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[mommyaof2]

Thanks again! I tend to always overreact about most things. This is just really hard. I now realize that it probably is not easy for him either.

 

[DevilDuckie]

My jr. high commencement gave 2 tickets to each kid. There were a very limited number available for kids who had separated parents- many had to either pick a set of parents or have step parents not attend. It was nobody's fault- the auditorium only holds so many. Siblings were not even considered.

Tell the girls that there are not enough seats for everyone's siblings to attend and that as soon as it is over you'll be picking them up so everyone can go out for ice cream to celebrate. You do not need to tell them how many tickets their brother had or who got them.

 

[momof5boys]

When my oldest DSS graduates in 2 years it should be interesting. As you can see by my siggy we are a large family. He also has 3 sets of grandparents. I wonder if he will invite his mom? She doesn't ever contribute to any of his interests(hardy ever pays child support unless they have a warrant out for her) for some reason though I think he will. Anyway please know you will be able to actually pay attention to the ceremony if your girls don't come, otherwise you will be trying to entertain 2 very bored children!

 

[connie1042]

How many graduations have you been to. I think they are boring and way to long. I would rather do something after the ceremony. I would never go to one if I did'nt have to. The girls should present him with something special that they made for him after the ceremony. If I did not have to sit thru one of those, I would say YEH!!!!!!!!!

 

[tazdev3225]

I know my kids had limited numbers of tickets and choosing who can go is hard. My brother is quite a bit younger than I am and when he graduated from college he only had 4 tickets. As the graduation was a few hundred miles away he asked if I minded not going because of the expense. I knew he would have a party at home so I told him I was there in spirit but to give them to my parents and 2 of my brothers. I was thrilled for his accomplishment but just as thrilled to skip a long boring ceremony.

 

[mommyaof2]

You guys have brought up so many things that I haven't even thought of. My stepson has never lived with us, so sometimes that also makes it hard to read the situation when you don't see them everyday. I am sure that I have looked way to far into this and feel bad for that now. I haven't said a word to him about though, so he doesn't even know that I was upset. I would never upset him if it could be helped.

 

[disykat]

I didn't get a ticket to my brother's graduation. He got two tickets - my parents got those. He was able to get another ticket from a friend for our grandma, who flew half way across the country to attend. My sister was in the band that was playing, so she didn't need a ticket.

I was in 9th grade. I waited in the overflow line by myself with the understanding that if I didn't get in, I'd walk home (about a mile and a half) or stand and watch from the street side of the football field (it was in a small town stadium that was visible from the road). I got in and had a seat at the top of the bleachers with a bunch of strangers.

Their were 600 graduates, so even using the football field (using the seating on one side only) there were space issues.

 

[PrincessBride010103]

You will be happy your little ones are not attending! My HS graduation was 3 and a half hours long They would just be bored anyway...

 

[Aliceacc]

I have no idea. The only thing he told us is that we are getting 2 tickets. I can only guess that 1 is for his mom and 2 are for his grandparents. If I had to guess I would say his aunt and her husband, but I am not sure about the other 2. I think it stinks that schools do this to families anyways.

As a high school teacher, I can vouch for the fact that schools have no choice.

Our graduation on Sunday is held at a local college. (If we were to hold in in our school auditorium, each of our 400+ graduates would get between 2 and 3 tickets. Instead, each gets 7.)

Once each Senior gets his or her tickets, we are out of seats. That's it; there is no where else for people to sit. There is no Plan B. Anyone who shows up without a ticket is not allowed in. There's no standing; that would be against the fire codes.

For what it's worth, those 3 hours are not the shortest hours of my life.

I think your stepson is in an uncomfortable position: lots of people who love him want to see him graduate, and he doesn't have enough tickets.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

I only got 2 tickets for my graduation - my brothers were not able to go. It is just part of graduation - it is a space thing.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

No flames, but this whole thing could be avoided if you just asked him what he was going to do with the two extra tickets!! I mean, when he told you and your husband that you were getting two tickets, what did you do, just sit there and say nothing??? I mean, what do you expect then? Communication is a very important aspect in any relationship, and when your the parent of a teen, you need to be the one to initiate it, or nothing will ever get accomplished. JMHO

 

[noodleknitter]

Your girls are little. Explaining to them that graduations are for older people would be appropriate. Because it is true. They will pick up on your feelings about this. So, I'm glad you've restructured the way you are looking at it.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Ask your stepson to talk to his sisters and explain that he couldn't include everyone though he really wanted to.

