Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[kjetjl]

When I was pregnant with my fifth child, my sister-in-law offered to have a 2nd shower. She was younger when I had my first and just wanted to do something nice. I am not a big "shower" person so at first I tried to decline the offer. I really did not get the whole 2nd shower thing.

After a while, I agreed because she was so sincere in her offer and why she wanted to do that for me and her new nephew. Didn't end up having the shower because my dad got sick and there just was never a good time but it changed my opinion about 2nd showers. Some are rude and all about the 'gifts' and some are sincere 'gifts' of the heart!!

 

[Cory's Gal]

A 2nd shower, one that you register for, to me is not necessary. DH and I are trying to get pregnant with our second baby, my son is 2 and a half. I will recognize the birth of my second child with a "Welcoming Party". Invite family and friends over to meet the new baby. There won't be games & prizes, just a little dessert, it will be set up more like an open house, like from 1pm-3pm. Gifts will not be expected, but I know many will want to bring a little something. We will be doing this for my sister in law who is expecting their second this fall. I think it's a nice way to celebrate the new arrival without going overboard!!

 

[disneynewbee]

I also don't find 2nd, 3rd showers etc rude. I think of a shower as a celebration of a new life not an obligation. I only attend showers for people I am close to who I would purchase a gift for anyway so it's not like it costs me anything extra anyway. My mom hosted my first shower which included all the games etc. for my first baby girl. I had my second dd 9yrs later and my sister hosted a shower. There was a big age gap and my 2nd dd was my dh's first child so it was a full friends/family party rather than just women. My third dd was born 3yrs later and we did not have a shower for her. My mom offered but we declined so instead she just took the money she would have spent on a shower and gave it to us as a gift. My younger sister has four children one girl 6yo and 3 boys ages 2yo,1yo, and newborn. She had a shower for all of them even though the 3 boys were all only 1yr apart. For her last shower they did a diaper shower since obviously she had everything else for a little boy.

 

[castleview]

Three kids and only one shower for me. That was enough.

On the other hand, SIL had a shower for all four kids. At first I was mortified, but when I RSVPd, her hostess (her sister) always said "don't go crazy, she's got enough."

Looking back, I may have been more ticked off simply because I have better things to do than go to a baby shower!

 

[klineyqueen]

My DSis in laws and myself each had a BIG BABY SHOWER for our first born. When we each had number 2 baby we had a SMALL party (grandparents and aunts and uncles...in total about 8 people plus first borns.) We each bought baby number 2 a box of diapers!!!! It was more just to get together than anything else. I can't even imagine having a big shower and inviting friends and exteneded family!!!!

 

[gwcollins71]

We don't have second baby showers. However, we have small get togethers with our group of friends that has pretty much stayed the same since hs. We chip in or each bring little gifts. There are around 8 of us total in our circle. Just informal and just friends. Its about doing something nice for your friends and thier babies. Not about anything else.

Gretchen

 

[emh1129]

I agree completely! I'm so shocked that it's viewed as so tacky to have a second shower! I think EVERY baby deserves to be celebrated. It's a new life and a wonderful gift from God!

But then again, I view the shower as a celebration, not a reason to collect gifts. I was given 3 showers for my first baby, and none for my second. I was so hurt that no one wanted to celebrate that second baby, when I was just as excited about that one as I was the first! I certainly didn't intend to just "collect gifts" but I would've loved for friends and family to surround our family with love for that baby. It didn't happen. In my opinion, that's tacky. A diaper shower, book shower, luncheon, or anything else would have been a wonderful expression of love, in my opinion.

I'd throw a shower for a lady even if she were having her 9th baby! That child is still a little miracle.

I completely agree

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

I guess I'm in the minority. I've neither given nor been the guest of honor at a baby shower, despite having many friends with children and giving birth to some of my own. Right after school when the first of our group had a baby, we provided her with babysitting service on a rotating basis while we all studied for the bar. Since then, we've let the impending birth of a child (1st, 2nd or later) serve as an open invite for a gals' spa day. It's the anti-shower! We spend the day together and usually commemorate the occasion with a sterling or gold charm or other trinket for the soon to be mother's bracelet. It's been a neat way to stay in touch after all these years.

 

[pilgrimage]

In our neighborhood, the tradition is diapers and simple gifts like
baskets of powder, soap, lotion. Of course, close friends often
give new outfits, but the assumption is that the bassinet and bed
and major purchases are still usable. We want to celebrate the
gift of a new life, obviously, and pamper the mom. Often we'll give
a "casserole party"---fill the freezer with entrees for the first 2
weeks after the birth. It's affordable and very useful for the mom and
dad.

