Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[scraptoons]

Whoa!

I just saw some pretty strong opinions on this subject.

I know how it feels to get invitations and stuff for people I hardly know, or don't particularly feel close to.
I don't understand why people feel like they have to respond to everything. The parties (or whatever you want to call them) are just opportunities that these people want to extend to you.
Most of the time its a way of letting you know of their special events in life.

I just don't go to them all. We send a card, or just simply tell them congrats and express our joy for them.

Everyone around here knows that you can't go to everything, or simply afford to buy or give money.
There is no police that will come arrest you if you don't give a gift or attend.

You have a right to choose how to use your time and money. If those people hold a grudge, it's not worth stressing over their feelings. Sometimes these people are not happy unless they have a grudge (I've known a few).

Lots of times I'd say, I'm sorry, but we are unable to get you anything at this time. Most of the time they laugh it off and say they didn't expect it.

Half the time these same people have turned down many invitations and gift giving opportunities themselves. It's life.

 

[4greatboys]

I'm really surprised that some people are associating a baby shower with financially being able to support a child?? Come on...people are not asking others to financially support their children. It's a traditional event just like a bridal shower, a 16th birthday party, a baptism....And can you honestly tell me there is a time in everyone's life when they all of a sudden realize they can support a child????? If you're waiting for the "right time" to come along to have a baby and you think you can support it forever, you're never going to have a family. Jobs change, salaries change, people get laid off, etc.....

My point is - DH & I can support our family with no help. I'm not having a 2nd shower just because I really could care less about it. However having a 2nd shower should have nothing to do with your finances. It's a celebration. You have a birthday every year, right?? Many kids & adults expect a birthday present every year. But go ahead, I'm sure you'll tell me you don't expect a birthday present!

Thanks...thats what I wanted to say but you said it so much better.

 

[ckoncurat]

Depends on what kind of shower. In my area, a baby shower is when a group of FREINDS get together, in someones HOUSE, to enjoy snacks and celebrate the mom. I think thats appropriate for any baby, as long as someone wants to throw it. If you are talking about a formal, catered affair with real invitations and lots of people invited, then more than one for the same sex baby is a little tacky. In general, I don't think anyone should feel obligated to go to a baby shower unless you are a close friend of the new mother or the hostess.

 

[texasthree]

I have been invited to a lot of 2nd baby showers lately. I think its very rude myself. If your having a baby, even years apart, the responsibility to buy the items you need is yours. If close family members want to buy you a gift, thats wonderful and thoughtful but shouldnt be expected. When and if we are able to have another baby our children will be years apart and I have given away all of his baby items. I will be purchasing all new ones myself.

 

[Mickey Fanatic]

please delete double post

 

[Mickey Fanatic]

I have never heard of having a baby shower for a second baby. I always thought that it wasn't done! My sister is pregnant with her third and we only had a shower for her first. I do buy gifts after the baby is born but it is my niece or nephew, that's my choice (not always DH's). None of DHs relatives have had second baby showers either. There is a lot of passing things around though!

In our exended family we use a baby as an excuse to get together! It is a day to catch up and introduce the newest member of the family to their aunts, uncles and cousins. Gifts are not expected.

 

[fancythemouse]

Oh wow, thats wierd we always have a baby shower for an expecting mom in our family, no matter if its their first or 5th.

 

[fancythemouse]

but then again the baby showers were always a surprise of the expectant mother, given by their mother or sister or other female relative.

 

[ameraumi]

I do not know why people get their undies in a bunch over a 2nd or 3rd baby shower. If you do not like the thought of it, do not go!

I was given a shower for my 2nd baby. This was DH's & mine 1st, plus there are 8 yrs in between the two kiddos. I didn't give it another thought as it not being PC. Oh well to each their own.

 

[marcyinPA]

I've been to a few 2nd and 3rd showers in my circle of friends. I'm pretty indifferent about them. I know that Miss Manners would say "tacky", but I'd assume that the pregnant woman never throws herself a shower...that the shower is thrown for her by friends/family. I figure if someone wants to do something nice like that for someone else, than so be it!

