Child-free, but not by choice?

[Nennie]

I'm so glad to see so many new people popping in to our little thread!!! Infertility is such an emotional condition, and it really helps to have the support of each other!!

I don't think I've told this story yet (but if I did, I'm telling it again, lol)! When I was in WDW in January 2006, I ran into an old college friend (she was my "little sister" in my sorority) whom I hadn't seen in 10 years. We exchanged numbers, and quickly rekindled our friendship. Shortly afterwards, she confided in me that she was going through IF, and I told that I was as well. Since then, we've been there to support each other, and I truly think that we were meant to run into each other at WDW that day. Anyway, she is in the middle of her first (and hopefully last) IVF cycle, and will have her ET tommorrow. Fingers are crossed, and prayers are being said!!

As for me, my cycle got cancelled due to overstimming in my right ovary (the side without a tube of course, lol), so I've stopped the meds, and will try again in April. I still have time to get pregnant before my May trip to WDW, which would be a dream come true! If not, we'll keep on trucking. We're still completing the process to foster/adopt as well, so hopefully something will work out for us!

R Dog -- Welcome to yet another DVC member! There's quite a few of us here! I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycles. Best of luck on the Donor Embryo!! My RE has a similar program which is on our list of things to try as well! In the meantime, have a great time at WDW. Hopefully the next time you go, you won't be able to go on the thrill rides!

Hematite -- UGH on your failed cycle!! I'm so very sorry!! Clomid is the devil's drug so be careful! LOL!! Seriously, it made me quite unbearable to be around. I had much fewer side effects with the injectables. Although the chance for multiples is supposedly higher, both of my pregnancies were singletons, even though I had 4 and 5 follicles each time.

Suzanne -- How is the Met working for you? Soulcysters is a great site for PCOS, and I'm glad you've already found it! I had the by age 30 plan too, but we will be mothers someday (hopefully sooner rather than later though)!!

Lady -- Congrats on your DD!! I'm so happy to read stories with happy endings!!

KatMattsmom -- Thanks so much for sharing a positive foster/adopt experience! We are just starting the process, and won't be taking a placement until the fall (as we are moving in Sept), but I have to admit that the fear of falling in love with a child, and then having that child taken away from me is still very great! I guess I have to chance a little more heartbreak though to reach my goals!

Cinrell -- Welcome!! Suzanne mentioned soulcysters, and it's a great site for PCOS. I'm not a PCOSer myself, but have met many other IF friends that are living with PCOS. There are a lot of single women that opt to just go for it at a certain age, so you are not alone if and when you make that decision!!!

Aclov -- I'm rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes during your 2WW!!!!!

Missie -- I hope the herbal supplements do the trick, and that your DH comes home soon safe and sound!

I'm sure I missed a few of you...and will be sure to catch up with everyone next post!!

 

[CinRell]

Thanks I'll check out soulcysters... I was on another PCOS support board but can't remember the name.. maybe that's the one? lol!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Ladies, I am glad to "see" everyone here. It is nice to have this little group of supporters. It is nice to have someone that actually understands what you are going through. My co-worker, who I have been working with for almost three years, told me that she suffers from infertility, then I want to know why then did she get spontaneously pregnant for a second time (this second one is an "accident" she talked so terrible about being preg with this one. She says "it messed up me being able to go to Canada for a vacation") before her son turned 1. Infertile my hind end. She is just the kind of person to pull your heartstrings and then let them slap you in the face (I hate people like her)(I HATE her). She is a "mean girl"

Nennie, so glad to hear from you, sorry your cycle didn't go well. I had that happen on my second IUI cycle and had to take BCP's taht month. Hope all goes well in April and I know it will. I don't know if the Met is working or no, I haven't had any problems with it. I haven't had AF since early February, so I don't know what is going on. I am going to try taking Soy Isoflavones instead of Clomid (they work the same way), since I can get it OTC and really cheap.

Hugs to everyone and lots of BabyDust too.

