DD was left out on Christmas

[daughtersrus]

I posted last month about a problem that we had at Thanksgiving. Because of that, we decided to have Christmas at our house. In the end, we invited all of our family (both sides) and had a very nice dinner.

When it came time to open presents, my older DD helped my younger DD open her gifts. Because she's disabled, she isn't able to do it on her own. When all of the gifts were opened, we cleaned up the paper. After several families had left, I asked my older DD who the gifts were from. All of the gifts were accounted for but we still didn't see anything from my BIL and SIL. We brought the bag of paper garbage back into the house and dumped it on the floor going through it piece by piece but only found paper and tags with her name on them from the gifts that were accounted for.

DH called over to their house and found out that sure enough, they hadn't brought anything for DD.

How do you think it would go next year if their youngest doesn't get anything from us for Christmas.

 

[Magic Mom]

I posted last month about a problem that we had at Thanksgiving. Because of that, we decided to have Christmas at our house. In the end, we invited all of our family (both sides) and had a very nice dinner.

When it came time to open presents, my older DD helped my younger DD open her gifts. Because she's disabled, she isn't able to do it on her own. When all of the gifts were opened, we cleaned up the paper. After several families had left, I asked my older DD who the gifts were from. All of the gifts were accounted for but we still didn't see anything from my BIL and SIL. We brought the bag of paper garbage back into the house and dumped it on the floor going through it piece by piece but only found paper and tags with her name on them from the gifts that were accounted for.

DH called over to their house and found out that sure enough, they hadn't brought anything for DD.

How do you think it would go next year if their youngest doesn't get anything from us for Christmas.

Did they say why? What a rotten thing to do.

 

[Luvmy4boys]

OMG! That is terrible! What is wrong with some people? How could they exclude a member of their family?!?
If this happened to my DD, I would have a hard time having anything to do with these people. What on earth could be their excuse for this behavior?
I suppose some people will think you should take the high road. Good for you if you can!
I hope your family still was able to have a nice holiday.

 

[ma2jr]

how upsetting

 

[a1tinkfans]

I hope your dd still had a nice christmas..................


family you don't CHOOSE them..............Its all I can say as I am SICK to my stomach...........

 

[MizTink]

i don't know what problems you referred to from thanksgiving.
did it have something to do with dd? or since you mentioned that dd is disabled, is that why they didn't bring her a gift? how horrible, whatever excuse they have.
i wouldn't never have them back at my house. anyone who would mistreat one of my children would not be welcome.

 

[kieras nana]

did they buy something,for one dd,or did they not buy anything,for either of them?
i really can't understand some people,what on earth,makes them behave this way
tracy

 

[OceanAnnie]

That is rotten and strange! How did the conversation go with them, once they said they didn't get her a gift? Did they apologize? Very odd!

 

[sunnyday123]

Your DD is the little girl in the wheelchair everyone ignores and the family said not to bring her upstairs because of the wheels on the chair, right?

They would not, under any circumstances, be invited to my house ever again, nor would I associate with them in any way. I cannot beleive how angry I am right now, so I can't imagine how you feel.


I would call them and tell them in no uncertain terms and language they were no longer considered my family, period. Have a nice life and rot somwhere very hot. I would mail back what they gave your other DD and attach a note telling them where to stick it.

I am so sorry you have people in your life like this.

 

[daughtersrus]

I just wanted to clarify.

At Thanksgiving we had a problem at my BIL and SIL's house. My BIL said that DD's wheelchair was scratching their wood floors and that she had to have a rug under it. They never really acknowledge her at all. If they had taken the time to get to know her, they would realize that she understands most, if not all, that is going on around her but just can't verbalize it.

We've always exchanged gifts for the kids so this is nothing new. They gave no explanation but said that they would have something for her the next time we see them.

It's very complicated but the situation that we're in just doesn't allow us to exclude them from our lives. We're really tired of keeping our mouths shut and one day, it's all going to blow!

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Your DD is the little girl in the wheelchair everyone ignores and the family said not to bring her upstairs because of the wheels on the chair, right?

They would not, under any circumstances, be invited to my house ever again, nor would I associate with them in any way. I cannot beleive how angry I am right now, so I can't imagine how you feel.


I would call them and tell them in no uncertain terms and language they were no longer considered my family, period. Have a nice life and rot somwhere very hot. I would mail back what they gave your other DD and attach a note telling them where to stick it.

