Children Moving Out?

[mjkacmom]

Eh, disagree on numerous counts.

- My four-years out of college daughter's friends are also buying houses; several are both homeowners AND parents. My girls are the "younger ones" in the extended family, and 100% of the older cousins (none are 30 yet) are home owners.
- Paying for a house for a full 30 years is a questionable choice -- questionable as long-term stability goes. As you said, "throw extra money at it" every month -- even if it's only $50 or so -- and it'll slash your period of indebtedness exponentially. My husband and I paid off our first house (30 year mortgage) in 11 years, and we were able to pay cash for our second house. Really, it's about attacking the principle and staying ahead of your amortization schedule.
- My 21-year old college senior is already more than 10% of the way to that 200K goal ... and that's working part-time /putting her education first.
- My younger daughter and I don't so much have "an agreement" ... it's more that she set herself a goal. She set this goal after her sophomore year in college when she got serious about her college major /potential earnings. She decided she had to figure out a way to reconcile her career goal with the lifestyle she wants to live ... so she asked me to help her with some numbers /what she might need to invest "up front" to be able to retire comfortably one day in light of a small paycheck.
- I'm fine with her living here as long as she wants, but -- more importantly -- she's comfortable here. We have not discussed five years; someone asked how long this might take, and I threw out a guess that seems achievable for anyone who's trying to meet such a goal. I really anticipate my daughter will do it in less.

Last thought: You know that saying, Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right? I think that applies here. Obviously you know your own business, but I went from being a free-lunch kid to being quite comfortable. I don't say that to be braggy, but it's possible. It requries long-range planning and sacrifice (especially in the beginning while the magic of compound interest is still strongly on your side). We only had one car for the first three years of or marriage, we rarely ate out, we bought clothing from thrift shops ... but we're going to retire in our early 50s.

Real last thought: I wish you nothing but luck with the path you've chosen, though it's not the same as the one for which my girls have opted.

Where do you live that so many young people own homes? And having kids so young? 1950?

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Where do you live that so many young people own homes? And having kids so young? 1950?

I am not Mrs. Pete, but I know plenty of young families that are homeowners. This would be in the Charlotte, NC area. Also, we have a son that now lives in the Raleigh/Durham area and is a home owner.

I know it varies from city to city. But it can be done. Making excuses and being defensive like the OP is doing sets the tone as to what is happening in her home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am not Mrs. Pete, but I know plenty of young families that are homeowners. This would be in the Charlotte, NC area. Also, we have a son that now lives in the Raleigh/Durham area and is a home owner.

I know it varies from city to city. But it can be done. Making excuses and being defensive like the OP is doing sets the tone as to what is happening in her home.

I know a mixture of people my age (31) or with a few years of me:

some renting, some with mortgages, some with mortgages but with roommates to offset costs,some with no kids, some with 3,4, and 5 kids.

But none who will have paid off the home by 30. To me it's a big difference to start having a mortgage before 30 and having it fully paid off by 30.

Speaking from generalities now there has been a shift in getting mortgages by X age much like the average age of having children has gone up and other things.

That's not speaking to the last part of your comment just the first part.

 

[Southernmiss]

Good grief, people come on the Disboards to vent all the time. Can't we let it go??

As we all know, each family is different. Most of us on this board are middle to upper middle class by US society's standards.

However, we all have differences due to region and circumstances.

Our oldest is fully sustaining himself and his wife at age 25. He's got a CPA, Master's degree and great job in a major US city. Both fortunate to graduate with Master's degrees debt free on their own accords-hard work and scholarships. They rent a lovely apartment in their city and are having the itme of thier lives and say that they are saving towards their own home. We are not deep into their business (as they are ADULTS on their own) to know how much they are saving, at what rate and in what kind of accounts and how fast they'll be able to buy a home, payoff that home, or how quickly they'll be able to retire. They are adults. It . Is. Their. Business. Not ours. Our parents never knew those details about DH and I. It could all come crashing down tomorrow on them. Who knows.

Next 2 sons are on different paths. Still in college, but working towards doctorate degrees. Much more education required than our accountant son. If all goes well, they'll have much more earning potential, too. At age 22 and 20, we are still helping with living expenses. Through loans and scholarships, they are paying for their education. One son is between apartments and is in our home these last 2 weeks and we have helped him with a $1500 auto repair. Because we want to.

