Did you see this: Marie Claire magazine posts "Should fatties get a room?" article.

[FireDancer]

Okay then, I will give you the small benefit of the doubt here.

But, know that YES, for many women, there ARE factors in their health and their life that are not within their control.

And, also know, that some of the comments in your prior post do indeed come off in a negative way.

Either the writing is on the wall, or choose your words more carefully.

If it came off as I was lumping everyone into the same category that wasn't my intent. As I said above, I was just talking about one specific subset of the group, not the group. Perhaps it doesn't come across that way in writing.

I would also hypothesize that many people, both men and women, who are under the impression that some factor is out of their control are wrong about it. Again, not all, but some. This is true about a lot of things, not just health and weight.

Just my opinion of course, anyone is free to disagree with it. I like having rational conversation about opposing views but many times it turns into name calling and finger pointing.

 

[Cinderella94]

Just my opinion of course, anyone is free to disagree with it. I like having rational conversation about opposing views but many times it turns into name calling and finger pointing.

Otherwise this wouldn't be the DIS!

 

[onelilspark]

I have a heart problem that I was born with. I cannot run, I can sprint, I can power walk, but a long distance run? I just can't do it. I've tried going to a normal gym and I feel ridiculous because I know people are in there watching me. Judging me because I can't work out the way other people do. So yeah, it's rather difficult for me to find the motivation to go. (And no, I'm not overweight. So I'm speaking to this as a normal, "healthy" individual.) I did go to Curves for a while because it's not someplace I need to worry about my heart rate, it gets elevated but because it's targeted at older women, it never gets to the point that it's dangerous for me. Their hours are AWFUL. So I go when I can, but it's not something I can do on a regular basis. I do take long walks with my dog...but winter is coming up and well, it snows here. A lot.

The thing is, it's very easy to sit there and say well if you do X, Y, Z, you'll lose weight and be healthy. Well no...I can't. And if I'm a normal weight person who feels like all the eyes at the gym are on me, imagine being overweight or obese, knowing you need to lose weight, but that people think you're "disgusting." Just try putting yourself in their shoes.

A little compassion goes a long way. I don't think the author really needed to apologize, but if Marie Claire wants to keep readers, keep subscribers, then well, yeah...she needed to apologize. But, the way she wrote her apology, it didn't come off as sincere. So I won't read Marie Claire again. That's my prerogative. And I will speak out against that article to let people who are "fatties" know that not everyone thinks that way. It really saddens me to know how arrogant and hateful some people can be.

 

[minniecarousel]

Uh. . .not really.

Here are some interesting pics. They are from a Mark Fast fashion show. He hired two 14 "plus" size models to walk with the non-plus size models.

Apparently the fat girls:

And their "normal" model counterparts:

OMG! Are the first two really size 14's? They look good, except for their facial expressions. The 3rd & 4th look sick - is this really what a normal-sized woman is supposed to look like? They DON'T look healthy! (& they don't look like they work out; they look like they starve themselves!)

 

[FireDancer]

...I've tried going to a normal gym and I feel ridiculous because I know people are in there watching me. Judging me because I can't work out the way other people do...

...And if I'm a normal weight person who feels like all the eyes at the gym are on me, imagine being overweight or obese, knowing you need to lose weight, but that people think you're "disgusting." Just try putting yourself in their shoes...

I can only speak for me but I don't pay that much attention to anyone else at the gym. If I see someone overweight I don't think they are disgusting or anything else, I think good for them, just like I do almost everyone at the gym.

I hear a lot of people say that people at the gym do this but have never once overheard anyone at the gym make a derogatory remark about anyone. I'm sure it happens but it isn't an epidemic. I think this is a reality and perception differ situation IMO.

 

[Nancyg56]

I agree that it's normal to have curves, but that doesn't mean you have to be a size 14. I'm a size 4 with curves, and I like to think I'm representative of the average woman.

I am kind of shocked that so many think 12 and 14 equal fat. I am afraid that there are a lot of people who assume that if one is not what fashion magazines have personified the ideal woman to be then that woman is fat.

My sister is about a size 14 adn holy smokes! She is drop dead lovely. I am a 10, just up from a size 8, and am not in near the shape she is in. Our friend's wife just lost a lot of weight and honestly, she may be that size 6 but she looks like a walking skeleton.

I would think that while you are representative of one segment of our population you are not representative of the average woman.

 

[TinklednPants]

Now I am an OK weight but nowhere near as fit as I used to be and yes, I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME. So before you chastise me thinking "Oh, poor overweight girl making excuses"

And yet it looks like you've been going back and forth with Firedancer for the last 2 hours ??

