Depression over Vasectomy

[mickeymouse108]

I can understand your feelings. It will get easier and especially because you have two beautiful children enjoy every min. of them.

I had secondary infertilaty it took me four years to have my second daughter and one miscariage between the two girls and when we did not think we would ever have a second child. I felt the way you are feeling now and then after we finally were blessed with our second daughter we decided not to have more children just so I would not get depressed every month I was not pregnant.

it was a very hard choice to never try for a third child we always wanted three but now I am very happy I have my two girls they are now 16 and 10 and I do not regret not having more kids just happy with my two wonderful girls.

 

[~Kristina~]

Dh got his vasectomy yesterday...I'm still waiting for it to hit me.

 

[Happiest mommy]

Kristina I really hope it does'nt hit you, but if it does know that I understand

mickeymouse108 and the rest of you

UPDATE:
well DH had his V done on Thursday so he is still in a bit of pain/discomfort. I am doing better, I guess since I know its done my mind/heart are slowly accepting it at this point what else can I do? but you are all right with time all heals and I know deep down inside it was the right decision.

Please feel free to keep posting me your wonderful/amazing/inspiring and heart tugging life stories I love reading them and I can't say this enough,

Thank you, thank you, thank you

 

[Alexander]

Hug your baby girls and relish every single moment. I know when I feel down, there is nothing in the world that can make me feel as good and holding my boys and just kissing them to death!

Whether you planned more children or not, knowing you cannot have them is a loss. You'll heart just needs time to catch up with your mind. You KNOW this is the best choice, but your heart isn't quite on board yet.

Blessings and thoughts!

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

After two rough pregnancies/deliveries that gave me my two wonderful boys, we knew that any more pregnancies were not a good idea for so many reasons. So #3 is adopted and maybe there will be a #4...

A family is like a garden - sometimes the seeds come from the same flowers, sometimes they float in on a gentle breeze from other flowers. The end result is always beautiful.

 

[LWatson]

I havent read the replies, but I do know how you feel. I had that same feeling after doing the Essure procedure, and then again when I had the tubes removed because of the essure breaking through the tubes. It was like the "OMGOODNESS ITS SO FINAL" thing. I promise it gets better.

 

[krcit]

My dh had one about 3 years ago and by the time he did it I was kind of resigned to the fact that there would be no more babies. In fact, I think I didn't push him to get one sooner because I was kind of hoping for an 'oops' but not really if that makes any sense? Then as my youngest got older and I was out of the whole diaper/toddler scene and everyone was in school full time, I realized that I was more nervous every month that I would be pg rather than not be pg, lol. That's when DH had it done. It was a bit of a sadness knowing that I would never have another baby but now that the 'baby' is almost 9, I'm ok with it.

 

[Camno's Mama]

My dh had one about 3 years ago and by the time he did it I was kind of resigned to the fact that there would be no more babies. In fact, I think I didn't push him to get one sooner because I was kind of hoping for an 'oops' but not really if that makes any sense? Then as my youngest got older and I was out of the whole diaper/toddler scene and everyone was in school full time, I realized that I was more nervous every month that I would be pg rather than not be pg, lol. That's when DH had it done. It was a bit of a sadness knowing that I would never have another baby but now that the 'baby' is almost 9, I'm ok with it.

That's actually a really good way to do it. I have trouble with the idea of dh getting the vasectomy, but I think waiting a bit would work for me. I know I will hit that point some day.

To the OP...I totally feel for you. I have three brothers, and now have three sons. I am so thankful as they are blessings, and cannot imagine life without them. It is hard knowing that I will never have a daughter though, especially because I don't have sisters. I feel like it might be pretty lonely down the road. I had some pretty minor pregnancy complications, some rough deliveries, and have bettled post partum depression. I know I should be done for so many reasons, but it's very hard to let go.

Just wanted you to know that I think it is very understandable to feel the way that you do. (As you can see by the overwhelming response to this thread).

 

[LisaNJ25]

What a great dh you have. Its true, you dont want him raising your precious little ones without you.

Its drive me nuts when I hear men that refuse to have one but want to wife to get fixed, but that is a whole oter thread.

My hubby had one is the Spring of 2005. I called and made the appt when I was pregnant with our 4th. I was 31 so it was hard knowing we wouldn't have anymore. I know it was the right decision. I can't fit anymore kids in the house lol

Every one and awhile I think about it and get upset but it was for the best.


Enjoy your husband and those 2 girls. If you have the urge borrow a friends baby for the afternoon.. that tends to satisfy the urge for awhile.

Adn remember.. a family of 5 limits your room choices at wdw

 

[RMulieri]

Sorry for you..I am in the same boat.I was only able to have one child though, and the Dr and cardiologist agreed I should NOT get pregnant again or I would need a heart transplant..So Dh got a vasectomy last October.It is sad for me too.

 

[Aristomommy]

It's nice to know I am not the only one going through these emotions. DH had vasectomy after DS in 2005 and I still feel a little sad about it. Actually he had 2 because the first one "reconnected" somehow.

DS (now 5) was a difficult pregnancy with DVTs (blood clots) in my leg and I had a ruptured uterus requiring a emergency c-section under general anesthesia. Needless to say, all Dr.s taking care of me cautioned against another pregnancy.

I think what bothered me about the situation was that it was out of my control instead of coming to the decision on my own. I wasn't sure if my family was "complete" or if I would have chosen to have more children without this situation. I am jealous of friends with easy pregnancies and deliveries who have large families. I also went through a difficult time when a co-worker (mother of 2) was contemplating terminating her pregnancy and then complaining about the pregnancy all the way through to delivery. I am happy and supportive of all my friends regardless but in my private thoughts I sometimes get sad when I don't have the choice they still have to expand their families biologically.

