the same thing happened to me. Not upset enough to divorce him, but it would still bother me. I find it to be a respect and courtesy issue as you made different plans and he bailed on all of them.

You really need to talk with him and find out WHY he changed his mind THREE times on you. Tell him that this birthday is really important to you and you want to spend it with HIM.

I personally don't make a big deal out of each and every birthday but we do try to go out to dinner as close to the day as possible. (That goes for all 4 of us) This year I am having a MAJOR birthday that is really bothering me (my issue - I know others won't feel that way) so I made plans months ago to go to Disney. I know my dh, and even tho he is a good guy, if I didn't plan anything he wouldn't have planned anything.

I hope that things work out for you OP and you get to do something fun on your day.

Jill

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Are there a lot of people on here who don't do anything for theirs or their DH's birthday? My DH takes me out to eat every birthday, not necessarily on the day, but we do celebrate every birthday. And I don't think it's childish, immature, nor am I being selfish because I would be hurt if he decided not to celebrate my birthday.

I also think that maybe a lack of communication came into play. Tell him it hurts you, let him know that you are frustrated by him prioritizing the community over you. If he doesn't know it upset you, then he'll never know. I've learned some DH (mine included) need everything spelled out before them.

 

[jsmith]

My DH isn't like this but yours may be: could the BIG 4-0 be a time that he's not looking forward to, therefore he doesn't really want to acknowledge it? If either of you are turning 40 then it's a solid demonstration that you're both getting older. Maybe he doesn't want to think about that?

Mine TOTALY was-he completely ignored my 40th-and that was out of character for him-hes usually quiet good about that sort of thing-later on it came out that he didnt want me to turn 40 because that meant he would-sort of an ingore it and it will go away mentalilty-i would wager that the whole deal with OPs DH is not about ignoring HER birthday at all. 40 is a mile stone in more ways than one-and he may have some issues with it himself.

 

[WDSearcher]

Just to go over it again..... The OP and her DH had decided to go on a vacation for their birthdays - BOTH of their birthdays. Then when it came time to book it, OPs DH said he didn't want to go. OP said fine, we will just make a day of it that day at home. OPs DH said fine. Then he decided no, he'd rather go to work that day, and just have dinner out that night. OP said fine. Then OPs DH comes home, and says - "Hey I decided to work a booth at the local "whatever" rather than celebrate with you."

But that was kind of my point. When the DH said, "A trip sounds fine", why did the OP keep holding off on booking it? I mean yes ... she wanted his input and kept sending him suggestions, but at some point, just book the darn trip! Stop waiting for him to make a decision when it's clear he's not going to and just say, "It sounded like Option B was your favorite, so I booked it." And let the birthday chips fall where they may.

The OP said, "I emailed ideas to my DH. He was on board but we didn't book anything at that time." Why not? He's on board, she's on board, you didn't book. Why?

The OP said, "I decide to relook at stuff in Mayish time frame and my DH says, "well how bout we do something later in the year, after both our bdays?". I was okay with that." Great. He's on board, she's on board, and still no decision ... no booking. Why?

The OP said, "When we got home I brought up the idea again. This time he responds with, "well I think we have done enough travel for this year, lets not go anywhere but we can just do something really special on your bday day and mine". I asked him if he had plans to take the day off so that I could take off from my job if need be and he said "no, I can't but we will do dinner out". I was a little upset but "okay" with the new plan because it went from a BIG trip to dinner out." OK ... not what you wanted, but if he'd taken off time from work for unexpected trips, I could see not wanting to burn additional vacation time. So he tries to come up with an alternative, to which the OP agrees. Great. He's on board, she's on board, but no dinner reservations were made. Why?

The OP said, "Hmmmmm..I am a bit miffed now because all the original plans of a BIG trip to celebrate this milestone for both of us are gone AND anything else that we could do on my day!!" But ... as far as we know ... there were no plans! Lots of talk, it seems, but no reservations, no "Honey, we're going to Chez Pierre on my birthday, so be sure to get home early" (as far as we know, based on the info above). There was the thought of plans ... they had talked about plans ... but no solid plans were ever made.

The OP and her DH were agreed and on board three times and yet nothing was ever done. The OP had three clear moments of agreement with her DH that yes ... let's do that. But yet no reservations or plans were ever made. I don't understand why it stalled each time. And I don't fully understand why the OP is now upset. Had she just made travel reservations in the first place, back when he agreed to a vacation, then they'd be good to go.

I'm sure there's more to the story, but that's how I read it all.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

But that was kind of my point. When the DH said, "A trip sounds fine", why did the OP keep holding off on booking it? I mean yes ... she wanted his input and kept sending him suggestions, but at some point, just book the darn trip! Stop waiting for him to make a decision when it's clear he's not going to and just say, "It sounded like Option B was your favorite, so I booked it." And let the birthday chips fall where they may.

The OP said, "I emailed ideas to my DH. He was on board but we didn't book anything at that time." Why not? He's on board, she's on board, you didn't book. Why?

The OP said, "I decide to relook at stuff in Mayish time frame and my DH says, "well how bout we do something later in the year, after both our bdays?". I was okay with that." Great. He's on board, she's on board, and still no decision ... no booking. Why?

The OP said, "When we got home I brought up the idea again. This time he responds with, "well I think we have done enough travel for this year, lets not go anywhere but we can just do something really special on your bday day and mine". I asked him if he had plans to take the day off so that I could take off from my job if need be and he said "no, I can't but we will do dinner out". I was a little upset but "okay" with the new plan because it went from a BIG trip to dinner out." OK ... not what you wanted, but if he'd taken off time from work for unexpected trips, I could see not wanting to burn additional vacation time. So he tries to come up with an alternative, to which the OP agrees. Great. He's on board, she's on board, but no dinner reservations were made. Why?