 

[Mermaid02]

This thread is making me hungry.....

 

[TinklednPants]

At the moment I prefer to spend the hours I used to sweat in a gym with my kids instead of dumping them with a babysitter. When they're older, sure I'll go back. .

Why can't you exercise at home? You could be jogging in place right now. Or doing some free weights.

 

[onelilspark]

I don't see anything terribly wrong about what she wrote. She's not saying she hates obese people, she just saying she doesn't want to watch them on tv. Most people share her viewpoint. This is why dating shows on tv (Millionaire Matchmaker, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette) always have good looking, thin, fit people on them.

I remember a few years ago there was a copycat of The Bachelor but the bachelor was a huge obese guy and had his choice of huge obese women. The show got horrible ratings and was destroyed on a weekly basis by Joel Mchale on The Soup.

It's just a fact.

You know what? I watched an episode of that show. Want to know why I stopped?

Because the women were annoying and whiny, "Oh I'm so heavy I'll never find a man!" WAH! WAH!

Grow a pair. Learn to love yourself because you are worth it.

So yeah, I stopped watching that show, but it certainly wasn't because I wasn't comfortable seeing overweight people.

 

[NikitaZee]

I've been reading these posts and sitting on my hands trying not to respond.... but this finally did it for me..!! I'm gonna keep it short so I don't get bashed.

I have been a size 22, and i have been a size 2.. and it's hard as hell-- I know-- and I've seen it from every angle. Right now I'm very happy with my body at 5'1 and a size 6. I have 2 small kids-- 7 and 2.. and I work 40+ hours a week as a director of Customer Service for an international company... I have no family in my state to help .

It's entirely possible to live my life AND go to the gym and have a healthy body.. Is it easy? No. Do I have to get up early or stay up late to fit in my hours at the gym? Yes. It's about making it a priority.... I'm not sure how eyerolling and assuming a lot about someone's lifestyle is really going to get this thread anywhere. So really to assume that because someone makes their wellbeing one of their priorities that they don't know what it's like to work hard and have a family is just as the attitude you are complaining about in this article.

No bashing here. Frankly, I'm surprised at the bashing you've been getting for your post. I'm another one who makes it a priority to stay fit, and some days it's damned hard. Why others consider that bragging, I don't understand. If someone comes on here and says I'm just too busy, it's not a priority right now, etc. yet someone else posts that they DO make time for it - my response is great - good work, I know how hard it is.

 

[onelilspark]

I can only speak for me but I don't pay that much attention to anyone else at the gym. If I see someone overweight I don't think they are disgusting or anything else, I think good for them, just like I do almost everyone at the gym.

I hear a lot of people say that people at the gym do this but have never once overheard anyone at the gym make a derogatory remark about anyone. I'm sure it happens but it isn't an epidemic. I think this is a reality and perception differ situation IMO.

Isn't perception what matters? I mean, here you have a writer stating publicly that she finds fat people so disgusting that she doesn't even want to watch them walk across a room. What does that do to someone's psyche? Here's one person stating it on a large platform, so to someone that is trying to change their life around, wouldn't that make you stop and ask who else thinks that way?

 

[luvmy3]

I am kind of shocked that so many think 12 and 14 equal fat. I am afraid that there are a lot of people who assume that if one is not what fashion magazines have personified the ideal woman to be then that woman is fat.

My sister is about a size 14 adn holy smokes! She is drop dead lovely. I am a 10, just up from a size 8, and am not in near the shape she is in. Our friend's wife just lost a lot of weight and honestly, she may be that size 6 but she looks like a walking skeleton.

I would think that while you are representative of one segment of our population you are not representative of the average woman.

Its all relative, I'm a size 10 to 12 and I'm fat, not because a magazine tells me I am, because the mirror does.

 

[hambirg]

Of course they can, I agree with you. I'm not making that assumption. I am speaking specifically towards the people responding here that claim it is impossible to balance health and life and those people exclusively. Nothing more.

I don't have to make assumptions when people post their feelings and opinions, I know.

I'm not applying it to the over weight population in general but the subset of that population who throw their hands up and say there is nothing they can do about it. Even if they try their hardest and fail at least they made the effort. I have way more respect for those that try and fail at anything then just sit on the sidelines and wish they could.

I think the hole you have dug yourself is that it is not always everybody else's priority. And so what?

