Dealing with grumpy attitude....

jle323

Mouseketeer
Joined
Aug 23, 2004
Hey everyone!
I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with my 8 year old son at Disney. He absolutely adores it there, like me, and I think he gets overly excited from all the build up to the trip. Last year when we went the first 3 days were awful. Our first evening we ate at HDDR and he refused to eat anything and asked when we were leaving the whole time. I expect him to get grumpy after spending too much time in the heat and excitement, but even the first day he woke up in a bad mood before we even had a chance to do anything. He kept having meltdowns at the parks, and I left with him to go back to the room multiple times, leaving DH and my 11 year old at the park. It was so bad that I told DH we wouldn't be coming back until they were older. But by the 4th day of the trip, he was back to his normal funny, happy self and we had a great time. I'm worried the same thing may happen this year so I'm looking for some advice on how to prevent or deal with it when it happens. It was so unexpected and out of character for him. I'm trying to be prepared. Thank you!
 
Everyone handles those types of situations differently. It depends on your parenting style, etc... I'm not at all criticizing how you handled it last trip, only saying that DW and I would have handled it far differently (whether right or wrong). Our oldest is 13 and we have 10 year old twins. My DS10 can be a grump sometimes (apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess :D ), but we don't put up with it. If he had started being grumpy in the park...and all 3 of our kids have at some point or other...we have some very harsh words for them and them tell them they have a choice...knock it off and enjoy the moment or be grumpy and have a bad time on their own. Either way, the rest of us are going to enjoy ourselves. No way on earth would we leave the park, I don't care how big of a meltdown they're having. They start that stuff, and again we'll have some very harsh words for them and then tell them that we're moving on with what we're doing. If they want to continue to have a fit, knock yourself out. The only one who looks like a dope is them. If they still continue, they can sit out on the next big ride that they really like...DW won't ride the coasters, so she'd be sitting anyway).

If it were me, and this is just my $.02, I'd have a talk with him before hand. Explain that his behavior the first few days of the last trip was unacceptable. At the same time, encourage him to be excited for the trip and offer and support I can...tell him "If you're feeling grumpy, talk to me and let's figure out why". But then also be clear that if he still chooses to act in such a manner, the only one he's going to hurt is himself. He can make what he wants out of his Disney trip, and hope he makes it great for himself.
 
Hey everyone!
I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with my 8 year old son at Disney. He absolutely adores it there, like me, and I think he gets overly excited from all the build up to the trip. Last year when we went the first 3 days were awful. Our first evening we ate at HDDR and he refused to eat anything and asked when we were leaving the whole time. I expect him to get grumpy after spending too much time in the heat and excitement, but even the first day he woke up in a bad mood before we even had a chance to do anything. He kept having meltdowns at the parks, and I left with him to go back to the room multiple times, leaving DH and my 11 year old at the park. It was so bad that I told DH we wouldn't be coming back until they were older. But by the 4th day of the trip, he was back to his normal funny, happy self and we had a great time. I'm worried the same thing may happen this year so I'm looking for some advice on how to prevent or deal with it when it happens. It was so unexpected and out of character for him. I'm trying to be prepared. Thank you!

What did he say when you asked him what was wrong?
 
Personally, I would have a talk with him before the trip about expectations. WDW is an expensive trip and he is only one member of the family. It's okay/normal to get grumpy, but it's not acceptable to ruin the day for everyone. Have him brainstorm things he can do when he's feeling grumpy (so that he is taking responsibility/ownership of his behavior).

Also, have you involved him in any of the planning...? I'd be talking it up and reminding him of the best moments from the last trip. Let him look at park maps and make sure to incorporate things he wants to do. During the trip, make sure to give him praise when you see him making good decisions regarding behavior.
 
Thanks all. At home we're able to do timeouts in a quiet room until he is calm. I brought him back to the room in the hopes that it would help calm him (we were on the monorail so at least it was a quick trip). He would get so upset he couldn't even express what was wrong. It's hard for me to think of specific examples, since it was a year ago and I think my mind is trying to save me from remembering any bad times at WDW;). He was 7 then, so I'm hoping the extra year will allow him more ability to express his feelings with words.
 
Thanks all. At home we're able to do timeouts in a quiet room until he is calm. I brought him back to the room in the hopes that it would help calm him (we were on the monorail so at least it was a quick trip). He would get so upset he couldn't even express what was wrong. It's hard for me to think of specific examples, since it was a year ago and I think my mind is trying to save me from remembering any bad times at WDW;). He was 7 then, so I'm hoping the extra year will allow him more ability to express his feelings with words.

