Do housewives ever retire?

[firefly_ris]

Like I said. He’s a picky eater. That’s what he eats, so that’s what I cook. I don’t really have other choices. I don’t see him taking over the cooking. It would be a disaster. We really can’t afford to go out all the time either, so that’s the way it is. I’m just burned out after doing it for over 40 years which I would think anybody would be.

Just don't do it and watch him figure it out. If you don't do anything nothing changes. That's it. Let it be a "disaster", so what if it is? Then maybe he'll figure out real quick it's not a realistic expectation for you to do this every day.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I do freeze leftovers once in a while. He’s not really into casseroles or anything with herbs or spices in it. I find so many recipes that I think look good and then I go down through the list of ingredients and see all the stuff he won’t eat. I can’t even use cream of chicken soup. He’s really a pain to cook for and people wonder why I’m tired of it after 40+ years.

Honestly consider this....if you dropped dead (God forbid) or disappeared tomorrow, would your husband just starve to death? I would imagine he would figure something out before that would happen. He might not prefer soup and a sandwich for dinner, but it's not going to hurt him every now and then and if he'd rather not eat that night then that's his choice.

I understand you can't reverse 40 years of habit/routine in one day or week etc. But you can start to turn the tide if it's a priority for you. Or you can have an answer for every poster who offers an alternative/suggestion as to why the status quo is the only way things can work.

Personally, I'd leave the dishes until he wakes up, whether it's that night or the next morning, and say "Oh great, I'd appreciate your help cleaning up the kitchen from dinner. Would you like to wash or dry and put away?". There is no way I'm in the kitchen washing dishes every night while he snoozes in his recliner digesting his preferred meal that I just prepared (especially if he is now retired and not going to work every day).

 

[NAB]

Once in a great while he’ll wash the dishes, though not very well. He usually falls asleep in his recliner as soon as he’s done eating. As far as using paper plates for dinner. After washing all the pots and pans and stuff, 2 more plates doesn’t really matter. I’m usually cooking “Sunday night dinner” types of meals every night so there’s a lot to wash and it’s really not something that would do well on a paper plate anyway. He grew up eating meals like that and he’s a really picky eater. No salads and nothing easy like sandwiches for dinner. We rarely go out and never eat fast food for dinner. A pizza is a treat for me. I myself could care less. I could eat a bowl of cereal for dinner and I’d be fine.

I was like you made big dinners every night. Husband retired 2 years ago I don’t cook that way anymore because I changed it. I would say I’m having eggs or that bowl of cereal what are you having….lol he would find something. Does your husband know how you feel about all this?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I do freeze leftovers once in a while. He’s not really into casseroles or anything with herbs or spices in it. I find so many recipes that I think look good and then I go down through the list of ingredients and see all the stuff he won’t eat. I can’t even use cream of chicken soup. He’s really a pain to cook for and people wonder why I’m tired of it after 40+ years.

My husband doesn't like eggs, I mean we eat a ton of things with eggs but they are cooked. Our hardest meal is breakfast for that reason but otherwise it's not too bad.

Casseroles are a staple in our household. I'd say I like herbs more than he does but he'll definitely eat stuff with it and we both like spices.

Ugh sorry that sucks

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Unfortunately we don’t have room for a dishwasher in our kitchen.

There are different types of dishwashers besides the classic type.

They make thin ones (we have one in our in-law apt, and my aunt who prided herself on washing dishes by hand got one installed finally in a kitchen with “no room for one” giving up a cabinet in exchange), and portable ones (on wheels that can be rolled elsewhere and hooked up to the sink as needed) and even countertop ones, like this (found on Amazon):



I realize it’s just a small part of your problem, but there are various options out there.

Rolling, thin and countertop dishwashers:

https://www.homedepot.com/b/Appliances-Dishwashers-Portable-Dishwashers/N-5yc1vZc3p1

I say you treat yourself!

 

[jrmasm]

Like I said. He’s a picky eater. That’s what he eats, so that’s what I cook. I don’t really have other choices. I don’t see him taking over the cooking. It would be a disaster. We really can’t afford to go out all the time either, so that’s the way it is. I’m just burned out after doing it for over 40 years which I would think anybody would be.

You have plenty of choices.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

He should learn how to cook a meal for himself then. There is no excuse as to why a grown adult cannot learn how to cook a meal or do dishes.

I’ve often thought the same thing about his dad. I’m pretty sure the man never fixed himself anything to eat. Probably never even used the toaster. He lived to be 93 years old with his wife or kids making every meal for him.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

There are different types of dishwashers besides the classic type.

They make thin ones (we have one in our in-law apt, and my aunt who prided herself on washing dishes by hand got one installed finally in a kitchen with “no room for one” giving up a cabinet in exchange), and portable ones (on wheels that can be rolled elsewhere and hooked up to the sink as needed) and even countertop ones, like this (found on Amazon):

View attachment 695100

I realize it’s just a small part of your problem, but there are various options out there.

Rolling, thin and countertop dishwashers:

https://www.homedepot.com/b/Appliances-Dishwashers-Portable-Dishwashers/N-5yc1vZc3p1

I say you treat yourself!

Thanks for the info. No room to store anything though. Small house with very little space.

 

[mom2rtk]

I’ve often thought the same thing about his dad. I’m pretty sure the man never fixed himself anything to eat. Probably never even used the toaster. He lived to be 93 years old with his wife or kids making every meal for him.

It’s not a hereditary trait. Or destiny. It’s your choice every single day to keep doing the same.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I’ve often thought the same thing about his dad. I’m pretty sure the man never fixed himself anything to eat. Probably never even used the toaster. He lived to be 93 years old with his wife or kids making every meal for him.