I am so sorry you have people in your life like this.

Oh man. I didn't know the back story!
That sheds a lot of light on the matter.
So much wrong with it all.

 

[kidzmom3]

I just wanted to clarify.

At Thanksgiving we had a problem at my BIL and SIL's house. My BIL said that DD's wheelchair was scratching their wood floors and that she had to have a rug under it. They never really acknowledge her at all. If they had taken the time to get to know her, they would realize that she understands most, if not all, that is going on around her but just can't verbalize it.

We've always exchanged gifts for the kids so this is nothing new. They gave no explanation but said that they would have something for her the next time we see them.

It's very complicated but the situation that we're in just doesn't allow us to exclude them from our lives. We're really tired of keeping our mouths shut and one day, it's all going to blow!

Thanks for your thoughts!

I don't know your situation, but it better be close to life or death for you to tolerate this behavior towards your child. These types of actions are scarring. I don't know your daughters problem and maybe she won't remember; but your other daughter will.

 

[sunnyday123]

I don't know your situation, but it better be close to life or death for you to tolerate this behavior towards your child. These types of actions are scarring. I don't know your daughters problem and maybe she won't remember; but your other daughter will.

I can't imagine what it could be, but I agree. There is no way I couldn't say anything to them. What did they say when they were asked about the no gift for her?

 

[Jennasis]

Did they intimate that they had a gift for her to give her at a later time because perhaps it hadn't arrived in time (in the mail?) or did it sound as if they give her something some other time to make up for having nothing at Christmas?

If it's the former, I might be willing to forgive, but they should have said something on Christmas, like "Merry Christmas Suzie! Your gift didn't arrive in the mail yet, so we'll bring it to you just as soon as it does!"

As opposed to "No we didn't get her anything. We'll give her something next time we see you guys."

I know you say you can't write those people off. I know that story SO well. But as of Christmas Eve DH and I have essentially written off his mother, and I never thought that would be in the realm of possibility. It can be done...you may wind up alienating more then just your BIL/SIL, but really, anyone who ould "take up" for those people deserves to be cast off too. Your children come first. Good luck.

 

[MizTink]

I just wanted to clarify.

At Thanksgiving we had a problem at my BIL and SIL's house. My BIL said that DD's wheelchair was scratching their wood floors and that she had to have a rug under it. They never really acknowledge her at all. If they had taken the time to get to know her, they would realize that she understands most, if not all, that is going on around her but just can't verbalize it.

We've always exchanged gifts for the kids so this is nothing new. They gave no explanation but said that they would have something for her the next time we see them.

It's very complicated but the situation that we're in just doesn't allow us to exclude them from our lives. We're really tired of keeping our mouths shut and one day, it's all going to blow!

Thanks for your thoughts!

do they know this? since they have never gotten to know her, maybe they think she isn't aware of her surroundings???? i think it is time for someone in the family to have a serious talk with them. explain her disability to them. even if they "should" already know, obviously they don't. even if the talk is just to remind them of her situation, and how their behavior makes everyone in your family feel. i understand you can't just cut them out of you lives, but they can't treat your daughter this way either. as if things aren't difficult enough already, right?? this is behavior i would expect from strangers, not family.

 

[nmmom95]

I remember your Thanksgiving experience. I think they are just mean. I have no idea why someone would exclude a child, or what reason they could have to single out your daughter twice, but I wouldn't be able to take the high road on this one. I give you a lot of credit.

 

[mlynn]

I read your thanksgiving thread and was really angry for you. Now this has made me mad all over again.I would pack up all the gifts they brought into my home and take them back over there and be done with them.They are mean people.

 

[Magic Mom]

. We're really tired of keeping our mouths shut and one day, it's all going to blow!

Thanks for your thoughts!

Don't wait for it to blow. Talk to them about it. Maybe they are just clueless, but not heartless. Remind you SIL how difficult daily life is for your DD and that things like family get togethers should be a safe, comfortable, happy time for DD, but as it stands they aren't.

 

[mickeyboat]

We have quite a few nieces ad nephews, but only buy for one of them, because she is DH's goddaughter. Is that possible in your situation?

Denae

 

[taximomfor4]

Both my sister and I have, on separate Christmases, forgotten one niece or nephew. I don't know WHY it happens (and it's horrifying). I hope, I REALLY HOPE, that your SIL/BIL just made a mistake and forgot.