Daughter being made fun of....advice??

[Aneille]

I can't really help but I think I will be in your shoes in a few years and it makes me so upset to think about.

I have a very short dd as well and so far after going to specialists we haven't found a reason for her drop in height and it just may be the way she was made to be.

She's only in 1st grade though so its not so bad yet. But every year she loses ground to her peers and it doesn't help that she is one of the youngest in her 1st grade class. She's already said a few things which lead me to believe she knows she's short and doesn't like it.

Good luck and I wish I had some advice.

 

[taximomfor4]

Just a thought, but what type of clothes does she wear? Are they similar to the styles that her taller friends are wearing? I know my niece is really, really small for her age and we often look at her and treat her as much younger without even thinking about it. Middle School is all about brand name this, and brand name that. It has always been that way. Maybe a new outfit or some great accessories could help boost her confidence?

Also, how does she react? Because most of the kids are probably just looking for a reaction. If she ignores it and just lets it go, they will eventually get tired of picking on her and move onto a new "victim". Horrible yes, but that is how middle school works.

I know it isn't the best answer, but I would just buy her something cool to help boost her confidence and continue to reassure her that this will all pass soon enough!

Hmm. It was hard to buy her clothes...waist and length don't match up. I don't even know what her friends are wearing. SHe is very NOT appearance conscious. Oldest dd and DH (a high school teacher) both had me remove a few outfits from her dresser though, saying they were very NOT middle school. I replaced them with what i hoped were more age-appropriate items. Mostly she's been wearing one of 2 plaid skirts or a denim gap skirt, with leggings. And I bought some longer puffier tops (in ALL the stores right now). I THINK she looks older, less elementary school in them.

Although do you know those tshirts kids who travel to compete in different sports (dance, gymnastics, skating, etc) get...with the competition on the front and a list of names on the back? She wears some of those sometimes...although much LESS often since my older dd told her they are not so cool.

 

[taximomfor4]

I can't really help but I think I will be in your shoes in a few years and it makes me so upset to think about.

I have a very short dd as well and so far after going to specialists we haven't found a reason for her drop in height and it just may be the way she was made to be.

She's only in 1st grade though so its not so bad yet. But every year she loses ground to her peers and it doesn't help that she is one of the youngest in her 1st grade class. She's already said a few things which lead me to believe she knows she's short and doesn't like it.

Good luck and I wish I had some advice.

Awwww, maybe it was almost easier for my dd, she has always been the bottom of the height chart (17 1/2 inches long at birth). Highest she has ever been is 3rd percentile!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

LOL I saw a shirt that had the fun-size comment on it...I sure didn't make it up myself, lol.

DD has a genetic issue as well. So far, her geneticist hasn't been able to say which chromosomal abnormality she has. Not all have tests yet. Her height (or lack thereof) is what really stands out.

DD said when her friends commented once (they do sometimes, but with fondness ) she told them " You say I'm short, and the TV producers say I'm tall...it's why they wouldn't let me be on Little People Big World."

Since you are talking genetics, I think my dd has one as well. The reason I say this is because the height issue is in my DH's family.

Now the growth hormone did work on her, which makes it clear that her glands were not working correctly.

However they just treat the symptoms and did not delve into the genetics other than the obvious ones like Turner's syndrome and a couple of others.

 

[Wall-E1]

I had the exact experience when my son entered middle school. He is short for his age. He looks a couple of years younger than he actually is. He is outgoing and the "class clown" usually. I noticed the same thing with him for a while. He would come home from school and just not look happy. He admitted to me that other kids were making fun of his size. I explained to him that they are not his friends anyway, so who cares what they say. I wanted to speak with a teacher or administrator, but my son was dead set against that idea. He didn't want to be labeled a snitch. I told him that the only other option was to ignore them. That wasn't a realistic solution, as bullies tend to not let themselves be ignored. It's a tough situation without an easy answer. My son's school has a zero tolerance policy towards bullying and they are very strict about it. That is why I thought in my case, it would have been best to handle it that way. Anyway, I respected my son's wishes and did not contact the school. He said that he would just ignore them. I was in a tough position. I didn't want to go behind his back and betray his trust in me, but I also could not stand the thought of him being bullied.

