DH...the scrooge

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Nope - my husband does no vacation planning at all. On his last trip to go see his parents, 3 days before he left he asked me to book him a hotel in their town for one night and book the rental car because he hadn't done it.

There were no available hotel rooms so he had to stay in a town 20 miles away and the rental car cost more than it would have if he had booked earlier. He wasn't happy.

For family trips, he tells me the length of time and tells me to plan it all and then usually about 3 weeks or so before the trip will want to change it to a shorter time and adds in things like wanting to drive someplace to visit friends of his for a day which is awfully boring for the kids and I.

I don't mind doing the planning. I think that's fun. But it always annoys me when he gives no input and then wants to change things up to something that only benefits him after I've done all that work and am having to cancel something that the kids and I were looking forward to.

 

[FigmentFinder]

For family trips, he tells me the length of time and tells me to plan it all and then usually about 3 weeks or so before the trip will want to change it to a shorter time and adds in things like wanting to drive someplace to visit friends of his for a day which is awfully boring for the kids and I.

Are you married to my husband too? That's the thing I hate the most when he throws it in on vacation. Hey, while we're down in Florida, lets visit some people you've never met that I went to church with 20 years ago.

 

[Ava83]

My DH could hang out with many of your non-planning partners!

I keep him up to date and ask questions when I need to. (I call them family vacation meetings and they are met eyerolls-from the WHOLE family) but I get my questions answered and we move on. I plan the ADR's with input.

DH does love going to Disney BUT he is not a morning person. This used to be a huge issue but through trial and error we figured it out. DD and I will do rope drop at the park of the day and when DH is up and ready to go he lets us know he's coming and we tell him where to meet us.

We also travel when Christmas is up (its what we do) and we only go every couple of year.

When my MIL took my DD and I last time Hubs told her to trust me with all the planning and she would have the best time ever...and she did

 

[DvF Diva]

Not to beat a dead horse, but I wanted to say that I certainly feel better now that I know that mine is not the only Scrooge of a husband out there. OP -- I was sure you were describing MY spouse when you wrote that description. I mean right down to the part where he won't even buy gifts for his own parents. I have to do ALL the gift shopping and holiday card writing around here. And if there are not enough present or cards sent, he gets angry with ME. And I have to pay for all those gifts with my own savings. I can't touch "HIS" money! Plus, I also pay for all these vacations from my savings from when I worked (I'm a SAHM since DS was born; daycare or nanny too expensive here in NYC). We live in a household where it is HIS money and I get a small trickle that barely covers groceries and household expenses. He has no idea how much things cost and refuses to pony up even though I've written down a budget to show him. Luckily for me, my parents end up buying groceries to help me feed DS3. Dh is out buying expensive sneakers sent from London for himself and I don't get a penny for anything for me, not clothing, not toiletries, nada.

I hope you feel better knowing that so many other people here can commiserate. ((hug))

I thought DH got his extreme dislike of Disney from his dad, but I guess a lot of guys don't like it.

The thing that irks me the most is that he's such a backseat driver. I wouldn't mind making all the plans if he'd just go with it. But he always has criticisms of how my plan is bad or stupid. And I always tell him that he has been welcomed to participate in the making of the plans, which he refused to do, so now it is too late to cop a bad attitude about what we're doing. *sigh*

I don't think boys ever grow up. I am hoping to raise my son differently, but who knows how much I can do as a parent. I already see how my DS has such a stubborn streak and utterly REFUSES to bow to parental authority at times. Then again, he's 3.

 

[nkereina]

My fiance also wants zero to do with the planning. There was a thread on here about a month ago posted by a woman venting that she did all the planning because her husband didn't want to help with planning, but a week before their trip he told her to factor in a lot of pool time which threw a wrench in her plans. I was shocked at all the people that jumped to the husband's defense saying "its his vacation too" when he did not take an active role in the planning to begin with! I think everyone on here who can relate to OP can understand what a debacle it is when non-planners start making last minute requests

 

[csjordan]

Not to beat a dead horse, but I wanted to say that I certainly feel better now that I know that mine is not the only Scrooge of a husband out there. OP -- I was sure you were describing MY spouse when you wrote that description. I mean right down to the part where he won't even buy gifts for his own parents. I have to do ALL the gift shopping and holiday card writing around here. And if there are not enough present or cards sent, he gets angry with ME. And I have to pay for all those gifts with my own savings. I can't touch "HIS" money! Plus, I also pay for all these vacations from my savings from when I worked (I'm a SAHM since DS was born; daycare or nanny too expensive here in NYC). We live in a household where it is HIS money and I get a small trickle that barely covers groceries and household expenses. He has no idea how much things cost and refuses to pony up even though I've written down a budget to show him. Luckily for me, my parents end up buying groceries to help me feed DS3. Dh is out buying expensive sneakers sent from London for himself and I don't get a penny for anything for me, not clothing, not toiletries, nada.