 

[BrcsDisneyPrncs]

I don't think its tacky at all. There is no rule that you have to purchase a gift to attend a shower, chances are, even just 2 years apart there are some individuals invited who weren't invited to the first, so she made a registry, doesn't mean people have to use it! A shower isn't about gifts, and the disconcerting thing is that so many responses to the OP seem to view it that way, a shower, be it bridal or baby, is to celebrate a major life event, the joining or adding of family, not gifts. We often have multiple baby showers just as a chance to get together and catch up with family members who are far apart. Often gifts are purchased, but its completely discretionary (and mostly because we love pawing through the adorable baby sections at the store!) You are absolutely entitled to your feeling and your opinion, but go into the shower ready to celebrate the baby and not feeling upset that this is a second shower, as many posters before me have stated, is this baby not as special or important as the first? While large items like furniture may not be needed, every baby needs new soap, powder diapers etc. Personally, even to just get a greeting card that says "congratulations, and we're thinking about you" would be perfect, just another way to express your love to someone!

 

[HunnyPots]

Around here it is very divided on the issue of second showers. Mostly the blue-haired set that finds it so offensive. What seems to be a good compromise is a diaper shower for second or third showers. I mean, you can't have too many disposable diapers.
One thing I have always been taught though, is that it is not proper to host a shower for an immediate family member. Around here, that is considered as tacky as hosting one for yourself. Hmmm... interesting.

 

[Mono~rail]

Here are some links with info on this topic. It seems as if there is no right or wrong answer to this anymore.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower

http://www.parents.com/parents/stor...rents/story/data/1105.xml&catref=prt58&page=2

http://www.birthdayinabox.com/lobby.asp-page-showerEtiq

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/etiquette/second-baby-shower-oct01

http://www.babyshowerdepot.com/baby_shower_etiquette.html

http://entertaining.about.com/cs/showers/a/secondbabyshow.htm

*****************************************************

Unless it is the pregnancy of a very close friend, I always buy a pack of diapers, pack of wipes, bottle of baby bath, bottle of baby lotion, and put it in a new laundry basket (because they are gonna need it ).

Personally, I'd rather have an unmedicated root canal than sit through a shower of any kind. They are just not my idea of fun.

 

[hornedfrog]

I mean, look at the concept of no white after labor day. Is this really offensive in any way?

Actually, Emily Post/Peggy Post has deemed that it is entirely okay to wear white after labor day. As far as I am aware, Miss Manners has never taken issue with it, either. It never really was a breach of etiquette, it has always just been a custom that was adopted as a societal 'rule'...but it never had a thing to do with etiquette. The only time that it goes against etiquette to wear white is when attending another bride's wedding or else (in some cases) a funeral!

For those of you who think subsequent showers are tacky, WHO is being tacky?

My best friend offered to throw me a shower during my second pregnancy. My response was, "I wouldn't dream of having another...my first one was so amazing and people - including you - were so incredibly generous! I wouldn't dream of asking for that kind of generousity again! However, I do want to celebrate and recognize the new addition. I am thinking about throwing a Welcome Home party after the baby is born. What do you think?" She actually hosted the Welcome Home party at her house for me.

As far as those who do have subsequent showers...if a potential hostess makes an offer to throw a shower, the correct action would be for the mother to decline the offer...politely, of course. If the hostess becomes insistent, then the mother delicately manuevers the party away from being a shower (using my method or any other that might work). Now there are cases where the shower is a surprise shower...in that case, of course the mother cannot be held responsible in any way! I have always just assumed in those circumstances that the hostess didn't know any better and I participate gladly...because I have always felt in those cases like it was an honest mistake and not done out of greed or any other negative motive. But if the mother is providing addresses, registering or participating in the planning in any other way, then yes...she is doing so against the rules of etiquette.

A shower, by definition, is all about the gifts. That is why it is filled with so many etiquette landmines. There is no other celebration like it...not weddings, not birthday parties, nothing. A shower is about 'showering the honoree' with gifts. Again, etiquette takes no issue with celebrating all babies regardless of birth order. All that needs to be done is to change the name of the party and change the activities so that there is no opening-of-presents ceremony. With those changes, there are no etiquette problems. Simple! And, as a bonus, a sister or a mother can host a non-shower party!

 

[writersblock42]

I did not read through every single post so perhaps this has been already stated. I believe that Miss Manners says that with a second baby shower, you should really only invite close friends and family. But for the most part, people have second baby showers now. Especially in the north. My dad always complains when my mom gets invited to baby showers for people that haven't called or written in five years but want us to attend a baby shower for their daughter or their niece or whoever.

 

[bettyann29]

add me to the list of ones who didnt know it was considered "Unacceptable" to have a baby shower for a baby even if there is already a sibling.. I wouldnt think anything of it at all..

