Winkers and Shula
You are both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of

to you both! I would like to share my story with you. Just take from it what you can. It is so hard to tell someone else what they can do at a time like this to help ease the pain. Everyone is different. I'm sharing in the hopes that you are able to find something in it that is of help to you. And know that we are all here for you!
Back in November of 2003, I was working at a job where I took phone calls all day. I had gotten a voicemail from my mom, but hadn't had time to respond to it. When she finally reached me, it was to tell me that my dad had passed away. My mom and dad had been divorced since I was 10, and my dad was 20 years older than my mom, making him 78 at the time of his death. I hadn't seen Dad in a few months. It was difficult to keep in touch with him because he didn't have a phone at the time. And I hadn't made as much effort as I could have either. We had our issues, but we had a pretty good relationship considering the divorce and our age difference of almost 50 years. I was completely shocked and devastated when I heard the news. He has never been sick, other than the occassional cold. My mom used to joke about him outliving her because she has had so many health problems. My half brother and half sister, who are about 20 years older than me and live in Arizona came back to Illinois, and we dealt with everything. He was behind on some bills, which was NOT like him, and we came to find out that he had been acting strangely (confused, forgetting things). We believe it was a stroke. We didn't have a service. My half brother took dad's ashes back to Arizona to spread. I think it was about a week before I was back at work. My grandfather (on my mom's side - dad's parents were gone when I was born) had not been doing well and was in the hospital. At the end of my week back at work, my mom was saying that it wasn't good. Grandpa was in congestive heart failure & might not have long. I told my boss. I went home, and DH was waiting for me to tell me the news. Mom hadn't wanted to call me at work again after last time. At Grandpa's service, everyone was coming up to me to say how awful all this was, and I just couldn't believe it was happening. When I lost dad, I was 29. I felt like I shouldn't be without my dad so soon, and I felt like a little girl again, just wanting my daddy. After grandpa, I was just exhausted. It was so much to fathom. Grandpa had actually been telling Mom for years that he did NOT want to go to a nursing home - EVER! And he would have been in one in days if he had not passed away. So, that was a blessing. He was really suffering in the end. My grandma was not in good health, and my mom had actually been living with them for years, following a fall in which my grandma had broken her hip. Over the next year and a half, Grandma continued to be in and out of the nursing home, and spent much of her time confused about where she was, who was there, and what was going on around her. In April of 2005, she was in a nursing home, and Mom and I went to visit because it was getting pretty bad. I was surprised when I saw her. And I knew it wouldn't be much longer. She was asking why God hadn't taken her yet. It was heartbreaking! About 2 weeks later, she passed. It was a blessing, but I miss her so much. Before my dad passed away I was a size 14 or 16 (I can't remember for sure which), and today I am a size 20. That is not to say that these deaths are the only reason I turned to food over the past few years, but they are some of the biggest, and once it started, I found it hard to stop. When I noticed I was gaining, it depressed me more, and I ate more. How silly was that? In retrospect, I think it would have been more reasonable for me to cut myself some slack without letting go completely. But that isn't what I did, and now I am working hard to make up for it. I can accept that, but it doesn't change the fact that I wish I had acted differently.
Like I said, take from my story what you will. I don't know what to tell you. I can tell you that if you fall, we will be here to help pick you back up. Don't beat yourself up over slip-ups, and take care of yourselves - mind, body, and soul. I am sure that is what your loved ones would want. Much love to you both!