In my case, the situation resolved itself very quickly. A day or two later, my son came home with bruises on his arms from being punched. My son did not hit back, as he knows that would result in an automatic suspension. I, of course, flipped out and immediately called and emailed his teachers and administrators. The following day, first thing in the morning, before the administrators began handling the situation, my son was cornered in the school bathroom by two of the bullies. They began teasing, shoving and holding him down. My son, who had enough at this point, thankfully didn't listen to me, and fought back. He shoved one of the boys off of him so hard that the boy fell backwards into the bathroom sink, cracking his head open. I was never so proud of his "bad" behavior. I received a call from the school that my son and the two other boys were suspended for fighting. Of course I went to the school principal and argued that my son had only shoved the other boy off of him because the bully was sitting on my son making it hard for him to breathe. Therefore he was not fighting, he was just defending himself from their abuse. The principal was more than happy to take my son off of suspension and leave the other two boys suspended. When they came back from their suspensions, they never bothered my son again.

To sum up, there will always be insecure bullies that try to put down other people. You need to make sure your daughter understands that there is nothing wrong with her. It is the other children that have issues. Also, after the incident that I went through with my son, I believe there is nothing wrong with standing up to the bullies and putting them in their place. Just make sure she makes it look like self defense.

 

[Tigger2252]

My youngest went through the same thing during MS. This age group tends to be the cruelest, but thankfully they get through it. Once she got to Jr. HS and HS the teasing stopped. Her friends kid her about her size but it isn't cruel. She knows she is not going to get much bigger (she will be 16 next week and just hit 5' and weighs 90 lbs.) and she just rolls with it.

 

[CathrynRose]

No advice. Just hugs for your daughter, and you.

Junior High sucks. It really does.

 

[disneyfanforever]

My DS is 12 and definitely one of the shortest in his grade. I know it bothers him but he tries to laugh it off. He is a funny guy so I think his personality helps, but it is hard when all of your friends are so much taller. I have always told him it is better to be short and good looking than tall and ugly so for him to think of it that way. I think it is very hard at this age because everyone wants to be cool and not looked at as different. Good luck to your daughter. I too am short (only 5'1) and have always been the shortest in my classes.

 

[bumbershoot]

While she is being made fun of because she's short, someone else in the school is miserable because she's being made fun of because she's tall. While someone is being made fun of because they are 2 ounces too heavy, someone else is being called a beanpole. No one but the teasers escape the wrath, it seems.

I was short and "built", and I was made fun of. My oldest friend was tall and flat everywhere (until she got to college and went on hormonal BC and jinkies, you'd think she became Jessica Rabbit!) and she was made fun of. Actually SHE was the WORST teaser of me in the bunch!

She and my mom were friends, and they told each other that each of us would go home and cry b/c we wanted to be the other so badly.

If only there were a way to convince kids that age that teasing is so often out of jealousy. Some of the teasers probably think she's super-cute.

A girl I grew up wiht, though she was a year older, was very very small. Like your daughter, too tall to be on something like a TLC show, but still very small. But she made the most of it, making sure her clothes fit perfectly (NO rolling up pants, having them *tailored* to her frame!!!!!), being kind and sweet and lovely, taking great care with everything else, so that her size was the only thing anyone could take issue with.


My husband was an oddball, being half Asian in an area that, at that time, didn't have many Asians. His mom's GP, for instance, accused her of spanking her new baby, b/c he didn't know what Mongolian spots were (a typical marking on the bottoms of Asian babies). Growing up, he was often the only Asian kid, or one of two or three. He's also always been a bigger guy...he didn't fit in in America, and he didn't fit in in Korea when he visited family.

One kid in HS was just merciless to DH. But he was wrong while being merciless, calling him the wrong nasty name for his heritage. Hubby hated it, and finally one day turned around to the kid and said, loudly (he was in theater, along with football, and he could project his voice), that he was a *word that some use nastily for Koreans, though in Korean it actually just means PERSON, so not nasty at all* not a *nasty word some Americans use for a different Asian group*, so he should get it RIGHT next time. Everyone heard. The kid never teased Robert again.


Is there anyway she could come up with a one-time line like that, to try to shut them down?



By the way, lockers in middle school? Wow. We had no lockers at any school, thanks to the vandalism and the illegal things previous students had hidden away in their lockers...got to carry EVERYTHING with us. Once we got to HS and had friends with cars, we would use the cars as our lockers, LOL.

Couldn't she just carry her *homework* with her in a backpack, thereby alleviating the need to stop at the locker to get her homework???

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

"I might be short, but you're ugly and I still have time to grow! "

I taught middle school for years and I would love to say ignoring it works, but unfortunately... it usually doesn't. Have a snappy comeback--and practice it with confidence.

 

[taximomfor4]

Couldn't she just carry her *homework* with her in a backpack, thereby alleviating the need to stop at the locker to get her homework???

