Daughter being made fun of....advice??

[aprilgail2]

"I might be short, but you're ugly and I still have time to grow! "

I taught middle school for years and I would love to say ignoring it works, but unfortunately... it usually doesn't. Have a snappy comeback--and practice it with confidence.

My daughter uses I may be short but I will grow- you on the other hand will ALWAYS be ugly. She has grown a bit so she is not called shorty mc short short much anymore thank goodness! She still gets referred to as "peanut" on occassion by bus driver and teachers but it doesn't bother her from adults only from her peers. She also has the advantage that her best friend is 11 and 48 inches tall and about 45 pounds so it makes my daughter look taller when they are together LOL. And her friend won't be growing very tall- her mom is 4 foot ten inches tall and 89 pounds! Not exactly "tall genes" in that family!

 

[catycatcat4]

Just tell her not to let them show it bothers her.
Ignore it tell her to act as if there not there at all.
Thats what i used to do back in middle school i have not had a problem in awhile
other than minor mutual dislikes.
when it doesn't bother you it annoys them witch is pretty darn funny!

 

[taximomfor4]

Update for you all...

DD said not as many kids made comments yesterday at school. And the ones who did didn't bother her as much as the day before. She said the day before, it had just been continuous -- so MANY kids, so MANY times that day. Also, it helped that this time she was expecting it to happen constantly, and it seemed to happen less.

Her height is something she has become accustomed to people commenting on (well-meaning or otherwise). She has such a personality stuffed in that little body -- has wanted to be a movie star since she was 3! Still wants to. We are going to encourage her to try out for the school play, no idea how to prepare or if her height (lack of) will hinder her efforts. In dance, she gets put on the less desirable team or no team at all, due specifically to height.

My point is that she is super confident and outgoing, and I will NOT NOT NOT let school be the ruination of her personality.

Between this and her special needs, homeschooling looks better and better to me.

 

[paintnolish]

I am dreading MS for ds. He is short- tiny! Nothing medical but always in the 5-15% for height and weight. He is a head shorter than everyone in his class except for a girl or two! He is very cute, funny, and outgoing, so I hope this will help carry him through. He has said something a few times about it, but I tell him," You will grow one day, but X will still have the same ugly personality." Or, I tell him X is jealous because the girls LOVE ds. Good luck!

 

[EMom]

You know how (in class pictures) they put the shortest kids on the front row, the medium height kids on the middle row, and the tallest kids on the back row? DD has always been on the front row.....Until this year. She had a growth spurt and was thrilled beyond words that she finally "made it" to the middle row instead of the front row. I didn't want to burst her bubble by telling her this development might be temporary and only last until some of those kids on the front row have THEIR growth spurt in a few months. I did tell her that she had accomplished what I never had.....I never once got off that front row. But I looked on the bright side. I was always easy to spot in the yearbook.

 

[taximomfor4]

You know how (in class pictures) they put the shortest kids on the front row, the medium height kids on the middle row, and the tallest kids on the back row? DD has always been on the front row.....Until this year. She had a growth spurt and was thrilled beyond words that she finally "made it" to the middle row instead of the front row. I didn't want to burst her bubble by telling her this development might be temporary and only last until some of those kids on the front row have THEIR growth spurt in a few months. I did tell her that she had accomplished what I never had.....I never once got off that front row. But I looked on the bright side. I was always easy to spot in the yearbook.

HAHA! I told dd that since she IS small, she is always in the front row at dance shows -- when she was older and a higher level than the others in the front row, she was like a little prodigy out there!=great for mom's camera and video camera!! Now it's youngest dd in that "star of the front row" spot, lol. She isn't as low on the growth chart as middle dd always is (youngest tends to be like 15th percentile).

 

[jama]

I agree with looking at Justice..they have 1/2 sizes..which helps with the length. My DD is short also..13 and 4'10...so not as short as your DD..but when she was younger I could but her capri jeans and they would fit her like regular jeans..so that might work also....
I also think she should let her 2 friends know it bothers her when kids say things...then they could stick up for her too.