His dad having similar behavior says to me that this is learned behavior and has an expectation that you will be his maid for him. It's up to you to decide whether or not you will continue to tolerate this or not. Every adult should know how to cook, period. It's a vital life skill. The internet has made it easier than ever to learn. There are TONS of videos on Youtube where you can learn basic cooking skills such as mincing garlic, how to prepare chicken and how to sauté mushrooms. He is actively choosing not to learn because he knows you will do it for him.

 

[mom2rtk]

OP, if you got sick and were hospitalized for a week, what do you think he would do? Would he starve? Would he expect you to start nightly dinner and dishes the day you returned home?

 

[luvnwdwgal]

My husband doesn't like eggs, I mean we eat a ton of things with eggs but they are cooked. Our hardest meal is breakfast for that reason but otherwise it's not too bad.

Casseroles are a staple in our household. I'd say I like herbs more than he does but he'll definitely eat stuff with it and we both like spices.

Ugh sorry that sucks

We went on a cruise once and went to the main dining room for dinner. Nothing sounded good to him so all he ate was the bread and butter. It was all food court after that.

 

[firefly_ris]

His dad having similar behavior says to me that this is learned behavior and has an expectation that you will be his maid for him. It's up to you to decide whether or not you will continue to tolerate this or not. Every adult should know how to cook, period. It's a vital life skill. The internet has made it easier than ever to learn. There are TONS of videos on Youtube where you can learn basic cooking skills such as mincing garlic, how to prepare chicken and how to sauté mushrooms. He is actively choosing not to learn because he knows you will do it for him.

Yep. Even just frying an egg and a piece of bread in the toaster. I mean come on. He can do it, you just are choosing to keep the status quo. If you stop he will figure it out.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

OP, if you got sick and were hospitalized for a week, what do you think he would do? Would he starve? Would he expect you to start nightly dinner and dishes the day you returned home?

I went on vacation to WDW with my sister in 2019. I started freezing a bunch of leftovers well in advance so he’d have them while I was gone. Other than that, he’s never had to fend for himself in 40+ years. He’d probably eat at our son and daughter-in-law’s otherwise.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I was like you made big dinners every night. Husband retired 2 years ago I don’t cook that way anymore because I changed it. I would say I’m having eggs or that bowl of cereal what are you having….lol he would find something. Does your husband know how you feel about all this?

Oh he knows I hate to cook. I’ve told him several times that I could care less if we eat dinner at all anymore.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Like I said. He’s a picky eater. That’s what he eats, so that’s what I cook. I don’t really have other choices. I don’t see him taking over the cooking. It would be a disaster. We really can’t afford to go out all the time either, so that’s the way it is. I’m just burned out after doing it for over 40 years which I would think anybody would be.

You've forgotten the first rule of the kitchen.

Rule 1. This aint Burger King. You get it my way.

Rules of the kitchen, you never let us down!!!

 

[mom2rtk]

I went on vacation to WDW with my sister in 2019. I started freezing a bunch of leftovers well in advance so he’d have them while I was gone. Other than that, he’s never had to fend for himself in 40+ years. He’d probably eat at our son and daughter-in-law’s otherwise.

Well, that was your choice. You have more choices to make. If you don't start making different choices, then the answer to your question is no, housewives never retire. They limp along worn and tired until the day they die.

 

[GreatLakes]

It seems like a lot of people on this thread have pretty one sided marriage dynamics. The time to set up ground rules is the first couple years, not 20, 30, or 40 years later.

I can't imagine doing as little around the house as some people accept here and remaining married.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Okay, I'm changing my "vote" from earlier--you ARE whack-a-doodle! As the expression goes, "Get off the cross, Martha, we need the wood!"

You need to stop being such a doormat. I still think that therapy could help you with this. You aren't doing your husband any favors by catering to him every single night, and you certainly aren't helping yourself, unless your goal is to win the "Martyr of the Year" Award. He needs to pitch in, he needs to learn to cook some basics, and you need to learn to step back and let him try. And fail. And learn. And succeed.

I'm a SAHM, and do 90%+ of the cooking, because I'm here. But, I don't cater to the various "food needs" (there are 5 of us--one doesn't like tomatoes, except in sauce. One hates all gravies and sauces, except pasta sauce. One won't eat beef or pork, one won't eat cheese, one hates any type of casserole. You get the picture).

If I got hit by a bus, my DH could manage to keep the kids fed. Maybe nothing fancy, probably a lot of pasta and pancakes, but they wouldn't starve.

Your husband needs to learn to fend for himself in the kitchen--if only to make a sandwich and open a can of soup. He also needs to pitch in around the house. Dishes, vacuuming, whatever works best for him, but if he's not working, he needs to contribute to the household work.

You also need to dial back the childcare. The expense of three children is not on you--it's on their parents. If you enjoy watching the kids, you can set specific parameters--you'll do 2 days a week or Friday nights or something like that.

You're miserable because everyone is taking advantage of you. Time to pick yourself up and start advocating for YOU.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

He’d probably eat at our son and daughter-in-law’s otherwise.

To which I hope they would not cook for him. I'm sure he can cook some stuff, basic though it may be, but everyone around him has just done it for him. It's infantilizing him TBH.

If you prefer to cook for him that's one thing, that's a lot like my father-in-law's wife. She does all the cooking even though we know throughout the years father-in-law can cook and has cooked for himself and others. However you really don't prefer to cook much less for him and his pickiness.

Maybe it's time to go find yourself for a bit, leave your husband to his devices and gain perspective on you