Children in opposite gender bathrooms

[Gracie09]

We have discussed it as a family quite a bit -as we really thought we had done alot of teaching to get to this point where he was allowed to be independent. But - after the attacker/peeper fell from the ceiling and attacked the woman he landed on and then went outside the bathroom to attack the older man she was with - we clearly have a whole new set of things to consider that even we don't yet know how to protect ourselves from and would have to figure it out in the moment. Until we can come up with our own strategy for how we would handle those moments beyond adrenaline and life experiences just doing what ever we do - we dont have a good strategy to teach our son or daughter. The old stereotypical concerns seem to be less and less likely (schools are pretty much on lockdown now when it comes to adults being in there - becoming a lower frequency occurrence for the littler kids to have encounters with strangers - the risk there is almost solely those that were trusted ) and the avoid strangers/look away/walk out if it feels or looks weird etc techniques are not going to be sufficient for the situations making the news today.

He wont be going into the woman's room forever - and in places when we are comfortable that the nut-job level is more traditional and he has the skills to cope and one of us can at least wait outside (vs trek into the woman's room with our daughter or doesn't need to use the restroom ourselves) - we will work to keep him practicing those life skills. Otherwise - he will continue using his own stall in the women's bathroom where I can be in closer proximity. As he gains more experience and we are comfortable that he could protect himself in some way (and even conceptually understand the level of crazy that is possible) - he will regain that independence.

At this point (8 years old) - I am not worried about his 'bathroom skills' anymore - he can cope with just about any type of toilet or urinal, automated sink/soap/faucet/papertowels, broken or unbroken or stuck lock, toilet paper emergencies, line or waiting order etc that there is...

We will continue - as a family - talking about these types of situations to make sure that everyone can be prepared for the unexpected. Hopefully in a year - we will feel that we have raised our readiness bar to our new realities and can go back to what was once 'normal' - our DS using the Mens bathroom!

(My 4 yo daughter is actually a whole different problem - much to her dismay - she is VERY VERY short - I think it will be several years before she can reach sinks/soap/paper towels to go alone - a problem we didnt have with DS who was the size of an average 11 year old at 7 years of age! So it could be longer that she is using the mens room if I am not with her)

Then take him in the stall with you because that is the only way to protect him. What if someone falls for the ceiling into the stall he is in by himself. Then he is locked in there with the person who fell from the ceiling. Clearly the only way to protect him is to keep him in the stall with you.

 

[cel_disney]

Then take him in the stall with you because that is the only way to protect him. What if someone falls for the ceiling into the stall he is in by himself. Then he is locked in there with the person who fell from the ceiling. Clearly the only way to protect him is to keep him in the stall with you.

I think that being in the bathroom is the proximity that is comfortable for my family - vs being in another 10 stall bathroom with concrete bricks and miles of corridor between us (that's what it's like at our mall and airport bathrooms). I always carry a nickel or car keys (and fingernails) to unlock the bathroom doors from the outside - I am comfortable that I could be able to aide him fast enough given the low likelihood of occurrence this way. There is surely no need that we stay 1 ft apart from each other at his age - but within 15-ish ft in public non-kid friendly spaces is far more reasonable with reduced consequences than what we were doing each going into our respective bathrooms.

If you are upset with that or would/do make different choices for your family - that's fine with me - I won't judge you if you allow your children to enter alone or require them in the stall with you - but stop attacking me about it and please take it up with the nut jobs that force us to make these choices.

 

[Pookasaurus]

So, in closing, 8 year old boys in the women's room with their mothers are really sexual deviants who are obtaining sexual gratification by observing grown women peeing through door cracks, or, as they are consistently being referred to, "peeping toms".

And now any mother who feels more comfortable keeping her child with her while she uses the bathroom, no matter the reason, is failing as a mother to teach her child valuable "life skills". Included in those, I assume, are peeing is dirty and shameful and the practice bust be cloaked in a veil of secrecy.

But no judgement! I mean, empathy, understanding, considering others may have different concerns and needs different than your own - not valuable life skills at all.

I mean seriously....