All kids raised by the same parents in the same home with the same lessons and values. Each kid has their own personality and abilities. That is life. What works for one of my kids is not gospel for the next 3 kids.

I am so saddened that some think that their family's way is the only way and you must be doing something wrong if it's not the path some unknown stranger thinks it should be.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I'm always surprised when people say that young people are so financially disadvantaged now. I always wonder - compared to when? I graduated in the early 80's. Despite having no college debt, I didn't buy a home until I was almost 30, had a 13 in. b/w tv, hand me down furniture, and a very used car. I don't know ANY young people that live the way I ( and pretty much all of my other college educated early career friends at the time) lived then. Interest rates were very high and none of my friends bought homes until they'd been on their own for a long time. Even at that, I surpassed my parent's standard of living at their age. My parents bought their first home at 32/34 in the early 60's. And THEY definitely surpassed THEIR parent's standard of living at similar ages.

My own children surpassed my standard of living at their ages as well. By 24 one had bought a home and one rents an apartment with no roommates. They both have new furniture, vehicles, electronics, and travel, eat out, etc.

I have to wonder if it the "heavy handed" guidance as to a college major as well. My children hold medical and engineering degrees.

My one nephew went to vocational school and is doing just as well as they are (home owner, pays bills, vacations, left home at 25). The nephew's girlfriend went to cosmetology school and you wouldn't believe the money she makes.

They all have marketable degrees/trades.

I know this sounds terrible, but I would have never paid for my child to go to school for certain degrees. Dance , theater arts, photography, etc. No. You are going to struggle with certain degrees. It's just how it is. Daydreaming time is over. It's time to get a real job. If you are a great dancer, you will get far without a degree.

Not saying that is what the OP is running into. Her reasons she doesn't want to disclose. But the main thing for me as a parent would be to let them know what they are doing is not working. They can't afford to move out, and the OP wants them OUT of her house. There are many solutions to this, but the OP does not want to hear them for whatever reason.

I will say that none of this would work for me and my own life goals. If I am uncomfortable with something, I change it.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I know a mixture of people my age (31) or with a few years of me:

some renting, some with mortgages, some with mortgages but with roommates to offset costs,some with no kids, some with 3,4, and 5 kids.

But none who will have paid off the home by 30. To me it's a big difference to start having a mortgage before 30 and having it fully paid off by 30.

Speaking from generalities now there has been a shift in getting mortgages by X age much like the average age of having children has gone up and other things.

That's not speaking to the last part of your comment just the first part.

Oh. I didn't see the paid off part. That is AWESOME! But, no. Lol. That is rare (and something to be very proud of).

 

[tvguy]

Where do you live that so many young people own homes? And having kids so young? 1950?

Like (I think) I posted earlier, my son was 30, his wife 29 when they bought their house. My daughter is 28 and she closed escrow last week.
In both cases, the crazy rental market here forced them to buy. My daughter's house payment is $300 a month less than what her half-plex rents for, and that's before the tax benefits of home ownership.
My son was 32 and his wife 31 when they had their first child, but they have only been married 3 years. But they are among the oldest of their friends to start having children.

Not sure how you can judge having kids "so young" and buying houses so young because it has always varies in each generation.
We got married at 24, bought a house at 25 and had our first child at 29.
My MIL thought my wife was an old maid because my MIL got married at 20 and had her first child at 22. However, she did not buy her first house until age 40*.
My mom though we got married too young, bought a house too young, and had kids too young. She got married at age 27, bought her first house at 28, and had her first child at age 34.

* Full disclosure, my FIL, and her second and third husbands were career Air Force and base housing was included, so no need to buy a house.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Good grief, people come on the Disboards to vent all the time. Can't we let it go??

It's a discussion board. I find it so controlling when people demand others to stop discussing. It's weird. This is a topic that people apparently find interesting. No need to tell others to "let it go" and then go on to give your opinion.

I am so saddened that some think that their family's way is the only way and you must be doing something wrong if it's not the path some unknown stranger thinks it should be.

Don’t be sad. The OP IS doing something wrong with her family. Her current parenting style is not working. She does not want adult children living with her. But they won’t leave. There is something very wrong if you want people out of your home, but they refuse to leave.

 

[Southernmiss]

As to the age of getting married and having a family, I do genealogy and I was surprised to learn that my grandparents and their parents married in their mid 30s and each went on to have at least 4 children. First marriages for both. So I guess they were considered "old" by those standards.