My son is "graduating" from middle school in a couple of weeks and we were given 3 tickets to the ceremony. Rather than choosing a single grandparent or relative to attend, we gave our third ticket to one of his friends and told the family that we only had 2 tickets. Someone was bound to be upset if we asked maternal grandma but excluded paternal grandma.

 

[CoffeeCup]

I´m a high school teacher, too, and I have to agree that schools have no choice but to limit tickets. There are fire codes we must follow, and we also must consider public safety. At my school teachers are required to attend graduation to deal with crowd control, and the school also is required to hire law enforcement personnel to back us up. We have to keep a first-aid area open, and there usually are a few people who become ill from the heat. I realize that parents of graduates see the graduation ceremony as a family event everyone should be able to attend, but that isn´t possible or practical. Graduation excercises are boring, and children rarely enjoy them. The family parties and celebrations can include brothers, sisters, neighbors, whomever you want to invite, but the school can´t handle all of these people or keep them all safe. Please don´t let your stepson know that you are upset with how he distributed his tickets. You can´t imagine how some high school kids agonize over this problem and how guilty they feel when they can´t please everyone. I have known a few students who decided not to participate in their graduation ceremony to avoid having to make these decisions and knowing they would hurt someone´s feelings. Graduation is about the graduate, and the boy should be able to invite the people he wants there as a reward for their support and love during his childhood. Graduation from high school is a stressful situation for most kids, and he doesn´t need the added stress of feeling he has upset you or his sisters. As others have said, plan special activities before or after the graduation ceremony and let the girls be involved in planning and attending the events. Be sure they know they are important to him and that they are participating in the celebration even though they can´t go to the ceremony. I doubt they are as upset about not attending as you think they are, and there is no reason their feelings should be hurt. Ask them to make a poster or to put up decorations at home while the rest of you are at the ceremony, and they will have a surprise for their brother when he comes back as a graduate.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I agree with the other posters about this ceremony being really boring... I wasn't allowed to see my brother graduate either, but I was 11 years old and didn't really care anyway.

HOWEVER- if you really want his sisters to go, perhaps there is a listserv for the high school and you could ask if anyone has a couple of extra tickets? Some families are very small and a student might only be using one or two of his alloted tix. I dunno, its an idea?

 

[puffkin]

Graduations are HORRIBLE. Long, boring, hot.....your daughters should consider themselves lucky IMHO, they are awfully young to be expected to sit through a graduation ceremony AND fully understand the significance of the achievement.

 

[java]

Well it seems you got all the reasons here. Can I suggest a "family" celebration with your daughters. Like you all go out and celebrate his graduation? The ceremony is only one part of it. The party is the fun part.
Hey at least he included you. Divorce stinks and people's feelings get hurt all the time. But really it is so difficult being the one that is forced to make the choices- he did the best he could. Tried not to offend and wanted to invite as many adults as possible.
Oh and purely on the gift front- he'll get another gift if he invites another pair of adults!

 

[solgent]

Glad you are feeling better about it.

I think he was not EXcluding his sisters, he just had no way of INcluding them.

In blended families, which is what I grew up with, you sometimes have to make your own new traditions that work for you. Example: if everyone being together for a birthday isn't in the cards, which it usually isn't, have separate birthday dinners and don't stress on who gets the "actual" birthday. Just try to make your time together fun and special.

 

[PaulaSue]

OUR school only gives out 4 tickets per kid. IMO take him out afterward with his sisters and everyone will be happy!

 

[ISP2MCO]

I would suggest that before you make plans with your younger ones to celebrate to discuss with him first. Let him know that his sisters are sorry to miss the ceremony so they want to do something special. What is he doing immediately following the ceremony? Is a party for him already planned by his mom and are you and girls invited? Does he have plans to go to a classmate's party? You wouldnt want to have something planned and him have to decline and dissappoint the girls.