I hope you feel better knowing that so many other people here can commiserate. ((hug))

I thought DH got his extreme dislike of Disney from his dad, but I guess a lot of guys don't like it.

The thing that irks me the most is that he's such a backseat driver. I wouldn't mind making all the plans if he'd just go with it. But he always has criticisms of how my plan is bad or stupid. And I always tell him that he has been welcomed to participate in the making of the plans, which he refused to do, so now it is too late to cop a bad attitude about what we're doing. *sigh*

I don't think boys ever grow up. I am hoping to raise my son differently, but who knows how much I can do as a parent. I already see how my DS has such a stubborn streak and utterly REFUSES to bow to parental authority at times. Then again, he's 3.

Gosh, I don't know where to start here...not ALL guys hate Disney...My DS(15) is even more of an addict than me, as if that could even happen, LOL!!

I live with a DH who is/was a "his" money type of spouse. Now that my kids are older, I work a reduced-hour job, while they are in school, and have my own money. Since he considered his money "his", I recommended we consider separate bank accounts. I divided up the $ as a percentage of our income, both equal, and he agreed. This is a new procedure, which seems to be working, so far (with some tweeks here and there). I have put vacation money aside and still have $$ for my bills and the kids expenses.

For the record, I USED to be responsible for buying all gifts for family members, but put my foot down on that, and stuck to it. He now knows that if he is relying on me to buy his family gifts, he/they will be out of luck. I will not do it.

My DH does not have anything to do with planning either, but always has a great time when we go. We usually do discuss the hotel and ADR's.

We were in Orlando twice this past year, one trip exclusively to WDW and the other to Universal/Seaworld/Busch Gardens, ect... My brother and his wife told us, after our second trip, that they want to take their toddler twins for the first time, and I said...I'm there...my husband said...we hadn't planned ANOTHER trip...SO, we are going with them next Summer, BUT taking a break in 2015 to go out west for DH's kind of trip!! He knows I would not dream of missing my niece and nephews first trip to WDW! Relationships are so difficult sometimes. Different things work for different couples.

P.S. Don't give up on your son. Disney has been such a blessing in mine and my DS and DDs lives. We always discuss Disney (almost daily...what's going on on the Disboards, etc...). It has opened up the doors to so many discussions about so many other things in life. My kids know we can talk about ANYTHING!! That is key during the tween/teen years!

 

[sb682]

I know the thread is old, but I commented a while back that we were going to sit down and have a pre-trip meeting 2 weeks out. It turned out to be a great idea! DH, my sister and I agreed on park days, and everyone said what their must-dos were. All DH wanted was to drink around World Showcase, eat at a TS restaurant there (we'd never gone to any) and ride more of the thrill rides. Easy wishes to fulfill with a little notice! We are here now and having a great time. Just something to try if you have a reluctant traveling partner

 

[usnuzuloose]

At least your DH's go, mine would never let us go or even spend money like that.

 

[DvF Diva]

Gosh, I don't know where to start here...not ALL guys hate Disney...My DS(15) is even more of an addict than me, as if that could even happen, LOL!!

I live with a DH who is/was a "his" money type of spouse. Now that my kids are older, I work a reduced-hour job, while they are in school, and have my own money. Since he considered his money "his", I recommended we consider separate bank accounts. I divided up the $ as a percentage of our income, both equal, and he agreed. This is a new procedure, which seems to be working, so far (with some tweeks here and there). I have put vacation money aside and still have $$ for my bills and the kids expenses.

For the record, I USED to be responsible for buying all gifts for family members, but put my foot down on that, and stuck to it. He now knows that if he is relying on me to buy his family gifts, he/they will be out of luck. I will not do it.

My DH does not have anything to do with planning either, but always has a great time when we go. We usually do discuss the hotel and ADR's.

We were in Orlando twice this past year, one trip exclusively to WDW and the other to Universal/Seaworld/Busch Gardens, ect... My brother and his wife told us, after our second trip, that they want to take their toddler twins for the first time, and I said...I'm there...my husband said...we hadn't planned ANOTHER trip...SO, we are going with them next Summer, BUT taking a break in 2015 to go out west for DH's kind of trip!! He knows I would not dream of missing my niece and nephews first trip to WDW! Relationships are so difficult sometimes. Different things work for different couples.

P.S. Don't give up on your son. Disney has been such a blessing in mine and my DS and DDs lives. We always discuss Disney (almost daily...what's going on on the Disboards, etc...). It has opened up the doors to so many discussions about so many other things in life. My kids know we can talk about ANYTHING!! That is key during the tween/teen years!

