Daughter being made fun of....advice??

[bellebud]

I have researched for days, and talked to many people. At this point, my decision is made. I just can't move forward till dh jumps on board. So far, all he has decided is that dd will NOT go to school Monday.

so what's your decision? (I'd assume homeschooling, but I hate to assume).

I agree w/ your dd that those options don't sound like a real 'fix'. If anything, they single her out even more.

If your decision is hsing, I want to suggest again getting some of those homeschooling books for your dh to read (I especially like John Taylor Gatto because he was a highly recognized public school teacher for years - the man *knows* what he's talking about!) Even if it's just to finish out the year and do something else next year, at least your dh can see a different side to homeschooling.

good luck and I hope your dd feels better emotionally.

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

My immature side says to take her on a facebook tour of people from your high school/youth and point out the bullies/snobs/mean girls and point out how fat/sleazy/"weathered" they look now that they're all grown up--what goes around, comes around.

Not immature at all in my opinion!

 

[golfgal]

I have two young daughters and I'm terrified to send them to middle school.

OP, if I were in your situation, I'd take her out of that toxic environment asap. She sounds like a strong, happy kid - how dare those little brats try to take that away from her! Oh it just makes me soooo mad!!

Learning how to stand up for yourself in the face of a little bullying is a fact of life, but dealing with a constant onslaught of emotional terrorism is not. This has gone way beyond your garden-variety middle school drama.

Hugs to you and your DD - and know that she'll grow up to be a wonderful, confident, capable young lady and those other brats will always have something ugly and hurtful inside them.

I am not a big fan of teaching kids that running away is the solution but sometimes you do have to remove them from the situation.

OP, my DS17 was in a similar situation. He was teased and picked on non-stop for several years. We tried to work all the channels but unfortunately our principal was a fan of 'it's his story against their story' attitude. We finally transferred him to another school and that helped some. We still lived in the same town so all the kids at each school still knew each other. He too was short. He also brought on some of the teasing himself which we worked with him on. There was one boy in particular that was the worst. We finally gave DS permission to tell this kid that while DS was short, he was going to grow where this kid was always going to be stupid. Not nice, but it got the point across. We also gave him permission that if anyone pushed him around, he was allowed to fight back. It never came to that though.

The best thing that ever happened to DS though was when DH took a job transfer and we moved. The REST of us liked our old town MUCH more but it was a good move for DS17. We moved when he was going into 9th grade and he was the SHORTEST kid in the entire school. By the end of 9th grade there were 10 or so kids shorter then him (he grew). He is only about 5'7" now but still isn't done growing (we did all the growth hormone testing, etc. and he should be around 6' when he is done). At 4'11" your DD is taller then DS17 was when he started high school.

 

[taximomfor4]

By the end of 9th grade there were 10 or so kids shorter then him (he grew). He is only about 5'7" now but still isn't done growing (we did all the growth hormone testing, etc. and he should be around 6' when he is done). At 4'11" your DD is taller then DS17 was when he started high school.

oops if I put she is 4'11" I mistyped. She is almost 12 and is 4'2". Her neurologist and geneticist concur that she might end up 4'11 when done growing.

To a pp who asked, you are Nearly correct about my decision. I do think dh wants the same but he is more cautious than I am. and I am quite cautious myself. I want to do virtual school with dd.

 

[golfgal]

oops if I put she is 4'11" I mistyped. She is almost 12 and is 4'2". Her neurologist and geneticist concur that she might end up 4'11 when done growing.

To a pp who asked, you are Nearly correct about my decision. I do think dh wants the same but he is more cautious than I am. and I am quite cautious myself. I want to do virtual school with dd.

I come from a family of short women-I am "tall" for my family at 5'4" tall . My niece just started growth hormone shots. She is in 8th grade and is only about 4'6". She doesn't have issues with kids teasing her though. It sounds like your DD has some pretty nasty classmates.

 

[Va-bear]

She still wants to be a teacher, but she has no plans to put her own kids in a public middle school.

It is VERY disheartening to hear of all these 'teachers' who wouldnt send their kids to the schools they teach in! To me, they have a JOB, they are not teachers. I feel like this attitude is part of the whole problem many have w/ public schools. "OH, they are fine, but not good enouigh for MY kids...." ...very frustrating.

I totally disagree. I went through horrible teasing in middle school. If those kids had called me short, I would have been grateful. Instead, I got names associated with being fat and ugly. I'd come home in tears almost every other day. I'm sure my mom was heartbroken by it all, but she let me know that life is not all rainbows and unicorns. She told me to think of a way to deal with it. I went through the teasing for many months. One day I just decided to heck with those kids and made my own way. I joined clubs in school to meet more people with my interest. One of those clubs included the ring leader of my abuse. Once we actually got to talk to each other, we became semi-friends. Making fun of me was over. Tell your daughter not to be afraid of those kids and talk to them. I am thankful that my mom did not pull me out of school. That year provided me with many life lessons. Not to mention, I ended up being pretty popular in High School. That was kind of the best revenge.