Now 5 years later, I think we may adopt down the road. Right now our life is full and busy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[RMulieri]

It's nice to know I am not the only one going through these emotions. DH had vasectomy after DS in 2005 and I still feel a little sad about it. Actually he had 2 because the first one "reconnected" somehow.

DS (now 5) was a difficult pregnancy with DVTs (blood clots) in my leg and I had a ruptured uterus requiring a emergency c-section under general anesthesia. Needless to say, all Dr.s taking care of me cautioned against another pregnancy.

I think what bothered me about the situation was that it was out of my control instead of coming to the decision on my own. I wasn't sure if my family was "complete" or if I would have chosen to have more children without this situation. I am jealous of friends with easy pregnancies and deliveries who have large families. I also went through a difficult time when a co-worker (mother of 2) was contemplating terminating her pregnancy and then complaining about the pregnancy all the way through to delivery. I am happy and supportive of all my friends regardless but in my private thoughts I sometimes get sad when I don't have the choice they still have to expand their families biologically.

Now 5 years later, I think we may adopt down the road. Right now our life is full and busy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think that is why I am so upset as well.We planned on having more than one and suddenly it was not my decision anymore.I feel like I have so much more to give and that choice was taken away from me.We are also contemplating adoption

 

[Happiest mommy]

 

[monorailsilver]

I had a tubal when I had my 3rd kid. It was a c/s so they were already in there & I knew the minute I got pregnant what my plans were going to be.

At first it didn't hit me. I think because of the lack of sleep with a newborn.

But about 4-6 weeks after it hit me that I wouldn't be having any more kids.

I sort of regretted it & I had to keep talking to myself since I knew it was the right decision.

My youngest will be 4 in March so it has been 4 years & I can honestly tell you I don't regret it one bit now. It is such a relief if you know what I mean!

 

[Happiest mommy]

Thank you all so much you were all right slowly I am accepting and dealing with it, this weekend I went shopping for our upcoming vacation and I did'nt think the newborn stuff would affect me but it did I immedietly moved to another section and started thinking about all the stuff I have planned for our next Disney vacation which is what keeps my mind occupied with planning

 

[kimgg]

I'm so glad to hear it. It will hit you at the strangest times but it should not last too long since you have your kids to keep you busy loving them. Just try to focus on your little ones that already are such a blessing.

I'm still loving being a young grandma .

 

[EKW]

I have a similar story to yours, except I'd add that there was a m/c between my successful pregnancies.

I was so ill for 8 weeks after delivering my second child that I really thought I was going to die. I couldn't roll over in bed or even stand up on my own.

You'd think that would cure the baby lust, right? Nope...but, looking back, I think that the baby lust was the side effect of hormones, not a from-the-head desire for more children.

If my body reacted to labor and delivery in anything near a normal way I would probably have wanted to have a half dozen kids. I loved being pregnant, I loved having babies.

By the time my younger son was a year old my hormones were back to normal and reality had taken over...there was no way in heck I would risk being around to raise the two children I had in hopes of adding even one more.

Give yourself time. If you still want another child a year from now, look into the foster adopt programs in your area.

Maybe you'll be lucky like I was, and, by then you'll realize that it was just those post-baby hormones talking!

 

[Evi]

I know its difficult to think in terms of not being able to get pregnant again. But don't let that stop you from seeing yourself as a mother. If you have any feelings that you did not complete your family or wanted another child think of adoption. There are lots and lots of beautiful babies who would love a mom of their own. I know everyone sees adoption differently. somehow I've always thought since I was very young I would adopt. I'm 35 and have not had a child yet and with every year I'm leaning closer and closer to adoption. Its not that I am unable to have a child I just learned how to use birthcontrol to well lol. Who knows I just know my fertility status will not change me as a human being or change the love and compassion that I am capable of.

It will be ok and bless you and your two little ones =)

 

[Eeyores#1Fan]

I agree with all responses thus far. It will take time to heal but never hold your feelings in. That just makes it worse. They are totally natural. I myself had 2 successful pregnancies and then my third kept me in the hosp for a week ending with a premature (24 week) baby that stayed in the hosp for another 5 mo. The things I went through that week trying to keep her from being born tore my husband up. We both decided that we have been VERY BLESSED and that should we decide to 'grow' our family more adoption would be the way.

Hang in there!!!!

 

[emtmom0104]

If it's any condolence I am 27 with 3 little ones, 9, 5, and 3. I had the first two perfect pregnancies, minus the morning sickness, but overall HATED being preggo. I became pregnant with my 3rd just after my Hubby and I had started dating. Didnt completely hate this pregnancy but wasn't a major fan of it. I began having complications around 28 weeks and went into preterm labor at 30 weeks. They weren't sure that they were going to be able to stop it. I was on complete bed rest at 31 weeks in the hospital for a week. Was discharged and was admitted 8+ times over the next few weeks in labor. I began bleeding at 35 weeks and my labor was induced. I was told after this because I already had several Cervical surgeries and had too much scar tissue. They don't know what caused my problems with my pregnancy and advised that I not have anymore children and for hubby to have a vasectomy. He was hesitant but it was for the best. It has now been almost 4 years since I had my son and I still get upset once in a while that i won't be able to have anymore children. Another pregnancy would either terminate my unborn baby, myself or both of us. It's too risky and I know that but I love babies. I just consider myself blessed for being able to have what I did.