Do I have a right to be upset??? LONG...

[NMAmy]

True. But was there a plan? Even the OP said that they had agreed on dinner, but she didn't indicate that they had decided on a place and time. If she did, in fact, say to DH, "I've narrowed down the restaurant choices for my birthday and have decided on Chez Pierre. I'm thinking 7pm. I've put it on the calendar" and he went ahead and accepted the volunteer gig anyway, that's one thing. But if they agreed on dinner but it never went past that as far as a plan goes, most men I know would not automatically think, "Oh ... wait ... I have plans that night ..." when asked to do something else.

He knew. Read the post below from the OP. He knew she'd be mad because he knew they had plans. Being a man doesn't give someone a pass. DH knows the date of my birthday and it appears as though the OP's husband knows hers, as well. DH doesn't need an engraved invitation or something put on the calendar and not everyone must put something on a calendar. The only things on our calendar at home are doctor's appts. We all know when each other's birthdays are.

#3 IF he had come home and said something like, "I have been asked to run this booth but it is on your bday, I haven't said yes yet because I know that this a day we had planned on spending together" It would have been fine and figured it out. BUT he comes home and says..."I think you are gonna be mad, I volunteered to run this booth and I KNOW it is your bday and I know we had plans". This booth thing is not for any gain that I am aware of he just did it being the nice guy he is, which he is most of the time!

~OP

]
Not to mention that -- if specific plans did not need to be made because reservations were not necessary -- then it's even EASIER to shift the celebration to the night before or the night after or a night exactly in between their birthdays or some other time. There's no reason why the OP can't have her special birthday dinner AND support her DH's volunteer efforts both. I mean, how many times do people here tell other folks, "Wear your birthday button every day during your entire stay -- you can celebrate your birthday as long as you want!"

You know, I'm divorced. I can put together a full blown Christmas celebration any day of the year and we're used to celebrating Mother's Day, birthdays, and other holidays on an alternate date. Not a big deal. The issue I would have is that he is ditching her to volunteer somewhere else when he knew this was important to her and he knew exactly what he was doing when he volunteered. It wasn't a mistake or an oversight or a miscommunication. And I'd have a real problem with being so far down in my husband's list of priorities.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

He knew. Read the post below from the OP. He knew she'd be mad because he knew they had plans. Being a man doesn't give someone a pass. DH knows the date of my birthday and it appears as though the OP's husband knows hers, as well. DH doesn't need an engraved invitation or something put on the calendar and not everyone must put something on a calendar. The only things on our calendar at home are doctor's appts. We all know when each other's birthdays are.





You know, I'm divorced. I can put together a full blown Christmas celebration any day of the year and we're used to celebrating Mother's Day, birthdays, and other holidays on an alternate date. Not a big deal. The issue I would have is that he is ditching her to volunteer somewhere else when he knew this was important to her and he knew exactly what he was doing when he volunteered. It wasn't a mistake or an oversight or a miscommunication. And I'd have a real problem with being so far down in my husband's list of priorities.

ITA...the red is what I feel too....He knew she wanted to do something nice for her B-day, and then kept cutting back. By scheduling the volunteer opportunity on the evening that he KNEW he was supposed to take her out for B-day, he basically told her she didn't matter. If he would have come home with an alternative plan for her B-day celebration on another night, t hat may have been better. I hope for his sake that the "town night out" or whatever it is, is really a party for her.

 

[WDSearcher]

The issue I would have is that he is ditching her to volunteer somewhere else when he knew this was important to her and he knew exactly what he was doing when he volunteered. It wasn't a mistake or an oversight or a miscommunication. And I'd have a real problem with being so far down in my husband's list of priorities.

I wonder if he DID know "exactly what he was doing when he volunteered." Haven't any of you ever been talked into volunteering for something -- you get asked, and you think it's a great idea, and you say yes, and then you find out what date they're talking about? It's happened to me. None of you have ever double-booked yourselves totally by mistake?

In cases like that, I have no problem saying, "Oh ... I'm sorry. I can't that night. How else can I help?" But I'm not the OP's DH. Perhaps he volunteered for an event not realizing when it was and then didn't want to say no? It happens.

It just seems to me that this is something that the OP can get all upset about and let it ruin her birthday, or she can chalk it up to some miscommunication and an absent-minded husband, go make reservations somewhere and set them in stone, and have a lovely birthday celebration on a different night.

Is the husband wrong? Absolutely. But really ... in the big scheme of things ... is it worth all this angst?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I really wonder why people post their thoughts, when they clearly haven't read that OPs post.

Just to go over it again..... OP said fine, we will just make a day of it that day at home. OPs DH said fine. Then he decided no, he'd rather go to work that day,
....Sorry, but if anyone in here says that they would be "fine" with that, your either lying to yourself, or just nuts (j/k)!!! I do agree that there may be a lack of communication here, and there is obviously something deeper going on with OPs DH then we know, but I'd still be royaly PO'd if my DH agreed to something - 3 somethings - and then said "No" later on. JMHO

Not to nitpick--but if you are going to accuse people of not reading the OP correctly, it would be helpful for you to have your facts straight (at least how the OP posted and not how you interpeted.

She said:

This time he responds with, "well I think we have done enough travel for this year, lets not go anywhere but we can just do something really special on your bday day and mine". I asked him if he had plans to take the day off so that I could take off from my job if need be and he said "no, I can't but we will do dinner out".

From this posting--her husband did not promise to take the whole day off to make up for not going on vacation.

As for the latter--about lying to ourselves about not caring.

My husband switched our vacation inadvertently to a timeframe that overlapped with a business conference. One of those--just can't "not go" type of things. Sincerely--not a big deal, it could be worked around and the bulk of the trip would have been unaffected. (in the end though the boss decided they are not doing the conference.)


We can be as mad as we want that our hopes and plans get wrinkled and take the glass is half empty approach, or we can work around mixups, mistakes, or just plain discourtesy and make the best of things and take the glass is half full approach.

In the end, it is a choice to be pissed off or make lemons out of lemonade and what she wants to remember out of this special occasion.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

A lot of people seem really hung up on the fact that no dinner reservations were made. Am I the only one that only makes dinner reservations when we're going to WDW?

I make dinner reservations for special event dinners that we want to go to. At any time (within our budget) we can hit a Friendly's or RJ Gators or Texas Roadhouse type place. But if it is a special event and we wish to treat it special, we tend to look at nicer restaurants.


If I am desire to have any milestone celebrated in a special manner, I typically wouldn't go to just any restaurant. I'd make reservations and places I've been wanting to try, but they were a bit much for just any old date night.

How does one go so quickly from being depressed from no special vacation--to no special day--to dinner plans being cancelled....to--there are plenty of "average joe" nice restaurants that don't take reservations?

 

[Minnie]

In the end, it is a choice to be pissed off or make lemons out of lemonade and what she wants to remember out of this special occasion.

I can agree with this statement However since her husband knew this was an important day for her that to volunteer for something that would interfere with plans (reservations made or not - most restaurants in my area do not take reservations) without asking first is at best discourtious. Was it a "huge deal" maybe not but a reason to feel hurt or upset? IMO yes.

Now is the time for OP to make sure her DH understands her feelings and to do whatever is possible to make the best of the situation