 

[Southernmiss]

I like how you say let it go and then go on to give your opinion. That happens often on these boards. It's a discussion board. I find it so controlling when people demand others to stop discussing. It's so weird to me.





Don’t be sad. The OP is doing something wrong with her family. Her current parenting style is not working. She does not want adult children living with her. But they won’t leave. There is something very wrong if you want people out of your home, but they refuse to leave.

I have seen other posts and threads by this poster. Her life is different than mine. I am not going to bash her for her choices and where life is for her. I hope things improve, but 8 pages and days on days of rehashing by strangers is not going to change things.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I have seen other posts and threads by this poster. Her life is different than mine. I am not going to bash her for her choices and where life is for her. I hope things improve, but 8 pages and days on days of rehashing by strangers is not going to change things.

To be fair like most threads tangents are in play So not truly 8 pages devoted to just the OP's situation

 

[Southernmiss]

To be fair like most threads tangents are in play So not truly 8 pages devoted to just the OP's situation

There are some who are not just on tangents.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There are some who are not just on tangents.

All I was responding to was your comment about 8 pages and days and days

 

[disneychrista]

Her current parenting style is not working.

WOW!! My children who are working 40+ hour jobs not being able to afford rent on over priced apartments is a parenting style flaw? It has NOTHING to do with the current economical situation in our area (low wages + high rents) or lack of affordable housing. Yep I'm a horrible parent, I should have had my children taken from me when they were young to be raised by the perfect parents of the DIS.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

WOW!! My children who are working 40+ hour jobs not being able to afford rent on over priced apartments is a parenting style flaw? It has NOTHING to do with the current economical situation in our area (low wages + high rents) or lack of affordable housing. Yep I'm a horrible parent, I should have had my children taken from me when they were young to be raised by the perfect parents of the DIS.

You are not a horrible parent. You are a different parent than anyone else. We all are. Please don't let those who think their way is the only way get on your nerves.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

My children who are working 40+ hour jobs not being able to afford rent on over priced apartments is a parenting style flaw? It has NOTHING to do with the current economical situation in our area (low wages + high rents) or lack of affordable housing.

You have identified the problems. There are many solutions to these problems. Many. What will you do as a parent to present the solutions to your children?

Yep I'm a horrible parent, I should have had my children taken from me when they were young to be raised by the perfect parents of the DIS.

I did not say that you are a horrible parent. I said that your current parenting style is not working. That is a fact.

There were so many times that my parenting style did not work . I can’t even begin to count the times that I needed to change the way I parented my children. That did not make me a terrible parent. In each instance, I opened my mind and took advice from others. I made it my quest to find a solution to my problem.

It has nothing to do with being a perfect parent. I am far from that, believe me.

 

[ronandannette]

WOW!! My children who are working 40+ hour jobs not being able to afford rent on over priced apartments is a parenting style flaw? It has NOTHING to do with the current economical situation in our area (low wages + high rents) or lack of affordable housing. Yep I'm a horrible parent, I should have had my children taken from me when they were young to be raised by the perfect parents of the DIS.

I know it's not really a laughing matter but this made me guffaw. I think there actually is a trade/exchange board on the DIS here somewhere...

 

[disneychrista]

I think there actually is a trade/exchange board on the DIS here somewhere...

What about just a giveaway board? I don't want to exchange them for anything...unless it is maybe a single, rich, handsome man who doesn't mind a woman with her own special brand of crazy.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am not Mrs. Pete, but I know plenty of young families that are homeowners. This would be in the Charlotte, NC area. Also, we have a son that now lives in the Raleigh/Durham area and is a home owner.

I know it varies from city to city. But it can be done. Making excuses and being defensive like the OP is doing sets the tone as to what is happening in her home.

My husband was almost transferred to Charlotte from his NYC office when we were 35, could’ve sold our home and bought a much bigger one with cash, no mortgage. It really depends on the COL.

 

[barkley]

this is making me think-a youngish friend of mine mentioned that she was surprised when her mom sold the family home a couple years back that instead of buying into a condo or smaller home she opted to get one of those tiny houses on a trailer she can tow behind her car. her mom initially found a camping type park to reside in with it but the mom is now retired and shuttles her tiny home from place to place depending on her mood.

downsizing is definitely an option if someone doesn't want their adult kids living long term with them-being able to pick up and physically move your downsized home to a new location while your adult kids are at work is completely genius