 

[kc10family]

I was given a 2nd shower for DD #2. I am glad my friends did. DD#2 was given a few things that I just know will be so meaningful to her when she is older. My Aunt made her her own baby blanket with burp cloths, and we have a few s[ecial frames along with a very special piggy bank.
These same items were given to DD#1 and I hate to think of howI would explain that she was important enough to others to be given a few special things from friend and family.

I have no issue with 2nd or more showers, I think (as many here have said) every child should be a celebration and given a proper welcome to the world.

 

[poshspice94]

Hmmm, there is a twofer in this one ...

"... When I spoke to people about what their thoughts were my husband's friends thought it was tacky and horrible. I'm reading this as jealousy perhaps, that my mom wants to throw me one? Some people here thought it was great, others hated it, but I guess it's your choice whether to attend right?"

Two issues: 1) is it covetous to want a shower for a 2d child? and 2) is it tacky for your mother to throw a shower in your honor?

Sorry, but the answer in both cases is yes. It is tacky for immediate family to throw ANY kind of shower, and a second one for a grandchild from the same child is doubly over the line. "Jealousy" doesn't come into it -- your DH's friends are horrified because you and your mother are about to embarrass yourselves. Also, as you can probably tell from a lot of the responses here, it really isn't just a matter of those who disapprove simply not attending -- it leaves a bad impression of your manners that will stay with them for quite a while. Be careful before you just randomly send invitations.

If your mother wants to throw a party celebrating the child's birth, that's fine; the Christening, etc. would be the most proper occasion for something like that, if you're religious. Otherwise it's fine to just have a party after the baby is born, to celebrate the new addition to the family, but don't open any gifts at the party, should you receive them. Save that for when you get home.

What I think people are misunderstanding here (and forgive me if it has been said already, as I haven't read the entire thread) is that a "shower" by definition is not just a party. It is a party hosted specifically for the purpose of equipping a newlywed or a new parent with the basics the FIRST time she/they take on that new status. Giving a wedding gift for a second marriage or a birthday gift to a new baby is not the same thing. A "shower" is very specifically oriented toward the exhibition of gifts, while a general party (other than a child's birthday party) is not.

Again let me stess, that everyone has an opinion that they feel is right and we should all respect that. However since this was my comment I must express the disgust I felt reading how you think my mother would "embarass herself" by throwing her daughter a shower. Who are you to even know about manners exactly? What you said, though your opinion was to me offensive. This is an incredibly hot topic where everyone wants to feel their point is valid. I can only assume you dont realize that you ignorant words were not not meant to offend. And by ignorant I mean to all on this thread, everyone lives different lives. This thread was never started to be mean and hurtful, but a good way to seek opinions from others. I will leave it at that.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Why is it unacceptable and tacky to throw a shower for someone in your immediate family .

I had my first child when I was 19. Who was suppost to throw the shower? My broke college friends? My mother threw it and neither one of us were embarrased about it.

If throwing a shower for someone in your family is tacky I'm just going to have to continue being tacky because I'm not stopping. Neither is anyone else in my family.

 

[poshspice94]

Maybe we should invent a whole new concept. Forget the baby shower thing. It seems to controversial. Let's invent the Celebration of a New Addition concept! It is not for transitioning the mom. It is for celebrating a new life. Gifts could be optional. Get together with friends and family and celebrate the fact that a new and special individual will soon be here! Of course, those who want to celebrate by giving cute baby gifts certainly could.

I think I'll market this idea. Just think...a whole new line of invites available. Hallmark will probably be contacting me this afternoon!

Wow, restarting this post after a year has created alot of controversy! I am responding to this one only because we will now be the first offical family who will use your as-of-yet not marketed idea! Everyone I spoke to loved this concept and my mom already said that the optional gifs idea was perfect. She is so excited to start her surprise theme party right away. Thank you for the great idea!

 

[teresajoy]

Around here it is very divided on the issue of second showers. Mostly the blue-haired set that finds it so offensive. What seems to be a good compromise is a diaper shower for second or third showers. I mean, you can't have too many disposable diapers.
One thing I have always been taught though, is that it is not proper to host a shower for an immediate family member. Around here, that is considered as tacky as hosting one for yourself. Hmmm... interesting.

Basically, my friends are all my immediate family, so it made sense that they threw me the showers. Actually, for my son, my first, no one wanted to throw me a shower. My Mom thought my MIL or SIL should do it, and they weren't planning on it, so my husband said HE'D throw it, since I was SO upset! Boy, I had forgotten ALL about that until just now! In the end, my Mom and sister ended up throwing it for me.

Around here, it's normal for family members to throw the shower.