Dance Moms WWYD?

[KiminChicago]

DD is 10. She's been dancing at the same studio for 7 years. About 3 years ago there was a big shakeup and all of the old instructors were replaced with new ones. Enrollment has been steadily declining since then, until this year there were two Kinder ballet, one level 1 class and the level 4 class DD is in.
There are also a couple of Beginning Tap and Jazz classes and one advance Jazz class.

The real trouble started last summer. Those of us with girls in the dance company ordered warm-up jackets that still haven't shown up. Then the convention we were supposed to attend in January filled up before the instructor got our registration in, so we went to a different convention in February. After that, it was the competition in May -- again it filled up before our registration was submitted, so now we're competing this coming weekend. Added to that, we had to scamble for competition costumes because the ones we ordered back in the fall never showed up. Some of the moms of the older girls have said privately that their daughters won't be back in the fall, but they haven't talked to the instructor. That will leave DD, two other girls her age, one middle schooler and one high schooler as the entire dance company.

I'd like to move DD to a new dance studio, but this is the only studio she knows and she says she'd stop dancing before she'd agree to move. I've told her that we can see how it goes in the fall, but I'm pretty sure things won't be changed much. I offered to assist the instructor in handling the registration (other moms also volunteered to help) but the instructor hasn't accepted any assistance. DD is talented and loves dancing, so I'd hate to see her quit, but I can't see sticking with a program that is in such disarray. Any suggestions?

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I used to be a competitve dancer, so I know what it's like to get attached to your studio and your friends. I would have put up a serious fight if my parents had asked me to move to the rival studio.

That being said, it is obvious there are significant problems with your studio. Since your daughter is competitive, appeal to that side of her. Ask her what she hopes to get out of dance? If she wants to train with a big city ballet (around here all the girls go to Kansas City) or perform in another capacity, let her know that with the way things are going at her studio, she may not be able to do that. Let her know that with girls leaving, she probably won't be able to continue competing.

Maybe find out what those other girls are going to do. Can she go to the same studio as them? That might make the transition easier. Also, many studios will let you take a free class or observe. See if one near you will let you do that, give her a chance to experience a better studio to see if she likes it.

In the end, you are the mom and you may just need to put your foot down. No way would I allow a child of mine to continue taking lessons at this studio. I'm sure if my parents were in this position I would have put up a fight, but in the end, my love of dance would have won out. Hopefully your DD can be the same way.

Oh, and find out if your new studio has a competition group and what it takes to get in. Mention that she currently competes and see what they can do. Maybe if she can join their group right off the bat it will ease the transition.

 

[figment52]

Take your daughter to other studios/companies and make her part of the interview process for the new place. Sounds like this one won't be around next year.

 

[Cinderella94]

I'd like to move DD to a new dance studio, but this is the only studio she knows and she says she'd stop dancing before she'd agree to move.

Did she say that knowing her friends would be leaving?

 

[Narnian_Princess]

I was in a martial arts school a few years ago that went bad. I swore up and down that I wouldn't leave it no matter what, but after a few years of getting dragged into drama and otherwise being miserable to have to go and deal with everything, I quit almost as soon as I earned my black belt. I haven't been in any sort of martial arts since, because though I love the sport and want to take it up again, I'm kind of afraid to after my experiences.

If my mom had made me change schools when the drama started getting out of control, I know I wouldn't have been happy, but I think it would have been for the best. Two years of my life I spent bearing the emotional stress so I could do what I loved, that I could have been doing the same thing elsewhere with much less stress.

If your DD's instructor isn't taking the time and effort, then why should you? If the other parents want their DDs to leave, perhaps you can make plans to all move to a different school as a group.

I hope everything works out.

 

[Sleepy]

I am a firm believer in allowing a child to make their own decisions when it comes to extra curricular activities. As adults, we have had enough life experience to see things around us and gain a pretty good idea of what the future will hold. We can offer suggestions, reveal our observations, and give predictions, but ultimately, it is up to the child to make the final decision. It is their happiness. They are the one making the sacrifice and expelling the energy. If they don't like their current situation, they will change it.

