Daughter being made fun of....advice??

[mjkacmom]

We have been in contact with the school almost every day this week. Today, dd (my very outgoing, social girl who LOVED school) begged us to not send her back. DH is on the way to the school now, dd didn't stop at her locker to get her viola and backpack, just went to the bus and came home. She was extra upset, I think, because she did what the school told her to do: she went to the office as soon as it happened again. HOWEVER, the person she was told to see was not there today, and nobody else was available to speak with her.??????? So she was sent to study hall, where for the first time, she cried. In front of everyone. She is scared to go back, because after word got around that she cried, it got way worse later in the day.

I am researching virtual schools now. Hope I can find one that will take her this late in the year. DH is halfway on board, but feels he should have his kids in public school since he's a public school teacher.

That school needs to get some kind of program! It makes me sick that your dd is being made to feel so bad, just because she's short! If I ever heard that one of my kids was treating another child like that, I'd be livid. The fact that she cried made them worse? Don't these kids have any empathy?

As for the acting, community theater is hard to get into (dd13 has a voice/acting coach, a headshot and resume), but she started out taking local classes.

 

[DizBelle]

To everyone with a child being bullied - send me the name of their school and the names of the bullies and I'll go pummel them myself.

I tell you, I'm constantly disgusted (but rarely surprised) with what people are capable of doing to each other.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

"Sweetheart, you're short. It's just genetics. It's not something that can be helped and it's certainly not something any intelligent person would tease another about. Those girls are idiots, but they can't help that either, they were just born that way. So remember when they tease you that you did not, in fact, get the short end of the stick."

 

[peyjax]

Wow poor girl. I must say pulling her out of school seems like the easy thing but seems extreme. People are cruel, it is a fact of life. She is just going to have to learn to stand up for herself. Fight back!!!! Crying is what we all want to do but usually just makes it worse. I understand wanting to protect her and her personality but it may not work the way you think and could easily backfire in the long run.

I have a sister who is 4'11 and another who is 5'1. I on the other hand am 5"9. You can guess who got made fun of there. Jolly Green Giant, Amazon Woman, milk mans kid, etc.and it was not just in my family but outside as well. Anyone who knew my family made comments. I know it is not the same but it kind of shaped who I am. It took time because I always wanted to be petite but eventually I embraced it. Hope things work out with whatever you decide.

 

[agnes!]

"I might be short, but you're ugly and I still have time to grow! "

I taught middle school for years and I would love to say ignoring it works, but unfortunately... it usually doesn't. Have a snappy comeback--and practice it with confidence.

Jerk: You're a midget.
Short Girl: Yeah? And?

Jerk: You're a midget.
Short Girl: You JUST noticed?!?

agnes!

 

[frndshpcptn]

I was bullied in high school. I had the stomaches. I was an honors student and I dreaded going to school each day.

I went anyway. Made it through. Became a varsity cheerleader, ran the school plays, did peer counseling, and threw myself into a host of other activities to try and ignore the pain. Still have lingering mental scars from the experience. To this day. And I am now 32.

I don't know - the school won't really be able to help (as far as I recall from my days). The ringleaders who are involved will have to be the ones making the changes to stop the teasing - and they aren't going to do it becase some adults tells them to.

Pulling her out may be a good solution. I know that life's cruel, but where's the line between knowing that and waking up 16 years later and still feeling badly about yourself based on things that happened such a long time ago?

 

[laurie31]

I would take her out without hesitation; this is one of the reasons I will not allow either of my girls to go to middle school. Both went to public school through 5th grade. DD13 is in her 3rd year of homeschooling and has blossomed. She takes ballet, tap, jazz, and pre-pointe, ballroom dance, flute, and plays in the homeschool band. She is also very active in our church youth group and sings in the choir, so she has LOTS of time with other kids.

A tender plant is kept in a greenhouse until it is mature and stong enough to live outside. Then when it's big enough, you can plant in your yard, and it will grow to be a strong oak tree. If you put it out too young, it can be trampled by animals, blown down by winds, etc. The same is true for children.

That saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is just a saying. Sometimes whatever doesn't kill you just hurts really bad forever. Look at all the posts in this thread testifying to just that.

OP, just because you protect your dd from being in a situation where she is MISERABLE every single day while she is a child, doesn't mean that when she is older she won't be able to handle being different. She deserves to be in a non-toxic environment. How is she going to learn anything when she's so unhappy? Her educational needs are not being met, aside from the horrible emotional stuff going on. There are many options for homeschooling. Go to HSLDA's website and click on your state to get the specifics for you. I feel so badly for your dd. No one should suffer what she has been through.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Jerk: You're a midget.
Short Girl: Yeah? And?