I've been all over the spectrum when it comes to fitness and weight. I was a competitive swimmer my whole youth. . .hard to get fat when your in the pool 5+ hrs a day. Never had a weight problem until after I had my oldest daughter. I was working full time, rushing to the daycare to pick up my kid, dropping her at home with Dad and then hitting the drive thru on my way to school. Not really conducive to losing weight. I did go to the Y every night after class from 9-11, doing the cardio bunny thing. Never worked for me . .that combination of stress, crappy food and lack of sleep. Even with the cardio, I never lost a pound. I had 2 more kids and was feeling right plump. Started training Strongman with some friends. . .eating clean. Not really to lose weight. . .just because I liked the competition. Boy did I find out what works for me! But fast forward through a divorce and a stressful 60+ hrs a week job. . .eating on the run again. Feeling a little plump again. BUT that's OK! I have other priorities right now. I have three kids to worry about and bills to pay. So what? I would like to start lifting again now that things are starting to settle into a routine, but I hurt my back at work and just found out yesterday that it looks like I tore my MCL too.

I guess the moral of the story is that people have different priorities and different situations at different times. Again. . .so what?! Does that somehow make somebody superior to somebody else? No! I take it you run marathons. If you broke your leg and weren't able to run for awhile, or life threw you some other curveball, does that somehow make you less of a person because you might put on some weight? No!

I find the most irony in this whole topic is that it is the point of view of an anorexic! It's like an acrophobic saying that they don't like tall buildings and that they are disgusting and shouldn't be built or she shouldn't ever have to see one. Holy Cow! Deal with your own issues missy before you start throwing around blanket judgements about how everybody else should have to conduct their lives to make life more pleasing for you!

 

[FireDancer]

I think the hole you have dug yourself is that it is not always everybody else's priority. And so what?

Hey, if it isn't a priority it isn't a priority. Just be honest that it isn't. The level of knowledge of you health that you posted would be beyond a lot of people. Saying what you said and "I don't know why I am this way" are very different. I suspect that most people who claim they don't know actually do but instead of looking inward it is easy to lash out at people, like some have done here.

I take it you run marathons. If you broke your leg and weren't able to run for awhile, or life threw you some other curveball, does that somehow make you less of a person because you might put on some weight? No!

I have never claimed here or anywhere else that I am any better then anyone nor that weight makes anyone more or less of a person (obvious size pun withstanding). I'm not sure where that came from. I think people aren't honest here or with themselves often about many things and one of those things is their weight. Not all, just some. It sounds like you have a 100% accurate view of your life and health. Many don't.

Whether you just won an Ironman race or get winded lifting a can of pop I don't really care as long as you are honest about why you are in either situation. I'm far more impressed with the former but don't think the later is unworthy of life.

What the author of the article thinks isn't what I think. Like most rational people I agree with a part of what anyone, including this author, says while also disagreeing with another part.

As for my overall view on obesity, which is an epidemic in this country (especially among kids) I think the easiest way to sum it up is this. There are some people who are obese and have no control over it, there are some people who are obese and are so out of shear laziness, the vast majority lie somewhere in the middle. I don't really care whether you are fat or skinny or where on that continuum you fall if you are obese, I just want people to be more honest with other people and themselves. It isn't a value judgment on my part, though it apparently comes across that way in writing, it is merely an observation. Information has never been easier to find or less expensive to read. If people choose to make it a priority to get in better shape or get their kids in better shape they can do it. If they choose not to make it a priority that is a choice in the majority of cases, not a destiny.

As I stated earlier, I have way more respect for someone who tries and fails than doesn't try at all. This is in regards to everything, not just this issue.

 

[wvjules]

I never said it was impossible. I said it was hard.

And you posting pictures of those women as an example of a "happy medium" is flat-out ridiculous. Those were professional athletes and many of them did not look all that different than what you see in magazines. Particularly the one who looked like she had a **** job or two.

By the way, I am not even overweight. I have a normal BMI. I was hugely fit and a gym rat before having kids. And now I am lucky to get a requisite walk for 30 minutes a day. I have a 3.5 year old and a one year old. Who still nurses all day long which is how I can get away with the calories I consume, I guess.

Now, when I was spending two hours a day a the gym 3 or 4 times a week, I looked a lot like the pictures you posted. If I do say so myself. Now I am an OK weight but nowhere near as fit as I used to be and yes, I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME. So before you chastise me thinking "Oh, poor overweight girl making excuses" maybe you should try thinking about circumstances other than your own. Like what about poor people, or people who cannot find a job or afford to shop for the expensive healthy foods. Look at the economy much? Not everyone is as privileged as you.

