COPYCAT MINERS TRAP SELVES FOR MOVIE DEAL
Hoping for Heroic Rescue, Ten Percent of the Gross
Apparently inspired by the impressive sums that Hollywood has offered the rescued miners in western Pennsylvania, a group of nine miners in western Indiana have intentionally trapped themselves in a mine in the hopes of scoring a movie deal.
My clients are hoping for a heroic rescue and a percentage of the adjusted gross, said Ian Whitestone of the William Morris Agency, who is representing the self-trapped miners in their Hollywood dealings.
The stakes are high for the so-called copycat miners, who are trying to land not only a movie deal but also seven-figure paydays for trapped-miner video games, action figures, and a possible sitcom or Broadway musical.
But with several Hollywood studios and broadcast networks taking pitches from the trapped miners via conference calls yesterday, the initial results were somewhat less than encouraging.
I heard their whole story, and I thought they needed a new ending, said Stacy Conant, a production vice-president at Paramount Pictures. Right now, all that happens is they get rescued. I was like, so what? It seemed a little tired to me.
Bob Littlesmith, a programming executive at ABC, agreed: Their whole pitch kind of fell off at the end. It definitely needs a twist. Maybe they could eat each other or something.
For his part, William Morris Whitestone said his clients would do whatever it takes to score a deal based on their self-inflicted ordeal.
My clients are completely open to the idea of not being rescued, and are currently exploring the idea of eating each other, Mr. Whitestone said.
***Borowitz Reports****
Hoping for Heroic Rescue, Ten Percent of the Gross
Apparently inspired by the impressive sums that Hollywood has offered the rescued miners in western Pennsylvania, a group of nine miners in western Indiana have intentionally trapped themselves in a mine in the hopes of scoring a movie deal.
My clients are hoping for a heroic rescue and a percentage of the adjusted gross, said Ian Whitestone of the William Morris Agency, who is representing the self-trapped miners in their Hollywood dealings.
The stakes are high for the so-called copycat miners, who are trying to land not only a movie deal but also seven-figure paydays for trapped-miner video games, action figures, and a possible sitcom or Broadway musical.
But with several Hollywood studios and broadcast networks taking pitches from the trapped miners via conference calls yesterday, the initial results were somewhat less than encouraging.
I heard their whole story, and I thought they needed a new ending, said Stacy Conant, a production vice-president at Paramount Pictures. Right now, all that happens is they get rescued. I was like, so what? It seemed a little tired to me.
Bob Littlesmith, a programming executive at ABC, agreed: Their whole pitch kind of fell off at the end. It definitely needs a twist. Maybe they could eat each other or something.
For his part, William Morris Whitestone said his clients would do whatever it takes to score a deal based on their self-inflicted ordeal.
My clients are completely open to the idea of not being rescued, and are currently exploring the idea of eating each other, Mr. Whitestone said.
***Borowitz Reports****