Jerk: You're a midget.
Short Girl: You JUST noticed?!?

agnes!

DS (who was also short as well as skinny in school) just walked though and saw this response.

His reply:

"I'm not short, I'm Fun-Size"

 

[All American]

My immature side says to take her on a facebook tour of people from your high school/youth and point out the bullies/snobs/mean girls and point out how fat/sleazy/"weathered" they look now that they're all grown up--what goes around, comes around.

 

[Va-bear]

...does she ignore it? Does she say something to them?

Of course, everyone's different, but I think saying nothing is best. Or possilby a wry smile that says something like "yeah, I know that already, Sherlock..." With the idea there being 1. dont give them any ammunition (your witty comment may get turned around on you) 2. the little smile may help them realize, at the very least, that she already is aware and they are just being mean (some might care..)

I am very tall and gained that height at a VERY young age (in 6th grade was taller than our 5'7" male teacher and HE teased me...) I found saying little was best for me.

Please give a big hug from us all - poor thing.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Of course, everyone's different, but I think saying nothing is best. Or possilby a wry smile that says something like "yeah, I know that already, Sherlock..." With the idea there being 1. dont give them any ammunition (your witty comment may get turned around on you) 2. the little smile may help them realize, at the very least, that she already is aware and they are just being mean (some might care..)

I am very tall and gained that height at a VERY young age (in 6th grade was taller than our 5'7" male teacher and HE teased me...) I found saying little was best for me.

Please give a big hug from us all - poor thing.

I like that.

Another way to handle it, is she can beat them to the punch. When she's walking by the offenders before they can say anything, she can say, "I'm short.". Smile and keep walking. Steals their thunder.

 

[taximomfor4]

dd is feeling better (out of bed now). She just told me that for the first few WEEKS, she said nothing. Last week, after one incident, she finally said "OK, Heard you, now Stop It." Monday of this week, she said the Fun-Size thing but otherwise just ignored them completely. DH and I figured out that, since it happens between almost every class change lately, is 5-6 kids each time, and is DIFFERENT kids throughout the day (in groups of 5-6), that is 25-35 kids per day. They say what they say, then don't stick around. Tuesday, a teacher caught them and told them to stop it. Wednesday, it didn't happen at ALL!!!! But the thursday, was worse than ever. And today the worst yet because when she went to the office but was sent back right away.

DH says he and the principal nearly came to blows . And now, DH is backtracking and doesn't want me to pull dd from school. He DID tell the principal that dd won't be there Monday, dd thinks she is not going back this year at all.

The principal did show dh the email he sent to all the teachers...and in there, it states that 2 OTHER kids are getting bullied too, and their parents are mentioning pulling them from school too. BOY do I wish I knew who they are ... dd was the only one mentioned by name.

Scared of homeschooling...but don't feel I have any choice at this point. I can't have dd recovering in bed after school each day. We are making an apppointment with a counselor.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I am so sorry. I looked up some homeschooling information for you. I hope your DD has some peace soon. My heart aches for her.

http://www.home-school.com/groups/OH.html

http://www.homeschoolclassifieds.com/show_state.asp?st=OH

http://www.oakmeadow.com/?gclid=CLfKk5jboqACFdRM5Qod62kycg

http://www.homeschoolcentral.com/support/ohio_homeschool.htm

http://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/support/ohio.php

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/regional/OhioSupport.htm

http://www.ohva.org/dg/dg_oh.html?s... home school&gclid=CKGEr8XboqACFQk65QodeC46aw

 

[laurie31]

Scared of homeschooling...but don't feel I have any choice at this point. I can't have dd recovering in bed after school each day. We are making an apppointment with a counselor.

I was terrified at first. I didn't know where to even start - choosing a curriculum, scheduling my days, it all seemed so overwhelming. Basically it's fear of the unknown. Once you start, you will find it's not so overwhelming after all, and it's actually fun most days.

However, it's really sad that there are that many kids who are bullied to the point that their parents are considering pulling them out, and the school is still not doing anything substantial to stop it.

 

[DisneyDizzy]

There's a homeschooling thread on Disney For Families board. Lots of very helpful people there, if that is the way you decide to go.

We homeschool and actually know several public school teachers and former teachers that homeschool. It really isn't like it used to be. Lots of social interaction and very few of the "Little House on The Prairie" types. Our groups have been very diverse and lots of fun.

It isn't for everyone or even best for everyone. We started because with my husband's job we move around a lot and we travel a lot. It's been the best thing we have ever done. Not easy but rewarding. You will both have to be 100% on board though. You simply can NOT do it without support.