Oh, but I guess you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and all that. Well, don't pull a muscle patting yourself on the back.

You sound bitter and defensive.

 

[DWGal210]

FireDancer, I see where you're coming from & I agree with you. I personally can get defensive but on further reflection, I see what you're trying to say. And it is hard to sometimes get a tone via a message board.

As an aside, I heard 2 people having a VERY spirited debate on this article on a national news show. So feel better everyone, it's not just us having the discussion.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Why can't you exercise at home? You could be jogging in place right now. Or doing some free weights.

I have been "going at it" with Firedancer for 2 hours....with a nursing, sleeping child in my lap.

And yes, I can exercise at home. I do yoga twice a week. I have a treadmill at home. It doesn't get you in the kind of shape that makes up Firedancer's "happy medium". I know because I WAS super in shape. And it took hours at the gym and thousands of sit ups. Which took a lot more time than jogging in place.

And as for using free weights, lugging around my kids counts, I think.

 

[hambirg]

Hey, if it isn't a priority it isn't a priority. Just be honest that it isn't. The level of knowledge of you health that you posted would be beyond a lot of people. Saying what you said and "I don't know why I am this way" are very different. I suspect that most people who claim they don't know actually do but instead of looking inward it is easy to lash out at people, like some have done here.



I have never claimed here or anywhere else that I am any better then anyone nor that weight makes anyone more or less of a person. I'm not sure where that came from. I think people aren't honest here or with themselves often about many things and one of those things is their weight. Not all, just some. It sounds like you have a 100% accurate view of your life and health. Many don't.

Whether you just won an Ironman race or get winded lifting a can of pop I don't really care as long as you are honest about why you are in either situation. I'm far more impressed with the former but don't think the later is unworthy of life.

What the author of the article thinks isn't what I think. Like most rational people I agree with a part of what anyone, including this author, says while also disagreeing with another part.

As for my overall view on obesity, which is an epidemic in this country (especially among kids) I think the easiest way to sum it up is this. There are some people who are obese and have no control over it, there are some people who are obese and are so out of shear laziness, the vast majority lie somewhere in the middle. I don't really care whether you are fat or skinny or where on that continuum you fall if you are obese, I just want people to be more honest with other people and themselves. It isn't a value judgment on my part, though it apparently comes across that way in writing, it is merely an observation. Information has never been easier to find or less expensive to read. If people choose to make it a priority to get in better shape or get their kids in better shape they can do it. If they choose not to make it a priority that is a choice in the majority of cases, not a destiny.

As I stated earlier, I have way more respect for someone who tries and fails than doesn't try at all. This is in regards to everything, not just this issue.

Fair enough. . .but when people sound like they are supporting that author, who btw, sounds loopier than a noodle, it does come across as judgmental.

But to be honest. . .I think a lot of people that are obese really don't know. If they did we wouldn't have a multi-million dollar industry selling them crap that doesn't work. And it's not as simple as to tell everybody to eat less and exercise more. It's just not that simple. Different things work for different people. I am just very lucky that I have some very knowledgeable friends, because trust me when I say I tried some pretty whacky things before I figured out what worked for me. There are so many factors that go into what is going to be successful for a given individual. I think some people just need to see some kind of fast results, and when they don't they figure it's not working. Little do they know that maybe just another few weeks of sticking to it, they might have seen some dramatic results. They have to find some way to burn that they enjoy or it will be hard to stick with it. they have to figure out a way to eat that works for them and that they can live with. So I think saying, eat less and exercise more is akin to telling the anorexic to just eat something. It's not that easy. If it was everybody would be their ideal body weight and we could all call it a day.

 

[FireDancer]

FireDancer, I see where you're coming from & I agree with you. I personally can get defensive but on further reflection, I see what you're trying to say. And it is hard to sometimes get a tone via a message board.

As an aside, I heard 2 people having a VERY spirited debate on this article on a national news show. So feel better everyone, it's not just us having the discussion.

I appreciate that. One threads like this I get flamed a lot for what people perceive I say as opposed to what I actually say or intend to mean. I'm sure the inability to convey tone has a lot to do with in too.

Also, using myself as an example is often mis-perceived as bragging or claiming I am better than someone. It is merely me trying to show that I practice what I preach because I find those who are all talk and no action to be hypocrites and in almost every situation we are our own best reference. Nothing more.

As for the national debate, this article made the home page of CNN so it is being talked about in a lot of places. Some are calm and rational and some are overly emotional tirades.