What does his pediatrician suggest? Has he had any evals done? Getting that upset is something a bit out of the norm, don't you think, and not knowing the trigger? Could be a food allergy, dye allergy, sensory issue, mental health issue - whatever it is, it would be better for him if you started looking for the cause now, wouldn't it?
 
My DD (6 at the time) got grumpy last year after a few days. She was just being a brat, wouldn't listen, argued with everything, complained about everything. We were at the pool one afternoon and she popped off about something and that was the last straw. I took her to the bathroom so I didn't have to get on to her in front of a ton of people, and told her it was just unacceptable to act that way. We were on vacation and vacation is about having fun and being together as a family and if she didn't want to have any fun then I would get a babysitter to stay in the room with her and her daddy and I would go do what we wanted while she sat in the room all day for the rest of the trip. Obviously it was an empty threat, but she believed it and I didn't have any trouble out of her the rest of the trip.
 


give him a code word green could be happy, yellow could be getting tired over heated just not right and red grump, So when you ask him you can help him a little bit better and make a plan like day one and ride for him to pick and for your other child to pick, take breaks has for leaving the park don't find a cool spot to sit down and let him throw his fit have lots of water on hard, save soda for dinner when you know it is your last meal of the day, sugar drinks and heat don't mix.
 
I saw someone on here gave her family (adults and kids) grumpy tokens, so they had a limited supply, so if they felt grumpy they could choose to use up a grumpy token, and be grumpy for a bit, but if they ran out of tokens, they couldn't behave in a grumpy way. It sounds like a really positive way of getting people to think about how worth while it is getting annoyed by something. Of course, if your child is not at a point where they can articulate well enough, it won't work, and then, as the parent of a kid with ASD, sometimes, just getting away and changing the scenery, taking some quiet time and starting again later / tomorrow is ALL you can do.
 
My DD (6 at the time) got grumpy last year after a few days. She was just being a brat, wouldn't listen, argued with everything, complained about everything. We were at the pool one afternoon and she popped off about something and that was the last straw. I took her to the bathroom so I didn't have to get on to her in front of a ton of people, and told her it was just unacceptable to act that way. We were on vacation and vacation is about having fun and being together as a family and if she didn't want to have any fun then I would get a babysitter to stay in the room with her and her daddy and I would go do what we wanted while she sat in the room all day for the rest of the trip. Obviously it was an empty threat, but she believed it and I didn't have any trouble out of her the rest of the trip.

Did you ask her why she was feeling grumpy? Or just threaten her? Why not get to the root of the issue, instead of just threaten it away?
 
Did you ask her why she was feeling grumpy? Or just threaten her? Why not get to the root of the issue, instead of just threaten it away?

The root of the issue is that she is spoiled, I admit that. She's usually a very sweet child but sometimes the spoiled brat comes out and that's exactly what happened that trip. I know the difference when something is truly bothering her or if she just wants to be a butt.

Now that she's 8, she's much better. I know if she's grumpy, 99% of the time she's hungry, so we get her something to eat asap, and all is back to normal.
 
Two of our grandkids got grumpy and unpleasant shortly after we started the day in Magic Kingdom. For awhile my husband and I did everything we could thing of to try to get them to straighten up. Finally we sat them down on a bench and ask them what they were wanting to do, as opposed to what we were doing (which my husband and I were laying out the plan of what we would see and do).
 
sorry about that post I don't know what happened. What I was trying to say was when two of our grandkids got grumpy shortly after we started our Magic Kingdom day, for awhile my husband and I did everything we could thing of to get them to straighten up. Finally we sat them down on a bench and ask what they wanted to do right then instead of us adults making the entire plan. I think they felt important that they were having a say in things. We started over and went to a few things they wanted to see/do first and then they were asking us what we wanted to do next. It ended up being a really nice day.
 
Thanks all! Some really great advice here. I think sometimes it's hard for him to be the younger child and we don't even realize we're paying more attention to his older brother. I like the idea of giving him some control over what we do, and using code words. We've been talking a lot about what we expect in his behavior on this vacation so hopefully it will not be a repeat. But at least now I have some ideas of what we can do so, I won't be caught completely off guard.
 