We have always allowed our son to make his own decisions. In the end, he is the one who has to live with the outcome. If the outcome is a good one, he can say he made the right choices, but if the outcome is bad, he will have to live with the poor choices he made. He will not be able to blame us.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Normally, I would agree with you. But in this case the OP is out money in things ordered (that I imagine are required) that are not being delivered. That is the point where I would draw the line because now it is affecting the whole family.

 

[Beca]

Best case scenario....your owner/instructor is very disorganized!!! Worst case scenario....someone is stealing the money for sweats and costumes to pay the rent & salaries!! Run, run, as fast as you can!!! Have your dd try camps or other classes this summer to see if there is another place she likes. Also, reinforce to her that dancers need to study from as many different people as possible to up their skill level....one teacher sees things very different from others.

I know how hard it is to make kids change studios....but, she can't stay there!!!

 

[Sleepy]

Normally, I would agree with you. But in this case the OP is out money in things ordered (that I imagine are required) that are not being delivered. That is the point where I would draw the line because now it is affecting the whole family.

If I were the OP, I would not be out of money. I would be demanding a refund and for future orders, they would not get my money until AFTER the costumes arrive. I do agree something here is wrong, so in this case the OP could use the costume problems as a way to get her daughter to be the one to pursue the change to a new school. If OP tells the daughter she refuses to prepay for another costume and explains that the school requires prepayment or they can't participate, then the daughter is left making the decision to move since she obviously can't stay where she is. The change therefore would not be the decision of the parent.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

That actually sounds like a pretty good idea. A nice kind of "compromise" to the situation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Not a dance mom however I would sit with my dd and tell her that this dance studio is going down in flames. If she is serious about continuing with dance then she needs to change studios.

I would give her the choice to either change studios or quit.

 

[KristinBelle]

I think you're getting ripped off and should switch studios.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I'm all for letting kids make their own choices regarding extra-curriculars, but in this situation, I'd take the reins and guide dd to making the decision for herself. Let her know where her friends will be going in the fall. Let her know that a studio with such a bad reputation will reflect on her when she starts auditioning for dance parts. Are you really losing money on thes warm-up jackets and registrations? I don't see that in your post.

Offer to take dd and a couple dance friends to check out other studios together.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your DD is 10, which is probably old enough to understand a "cause/effect" type of relationship. I would explain to her that you have some concerns about the dance studio. Explain that:
~You have ordered warm up jackets quite a while ago that have not yet arrived & the monetary loss thus far
~The delay in registering for important competitions/conferences which forced the studio to dance at different competitions/conferences, is poor business management
~The costume scramble, again because of poor management
~Some of the other dance moms have said their daughters won't be returning, and if that is the case, that will mean that next year there will be 5 dancers as the whole company...probably not all that impressive at competitions
~My guess is that the "dance world" is a small one and a failing company is going to have a reputaiton which may affect your DD's "dance career"...you don't want to be linked with a failing company, you want to be linked with a thriving company
~Your concern is that this studio is not going to be good for her in terms of helping her be the best she wants to be @ dancing...appeal to her competitive side

Frankly, though, Mom, you may have to be the bad guy and say "Look, I am not wasting any more money at this studio. I am happy to go to other studios so you can check them out and find one where you are comfortable, but you won't be going back to this one. Talk to your friends and see where they go, we'll go check out their places". You might also want to talk to the other moms who have said they won't be back next year and find out where their DDs are going...maybe your DD would feel comfortable going to another studio if she knew there were going to be kids she knows there. If she decides that she'd rather not dance than go to a different studio, then perhaps she can find another extracurricular activity. I don't know much about dancing school, but it sounds like a sub-par business which is close to folding. I'd get my money back for the warm-up jacket and whatever other items you paid for and don't have yet and be done with the place.