 

[taximomfor4]

OP here...just wanted to update. Things seemed ok for the month of December, but halfway through january (and almost daily, often multiple times per day) dd has been getting teased in the halls between classes. It is random children, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. They catch her between classes, and make fun of her. She doesn't know these kids, and since they weren't "hurting" her (just annoying her and sometimes upsetting her), she didn't report it for a long time. At this point, though, it is sometimes 5 kids who surround her while others watch from the side and laugh. It's different kids, not just one group. We've been in touch with the school over it, who say they don't know what they can do.

Last night, dd had me take her to dance class (an hour away ) for extra class, she felt it would bring her mood up...and it did.

I am seriously considering pulling her from school, and either homeschooling or online charter schooling. I just know that my dd has a wonderful personality. She KNOWS she is short. She has always put up with mild ribbing about it, but this is continuous and relentless, and mean-spirited. I will NOT allow a bunch of mean, thoughtless kids ruin the great, outgoing, self-confident personality she was born with.

Parents, I BEG you to talk to your kids about being bullies. How just teasing someone can really, really hurt them. DD says it isn't the "bad, scary looking kids" it is the "perfectly normal-looking ones" that "LOOK like they'd be nice kids." I know plenty of parents talk to their kids about what to do if they are bullied, but how many talk to their kids about whether they might be part of the problem??

 

[mjkacmom]

Middle school and high school use lockers. They aren't allowed to carry backpacks around the school because of what else could be inside those bags (weapons, etc). The high school has security people all day, as well as police officers who are there all day and some who come and go...often they bring drug-sniffing dogs around the building for random locker busts. Don't think the middle school has police officers or security.

As for the rolled-up pants, that won't be happening much anymore anyway, since the waists just are too uncomfortable for dd. The seats in the jeans don't seem deep enough, she always ends up with lots of "crack" showing. Got her the skirts/skorts, along with gauchos like her friends wear....she kept asking for those.

What DO middle schoolers wear?

My 8th grader wears low cut jeans, and bright fitted tops, usually a fitted tshirt over a cami. Even dd7 and dd8 usually wear Justice (I buy on sale, with the 40% coupon, and they wear the same size), pencil jeans, layered tops (they have a lot of solid long sleeved tshirts, so we get a lot of wear out of short sleeved shirts year-round this way. Unfortunately, the "hip" clothes out there are not designed for your dd's frame. If she were a little taller, Justice has 1/2 sizes for bigger waists and shorter pants. They start size 8 1/2, which has the length of an 8, but the waist of a 12.

 

[mjkacmom]

Update for you all...

DD said not as many kids made comments yesterday at school. And the ones who did didn't bother her as much as the day before. She said the day before, it had just been continuous -- so MANY kids, so MANY times that day. Also, it helped that this time she was expecting it to happen constantly, and it seemed to happen less.

Her height is something she has become accustomed to people commenting on (well-meaning or otherwise). She has such a personality stuffed in that little body -- has wanted to be a movie star since she was 3! Still wants to. We are going to encourage her to try out for the school play, no idea how to prepare or if her height (lack of) will hinder her efforts. In dance, she gets put on the less desirable team or no team at all, due specifically to height.

My point is that she is super confident and outgoing, and I will NOT NOT NOT let school be the ruination of her personality.

Between this and her special needs, homeschooling looks better and better to me.

Definitely get her into acting! Dd13 acts, and the little girls have a HUGE advantage over regulation size girls, because they can play younger parts for a long time, much better than girls their age. This also goes for boys. This really could be her niche. In the community theater productions dd has done, all of the girls look WAY younger than they actually are!

 

[Handbag Lady]

She can try the stand-up comic routine. That's what I had to do.

I am 41 and am 5'2" when I stand up tall.

I just got funnier and it helped bridge the gap of always being short. I feel so awful for you kid, too. I hated it.