The root of the issue is that she is spoiled, I admit that. She's usually a very sweet child but sometimes the spoiled brat comes out and that's exactly what happened that trip. I know the difference when something is truly bothering her or if she just wants to be a butt.

Now that she's 8, she's much better. I know if she's grumpy, 99% of the time she's hungry, so we get her something to eat asap, and all is back to normal.

My daughter says that's being "hangry!" Glad you know the roots of the issues. There's always a reason kids act out. We may not understand the reasons, but to them they are issues and they need us to help them work it out. I've found that if you work things out when they are young, they are much better at articulating issues when they show up later on as well.
 
Hey everyone!
I think he gets overly excited from all the build up to the trip.

Maybe since you're already talking to him about behavior, and you're interested in possibly using the code words, he could help design a strategy. That could be a productive way to build up to the trip. I find that, with my own sensitive and quirky son, if he is part of the solution, he is quicker on the uptake when the solution is needed. Because he has some specific needs, he has learned several strategies for emotional regulation already, so it's a matter of predicting when he might need them and then doing some pre-coaching to remind him that he has those strategies, which makes it easier in the heat of the moment. I'll say something like "While we're there, if you start to feel frustrated and angry, I think we should sit on a bench for five minutes and take some deep breaths. What do you think we should do?" And he'll say "Well, I think we should just sit on a bench for three minutes," or "I think we should squeeze our hands together." Then later, if he does start to tense up, I'll say "Hey, do you need to squeeze your hands together like we talked about, or are you okay to keep going?" It puts the ball firmly in his court and often he chooses to just keep going.

It's hard when children don't have a complete emotional vocabulary yet but are feeling things deeply. I can clearly remember times as a child when I was so excited about something that the emotional scale tipped too far and went in the other direction, and then I was suddenly wrecked for reasons I couldn't possibly explain. Disney can be overwhelming. I hope this next trip is overwhelming in a more positive way!
 
But by the 4th day of the trip, he was back to his normal funny, happy self and we had a great time. I'm worried the same thing may happen this year so I'm looking for some advice on how to prevent or deal with it when it happens. It was so unexpected and out of character for him.

It sounds to me like he was just a little sick, then - like fighting off a bug. Sometimes, kids aren't feeling well, but can't explain exactly what's wrong.

It certainly wouldn't hurt to come up with some strategies together for what to do if anyone feels overwhelmed, but I wouldn't automatically assume it will happen again this time.

I'd make sure he stays hydrated while traveling, and maybe plan a relaxing first evening at the hotel, instead of going right back out to something. (He may just have been exhausted from travel and not sleeping well right before the trip due to excitement.)
 
My daughter says that's being "hangry!" Glad you know the roots of the issues. There's always a reason kids act out. We may not understand the reasons, but to them they are issues and they need us to help them work it out. I've found that if you work things out when they are young, they are much better at articulating issues when they show up later on as well.

I have 2 girls, 6 yrs and 21 months, and I agree with this SO much. With both of them I've learned that the cause of all tantrums is hangry-ness or tiredness or both. Again, not judging anyone here at all, but only speaking to my own experience, that the acts/behavior/effects pretty are taken care of when the root cause of the grumpiness/bad behavior are identified and addressed. We had a similar issue with our 6yo last week, on the day we went from our cruise to WDW. Our room wasn't ready, she had gone to bed late the night before and had to get up early to get off the boat early, then ride in a car for an hour (she gets carsick easily). Our room wasn't ready, so we went to Epcot. She was really grumpy, and crying and couldn't tell us what the problem was. It was a tough transition for all of us, and she needed some time, and time with Mom. After we had a little quiet time on a bench just the 2 of us, she was finally able to articulate that she's been feeling really jealous that the baby gets most of my attention because she's in the terrible 2s and screams for me most of the time, yet she felt really guilty about feeling that way, since she loves her sister a lot. And once we built in some time where she got Mommy time all to herself, and that she felt like she could count on it, it was much better. But we had to make some calm down time for her to talk about it at her own speed. Once she felt safe enough to know I wasn't going to be angry at her for saying what she needed to say, she said it and we ALL felt better.
 
It sound overly simple but our family has a rule that no one can be grumpy at WDW. We all plan together so we know what is going to happen and we all get a say in that. If anyone has an issue the rule is you have to tell us and we will try to fix it... feed you, rest you, hydrate you. Many trips with all ages and it seems to work pretty darn well.
 
Thank you for posting this! My 6 year old daughter can be like this. I think it mostly stems from being tired and hungry.
 

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