 

[Disneyland_emily]

I also agree with moving esp if she wants to keep dancing longer term. It sounds like the studio you are at now is not going to be around in 1 not to mention 3 and 5 years when it would be harder to start at a new studio.

One way you can approach it that may help is finding if your daughter has a favorite style she'd like to focus on and try to match to a studio that has a great program (at her age she still needs to be well rounded but starting to focus on Ballet, or Jazz is great) that she can start training with...

 

[luv2sew]

Can you and some other moms get together and have a meeting with the studio owner and teachers and tell them of your concerns? After all you are the business and if you guys leave the business, she has nothing and noone to teach to. If you decide to spend another year at this studio you need to know that the people there are truly interested in building up relations with her current students and parents and building up the clientele, which at this point she has a bad reputation in town and will probably not be able to survive. What is her future business plan????

This studio is going down and putting another year of money into this and dance lessons that are probably going down with it is probably a waste of time, effort, money and dance classes. Unfortunately you will probably need to find another studio.

I went through all this with my, now 22 year old DD....whish I had all the money I spent on costumes, shoes, classes and trips.....Not a waste of money but in the ultimate scheme of things I see alot differently now.

 

[AboutTheMouse]

This is our situation this year, too. My DD is on a competition team and her team is not continuing next year at all. We moms saw the writing on the wall a few months ago and many of us had our daughters audition for another team. The girls who auditioned will be dancing together next year and the team is larger than our current one, so it is a good move all around.

I, too am in the NW suburbs of Chicago. I can PM you with more details if you want, and maybe tell you a bit more about the studios that I investigated.

We loved our teacher and director, just didn't love the owners' business practices or philosophy. Unfortunately, you need to have both to keep both the kids and the parents interested.

If you paid for items via credit card, you might want to call the cc company and dispute the charges. That might get the studio's attention. But I would say, look around. There are other high quality studios in the area.

 

[KiminChicago]

Thus far I'm only out the money for the warm-up jacket, although we were told last night that the instructor found a new source for warm-up jackets and we should be receiving them soon.

I know we have to move, I can't really see how this studio can continue to stay in business, I just have to convince DD.

 

[Maridw]

I agree with other posters. I call and see if some of the area dance schools let you try out a class before committing to the school. Our dance school allows that and always welcome dancers friends to visit and see what they will be learning and how the class is conducted.

If you can find out where the other dancers are going, then as was suggested, tell your DD this.

We have gone through some rough times, but have never delivered on items that were promised. We had a student leave one year to start her own studio. The last recital she was in, she told the class that she was teaching about starting her own studio and took quite a few of our students by talking the mothers into going with her. She did in during rehearsal and the owner found out from one of the mothers who wanted to stay at our studio.

She ended up having the same thing happen to her. One of her instructors left and took students with her. I guess what goes around, comes around.

I hope you find a better studio, this one sounds like a real "winner".

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would ask my child her plans for dance and then we'd discuss whether or not her current studio will help her get there. (i.e. we began competitive dance, but my girls both still want to dance en pointe--so they still do their basic combo class at their regular studio in order to continue developing on that track.)

It seems to me they are going down in flames and it is time for dd to learn that sometimes businesses fail due to poor management. She's just using a manipulative "the world is going to end" tactic by saying she will quit dance if you move her.

At 10--she is too young to being held to these types of decisions. She will be crushed when they close.

I've been burned in the past by loyalty. I stuck with a gymnastics studio longer than I should have b/c it was a start up and suddenly they had to close doors b/c they weren't making ends meet. I saw the writing on the wall one year prior, but I was too chicken for me to do the right thing for my family as though I had some sense of responsibility to keep that owner in business. She was a nice lady, but she really was not a good fit for my kids towards the end. In their new gym, they learned more in 3 months than the 2years they were with her. IOW--I wasted good money and they weren't getting any stronger to doing any basic skills that were appropriate to children of their age.