Middle school and high school use lockers. They aren't allowed to carry backpacks around the school because of what else could be inside those bags (weapons, etc). The high school has security people all day, as well as police officers who are there all day and some who come and go...often they bring drug-sniffing dogs around the building for random locker busts. Don't think the middle school has police officers or security.

As for the rolled-up pants, that won't be happening much anymore anyway, since the waists just are too uncomfortable for dd. The seats in the jeans don't seem deep enough, she always ends up with lots of "crack" showing. Got her the skirts/skorts, along with gauchos like her friends wear....she kept asking for those.

What DO middle schoolers wear?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No clue, my dd could care less about clothes. Probably because she does not fit into a lot of them. The JR capris fit her perfect. However the JEANS don't fit. Figure that one out.

I am still trying to find a winter coat that fits her. She can't wear the girls coat any longer and the women's winter coats are too big.

I am going to go to a KIDS SPORTS or something like that this weekend. They are advertising the "North Face" which is popular.

The kicker is my dd would not know or care what is popular.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I spoke with DD and she went to the teacher and asked if two of her friends could walk with her to classes. These were good friends. She told the teacher there was some "teasing/bullying" and she just wanted to feel safe. The teacher told her if it got worse she would have to report it. DD said once she was surrounded by the two friends, all the teasing stopped. There was safety in numbers. She carried my little recorder and would turn it on if she felt one of the bullies was gonna say something. She said it worked it out very quickly.

Onto middle school clothing. I must tell you I purchased DD whatever type jeans were in stlye to fit her waist and butt and paid a professional to hem them. I was never able to find a fit for her.

As for store's in our area, Hollister, Abercrombie, Aerie, Charlotte Russ, Forever 21, and a few others. We do outlet stores. I found out that there is no real "pre-teen" clothing style. In our schools it jumped from elementary style to HS style. Clothes shopping took time so we could pick out styles that were popular but not too revealing.

 

[taximomfor4]

I spoke with DD and she went to the teacher and asked if two of her friends could walk with her to classes. These were good friends. She told the teacher there was some "teasing/bullying" and she just wanted to feel safe. The teacher told her if it got worse she would have to report it. DD said once she was surrounded by the two friends, all the teasing stopped. There was safety in numbers. She carried my little recorder and would turn it on if she felt one of the bullies was gonna say something. She said it worked it out very quickly.

Onto middle school clothing. I must tell you I purchased DD whatever type jeans were in stlye to fit her waist and butt and paid a professional to hem them. I was never able to find a fit for her.

As for store's in our area, Hollister, Abercrombie, Aerie, Charlotte Russ, Forever 21, and a few others. We do outlet stores. I found out that there is no real "pre-teen" clothing style. In our schools it jumped from elementary style to HS style. Clothes shopping took time so we could pick out styles that were popular but not too revealing.

Thanks for talking with your dd for me. Walking with her friends is one of the suggestions I gave dd (well, she DOES walk with them, but I want her to let the friends know why she wants to stay together in the halls).

As for the teen stores, since dd wears kids size 7 clothes in length (and has NO body chaging going on yet), she has no choice but to shop in kids department/kids clothes stores. Well, except some tops my oldest dd (Xtra Small Jr sizing) passes down. Some of those are fine.

 

[TheGottis]

Try Justice for some 'tween' clothes in small sizes. DD is 9 and loves the place, as well as my very petite niece 8 who wears size 6/7.

 

[EMom]

I was teased for being short, but I had such a biting reply that most people learned to keep quiet. The woman in my family tend to be short. We are done growing by age 12-13.

I have a niece whom I think will be doing good to even reach 4'6" by adulthood. She was a small child, but it wasn't THAT noticeable until she got to be around 8-9. By then, everyone was pasing her by. Most of the family began to realize that even in a family of shorties, she was exceptionally short. When you're short in our family, you are WAY short.

When she was around 11, she developed sudden symptoms and was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, and quite a severe case of it. The family went to a children's hospital for a week or two to learn how to take care of her, monitor her diet, etc. When the doctors there got a look at my niece, they were stunned at how short she was. Her parents replied that lots of people in our family were short (they did not SEE how extreme her shortness was like the rest of us seemed to) and the doctors made it clear that she was so far off the charts that something had to be wrong.

They wanted to do tests and possibly put her on growth hormones. But her parents thought being short wasn't the worst curse in the world, and dealing with her newly diagnosed diabetes was all they could handle. To be fair, they are rigorous in keeping track of everything and monitoring it all....They have learned anything and everything about diabetes that they could. It's a mission for them to make her life as normal as possible. But the doctors' reactions just reinforced what the rest of us had suspected for a long time. She wasn't just short like the rest of us....It was something more.