 

[aaarcher86]

We have discussed it as a family quite a bit -as we really thought we had done alot of teaching to get to this point where he was allowed to be independent. But - after the attacker/peeper fell from the ceiling and attacked the woman he landed on and then went outside the bathroom to attack the older man she was with - we clearly have a whole new set of things to consider that even we don't yet know how to protect ourselves from and would have to figure it out in the moment. Until we can come up with our own strategy for how we would handle those moments beyond adrenaline and life experiences just doing what ever we do - we dont have a good strategy to teach our son or daughter. The old stereotypical concerns seem to be less and less likely (schools are pretty much on lockdown now when it comes to adults being in there - becoming a lower frequency occurrence for the littler kids to have encounters with strangers - the risk there is almost solely those that were trusted ) and the avoid strangers/look away/walk out if it feels or looks weird etc techniques are not going to be sufficient for the situations making the news today. He wont be going into the woman's room forever - and in places when we are comfortable that the nut-job level is more traditional and he has the skills to cope and one of us can at least wait outside (vs trek into the woman's room with our daughter or doesn't need to use the restroom ourselves) - we will work to keep him practicing those life skills. Otherwise - he will continue using his own stall in the women's bathroom where I can be in closer proximity. As he gains more experience and we are comfortable that he could protect himself in some way (and even conceptually understand the level of crazy that is possible) - he will regain that independence. At this point (8 years old) - I am not worried about his 'bathroom skills' anymore - he can cope with just about any type of toilet or urinal, automated sink/soap/faucet/papertowels, broken or unbroken or stuck lock, toilet paper emergencies, line or waiting order etc that there is... We will continue - as a family - talking about these types of situations to make sure that everyone can be prepared for the unexpected. Hopefully in a year - we will feel that we have raised our readiness bar to our new realities and can go back to what was once 'normal' - our DS using the Mens bathroom! (My 4 yo daughter is actually a whole different problem - much to her dismay - she is VERY VERY short - I think it will be several years before she can reach sinks/soap/paper towels to go alone - a problem we didnt have with DS who was the size of an average 11 year old at 7 years of age! So it could be longer that she is using the mens room if I am not with her)

As far as schools, I was more referring to the abundance of teachers that have been sexually abusing students. Not strangers.

So, in closing, 8 year old boys in the women's room with their mothers are really sexual deviants who are obtaining sexual gratification by observing grown women peeing through door cracks, or, as they are consistently being referred to, "peeping toms". And now any mother who feels more comfortable keeping her child with her while she uses the bathroom, no matter the reason, is failing as a mother to teach her child valuable "life skills". Included in those, I assume, are peeing is dirty and shameful and the practice bust be cloaked in a veil of secrecy. But no judgement! I mean, empathy, understanding, considering others may have different concerns and needs different than your own - not valuable life skills at all. I mean seriously....

Well, that's not why I have a problem with it. Yes, I think kids need to be taught life skills and given room to grow versus parental hovering - and depending on the age this falls in that category.

My biggest issue is that my 8 year old daughter shouldn't be made uncomfortable because someone that could be her classmate is in her designated restroom. And while adults will undoubtedly chime in about how everyone pees and she shouldn't be embarrassed - she's 8 and special needs, but my 7 year old would feel the same. They don't have the adult ability to rationalize their embarrassment at that age. They know that boys at school go in their own area and going to the bathroom is private.

 

[twinboysmom]

It's not that hard to bring your child with you into a stall. I bring both of my twin 5 year old boys with me. I am not a little woman either. If it's too tight to bring your child in with you then use/or wait for a handicapped stall.

 

[DopeyDame]

We did it for over a year (DS using the boys room alone or waiting for us - we were never helicopter parents until last month!) but after the incident with the man falling from the ceiling (in a bathroom we were at in October) - we have stopped. WDW is not my ideal place for practice - because it can be very distracting for kids - there was more than one time that DS was not sitting in the same spot because he saw something interesting (the worst offender was routinely PUSH the trash can in Tomorrowland - ah, the good old days!) - but those were all turned into good lessons for him as well BUT it's our prerogative to not be that far apart anymore.

It stinks for DS too - he deserves his chance to be big and have privacy in the bathroom just as much as (the collective) you and me, but the nut jobs in the world are the ones that are causing everyone in this thread to be disgruntled and cranky - the rest of us are just finding a way to be comfortable living with the fact the nut jobs exist and could be anywhere.

Clearly you are going to do what you think is right for your family and your son, but I think it's important that you own that it is YOU who is limiting your son's freedom and independence and growth - not the perceived "nut jobs". There are all sorts of risks in the world. How you and your family deal with those is YOUR decision and you should acknowledge and own that.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Once again, no child has ever been kidnapped, murdered, or sexually assaulted in or near a WDW bathroom.