I agree on a whole. I work w/ so many young people who seem to think they way to handle a tough problem is to ignore it or leave the scene.... Learning to deal with/ignore the 'yucky people/things' in life will carry you far. Though,I will admit that sometimes (and dealing w/extreme bullies may be one..) there is no easy answer. Glad things worked out so well for you!

 

[wilderness01]

I am not a big fan of teaching kids that running away is the solution but sometimes you do have to remove them from the situation.

OP, my DS17 was in a similar situation. He was teased and picked on non-stop for several years. We tried to work all the channels but unfortunately our principal was a fan of 'it's his story against their story' attitude. We finally transferred him to another school and that helped some. We still lived in the same town so all the kids at each school still knew each other. He too was short. He also brought on some of the teasing himself which we worked with him on. There was one boy in particular that was the worst. We finally gave DS permission to tell this kid that while DS was short, he was going to grow where this kid was always going to be stupid. Not nice, but it got the point across. We also gave him permission that if anyone pushed him around, he was allowed to fight back. It never came to that though.

The best thing that ever happened to DS though was when DH took a job transfer and we moved. The REST of us liked our old town MUCH more but it was a good move for DS17. We moved when he was going into 9th grade and he was the SHORTEST kid in the entire school. By the end of 9th grade there were 10 or so kids shorter then him (he grew). He is only about 5'7" now but still isn't done growing (we did all the growth hormone testing, etc. and he should be around 6' when he is done). At 4'11" your DD is taller then DS17 was when he started high school.

We also had to do this and yes, it did get the point across. Kids are mean, plain and simple. Parents don't care unless it is their kid. Administrators don't care because they don't want the hassle. OP, I feel very bad for you as we have "been there and done that."

Some kids just aren't able to "handle it on their own" and shouldn't be expected to at such a young age. Removing her from the situation might be best it sounds like. Good luck with your decision. You will get through this, believe me you will. I know the heartbreak of watching your child so miserable. Here is a huge hug for you. Keep protecting her, she is still young, it will all be ok.

 

[buckler]

I was checking something on the web site for my daughter's middle school for next year and they had some info on bullying. One suggestion was that:

"Sometimes taking self-defense or assertiveness training may help the individual that is being victimized, especially if the child has had to deal with bullying behavior most of his/her life."

Regardless of whether you keep your daughter in the school or not, you might look into something that might give your daughter more confidence despite her size. When I was in high school I joined the fencing team. Despite my lack of height I was really good at it and the other kids that thought I was a nerdy little thing were shocked when they saw me in action .

After reading this thread I must admit I'm a bit nervous about what we're in store for next year when my oldest hits middle school. I'm anticipating she won't be part of the "in" crowd given her nerdiness (she takes after her mom!).

 

[dimimi]

thanks everyone. It's so hard -- she's always had such good humor in dealing with the looks/comments.

She could answer with a joke on herself like "Yeah, look how short my legs are. If they suddenly grow a ton, though, I'll have to re-learn to walk" or something. Told you I'm not good at this.

I haven't read everything. But I would say to make sure the teacher's know. At very least they can let her get her homework once the bell rings. She shouldn't be penalized because she is afraid to go to her locker. Schools are VERY anti-bullying right now. If you explain the situation, I'm pretty sure the school will support you. I'm glad your daughter has a few friends that change classes with her.

 

[dimimi]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

DD knows that her dad and I are making the decision, primarily. She just told me (after 36 hours of school-free time at home "recovering"), that she doesn't think any of her dad's ideas are going to change anything. He has offered to try to get the school to: Switch her to the other team (problem is, dd already took many of those classes in the 1st semester); have a "buddy" assigned to dd, who has to walk between classes with her (dd doesn't want to be somebody's "job"); or have dd wait in class till AFTER the bells, and go to the next class a little late. For every class, till the end of the year, I guess.

I have researched for days, and talked to many people. At this point, my decision is made. I just can't move forward till dh jumps on board. So far, all he has decided is that dd will NOT go to school Monday.

I would insist that your daughter is escorted by a teacher. It doesn't have to be obvious, just have the teacher in the hall. Also, you should have everything documented. If it doesn't work at the school level, call the superintendent. You can be sure that the school would not want all of this publicized. As you stated a few pages back, your daughter can identify some of the kids. Those kids need to be called on the carpet and talked to. Let the school warn the kids and if it doesn't stop, they should have bullying consequences.

Good luck!

 

[DizBelle]

Can you give us an update on the situation?

 

[mrodgers]

My 6 year old is very tiny. Wifey wanted to watch her get off the bus at school the first day of kindergarten so we went to the school and couldn't even find her she was so tiny. We found my oldest, 8 at the time, and when she walked past she was holding Emma's hand and we finally saw her.

I heard Lauren, the older, saying to Emma, "Don't worry, if anyone picks on you, I'll just beat them up." I asked her what if it was a boy and she said, "It would just make it funner."

She does always talk about wanting to beat up the boys. She gets mad because she plays football with the boys and it's only tab football. She wants to tackle them. When she was 8 years old, she was over 4' 6" and 100 lbs solid. Emma at 6 is barely over 3 foot and I don't think she weighs 50 lb. yet. I think she's barely in the 40 lb range.