Do housewives ever retire?

[Sinder]

Personal attacks aren't allowed on Disboards. I would never want or expect sympathy from someone like you.

Leaving this thread as I'm now only being attacked because I pointed out some facts that are uncomfortable for some on here.

So you “point out facts” but others “attack”
Whatever you say

 

[CaptainAmerica]

...work full time and also do all of those tasks will also be doing those tasks...

You work full time and your husband doesn't participate equally in the housework?

And I'd ask @luvnwdwgal a similar question... Your husband retired and he doesn't participate equally in the housework?

My wife doesn't work. She doesn't want to work, we don't need her to work, and I would never ask her to work. So she carries most of the childcare and housework load during the week. But when the evenings and weekends come we participate equally in household chores. That doesn't necessarily mean we do the same things. Too often, I think modern couples have confused equality with sameness. Things don't have to be the same to be equal. So no, I don't do 50% of the laundry, even on the weekends, but she doesn't do 50% of the yard work, so it all balances out. I'm a huge fan of the traditional SAHM household structure but the whole "make me a sandwich and a beer while I watch the game, then get back to mopping the floor" is disturbing*.

*I'll make an exception here for certain blue collar jobs where a man comes home from work and his body is physically beaten down and exhausted from hard labor. In that context, being "taken care of" might be somewhat appropriate.

 

[PollyannaMom]

You didn't come onto the thread whining about your life, which is fine. I would have been happy for you until you personally attacked me. As I said in my earlier post, there is nothing wrong with being taken care of- you just shouldn't expect pity for it. The OP came on whining, so I pointed out the reality that she's very privileged compared to most women.

You are very fortunate to have led an easy life. Lucky you and I'm sorry you don't have true sympathy for those who have it harder. I hope that if real hard times ever happen to YOU, that you are showed more compassion than you have shown me.

There are all kinds of hard. And life is a series of choices between which kind of hard you can live with.

Housewives gain a lot by staying home, but they also give some important "intangibles" up. (Plus, taking care of a house people live in all day can be different than taking care of house that sits empty all day.)

I'm certainly not saying you have it easier at all. (In fact, for my personality type, I think your lifestyle would be harder for me. - But that's why I didn't choose it. I have a friend who would hate my lifestyle. And that's why she didn't choose it.)

What I'm saying is that we need to realize that everyone is different, the grass is not always greener, and ultimately, all kinds of families make things work in their own ways.

 

[AndreaA]

And those of us who work full time and also do all of those tasks will also be doing those tasks whenever we finally get to retire from our day jobs. Oh, well. Imo you've led a pampered life, being provided for by your husband so you could stay home. Nothing wrong with that, but don't ask for pity.

You REALLY seem to have missed the point of this thread. The OP wasn’t complaining about her life staying home while husband worked. She’s complaining that now husband is retired, but she’s still doing all the work, including in-home daycare 50hrs a week. If your husband suddenly retired while you were still working, would you be happy shouldering the same burden you are now? I won’t even touch your assumption that staying home is “always easier” or any of that nonsense. How do you feel when people assume that teaching is “always easier” than almost any other job, with tons of time off, etc., etc., etc.?

You sound extremely bitter. Eesh.

 

[TAX GUY]

The DIS never disappoints Always a group that attacks, then another that counter attacks. No shortage of judgmental replies and comments.

Carry on

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There are all kinds of hard. And life is a series of choices between which kind of hard you can live with.

Housewives gain a lot by staying home, but they also give some important "intangibles" up. (Plus, taking care of a house people live in all day can be different than taking care of house that sits empty all day.)

I'm certainly not saying you have it easier at all. (In fact, for my personality type, I think your lifestyle would be harder for me. - But that's why I didn't choose it. I have a friend who would hate my lifestyle. And that's why she didn't choose it.)

What I'm saying is that we need to realize that everyone is different, the grass is not always greener, and ultimately, all kinds of families make things work in their own ways.

This makes me also think of remote work especially as that's become much more common with the pandemic and more desirable than it was previously (and some of that angst about workers who were at home is very similar to the recent conversation about housewives).

Technically at my husband's company they can work 2 days at home 3 days in the office. Thus far he has opted to stay in the office 5 days per week. He's open to the idea of working from home eventually 1 day a week and at his office Mondays and Fridays are normally when the bulk of people opt to work from home, those that do. For my husband he needs that office life further driven home when he was with the prior company and was home for 6 months in 2020 during the early days of the pandemic. Yes there were pros to that namely no commute and he could get up at the same time, start work and be done with work earlier but the cons outweighed the pros to being remote that long or that frequently. Me? I'd thrive on remote work. We have different personalities in that respects and different needs.

We have a couple we know who both are now 100% remote, I think for my husband and I that would drive us nuts lol. Retirement is a long way off so who knows what we'll be like then.

 

[mrodgers]

A little judgemental there. Who are you to say she has led a “pampered” life being provided by her husband? Each person brings something to a marriage and only teamwork makes it work. Everyone’s circumstances are different and there are tons of reasons why a couple may decide to have one spouse stay at home. And those reasons are no one else’s business.

It sounds to me like you are resentful of that fact. Being a stay at home parent is hard work, as is working outside the home. That doesn’t give anyone the right to diminish others choices and say they are asking for pity.