If you want to be worried about something, be worried about resort and hotel pools. There have been several reports of inappropriate touching at wave pools at the water parks.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

In addition, just last year a man was arrested for sliding his cell phone under a bathroom stall and taking pictures of a child going to the bathroom. Where did this happen? Animal Kingdom.

I just looked up this story. Apparently this trial has been postponed four times. Weird.

 

[maxiesmom]

He wont be going into the woman's room forever - and in places when we are comfortable that the nut-job level is more traditional and he has the skills to cope and one of us can at least wait outside (vs trek into the woman's room with our daughter or doesn't need to use the restroom ourselves) - we will work to keep him practicing those life skills. Otherwise - he will continue using his own stall in the women's bathroom where I can be in closer proximity. As he gains more experience and we are comfortable that he could protect himself in some way (and even conceptually understand the level of crazy that is possible) - he will regain that independence.

I can respect your right to keep your son safe. So why can't you understand that other people may be uncomfortable with him in a women's restroom area, and take him in the stall with you? Why can you not respect other's feelings on this issue, and do what you can?

 

[MainMom]

Here's what I do: tell my son to stay in the stall until I am finished and get him to wash his hands. He's not peeping, he's not being kidnapped, he's not being molested. We wash our hands. I tell him to avert his eyes on the way in & out. Business done and we leave. If I don't have to go, then I stand right outside his stall until he's finished. And before the complaints start about hijacking a stall by just standing in it for an additional minute, 95% of the time I am done before he is.

 

[Mainemama]

I am an educator, and find this whole argument a bit over the top. Not that I am in favor of unisex restrooms personally, but they are becoming more common. At some point, can we accept we are all people with "private" parts. We all have to pee. We just don't look at someone else peeing, we respect their privacy. I think anyone who is offended by a little girl who might be watching them pee could go ahead and find a private restroom or stall themselves. Seriously peeps, who cares?

 

[Gracie09]

I am an educator, and find this whole argument a bit over the top. Not that I am in favor of unisex restrooms personally, but they are becoming more common. At some point, can we accept we are all people with "private" parts. We all have to pee. We just don't look at someone else peeing, we respect their privacy. I think anyone who is offended by a little girl who might be watching them pee could go ahead and find a private restroom or stall themselves. Seriously peeps, who cares?

Its not the adult women I care about but the tweens/teen girls who are still getting comfortable with their bodies and undergoing many changes. They may not be so comfortable with a boy who looks like a teen, in the bathroom while they are taking care of personal business.
There is no way to protect your child at every moment of every day. Everything is a risk. Even driving with your child in a car seat. You could be in an accident and the car seat could trap your child in the car when if he wasn't in the seat he would have been thrown clear. My daughter broke her arm falling off a sofa. Should I never have a sofa again because she could break her arm falling off of it again. I had a foster daughter who if she saw what appeared to be a tween boy in a woman's room would freak out because the bathroom was where her abuse occurred. Her real fear is that it would happen again. I often scoped out bathrooms to make sure they were ok for her. Should her feelings be dismissed because of a fear that has no real likelihood of ever happening take precedence? There is keeping your kids safe and there is living in the real world.

 

[kreckl]

This is an interesting thread because I see both sides. My son is homeschooled so doesn't have the whole boys/girls room mindset. At home, or at his homeschool center, the bathrooms are just used by whomever needs one. No designation.
While I am more comfortable now that he's older ( almost 12) I am still bothered by him going into a mens room in an airport or crowded movie theater.
At Disney or anyplace else my concern is not necessarily the mens room ( well honestly it is a bit) but him waiting- obviously alone- outside the restroom while I wait in the huge line in the ladies room. Last trip he became worried as it took so long. He didn't want to come in and he was afraid waiting in the crowds. We have practiced stranger danger and identified cast members but seriously how many of you would feel comfortable having your child hang out alone at epcot, even for a few minutes? Would you say to your 8 year old- wait here I'll be back in ten minutes? Probably not something most would just choose to do.
As far as the OP- she crossed the line, imo. A little girl with her parent? Wow.

