deleted/please ignore/deleted wrong post

[PEANUT1]

I'm glad it all worked out for you...

 

[sunnyday123]

Well, everything went great! We got some really great pictures. My dds are absolutely fine. They really would have been bored to tears. I had forgotten how long and boring graduations are. We are having a small get together for him on Sunday. Like I said, he never knew I was upset and everything is fine. I am going to let my dds make him cards tomorrow. Now I just have to decide what in the world to cook! I asked him what he wanted and he said whatever I wanted to make. So, I am so glad that I did not make a big deal about this. I am glad I stopped by the DIS first and set everything straight. Thanks again guys.

So glad everything went well!! You are totally doing the right thing. What a wonderful family you all are to want to attend his graduation and to have so many wanting to enjoy this time! Graduations can be sticky situations-my cousin is graduating today, and a family member can't make it because she's having a garage sale. My Aunt died when my cousin was 7, so the general consensus is that a garage sale can happen any time, but what can you do.

Hope your party on sunday is wonderful!!!

 

[livndisney]

oops

 

[pooh4evr]

We had our grads outside on the football field and got only 6 tickets (I am one of 5) needless to say my sibs didn't go and i did not go to theirs an if the ceremony had to be moved into the gym only 2 gold tickets could get in (I had just over 500 in my class) I would ot want to bring small kids to a graduation anyway__pain in the rump!

 

[robsmom]

I have never made him feel like a "stepchild" so to speak, so to the posters that have thought this, I am sorry you feel this way because that is just not true. I truely do love him the best way I know how. Like I said before she has never worked with us and for no reason.

I am glad that you are putting on a happy face and going to the graduation. You stepson is now an adult. I would start building a relationship directly with him as you don't need to go through the mother anymore. I agree with the poster who suggested more communication. There is a reason that the mother doesn't work with you...she divorced your husband. Not saying this is your fault or your husbands but obviously they divorced for a reason. I think you need to move past the mother at this point and focus one on one with your stepson. If he has never been allowed to vacation with you and spends no holidays with you, he will never think of your girls as his closest family. If he has no other siblings, i think that would be sad. You and your husband should do what you can to get him more involved now that he can make his own decisions.

 

[dizneychik]

Sorry that is a difficult situation for you.

Is it possible that he could ask some of his friends/classmates if they have extra tickets? That may help if he could get those.

 

[brooklynheights]

My DN's graduation was last night there were 305 grads each got 20 tickets they asked that toddlers, babys and young children not attend so as not to distract .Lots of people still had kids the kids for the most part were well behaved he gave 2 of his tickets to his 2 little DNs ages 4 and 7 to encourage them to do a great job in school the 2yr old didn't need a ticket all of them have sat thur shows at disney and have been to lectures and performances before. His school is ranked number 209 out of the country via Time mag most schools only give 6 out that would have meant for alot of our family left out even with the 20 some had to stay away but they understood and were okay with it

 

[Cindy B]

Limiting of seats is very common.

Honestly, be happy you can go. I just graduated from college a few weeks ago and due to ticketing limits my own parents could not attend the graduation. My husband and children could attend, but my own parents could not even come.

 

[sdoll]

Well, everything went great! We got some really great pictures. My dds are absolutely fine. They really would have been bored to tears. I had forgotten how long and boring graduations are. We are having a small get together for him on Sunday. Like I said, he never knew I was upset and everything is fine. I am going to let my dds make him cards tomorrow. Now I just have to decide what in the world to cook! I asked him what he wanted and he said whatever I wanted to make. So, I am so glad that I did not make a big deal about this. I am glad I stopped by the DIS first and set everything straight. Thanks again guys.

I am glad it went well. They really are boring. My parents left my sisters college graduation before they called her name because it was over 4 hours and they were only half way through 14 years later she still does not know this. I can only imagine how hard it is to be a step parent. I am a step child and that is hard. Keep your chin up!

 

[mommyaof2]

Well, I thought I would just update all of you on our dinner today. Well, my stepson did not show up. I had bought steaks, made side dishes, salad, bought decorations and a decorated special cake for him and he didn't show. My dh is crushed along with the rest of us. Honestly though, this is his typical behavior lately. That is one of the reasons for my original post, because he is very inconsiderate here lately. He always seems to forget when it comes to us. My dh called him and he said that he was with friends and basically forgot even though we just talked to him last night to remind him of the time. I don't really know how to handle this one. All I can say is that I tried and that I care. Thank you all again though for giving your opinions. I feel like I have alot of friends on the DIS.

