did your son in law ask your permission to marry your daughter? and how?

[cornflake]

You know of very few women that took their husband's name? Or are you referring to speaking to parents?

The former.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I'm not sure of the exact conversation that they had, but my DH talked with my father before asking me to marry him.

My dad is a jewelry expert and used to work in a jewlery store, so the day that my DH bought the ring, he picked my dad up (saying it was to go get coffee) and took him to the jewelry store so my dad could check out the ring before he got it. I'm assuming that Dave discussed proposing as well!

I am EXTREMELY independent (graduated college at 22, bought my own house at 24, etc.) but I was very happy that my DH talked with my Dad before asking and also included him on the ring purchase. It's was a sign of respect.

 

[SaraJayne]

The former.

Really. I can't name one person I know that kept her maiden name.

 

[CowboyCO]

I didn't ask because he would have said no. When we told them that we were engaged he got up and started slamming doors around the house. Joyous occasion. We've been happily married for 18 years!

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

My DH asked my Dad over the phone after he asked me, but it was more for laughs then anything. We had the wedding date set two weeks before her actually purposed with a ring.

As far as our DD, we don't expect her future spouse to ask us permission, but I am sure DH would love if he did. He is very traditional like that, although our answer wouldn't have any impact on our daughter's choice because it is her choice in the end, not ours.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

I'm not sure of the exact conversation that they had, but my DH talked with my father before asking me to marry him.

My dad is a jewelry expert and used to work in a jewlery store, so the day that my DH bought the ring, he picked my dad up (saying it was to go get coffee) and took him to the jewelry store so my dad could check out the ring before he got it. I'm assuming that Dave discussed proposing as well!

I am EXTREMELY independent (graduated college at 22, bought my own house at 24, etc.) but I was very happy that my DH talked with my Dad before asking and also included him on the ring purchase. It's was a sign of respect.[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

 

[hereyago]

DD is just 13, so we have a ways to go before marriage is being brought up.lol

But for me:
My first fiancee', we were pretty young 20 he was 23, he did ask my parent's' permission".

2nd and 3rd: no, no asking anything. by the time I met my husband(3rd fiancee) I was almost 30 so that just seemed silly.

 

[cornflake]

Really. I can't name one person I know that kept her maiden name.

I think I know one that uses her husband's name, though I don't know if she uses it just personally.

 

[catycatcat4]

I would feel disrespected if a guy asked my parents first.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would feel disrespected if a guy asked my parents first.

I agree- It sure would have put a damper on things because I wouldn't want to be with a guy that would do that.
As far as keeping the last name I really really hope my daughter doesn't change hers when she gets married! Or at the very least hyphenate it! Even better have HIM change HIS last name to hers!

 

[kamik86]

My husband asked one time when we talked about getting married if he should. I told him no, I'm my own person and my father doesn't own me. I love my father but if for some reason he said no (and my Dad likes DH so no reason he would have) I still would have married him anyway.

Besides my mom might have said no... I am the baby of the family and mom didn't like me growing up... especially since I was only 19 when I was proposed to. Dad said congratulations when he found out. Mom asked why.

 

[mhsjax]

I will admit upfront that I have an interest in the history of marriage traditions and did research on it throughout university. I'm heading back to do my masters with a focus on the education of women on a global level. So, yes, I guess this is one of those issues that gets my underpants in a bunch. Everyone has a few.



I was not walked down the isle, I did not wear a veil, and I kept my own last name. I also bought my husband and engagement gift because I thought it was unfair that I received a gift when we got engaged but he didn't. I bought him a piano.

Many of the wedding traditions we see as sweet are steeped in very sexist history, and most of them center on the woman "changing" as her role passes from daughter to wife, and her ownership changes hands from her father to her husband. If you are actually interested, there's a great book called The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-first Century by Anne Kingston. It's a well written overview of a many of the marriage traditions and their history.

I think too many people do get the panties in a wad over things like this. Sure if the world really thought that women were still property, it would be a problem. But here, we aren't. And those that still think so, well then stupid woman for marrying them in the first place, and if it got far enough for the man to ask the father, then the bride is at fault for not being woman enough to think for herself or to dumb to realize and maybe she does need to be taken care of. I think that some of the over the top attitudes of being offended are what give equal rights a bad name. Man haters, Gloria Steinem or what ever her crazy woman's name was.comes to mind. If people don't like the tradition, then so be it, don't do it. But to be so offended is kind of silly to me.