The OP said, "Hmmmmm..I am a bit miffed now because all the original plans of a BIG trip to celebrate this milestone for both of us are gone AND anything else that we could do on my day!!" But ... as far as we know ... there were no plans! Lots of talk, it seems, but no reservations, no "Honey, we're going to Chez Pierre on my birthday, so be sure to get home early" (as far as we know, based on the info above). There was the thought of plans ... they had talked about plans ... but no solid plans were ever made.

The OP and her DH were agreed and on board three times and yet nothing was ever done. The OP had three clear moments of agreement with her DH that yes ... let's do that. But yet no reservations or plans were ever made. I don't understand why it stalled each time. And I don't fully understand why the OP is now upset. Had she just made travel reservations in the first place, back when he agreed to a vacation, then they'd be good to go.

I'm sure there's more to the story, but that's how I read it all.

Ok - I hear what your saying, and heres what I have to say to it:

My next birthday DH and I are planning on going to Vegas. We decided this just last month. We talk about it every once in a while, but so far, thats it. My next birthday isn't till next August. We are going. End of discussion. Have I made any reservations yet? No, but we are 100% going, and I would be very very upset and my DH decided to just cancle it out of the blue with no good reason.
Now, I have a very good reason as to why I haven't booked anything yet. ITS TO EARLY!! No one takes reservations a year in advance. And it sounds like it may be the same for the OP when they first discussed it, hence the reason she started talking about it again later on. There was no need to talk about it much before that because nothing could be booked.
Now, in about 2-3 weeks, I will be able to book my birthday vacation, but will I? NO WAY JOSE. I will wait around till I can get better rates - again, what the OP may have been doing. Again, just because I haven't booked anything yet, doesn't mean that we are not 100% going, and if my DH turned around and told me "oh well, were not going." I'd be very upset. And if he then turned around and said "go have a great time by yourself." you better believe he'd come home from work the next day to new locks on the door and a large dog growling at him (I joke.... really, I do). That would be very hurtfull to me - not something I would ever do to him, or anything I cared for. JMHO

 

[SNylund]

People celebrate birthdays? Since when?

 

[NMAmy]

A lot of people seem really hung up on the fact that no dinner reservations were made. Am I the only one that only makes dinner reservations when we're going to WDW? I can name a dozen upscale local non-chain restaurants off the top of my head and I would not need a reservation at any one of them.

Of course, my favorite restaurant for my birthday is a local Middle Eastern place which is not an upscale restaurant but the food is fabulous. DH is not crazy about Middle Eastern food so it's a special treat for me since we don't go there very often. We could have concrete plans to go there for my birthday without a reservation. Just because no reservations were made doesn't mean that no plans were made.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

A lot of people seem really hung up on the fact that no dinner reservations were made. Am I the only one that only makes dinner reservations when we're going to WDW? I can name a dozen upscale local non-chain restaurants off the top of my head and I would not need a reservation at any one of them.

Of course, my favorite restaurant for my birthday is a local Middle Eastern place which is not an upscale restaurant but the food is fabulous. DH is not crazy about Middle Eastern food so it's a special treat for me since we don't go there very often. We could have concrete plans to go there for my birthday without a reservation. Just because no reservations were made doesn't mean that no plans were made.

Thank you

 

[dismom2]

I would be very disappointed, too. Just because it's no big deal to some people, doesn't mean everyone feels the same. Around here, we always try to make birthdays special, and don't go out of our way to make other plans that don't 'have' to be made on our family members' birthdays. We don't always do a big celebration on that day-- if we have to work, or it's a school day---but we don't go out of our way to make other plans on our 'time-off' on birthdays; that way we can at least spend some time together and have cake, or something. We especially wouldn't break plans to do something else that's not mandatory, and leave the birthday person home alone. Some people don't care about things like that, which is fine; but everyone is different. OP: I hope you have a happy birthday, whatever you end up doing.

 

[WDSearcher]

A lot of people seem really hung up on the fact that no dinner reservations were made. Am I the only one that only makes dinner reservations when we're going to WDW? I can name a dozen upscale local non-chain restaurants off the top of my head and I would not need a reservation at any one of them.

Of course, my favorite restaurant for my birthday is a local Middle Eastern place which is not an upscale restaurant but the food is fabulous. DH is not crazy about Middle Eastern food so it's a special treat for me since we don't go there very often. We could have concrete plans to go there for my birthday without a reservation. Just because no reservations were made doesn't mean that no plans were made.

True. But was there a plan? Even the OP said that they had agreed on dinner, but she didn't indicate that they had decided on a place and time. If she did, in fact, say to DH, "I've narrowed down the restaurant choices for my birthday and have decided on Chez Pierre. I'm thinking 7pm. I've put it on the calendar" and he went ahead and accepted the volunteer gig anyway, that's one thing. But if they agreed on dinner but it never went past that as far as a plan goes, most men I know would not automatically think, "Oh ... wait ... I have plans that night ..." when asked to do something else.

Not to mention that -- if specific plans did not need to be made because reservations were not necessary -- then it's even EASIER to shift the celebration to the night before or the night after or a night exactly in between their birthdays or some other time. There's no reason why the OP can't have her special birthday dinner AND support her DH's volunteer efforts both. I mean, how many times do people here tell other folks, "Wear your birthday button every day during your entire stay -- you can celebrate your birthday as long as you want!"