 

[PrincessBride010103]

Well, I thought I would just update all of you on our dinner today. Well, my stepson did not show up. I had bought steaks, made side dishes, salad, bought decorations and a decorated special cake for him and he didn't show. My dh is crushed along with the rest of us. Honestly though, this is his typical behavior lately. That is one of the reasons for my original post, because he is very inconsiderate here lately. He always seems to forget when it comes to us. My dh called him and he said that he was with friends and basically forgot even though we just talked to him last night to remind him of the time. I don't really know how to handle this one. All I can say is that I tried and that I care. Thank you all again though for giving your opinions. I feel like I have alot of friends on the DIS.

I am so shocked at his lack of appreciation & consideration for your feelings! If I were you I'd be very hurt and very angry

At least you had yummy steak & cake for dinner though!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Well, I thought I would just update all of you on our dinner today. Well, my stepson did not show up. I had bought steaks, made side dishes, salad, bought decorations and a decorated special cake for him and he didn't show. My dh is crushed along with the rest of us. Honestly though, this is his typical behavior lately. That is one of the reasons for my original post, because he is very inconsiderate here lately. He always seems to forget when it comes to us. My dh called him and he said that he was with friends and basically forgot even though we just talked to him last night to remind him of the time. I don't really know how to handle this one. All I can say is that I tried and that I care. Thank you all again though for giving your opinions. I feel like I have alot of friends on the DIS.

I think a lot of times teenagers are very ego-centric. My guess is that he didn't realize that this was a big deal to you. If he did, he wouldn't have missed it. The most important thing to kids this age is being with their friends (especially when they are all going off to diff. colleges w/in the next few months). this shouldn't excuse his behavior, but honestly, he probably didn't think it was a big deal to you.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Well, I thought I would just update all of you on our dinner today. Well, my stepson did not show up. I had bought steaks, made side dishes, salad, bought decorations and a decorated special cake for him and he didn't show. My dh is crushed along with the rest of us. Honestly though, this is his typical behavior lately. That is one of the reasons for my original post, because he is very inconsiderate here lately. He always seems to forget when it comes to us. My dh called him and he said that he was with friends and basically forgot even though we just talked to him last night to remind him of the time. I don't really know how to handle this one. All I can say is that I tried and that I care. Thank you all again though for giving your opinions. I feel like I have alot of friends on the DIS.

Wow. It sounds like this kid has an issue with you/your DH. Don't get defensive, now, I'm not saying this is your fault! It sounds like he is feeling disconnected from his Dad's "other family" and that because of the situation (not sharing holidays or vacations) he is trying to write you guys off as not important to him. I think your DH may need to spend some time with him one on one to sort out whatever hurt or anger his son is feeling. I'm guessing it is more than "forgetting."

Maybe they could take a trip just the two of them?

I'm sorry he let the girls down. I know the grownups will get over it but I bet the little ones feel pretty bad right now.

 

[mommyaof2]

Wow. It sounds like this kid has an issue with you/your DH. Don't get defensive, now, I'm not saying this is your fault! It sounds like he is feeling disconnected from his Dad's "other family" and that because of the situation (not sharing holidays or vacations) he is trying to write you guys off as not important to him. I think your DH may need to spend some time with him one on one to sort out whatever hurt or anger his son is feeling. I'm guessing it is more than "forgetting."

Maybe they could take a trip just the two of them?

I'm sorry he let the girls down. I know the grownups will get over it but I bet the little ones feel pretty bad right now.

I don't know of any issue he would have with us. Maybe I gave the wrong impression of "holidays" in my previous post. He did get to see us on holidays, but only for a few hours. For instance a few on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and his birthday but not the whole day or the whole weekend. My dh only had every other weekend visitation. That was just the norm back when he got divorced 17 years ago from his ex and we never had the money to go back to court with it. But for Birthdays, and holidays, I have always tried to make him feel part of the family. I have given him b-day parties with just us and gifts for Christmas, just like for my dds. Things like this all started happening about 6 months ago when the child support ended now that I think about it. We have still given him money though and bought him clothing and helped pay for his prom and other things. We did not and did not plan on cutting him off. We are also planning on helping with his college. I really don't know what it is. We just had a conversation with him a couple of weeks ago about why he was so distant and he said everything was fine. My dh has had one on one talks with him and again everything seemed fine. The only thing I can figure is that his mom is feeling his head with things that just aren't true. We did refuse to keep giving her money and have been giving it directly to him. I don't know. I just don't know.

