Best of luck to you in this. I am going through the same thing. And I am also doing as little as possible for mine....but it backfired. Last spring when college was out and it was time for him to move out of the dorm and come home....he moved in with my parents....where there are no rules

We had a big knock-down drag out over where he would be living this fall - he wanted to move to an apartment, we (his parents) wanted to be able to see and approve of the choice. He decided to sign a lease for one that he did not show us, and from the area it was in (behind a convenience store) I think he knew we wouldn't like it as much as some of the others. This kid (yes, he's 21 and technically not a kid....but he acts like one - so he can be 30 and if he acts this way he will be called a kid) does not have a job, he had a student loan lined up - but when he told his grandmother (my mother) how much the interest on it was she told him it would be better for her to loan him them money. So when this apartment fiasco came up I called her and asked her to please respect our decision as his parents and to not loan him money for this apartment. She told me it was the same as a student loan and it was up to him to make mistakes and learn from them

Ok well, that's all well and good - but he is not learning from his mistakes when whenever he makes one he goes to her and she takes care of it.

This all happened right after Easter. My husband has not neem to their house since Easter. I have only been over there once.....well, twice, but the 2nd time I was just in the garage looking to see what they had set out for a yard sale (didn't trust 'em......they had my brothers Army boot camp yearbook out there for sale - my brother who died almost 2 years ago)
So sorry for the ramble and the hijack......but know that I am hanging strong with you on this battle to adult-hood.....and I sincerely hope you don'thave somebody in your life throwing down unneccesary roadblocks!