PrincessSuzanne

 

[hematite153]

We just got great news though. My RE has a donor embryo program and after waiting for 3 months we got to choose some embryos. The embryos happen to be the result of donor egg/donor sperm cycle! I'm thrilled. We're transfering in June (we have to wait a mandatory grace period of 90 days).

That's great news! Good luck!

 

[stepdisney]

Wow. I just happened to see this thread. This truely is a wonderful site. I've been through three IVF cycles. I have a 12-year-old son, the product of my first cycle, I didn't get pregnant the second cycle at all and I got pregnant with twins the third cycle. Unfortunately, one was ectopic and I lost both. Only someone who has struggled can understand the tragedy of that one, I was 12 weeks! On the brighter side, I have a beautiful 6-year-old whom we adopted at 20 days old and we would have never done that if I hadn't experienced that tragedy. Whenever I get sad about those twins, and believe me my husband and I still get sad, I think "God had a different plan, he knew we were supposed to adopt Jonathan". Hope this helps someone. Lots of pink and blue baby dust to everyone!

 

[HockeyKat]

Hi! I'm not sure I "belong" here... but I AM child-free but not by choice.. mostly because at 31 I'm still single. I was engaged and hopeful but he decided to be with his coworker and not tell me about it.

I always thought by the age of 30 I'd at LEAST have one child working on more... but it didn't work that way for me.

My fear is that I like to take things slow... and at my age I really can't. I always thought date 5 years.. be married 5 years.. then think of kids. Well.. not happenin!

I also have PCOS (and would love to be in touch with those here that have it for support and advice)... and it's another concern for me.

Motherhood is so important to me I've decided if I'm still single at age 38 I will begin the process of adoption and pray I'm accepted as a single women.

My prayers, encouragement and support to those trying. My understanding to those unable to even try.

Tig the story of losing ALL of your siblings and your first to be born really tugged at my heartstrings (hugs) to you.

I know I don't belong here (childfree by choice), but I wanted to speak to this... my mom didn't meet and marry my dad until she was 32. They met when she was 32, married at 33, and she had my brother at 34 and me at 37 (two miscarriages in between). So it *can* happen to you... Sending your way.

 

[R Dog Walt]

Hematite- Thanks!

Princess Suzanne- I'm sorry about your co-worker. It's hard when people claim to understand what it's like to be IF. Yes, I know miracles do happen, but I agree that she probably wasn't IF to begin with if she's spontaneously gotten pregnant TWICE! Uggh! Vent away!

Stepdisney- I'm so sorry about your twins. I can't imagine losing babies at 12 weeks. I'm glad that you were able to adopt your son!

 

[deedeetoo]

I just stumbled on this thread and wanted to send good thoughts your way.

We went through the infertility thing too. I conceived our daughter after two years of trying. She is now 8. We did try for a second but I wasn't producing any good eggs at that point so we turned to adoption. Our son is now 6.

I know many people have a hard time turning to adoption. I would encourage you to explore it with an open mind. Our son is absolutely wonderful. The two kids are as close as brother and sister can be and I can honestly say that I feel no differently towards him than I do my bio daughter.

 

[stepdisney]

I know many people have a hard time turning to adoption. I would encourage you to explore it with an open mind. Our son is absolutely wonderful. The two kids are as close as brother and sister can be and I can honestly say that I feel no differently towards him than I do my bio daughter.

I agree, the choice to adopt is a difficult one. When I almost died with the ectopic after hyperstimulating on a IVF cycle, I began to rethink things. I knew that what I wanted was children and though pregnancy was our primary goal, being healthy and raising the children is the most important thing. I'm glad to be alive today to look into my sons' eyes and tell them I love them.