She's now 14 and is the same height as my DD10, who is not exactly a giant. She's 52 inches tall. So 4' 5". And as I said, by 14, the women in our family have stopped growing. They are done. In her case, I don't think she gets teased much. She's full of fire and anyone who teased her would probably get a dressing down for their trouble. She's feisty.

Being short is not a lot of fun.....But I know for a fact there are a lot worse things in the world. For your DD, I'd knock myself out to make sure she has age appropriate clothes. I know it is a struggle.

 

[happygirl]

I have no idea, I hate the kids are so mean

 

[C.Ann]

I'm sorry, but I can't even think of any advice to give you because this sort of thing makes me SO angry!!

I don't understand why kids are so cruel - why kids feel the need to bully or tease others - and I don't buy the idea that "all kids do it".. It really infuriates me..

To you and your DD -

 

[HugsForEeyore]

Wow, this thread depressed me. I was teased forever because I was the shortest girl in the grade year after year. I barely hit 5 feet tall as an adult. Sadly I have not one positive thing to say on this subject.

I was first teased for being short around kindergarten, and it spiraled from there. I would cry or run away from the mean kids. Sadly what happens is the other kids notice you are an easy target and then the teasing grows and grows. Other kids pick up on it and soon everyone knows the kid being teased is a "loser", and it's the kiss of social death to befriend such a kid. No one would ever help a teased kid, you just didn't back then. By 6th grade, I was being teased for everything - my shortness, my clothes, my hair, how I was "so ugly". Like the OP said, lots of the teasing occurred in the halls of the school, since no teacher was watching then. It went on and on for years. The teasing really lasted well into high school, but slowed down by junior year, when by then I was so unpopular that I was too far beneath everyone's social status to even acknowledge my existance. So I was completely ignored after a certain point, which was fine by me. Things only truly improved when I left town for college and started fresh with new people and a new environment.

Like others said here, kids try to raise their own social status by putting the "weak" down. The teased child is just an object to use. In my case, no kid ever showed one ounce of remorse for teasing me - I doubt they even remembered my name after a point. Back then, teachers and adults didn't help teased kids, since the teased kid "needs to learn to deal with things by themselves". So for me, it went on and on and on. I eventually just accepted being teased as a way of life. I hit a point where I quit every single activity I was in (scouts, band, church, chorus) just to avoid the risk of being teased. Yeah, how pathethic is that.

Well, there is one good thing I can think of: As a short adult, I tend to look much younger than I really am. Everything thinks I am a good 6-7 years younger. One little positive there!

OP - hoping for the best for your DD. Kids can be horrible to eachother. I was very saddened reading this thread - hope her situation has a MUCH better resolution than mine.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

OP-

to you and your daughter. I'm a teacher, and I hate this crap.

My school is K-6, and we have a "Bully Box" in the office where kids can report bullies who are bothering them, or if they have seen another student being bullied. Might be a good suggestion for your school.

There are new bullying laws (I think state wide for us)...we had to review them with all of the students. What those other students have done to your daughter (the names, causing her grades to suffer) would DEFINITELY be considered bullying by the definition in the law.

Here's the deal...your daughter DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT have to deal with any of this garbage. Yes, kids can be mean...but they can also be taught how to be kind and compassionate. I always tell my students that they are never allowed to make another student not want to come to school. That every kid has the right to come to a school that is a positive place where they can do their best to learn and be successful.

I would start with your daughter's teachers. If any snide comments are happening in the classroom, the teachers can be on the lookout and catch them offenders without your daughter "snitching." Here's an example...I teach 6th graders (music) and if I caught a student making rude comments (and knew there was a pattern of behavior), I would ensure that the student lost his/her chance to walk with the rest of the students between classes, and would have to wait for an adult "chaperone" because they were not mature enough to be respectful to the other students. If the problem continued, I would have the parent on the phone that night, and administration involved.

Bullying should not be tolerated...EVER. Yes, a kid can goof up and say a mean thing,

(In 4th grade music class this week: Kelly, why did you call Adrianna a pig? Kelly: Because she looks like a pig, her nose is kind of big.)

Learn why it was disrespectful, apologize, and move on. But when there is a group of kids involved, and the behavior is repeated...it's time for it to stop.

OP, good luck! If you end up with more problems, seriously check out the bullying laws in your area! I'm not saying to go there now, but it's good to know that they are there if you need them!