Great advice! Yup, it was definitely a nice surprise that so many of the Disney fans I've met on the forums are male; DH insisted that everyone was going to be female on these boards. I now know for a fact that anyone can be a Disney addict.
My BFF from college, a guy, was all "Disney is so lame"...until he had a kid (now 2 yo). They've got annual passes to DL and go ALL THE TIME (it is less than an hour's drive, which is really something!). I think it is nice, and rather special, to see the world from your kids' eyes and WDW is pretty magical and just right for that. I would love to be able to talk to my son about anything, especially as he gets older, and if Disney is our common ground, that would be really wonderful.
Thanks for helping me keep focused on the bright spots!

 

[kkmcan]

We are going Jan 13 - 27. Staying at Bonnet Creek for 10 nights and then 5 nights in Clearwater. We are doing 6 days at Disney, 1 day at Discovery Cove, 1 day at Sea World and 1 day with no plans at all.

I tried to plan it so the evenings we have plans to stay late at the parks for the fireworks we have sleep in mornings the next day. ADR's are all in the parks we are at, except for our last night there. That day we are at MK and I plan to walk over to Chef Mickey's and then come back for Wishes.

Hopefully he is ok with these plans. He actually just went to the mall to find walking sandles before they go out of season, so something must be sinking in. This is a surprise trip for the kids so I can't openly talk about it, except to DH or on DIS.

Sounds like you have a very well planned vacation! Relaxing but fun. Not overdone. With something for everyone.... I think it will turn out great!

Most dh's don't realize the importance of planning the Disney trip until they've done one. Maybe yours will come around once he's there. Good luck!

 

[NotUrsula]

My only advice to to make sure that you can easily text one another while in the parks (this is no-brainer to many, but you would be amazed how many people still have phone plans with roaming or extra charges for texts.) That way you can just turn him loose to go do something else if he isn't enjoying himself at a particular moment. Don't try to do voice calls in these situations; it irritates people when you don't answer, but you won't be able to if you are on a ride, and probably will not be able to hear if you try to hold a phone conversation in a ride line.

Make sure that he gets the sort of food that he wants to eat, and if he is tight, buy gift cards ahead of time with which to pay for it. Eating out vacation with someone who is tight with money is agony -- either they get uncomfortable with the food prices and conspicuously don't really eat, or they get angry with members of the party who don't eat every single bite that was ordered.

 

[LMN]

My DH and I took our kids to WDW for the first time 5 years ago. It was his and the kids' 1st trip. I had been several times as a kid, but it was my first "adult" trip. He expected that it would be a one-time only trip. So we splurged- stayed at the Poly, etc. I knew he was going to love it and I hoped it would not be a one-time only trip. He did love it! We have gone back several times, but not as often as we'd like, only limited by our vacation budget. That being said....he still has no interest in the planning part of these vacations! And that's ok! Because I LOVE the planning part- and I'm pretty good at it if I do say so myself!

If I ask for input on resorts or ADRs or rides, he is happy to discuss it, but his eyes start to glaze over after a short while. So I do most of the planning. Now that the kids are older, they help me plan. They love Disney as much as I do!

OP: Don't sweat it if your DH isn't into the planning. Just enjoy the planning process all for yourself!

 

[disneywalkers]

My hubby isn't exactly involved much in the planning. I ask his opinion and he gives it, but overall I plan everything. Every little detail. But he LOVES Disney and every trip tells me what a great job I did and can't wait to go back.

I would just suggest planning everything and hope that once it is over it goes so well he turns into a Disney freak like the rest of us here

 

[Giz1026]

My husband is very similar. The good news is that he does love it once we are there and is always willing to go back. He just can't deal with my (admittedly endless) chatter and list making and deciding what (not just where) we should eats months in advance.

He has been often enough that he appreciates my planning and will very occasionally ask to make sure we do something or other. And slightly more frequently that we skip parades and live stage shows involving singing (true grump - I swear I could hear his eyes rolling during Voyage of the Little Mermaid).

But he really doesn't participate in planning beyond an initial when, how long, and how much conversation. This is true for all vacations. If I really want his input on something, I email him overly dramatic PowerPoint presentations laying out the options because they make him laugh and usually result in an answer.

One final tip - if he really hates crowds, lines, and walking, you might want to at least discuss the virtues of rope drop. And if you haven't already, make sure you look at Josh's (EasyWDW.com) recommended parks and cheat sheets.

We may be married to the same man! LOL. I am the same that I can go on and on about all the details of a trip for a very long time prior to the date and DH is the when/how much type. I had not thought of the Power Point presentation. I will have to try that! Thanks for the idea!

 

[Ladygoldenhair]

My dd finally realized even when dh went, he avoided everything stormed off to sit quieter area as we I'd attractions. A lot of it, I think was his inability to more in the open.

Not sure if his anti park moodiness was worse or constantly seeking out smoking areas and living there while again we went to more attractions.
This trip he stayed home, everybody was happy. He had a quiet house a week, we did as we desired and no misery.
The plus, was a savings on airfare, theme park tickets, and food cost. It was a different trip, but we accept he would rather cruise.