 

[rt2dz]

I think a lot of times teenagers are very ego-centric. My guess is that he didn't realize that this was a big deal to you. If he did, he wouldn't have missed it. The most important thing to kids this age is being with their friends (especially when they are all going off to diff. colleges w/in the next few months). this shouldn't excuse his behavior, but honestly, he probably didn't think it was a big deal to you.

I was just about to say the behavior sounds very typical of kid that age. It's not that he is intending to be rude; his mind is just elsewhere. I know LOTS of kids when I was that age (not me, of course ) who behaved very similarly--with no step involved. It doesn't make it right, but I wouldn't be surprised if his mom has been experiencing the same behavior at home.

 

[DevilDuckie]

I don't know of any issue he would have with us. Maybe I gave the wrong impression of "holidays" in my previous post. He did get to see us on holidays, but only for a few hours. For instance a few on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and his birthday but not the whole day or the whole weekend. My dh only had every other weekend visitation. That was just the norm back when he got divorced 17 years ago from his ex and we never had the money to go back to court with it. But for Birthdays, and holidays, I have always tried to make him feel part of the family. I have given him b-day parties with just us and gifts for Christmas, just like for my dds. Things like this all started happening about 6 months ago when the child support ended now that I think about it. We have still given him money though and bought him clothing and helped pay for his prom and other things. We did not and did not plan on cutting him off. We are also planning on helping with his college. I really don't know what it is. We just had a conversation with him a couple of weeks ago about why he was so distant and he said everything was fine. My dh has had one on one talks with him and again everything seemed fine. The only thing I can figure is that his mom is feeling his head with things that just aren't true. We did refuse to keep giving her money and have been giving it directly to him. I don't know. I just don't know.

It is really easy for a teenager to turn all of that into "they don't really love me." You don't have to have done anything wrong for him to feel left out. It may be his mom or it may just be the way things are. Maybe he's just inconsiderate, but maybe it's a symptom of him feeling disconnected. Again, it doesn't have to be anyone's fault for a kid from a broken home to get confused about how much everyone loves him.

 

[snowman1035]

Limited tickets are so common. When our DD graduated, she only got 8 tickets. We had 2 left over so we offered them to another family who needed them. You might want to see if another family has extra tickets that they would be willing to give to you. I also know that if it rains during our graduation and they end up having it inside, the tickets get cut down even further. I don't know how old you daughters are, but DS was around 8 when his sister graduated and he was bored out of his mind! I would first see if you can get any extra tickets from anyone and if not, let it go. The girls might be able to decorate the house or do something special for him.

 

[sandiegosusie]

I have to say my son has been choosing to spend so much time with his friends lately. I told him point blank that I was really hurt about the time he spends with them. He keeps telling me that all his friends, including himself are leaving for college and most likely will not see each other for a really long time. In my son's case, he is moving to Colorado for school and to live with his Dad (we are divorced).

I think you and your husband are doing the best you can given the distant behavior. I know exactly how hurt you family must be right now. It's really hard to let go...my daughters don't get it either. Hope everything works out for you!

 

[mommyaof2]

I have to say my son has been choosing to spend so much time with his friends lately. I told him point blank that I was really hurt about the time he spends with them. He keeps telling me that all his friends, including himself are leaving for college and most likely will not see each other for a really long time. In my son's case, he is moving to Colorado for school and to live with his Dad (we are divorced).

I think you and your husband are doing the best you can given the distant behavior. I know exactly how hurt you family must be right now. It's really hard to let go...my daughters don't get it either. Hope everything works out for you!

Thank you so much for your kind words.

 

[brenalexacamp]

My neice just got 4 tickets

her mom
me-her only aunt
papa
her boyfriend

my oldest ds and my dh met us at the house after for chinese food
it was a thurs night- late

then we all went out for dinner on sat night- with my other 2 kids

my take on it- most kids don't want to sit through a graduation-I know it is nice when everyone is together and dress nice.
my ds graduates 8th grade in a few weeks- we only get 3 tix

one of my kids won't be able to go-