 

[taximomfor4]

Definitely get her into acting! Dd13 acts, and the little girls have a HUGE advantage over regulation size girls, because they can play younger parts for a long time, much better than girls their age. This also goes for boys. This really could be her niche. In the community theater productions dd has done, all of the girls look WAY younger than they actually are!

Acting is what she wants but so far she has never gotten a part. Honestly, the eye issue, glasses, different facial features all don't help. These were school plays. Maybe I can find community theater or is that even harder to do?

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I see this thread has been going on for a while. I just saw it.

Our DD is also quite small - has been since about the time she was 1 year old. I don't have any pearls of wisdom to impart, but I will tell you, we were so extremely grateful to her 1st grade teacher. DD had to stand to do her work at her desk and many of her classmates would try to "help" her do stuff. The teachers attitude (and in so many words) was "she's the same age as the rest of you, she can do it herself."

Now, that said, we have always reinforced with DD that she is small and that MANY people are going to think she is is younger or less capable than they are, but just give them and little "attitude". She also isn't the type of person to let anyone tell her what to do.

She is now 23 and living with friends about 10 hours away from here. And she's still little - maybe about 5'. She hikes (backpacking) and camps and is quite active.

Keep up the good work you're doing with her and love her.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

My 11yo dd, very outgoing and normally cheerful and optimistic, came home and went straight to bed yesterday after school. Seems she's been getting made fun of for being so short, the past few school days...and yesterday was extremely bad. Mostly 6th graders (like her), but now some 8th graders as well. Even her 6th grade class Student Ambassador is in on it.

Mind you, she IS short. 4ft2 at 11 1/2 yrs old. She's ALWAYS been that way, and has realized it since about age 4 when some kids in preschool threatened to pick her up and put her in a garbage can. Back then, she cried when she got home but the next day, spouted at those kids and it stopped. She had lots of friends, which was pretty protective.

Now, she is new to the school (Middle school),and most of her friends ended up on Team 1. She is on Team 2, so mostly kids from 2 other elementary schools.

I don't know what to tell her. I am heartbroken for her, though. Her differences, she has always accepted gracefully -- and has always worked hard to overcome some of her challenges.Mostly, people don't know about her "issues" except her height, which they can see.

What do I do? And what do I advise HER to do? It is apparently whenever she's in the hallway changing classes. We were wondering why she wasn't turning in all her homework -- lots of zeros the past couple of days.It's because she doesn't want to stop at her locker!!

She already walks with her couple of friends. They can't stop the multitude of other kids from teasing her.

I am sorry your DD is going through this, I went through something similar in middle school, I was picked on everyday in gym, it was awful. If it continues to get worse, like to the point that your DD is showing no concern for anything and doesn't actually want to go to school, then you may want to inform the school. I remember my parents did b/c I was getting to the point that I didn't want to go to school anymore (and I always LOVED school) and I would complain my stomach hurt. Looking back I am happy they did, b/c this girl was taken care of and didn't bother me again. Most schools have a bullying policy, these kids need to know what they are doing is not right.

And tell DD, to tell them that "Good things come in small packages!"

 

[ginna74]

I was bullied in middle school and high school (I attract bullies I think lol). I was taken out of one school and put in another and it didn't help, kids still know kids in other schools. I eventually left high school and got a GED. Even though I changed schools it didn't really help because the teachers didn't care, the principles didn't care and I do think my parents did and tried to help, but they never REALLY put their foot down and I think that was needed. The rest might have cared more if my parents would have done more. Good luck!

 

[bettymae1121]

I'm going to be blunt. Pulling your daughter out and home schooling may be the only solution. In my personal experience NOTHING stops teasing/bullying. Ignoring won't help, joking about it won't help, and the schools sure as heck can't/won't help. I was teased from 1st grade through 8th grade. It didn't stop until freshman year (9th grade) when the school was so big and the kids were so busy with other stuff that they just didn't have the time or inclination to bother. But it easily could have continued, I basically got lucky. The damage done lasts even through to today.