 

[aclov]

Well, the dreaded phone call from the nurse happened about 1/2 hour and unfortunately it was bad news - BFN. I'm upset but I think I was more upset the first time, I really thought it would take. I'm glad I checked this thread because I see some encouraging words about adoption. I really want to start looking into it since I know it's very costly and a long process, but DH is not onboard with it. I wonder what is going to happen if we can't come to an agreement about this I'm a very maternal person and I've always wanted to be a mother. I think it would be easier for him to live a child-free life. I'm thinking we might do one more IVF but honestly I just don't want to go through it anymore. We have a consult with the RE in a couple of weeks.

 

[jjk1107]

Hi everyone. I came across this discussion a few days ago at around 4 in the morning. After reading it and crying, I did not have the energy to post at that time. My husband and I have been married a little over 9 years now. Before we got married, I had already been told by my doctor that it would be near impossible for me to get pregnant. James knew that going into the marriage and was okay with the fact that more than likely we would have to adopt. My sister got pregnant about a year and a half after the 2 of us were married. She is 4 years older than me, so she was in a position to be able to take care of the child although she was not married. She decided though that she did not want to be saddled down with a child at that time. Knowing that this would be a good chance for James and I to have a child, my mom approached her about letting us adopt the child. She instead decided to terminate the pregnancy. I have a very hard time still dealing with this because once her nd the baby's father did marry, they were able to conceive 2 wanted children very easily and now have a 4 and a 2 year old, who I love dearly and in know way have any negative feelings toward. Meanwhile, James and I are still childless. We went to see a fertility specialist about 3 1/2 years ago, but decided I could not handle it emotionally trying to go through IVF and not getting pregnant or worse, losing the baby. We decided to wait until I turned 30 so that we could adopt from China. I turned 30 in September of last year, and we mailed our request for adoption to China in October. We should be matched with a baby hopefully by the end of 2008.

I think what has been the hardest struggle with infertility, at least in my case, no one in my family has ever suffered from it and just doesn't believe that I do. They keep saying that doctors do not know everything. My MIL had the nerve one time, after having been told several times by James and myself that we could not conceive, to say something along the lines of the fact of why are we making her wait to become a grandparent. My parents were in the car when she said that as well as James and his father. I had finally had enough of all of her insensitive remarks and just lost it. I started crying and yelling at her that she had been told that I could not get pregnant and that those comments were unappreciated. She would not talk to me for days as though I had done something wrong. I guess the only people that understand are people that also go through it. Last December I went to see my OBGYN because I had not had my cycle in 3 months and the pent up PMS was driving me crazy. I wanted to see if there was something he could give me to make me have my cycle. Before he could give it to me, he had to do the pregnancy test even though we both knew it would be negative. He came in the office and said "Of course, it was negative." Just matter of factly. I held it together until I got to my car and just started crying because a little part of me had hoped that just maybe it would be positive. But, I should be thankful because I know that we will have our adopted child soon.

Aclov, adoption is not always as expensive as everyone thinks. If you would like any information regarding adopting from China since this is the only thing I can speak informed of, please don't hesitate to ask. When people ask about our adoption, they are amazed at all of the different programs there are to help with the cost.

Anyway, enough of my story on infertility. I am also a DVC member and will be at Disney a few times in May. I will be there May 6-11 and again the night of the 27th. If anyone else is going to be here, maybe we can get together. I live near Orlando, so we are at Disney often.

Thank you to the OP for starting this thread. It is great to hear other stories of people who know what it is like.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well, the dreaded phone call from the nurse happened about 1/2 hour and unfortunately it was bad news - BFN. I'm upset but I think I was more upset the first time, I really thought it would take. I'm glad I checked this thread because I see some encouraging words about adoption. I really want to start looking into it since I know it's very costly and a long process, but DH is not onboard with it. I wonder what is going to happen if we can't come to an agreement about this I'm a very maternal person and I've always wanted to be a mother. I think it would be easier for him to live a child-free life. I'm thinking we might do one more IVF but honestly I just don't want to go through it anymore. We have a consult with the RE in a couple of weeks.

aclov: I am so very sorry , and can actually tell you that I know how you feel. We were only able to do IUI's, but none of them worked, so I do really know. I thought about adoption, but something just told me that it wasn't right for us, besides we can't afford that either. Only by the grace of God, will we be able to have a baby, is the conclusion I have recently come to. My DH could care less either way, biological or adoption. Well actually my DH doesn't really seem on board for any of this baby stuff anyway, maybe that is why we are unsuccessful.