 

[aaarcher86]

This is an interesting thread because I see both sides. My son is homeschooled so doesn't have the whole boys/girls room mindset. At home, or at his homeschool center, the bathrooms are just used by whomever needs one. No designation. While I am more comfortable now that he's older ( almost 12) I am still bothered by him going into a mens room in an airport or crowded movie theater. At Disney or anyplace else my concern is not necessarily the mens room ( well honestly it is a bit) but him waiting- obviously alone- outside the restroom while I wait in the huge line in the ladies room. Last trip he became worried as it took so long. He didn't want to come in and he was afraid waiting in the crowds. We have practiced stranger danger and identified cast members but seriously how many of you would feel comfortable having your child hang out alone at epcot, even for a few minutes? Would you say to your 8 year old- wait here I'll be back in ten minutes? Probably not something most would just choose to do. As far as the OP- she crossed the line, imo. A little girl with her parent? Wow.

Well, I do it. I haven't come across a bathroom line that's taken me 10 or 15 minutes at Disney. Maybe it's the time of year we go, but outside of maybe a restaurant where there are fewer stalls I can probably count on 1 hand the amount of times I've had to wait in a line for a stall.

But yes, if my oldest (who is also ASD) is either refusing to go or doesn't have to I'll have her sit right outside the bathroom. I'll usually give her my phone to watch something or play a game while she waits. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. My youngest is usually willing to try whenever I go. Both kids refuse to go in the boys restroom with dad.

If we are in a restaurant and I can see the entrance to the bathroom or it's around the corner, I'll let her go by herself and keep an eye on how long it takes her.

Isn't that what it's all about? Giving them a chance and seeing what they do with it? Giving them opportunities to grow? The only reason I allow it to happen at Disney is because we've worked on it elsewhere, even when it made me uncomfortable - because who is going to be comfortable leaving a child alone the first few times until they show they can handle it (and sometimes not even then!)?

 

[kaytieeldr]

We have discussed it as a family quite a bit -as we really thought we had done alot of teaching to get to this point where he was allowed to be independent. But - after the attacker/peeper fell from the ceiling and attacked the woman he landed on and then went outside the bathroom to attack the older man she was with - we clearly have a whole new set of things to consider that even we don't yet know how to protect ourselves from and would have to figure it out in the moment. Until we can come up with our own strategy for how we would handle those moments beyond adrenaline and life experiences just doing what ever we do - we dont have a good strategy to teach our son or daughter. The old stereotypical concerns seem to be less and less likely (schools are pretty much on lockdown now when it comes to adults being in there - becoming a lower frequency occurrence for the littler kids to have encounters with strangers - the risk there is almost solely those that were trusted ) and the avoid strangers/look away/walk out if it feels or looks weird etc techniques are not going to be sufficient for the situations making the news today.

He wont be going into the woman's room forever -

This http://www.wdwinfo.com/news/General...om_arrested_in_Walt_Disney_World_bathroom.htm incident? Involving a 42 year old man in a stall in the ladies' room, peeping over the stall wall at a woman? And who was then chased by the woman's male companion waiting outside?

think that being in the bathroom is the proximity that is comfortable for my family - vs being in another 10 stall bathroom with concrete bricks and miles of corridor between us (that's what it's like at our mall and airport bathrooms)

Miles of corridor? Exaggerate much?

 

[mjkacmom]

This is an interesting thread because I see both sides. My son is homeschooled so doesn't have the whole boys/girls room mindset. At home, or at his homeschool center, the bathrooms are just used by whomever needs one. No designation.
While I am more comfortable now that he's older ( almost 12) I am still bothered by him going into a mens room in an airport or crowded movie theater.
At Disney or anyplace else my concern is not necessarily the mens room ( well honestly it is a bit) but him waiting- obviously alone- outside the restroom while I wait in the huge line in the ladies room. Last trip he became worried as it took so long. He didn't want to come in and he was afraid waiting in the crowds. We have practiced stranger danger and identified cast members but seriously how many of you would feel comfortable having your child hang out alone at epcot, even for a few minutes? Would you say to your 8 year old- wait here I'll be back in ten minutes? Probably not something most would just choose to do.
As far as the OP- she crossed the line, imo. A little girl with her parent? Wow.

My boys have been going to the mens room alone since the age of 6 or so. Ds11 (almost 12) can walk all over town alone. He certainly isn't going to have a panic attack if I'm in the restroom for too long! Heck, I'd let him go off to explore the parks alone, without thinking twice about it. He's almost 12! And yes, at 8, I would have no problem telling any of my children to "wait here."