 

[bellebud]

DH is halfway on board, but feels he should have his kids in public school since he's a public school teacher.

I have to ask your dh "why"?

We now homeschool (just started last year), but in the catholic school we were in, many of the parents were public school teachers (but sent their kids to the catholic school - and none for *religious* reasons). I asked one why, and she said "I'd homeschool my 2 girls before I'd send them to public school" (she's a middle school history teacher in one of the local "good" districts). That left a very big impression.

I had always thought about homeschooling anyway, so it was always in the back of my mind - one thing led to another, and I pulled my kids mid-March last year. We were going to finish out the year, but the kids were having medical issues (mild honestly), but things happened, and I just jumped in the deep end and decided by myself one afternoon I wasn't sending them back the next day. And that was it - and I only wish I had done it sooner.

It started because of medical reasons for both my kids, but the more I have researched it, and the more we're doing it, I cannot see any other way anymore for my family. The education they are now getting is tailored to each child - what could be better than that? They can take special interest classes to their hearts content, go as fast in any subject as they wish, and as slow in others as they need to. We're part of a local homeschooling community that we do things w/ on a regular basis, so they have all the social interaction they want, and yes, there are still small arguments, likes/dislikes they deal with with these kids - which is a good thing - but there's not the huge, uncontrolled, 'lord of the flies' type bullying going on. When a child continually gets bullied, it's does not make them stronger, it beats them down. Some kids commit suicide over things like this - we all read about it all the time. How can a child even learn in that environment? So your dd is not socially enjoying school anymore, AND she's not learning to her potential... your dh should really ask himself why she's still attending... because he truly feels it's best for her, or because it's something is HIS mind that he needs to deal with.

There's a homeschool thread on this family board - come check it out - also if you want to read a bit, from your library get "Dumbing Us Down" by John Taylor Gatto - a 2 or 3 time award winning "teacher of the year" from NYC - he's who got my dh totally on board with the homeschooling idea (dh thought I was nuts at first).

I know you didn't ask for all this homeschooling info - just wanted to offer it - can't hurt to be informed.

Good luck with your dd! As parents, we have to do what's in the best interest for each individual child, and sometimes it's not what the majority of your neighborhood is doing (ie - going to public school).

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

If she wasn't short, she would be _______. (Really, fill in the balnk with just about ANYTHING)
Girls love to backstab and make fun of others. It is so heartbreaking that you can't stop it from happening. If I had any great advice or a "cure," I would publish it and make a ton of money and make every girl feel good about themselves. Unfortunately, nobody has done that and I don't foresee that happening in our lifetime.
Since it is happening in the hallways, teachers don't see it and they can't prevent it.
Tell your daughter to keep her head held high, smile, and walk away.

Nobody can hurt you when you are smiling!

((((((to your DD)))) All of us women have been there, done that.

 

[shortbun]

I think this is serious enough to ask for help from the administration. Perhaps they and the teachers can begin doing some anti-bullying work in the classrooms. They can get their point across by noticing what's happening to your daughter and stopping children from doing it as well as all the other bullying they will find glaringly obvious. Children don't even realize they are bullying. Some are quite suprised.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. I went to a k-8 and was bullied in 1-8 by many different kids. I would come home crying every single day after school and just curl up in bed and sob. I wanted to switch schools horribly. (My best friend went to a public school). However, my mom wouldn’t allow it because this school was the best academically.

The bullying peaked in 6th grade and decreased in 7th and 8th. Things really changed when I got to high school. I made a great group of friends and no one picked on me anymore. I eventually got over the bullying. I can even remember fond memories of elementary school.(I do have friends who have not, though). I am, however, still fighting the effects of the bullying. (ex: my shyness)

Every day your daughter is entering a battle field. It is already affecting her. I would try to do whatever I could to intervene NOW. The school isn’t doing anything and I’m afraid it will most likely get worse. E-mails to teachers won’t do much. And if those teachers should mention your daughter's name to the students... The school should step up and take action, but it doesn’t sound like they will. I'm sorry but, I don’t really have any advice.

Good luck to your daughter.

 

[bellebud]

Wow poor girl. I must say pulling her out of school seems like the easy thing but seems extreme. People are cruel, it is a fact of life. She is just going to have to learn to stand up for herself.

But remember, when we're all grown up and in the workplace, other adults can be snippy or whatever, but they won't be surrounding her in the breakroom, calling her short, then scattering when the boss walks in. She doesn't need to keep dealing with this in this horrible way to learn how to be a fully functioning adult. Probably the opposite, actually.