My DH didn't ask my fathers permission, but my dad did walk me down the isle and "give me away". My father wasn't a stupid man, he knew he didn't own me, he had way too much respect for women, and he was a depression baby, so he was around way before the women's movement. But there is no way I would have not had my father do this, I LOVED it. If others don't, fine, but really no need to get so offended by tradition. If people want to really get upset, get upset over female castration, something that is still going on in other countries, something real and very much worth being offended and outrages, knot some silly tradition that has no meaning what so ever at this point in time.

 

[ilovemk76]

Really. I can't name one person I know that kept her maiden name.

I can name quite a few. I am one. The ones who take the husbands names are usually not the professional women and the ones who keep their name are professional women.

I know nobody with a hyphenated name.

I do know many women who changed their name and then got divorced. Many went back to their maiden name, as they did not want to keep a name of another man. This even happens when the woman has kids.

 

[SaraJayne]

I can name quite a few. I am one. The ones who take the husbands names are usually not the professional women and the ones who keep their name are professional women.

I know nobody with a hyphenated name.

I do know many women who changed their name and then got divorced. Many went back to their maiden name, as they did not want to keep a name of another man. This even happens when the woman has kids.

I meant that I personally know. All the professional women I know took their husband's names.

My sister has a hyphenated name...my BIL also has a hyphenated name. He took my sister's last name and added it to his own.

All the divorced women I know have kept their married names, even when they don't have kids.

Just goes to show how different our worlds are.

 

[punkin]

Hmm, I kept my own name (discussed it with DH); I wore white (never considered anything else); had my mother and stepfather walk me down the aisle while DH's mother and father walked him down the aisle (nothing sexist there!); both DH and I wear wedding rings; and it never occurred to DH to ask anyone other than me for my hand in marriage. I can imagine my stepfather saying NO!!! Luckily it was no one's decision but my own.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do not expect my future SIL's to ask DH. Heck, we told dd's they could elope if they want.

 

[suzannen]

My SIL did not ask for my and my DH's permission or blessing, that wasn't necessary, but he did come to tell us he'd bought the ring & wanted us to be a part of it. He planned a surprise dinner with his family and our family immediately after the proposal to celebrate. My DD was so shocked and excited to see us all waiting in the restaurant and it was wonderful to celebrate that moment with her. I thought that was a thoughtful thing to do.

And, as far as the name changing: thus far, every one of my DD's friends who have gotten married in the last few years (about 20) have all taken the groom's name, so it's still quite common. And, they are all professional women in NYC.

 

[Andtototoo]

If my dh had asked my father, I would have been incensed. My father had very little to do with raising me even though we lived in the same house. By the time I got married, I most certainly did not "belong" to him, if I ever had. Asking my father for permission to marry me would have been something I found highly disrespectful of me.

My father, naturally, was incensed he wasn't asked. Too bad for him I didn't care.

The one big thing I regret about my wedding is allowing my mother to guilt-trip me into allowing my father to walk me down the aisle. She promised he would behave. I was young and stupid and believed her. He managed to mock me, make it all about himself and turn it into a negative memory within 15 seconds of appearing in the church vestibule. I did not include a picture of the two of us walking down the aisle in my wedding album. If I had a do-over, I would refuse so I wouldn't have the memory either.

--

Note however that I kept my name when I got married. IMO, my name had nothing to do with my father, it was just mine. (And my father thought it was heinous that I was keeping my own name. His father -- my grandfather -- thought it was awesome.)

As far as the number of women who kept their name or who didn't, I've just gotten on Facebook recently and connected with my old high school classmates and one of the first things I noted was that the vast majority of my female classmates go by their birth name. Either they kept it when they got married or reverted to it after divorce.

 

[disykat]

=
As far as the number of women who kept their name or who didn't, I've just gotten on Facebook recently and connected with my old high school classmates and one of the first things I noted was that the vast majority of my female classmates go by their birth name. Either they kept it when they got married or reverted to it after divorce.

I took my husband's name, but you'd never know it by my facebook page. I'm on facebook using my maiden name for professional privacy reasons. One of my close friends uses her maiden name professionally, hyphenates legally, but uses her married name on facebook.

 

[SaraJayne]

As far as the number of women who kept their name or who didn't, I've just gotten on Facebook recently and connected with my old high school classmates and one of the first things I noted was that the vast majority of my female classmates go by their birth name. Either they kept it when they got married or reverted to it after divorce.

Many women on FB use their maiden name so people that knew them before they were married can find them.

I had my maiden name on my FB account...doesn't mean I use it in my every day life.