I have two boys, 4 years apart. My best friend threw me a "Welcome Baby" party when my 2nd DS was born. He was about a month old when the party was given, and a few close friends and family members attended. I had requested "NO GIFT" but I did state that diapers were always needed and welcomed. I received many packages of Pampers that day, along with a few gifts from people who I guess just really wanted to spoil us with something nice. It was a low key event, mainly given for people to meet our new addition. I thought it was really nice!!

 

[kizmac]

I do not know why people get their undies in a bunch over a 2nd or 3rd baby shower. If you do not like the thought of it, do not go!

I was given a shower for my 2nd baby. This was DH's & mine 1st, plus there are 8 yrs in between the two kiddos. I didn't give it another thought as it not being PC. Oh well to each their own.

I don't think anyone is getting their undies in a bunch over it. The OP asked peoples opinion on the topic of second, third, etc...baby showers and people are responding. I highly doubt anyone really sits around dwelling on the issue and I'm sure the ones that don't think they are appropriate don't go.

Obviously, situations are different for everyone so there are exceptions. I've been invited to wedding showers for people I didn't even know! Tacky...yes. It is those situations that are extremely tacky and purely people being "gift grabby" Those are mostly what we are talking about being tacky. Not the close gathering of a small circle of friends giving gifts to the mothers to be that would likely give a gift even without the baby shower. It's the ones that great Aunts and 4th cousins and a daughters of a friend that have a shower for every baby and invites you each time that most are talking about.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

I think this is hugely tacky! A baby isn't an excuse to grab for "stuff", and the baby doesn't care if they have new things. Since when are "new" things required for a normal life event?

Every baby should be celebrated, but not with a shower after the first. I'm even iffy on showers on babies spaced far apart. One is the most I'd ever do for anyone.

I like you!!!! We had a lady at church they had a shower for, it was her 4th child, and it had been 5 years since her last child. I though ok. Then the same lady gets pregnant with her 5th child and she hints she needs another shower cause this ones a girl. So they had another shower. Because of my position I had to attend

 

[DisneyPhD]

Where I come from a 2nd shower for 2nd or more child just isn't done. (unless there are "other circumstances" different father, more then 5 years apart, or more then 3 kids and gave all the other stuff away.)

Having said that I have 2 girls 3 1/2 year apart. I didn't want a 2nd shower, I do think it is tacky, I would be embaresed to have one.

However when I was around 8 months pregnant I did feel a little sad that we didn't have any celebration for the baby with friends. It pretty much goes unnoticed. My 1st baby my in laws cried when we told I was pregnant, my 2nd my family was like "but you are still going back to school right???" (um, just so you know I have a 2 college degrees already, a BSW and a MSW, I was considering finishing a 2nd bachlors degree in Sign Lanuage, I am a few credits short of it.) The only person who was truely excited for us was my best friend (who then became pregnant with her 2nd child 4 week later, I was the only one who was super excited for her too.)

I do think a baby shower invite does come with the assumtion you bring a gift unless other wise stated.

I kind of wish we had a "baby coming BBQ anti shower" at our house our something like that (that we paid for, I wouldn't want family to be feel they should pay for it.) Just everyone in the back yard to say "gee you look good no mater how big you get" type of thing. No gifts, just friends and family getting together. Our house was under construction so we didn't, just I feel a little bad our 2nd child really is the "Low man on the toodom pole." However she doesn't mind and is the most relaxed laid back kid ever. I guess all the lack of fuss over her has some good aspects too.

 

[84disney]

I guess I really am different. I tend to believe people send invites because they may be afraid to hurt feelings or something even better...like they like you . I could never KNOW someone was being "grabby" because they sent me an invite. I have had my feeling a little hurt when I did not get an invitation. But I just realized they might have been afraid of looking like they were "grabby!" I just don't understand how you know what feelings are behind every invitation. I just can't think of anyone I have known that I would classify as "grabby." If i did not want to go, which RARELY happens, or if I can't go, tha tis fine. I am usually very excited to go and visit and celebrate!!