Boys in the bathroom don't really bother me, but I don't think it's fair that my dd11 or dd13 might feel uncomfortable having a boy close to their ages in the ladies room, just because of some unfounded paranoia of another mom. I would explain to them that the boy obviously "has issues", to make them more comfortable with the situation.

Nope, not worried about crazy men dropping in from the ceiling in public restrooms, space shuttle garbage falling from the sky impaling my kids, or wild bears breaking into our home. Sure, all possible, but very unlikely.

 

[cel_disney]

Here is one of the articles about the incident at Logan Airport that I keep referencing that caused us to rethink our family policy. Some articles speak more about the interaction with him and the woman in the bathroom but this one covers more about what he did to the man outside. Its unclear how many times the man had done this before falling.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/11/2...iling-at-logan-airport-restroom-then-attacks/

I could care less about some crazy person watching us - thats really the least of my worries. Its the physical beating that I dont believe my kids could deal with alone.

And what do all of you who are so worried about this do when a transgendered person uses the rest room? Do they also need to share a stall with their mom because they may not look the part? It sounds like those young girls that keep getting referenced here need to be warned.

Clearly there is no pleasing everyone, so we will continue with our current approach until we have a family strategy to help our 8 year old in an environment like the one above. Where I grew up, I cant even leave him in the car while dropping off my daughter at daycare or while picking up pizza or getting cash without being arrested if caught. Its nonsensical for my 4 year old to be in the stall alone next to me and my 8 year old to come into the stall with me because of his gender.

 

[DopeyDame]

Here is one of the articles about the incident at Logan Airport that I keep referencing that caused us to rethink our family policy. Some articles speak more about the interaction with him and the woman in the bathroom but this one covers more about what he did to the man outside. Its unclear how many times the man had done this before falling.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/11/2...iling-at-logan-airport-restroom-then-attacks/

I could care less about some crazy person watching us - thats really the least of my worries. Its the physical beating that I dont believe my kids could deal with alone.

And what do all of you who are so worried about this do when a transgendered person uses the rest room? Do they also need to share a stall with their mom because they may not look the part? It sounds like those young girls that keep getting referenced here need to be warned.

Clearly there is no pleasing everyone, so we will continue with our current approach until we have a family strategy to help our 8 year old in an environment like the one above. Where I grew up, I cant even leave him in the car while dropping off my daughter at daycare or while picking up pizza or getting cash without being arrested if caught. Its nonsensical for my 4 year old to be in the stall alone next to me and my 8 year old to come into the stall with me because of his gender.

Where exactly did you grow up? Very few states actually have laws against that, most leave it to a general child neglect guideline, and 8 is typically totally fine to be a lone for a few minutes. (I wouldn't leave the 4 year old alone, obviously)

If you grew up in MA (the location in your name box), rest assured you can indeed leave your 8 year old in the car to grab a pizza.
http://www.mass.gov/courts/case-legal-res/law-lib/laws-by-subj/about/childabusefaq.html

 

[Gracie09]

Here is one of the articles about the incident at Logan Airport that I keep referencing that caused us to rethink our family policy. Some articles speak more about the interaction with him and the woman in the bathroom but this one covers more about what he did to the man outside. Its unclear how many times the man had done this before falling.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/11/2...iling-at-logan-airport-restroom-then-attacks/

I could care less about some crazy person watching us - thats really the least of my worries. Its the physical beating that I dont believe my kids could deal with alone.

And what do all of you who are so worried about this do when a transgendered person uses the rest room? Do they also need to share a stall with their mom because they may not look the part? It sounds like those young girls that keep getting referenced here need to be warned.

Clearly there is no pleasing everyone, so we will continue with our current approach until we have a family strategy to help our 8 year old in an environment like the one above. Where I grew up, I cant even leave him in the car while dropping off my daughter at daycare or while picking up pizza or getting cash without being arrested if caught. Its nonsensical for my 4 year old to be in the stall alone next to me and my 8 year old to come into the stall with me because of his gender.

Transgendered people generally dress and adopt mannerisms associated with the gender they identify with. So they would appear to be in their appropriate gender restroom.

 

[mjkacmom]

Transgendered people generally dress and adopt mannerisms associated with the gender they identify with. So they would appear to be in their appropriate gender restroom.

There was a transgender student who graduated HS with dd last year (they were friends in elementary). She became He, and He used the boys bathrooms and locker room. A letter of explanation went out to all of the parents, and it was a non-issue.