Creating a discussion and boo-hooing about the work you do in the household and acting as if your husband doesn't do squat while he's out sweating pushing the mower or trying to fenangle the transmission off your car or up on the roof in the middle of July to me is asking for pity.

My wife was stay at home. I remember her boo-hooing about how all she wanted was a day to sleep in. Kind of weird thinking about what she said while she had another 3 hours before she woke up when I was in the shower at 4:30 in the morning starting my every day.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It’s all about perspective.

 

[disykat]

My dad didn't really do any chores at home because of his intense work schedule, (they paid a yard guy for all the outside stuff and took the cars in for any work, mom did other handyman stuff) so he took on a lot of the cooking when he stopped working.

My husband is the type of guy who always has projects going and does all the yard work, etc. so we don't really have this issue. Even so, if there's a time period where I'm busier than normal, he'll do some of the cooking and cleaning. Same way if he's busy I'll do more of the yard work, etc.

 

[Moliphino]

Creating a discussion and boo-hooing about the work you do in the household and acting as if your husband doesn't do squat while he's out sweating pushing the mower or trying to fenangle the transmission off your car or up on the roof in the middle of July to me is asking for pity.

How do you know her husband does any of those things?

 

[Owlpost23]

A little judgemental there. Who are you to say she has led a “pampered” life being provided by her husband? Each person brings something to a marriage and only teamwork makes it work. Everyone’s circumstances are different and there are tons of reasons why a couple may decide to have one spouse stay at home. And those reasons are no one else’s business.

It sounds to me like you are resentful of that fact. Being a stay at home parent is hard work, as is working outside the home. That doesn’t give anyone the right to diminish others choices and say they are asking for pity.

Stay at home parenting is the HARDEST thing I've ever done.No pampering there-just constant work and watching a child is a real challenge.I'd never do it again.

 

[mrodgers]

How do you know her husband does any of those things?

How do you know he doesn't? Someone has to. She hadn't said she does those things. If the husband is just laying around on the couch or goes out fishing with his buddies, there's way more problems than what is laid out here.

 

[Moliphino]

How do you know he doesn't? Someone has to. She hadn't said she does those things. If the husband is just laying around on the couch or goes out fishing with his buddies, there's way more problems than what is laid out here.

Lawn service, auto shop, roofers, they could live in a condo/apartment and not be responsible for outdoor upkeep. None of those are necessarily done by either of them.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

How do you know he doesn't? Someone has to. She hadn't said she does those things. If the husband is just laying around on the couch or goes out fishing with his buddies, there's way more problems than what is laid out here.

I can 1000% guarantee my husband has never mowed the lawn (we rent) or tried to finagle the transmission off any car (thank God for everyone's sake) or gone up on the roof in the middle of July or any other month. And I certainly haven't either. As a matter of fact, I don't know many, if any, who have done either of the last two things you listed so I don't think assuming her husband does is a foregone conclusion.

I think the point that the OP was making was that her husband retired and made the declaration that she was too which doesn't accurately reflect their current situation/roles or at the very least her perception of them. It's a lack of understanding and appreciation for what she is doing on a daily basis to keep the house functioning that seems to be the undercurrent. Of course those things will always have to be done unless someone is lucky enough to be able to hire all of those jobs out to others. But when there is a significant shift in circumstances that should be a time to communicate and reevaluate how you've always done things and see if it is still working for everyone.

OP- you need to speak up for yourself. You are entitled to be heard in your relationship. Your husband isn't a mind-reader and if you always just go along to get along then why would he change because to him you seem perfectly fine about how things are structured. If you keep doing what you have always done you are always going to get what you have in the past and that doesn't seem to feel okay for you any longer. I'm rooting for you to find the right balance that works for the two of you.

 

[emily nicole]

Cleaning the house, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking practically every night, cleaning the kitchen, washing all the dishes by hand, errands, paying the bills.

I do all that plus work outside the home 50 hours a week. So I guess I will never truly retire either. Dang, I sure was looking forward to turning 67 in 29 years LOL

 

[CaptainAmerica]

OP- you need to speak up for yourself.

And not just to her husband. It sounds like her kids expect her to provide childcare on demand for her grandkids.

 

[JenBush]

My aunt “retired” from cleaning (she still does normal daily tidying up) and laundry in her late 50s. Kids were out of the house so her and her husband hired a house cleaner once a week and they use a laundry service to wash most of their clothes.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

She’s very fortunate. That’s something that we could never afford.

 

[shh]

Is it really that hard to get the dishes clean? I mean, it's great he at least tried. But at some point, someone has to rewash them if they weren't actually clean.

It's called the "Raymond" effect. Anyone remember the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when he "helped out", but strategically made sure the end result was so shoddy, he wouldn't be asked to help again?

 

[mom2rtk]

It's called the "Raymond" effect. Anyone remember the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when he "helped out", but strategically made sure the end result was so shoddy, he wouldn't be asked to help again?

The reason that classic episode was so funny was because it was so true.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

People have been pulling that trick forever! (And we’re on to them! )

That could be why some let it go if they don’t do a great job.

I’ve dealt with this with coworkers, too.