 

[kpm76]

One of the issues going on here is that we are looking for one answer to a question that has multiple outcomes. Some of us live in urban settings, some in rural where traditions may be different depending on location; some of us have very large families, thus an abundance of obligations, while some have small families and welcome more invitations to events. Some of us have very active church groups where having showers etc. is a tradition, while others do not belong to such organizations. I've learned alot by reading many of the responses. Some have suggested just declining an invitation but sometimes that is not possible....it's an obligation. Right or wrong, that's just how it is. I guess we just have to agree to disagree on whether it's tacky or not to have multiple showers.

 

[MissKIA]

You wanna hear tacky? We were sent an invitation by the parents for their third child's christening recently. On the bottom of the invitation said "Presentation only please". Which where we come from means they want money. ONLY.

As far as the baby shower thing goes, I only had one for my first child and that is the way we do it in our family. I could see though if someone had a baby years later it might be acceptable. However whenever a baby is born, first, second, third, tenth we always go to the hospital with a gift, so it's not really necessary for another shower.

On the topics of weddings, well my husband and I have been married two years now. I was divorced and he was a widower. After my divorce I was left with virtually nothing and my present husband didn't really have a whole lot either and what he did have was pretty old and falling apart. My best friend threw a jack and jill house party/shower type thing for us (close friends and family only!). I felt a little awkward about it, but she insisted. We didn't expect gifts, but we sure did appreciate the ones we got! And we also had a great time too!

 

[jessica52877]

I think it is common now a days for most people to have a shower for each child. I find the whole thing tacky. As in, I feel like people invite others just to get gifts therefore I didn't have one for my son. That is a personal feeling and maybe because I have known too many who told me straight out that is why they were having one. Just my thoughts. I am really old fashioned, so two would be out of the question!

 

[ceiligh1]

When I got married I didn’t have a bridal shower, while it was my first wedding I didn’t want to seem like I was asking for gifts. I asked my bridesmaids not to have one for me. Since that time I have discovered that at least for my family and friends the "showers" are not for the giving of gifts. I feel that if a person feels the need to go to a shower and bring a gift, then typically that gift would be given anyway, shower or not. Instead, at least for all of us, they are for celebration of the person or people involved. It is a celebration of that special point in their life, not a way of trying to garner as many gifts as possible. I guess I think that if a second shower is a way of trying to get "extra" gifts then why would the first not be seen in the same way. Why does having a kid already make a difference, if it is need based then who is to say they don’t need even more help with two kids instead of one? Some of my closest family and friends were very disappointed not to be able to have had that with my DH and me at our wedding.

This reminded me of an older girl in my church who became pregnant in high school. She was giving the baby up for adoption but we had a shower for her anyway. We all brought her things to take care of her, celebrate the person she was, and support her in this time in her life. We wanted to pamper her a bit. I would hate to think that she could never have another shower to celebrate another future baby with friends and family.

I did not read all the posts and it seems like there are strong feelings on either side of the issue. This is just how it worked out for us, our family and friends.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Of course people can go beyond bringing diapers if they wish. By calling it a diapering, it lets people know that big gifts are not expected.

I will say it again -- 2nd baby showers are INAPPROPRIATE. They are tacky. No matter how you twist it and bend it. Just because they are becoming more common now does not make them more appropriate. It simply means more people are doing it.

Emily Post disagrees as was posted a few pages ago.

Whether you think they are tacky or inappropriate doesn't really matter. It does not violate the rules of etiquette as many posters have tried to point out.

 

[keagansmom]

I personally don't have a problem with it. I think every child should be celebrated! However, there's any easy solution if you're offended--don't go. We have done some interesting showers for 2nd and 3rd babies with my friends such as doing a diaper shower- where everyone brings diapers only- Somehting you need with every baby. We've also done a quilt shower where the guest decorate a piece of fabric at the shower (luckily my cousin quilts and then she makes the quilt)-- it makes a unique keepsake for each child-- no one brings gifts, just decorates the quilt. We've also done a room decorating shower-- no one brings gifts but we all show up for a day to help the new parents paint, put together the furniture, etc... So, you can do a lot of things to celebrate the new baby without it being the traditional everyone bring a gift thing.