This might stop on it's own (in my experiance it won't, especially in middle school, but I suppose anything is possible), or at least subside to the point you're daughter can tolerate it. Or it can escalate beyond your worst nightmares. Based on what you posted today though, it sounds like it's escalating.

In your shoes, I'd take it day by day and if things aren't intolerable for her, maybe stick out the school year and decide about home schooling for next year over the summer. If it gets really bad then I'd just pull her right away. Just my opinion of course, you need to do what you feel is right.

 

[taximomfor4]

I am sorry your DD is going through this, I went through something similar in middle school, I was picked on everyday in gym, it was awful. If it continues to get worse, like to the point that your DD is showing no concern for anything and doesn't actually want to go to school, then you may want to inform the school. I remember my parents did b/c I was getting to the point that I didn't want to go to school anymore (and I always LOVED school) and I would complain my stomach hurt. Looking back I am happy they did, b/c this girl was taken care of and didn't bother me again. Most schools have a bullying policy, these kids need to know what they are doing is not right.

And tell DD, to tell them that "Good things come in small packages!"

We have been in contact with the school almost every day this week. Today, dd (my very outgoing, social girl who LOVED school) begged us to not send her back. DH is on the way to the school now, dd didn't stop at her locker to get her viola and backpack, just went to the bus and came home. She was extra upset, I think, because she did what the school told her to do: she went to the office as soon as it happened again. HOWEVER, the person she was told to see was not there today, and nobody else was available to speak with her.??????? So she was sent to study hall, where for the first time, she cried. In front of everyone. She is scared to go back, because after word got around that she cried, it got way worse later in the day.

I am researching virtual schools now. Hope I can find one that will take her this late in the year. DH is halfway on board, but feels he should have his kids in public school since he's a public school teacher.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

We have been in contact with the school almost every day this week. Today, dd (my very outgoing, social girl who LOVED school) begged us to not send her back. DH is on the way to the school now, dd didn't stop at her locker to get her viola and backpack, just went to the bus and came home. She was extra upset, I think, because she did what the school told her to do: she went to the office as soon as it happened again. HOWEVER, the person she was told to see was not there today, and nobody else was available to speak with her.??????? So she was sent to study hall, where for the first time, she cried. In front of everyone. She is scared to go back, because after word got around that she cried, it got way worse later in the day.

I am researching virtual schools now. Hope I can find one that will take her this late in the year. DH is halfway on board, but feels he should have his kids in public school since he's a public school teacher.

I am so sorry this is still continuing I am also sorry that the school has not been very helpful in this situation.
Do what you feel is right, for the most part people are always worried about the "social life" of a child who is homeschooled, but it seems your DD is into dance (?) and you also talked about possibly acting so I am sure she will be fine, getting social activities from other places than school. I am sure it is so hard to watch your DD come home every day upset, so do what you all feel is best for your DD. Please keep us updated, I hope everything works out ok.

 

[bettymae1121]

We have been in contact with the school almost every day this week. Today, dd (my very outgoing, social girl who LOVED school) begged us to not send her back. DH is on the way to the school now, dd didn't stop at her locker to get her viola and backpack, just went to the bus and came home. She was extra upset, I think, because she did what the school told her to do: she went to the office as soon as it happened again. HOWEVER, the person she was told to see was not there today, and nobody else was available to speak with her.??????? So she was sent to study hall, where for the first time, she cried. In front of everyone. She is scared to go back, because after word got around that she cried, it got way worse later in the day.

I am researching virtual schools now. Hope I can find one that will take her this late in the year. DH is halfway on board, but feels he should have his kids in public school since he's a public school teacher.

You know what, forget what I posted in #56 and just go ahead and pull her now. She can take a few days off while you get an online school set up for her. While you home school her you can, if you want, try to work things out with the school for her to return next year. I don't think the school is going to be able to fix this for this school year even if they put a lot of effort into it, which at this point it doesn't seem like they are.

As I said, this is just my opinion. I am an anonymous stranger on an internet board after all. Whatever you do, I wish your family good luck!

 

[hedgehog2owl]

eh. nobody cared or read. why keep it here.