If you choose to look into the adoption route, you should get a copy of the Adoption Guide magazine, it tells you everything you need to know and even has an article about the reluctant spouse. You can order it from www.theadoptionguide.com, they also have a very informative website.

R Dog Walt: I really find that I have to vent everyday I don't like this girl anyway and when she is pregnant, she is a real witch with a b. She had the nerve to tell me that I was rude because I didn't say hello when I walk into our office everyday. I just wanted to tell her that I don't say hello, because I don't like you, and my mom taught me that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all

deedeetoo, stepdisney, jjk1107: Let me you to our little group

for all of us and BabyDust too

PrincessSuzanne

 

[hematite153]

As for me, my cycle got cancelled due to overstimming in my right ovary (the side without a tube of course, lol), so I've stopped the meds, and will try again in April. I still have time to get pregnant before my May trip to WDW, which would be a dream come true! If not, we'll keep on trucking. We're still completing the process to foster/adopt as well, so hopefully something will work out for us!

I'm sorry Nennie.

However, it's good that you still have time to have a celebration trip.

 

[Nennie]

Aclov -- I am so very sorry to hear about your BFN. I know what an emotional roller coaster it is. Take is easy, and decide your next step after your follow up visit with the RE. You sound as though you want to give it one more try, but I know how overwhelming it is to sort it all out just yet. Sending you lots of hugs! As for you DH not being ready for adoption "yet" my DH is the same way. I was recommended a book titled "Adoption after Infertility" but haven't got around to getting it just yet. Even though I'm starting the process to get my foster/adopt license, I'm not ready to stop TTCing yet.

Hematite -- thanks for the kind words! Yes, I still have time for a celebration trip (or consolation prize). I'd love to go to WDW and not be able to go on all the rides!

Suzanne -- Thanks for posting that website, I'm going to order the guide so that I'm informed when I'm ready to just go for it.

JK -- HUGS! Thanks so much for sharing your story, and best of luck on your adoption from China! I'm just going to miss you at WDW in May! I will be at BCV 5/19-5/22, right in between your 2 upcoming visits. We go 3 times a year, so hopefully our trips will coincide one day!

Stepdisney and Deedeetoo - Thanks so much for sharing your positive adoption stories. I get overly sensitive about my IF sometimes, and I really appreciate haring about adoption from someone who has been there, done that! Usually, I'm hearing about the adoption alternative from someone who has neither been though IF, nor has adopted a child. Flippant remarks like "You can always just adopt!" tend to just make me frustrated. It means so much more hearing about it from someone who's walked in my shoes! So for that, I thank you!

 

[aclov]

PrincessSuzanne - thanks so much for the adoption information.

jjk1107 - People are very insensitive especially if they never had infertility problems. I have people tell me often too about getting pregnant like it's so easy. They make you feel guilty like if something is wrong with you, when none of this is our fault. I've had to come to terms with that. That's awesome on your adoption, you have something great to look forward to.

I was just browsing the internet earlier on adoption and there is sooo much information out there. Some agencies have pictures of the babies waiting to be adopted. It's so sad I'm just scared because you hear of scammers or agencies promising you a baby and than nothing. I'm just a very suspicious person, so it's great to hear about all the success stories. I'm interested in adopting from Mexico, Guatemala or other Latin Am countries. DH and I are both Mex-Am and speak Spanish. The traveling part would be closer too. But it is costly, i was reading 10k or more depending where you adopt from. Right now, I'm not working because I had taken some time off to do the treatments so I'm currently looking for new employment. It would be great to get into a company with awesome health benefits and adoption assistance.

For those of you going to WDW soon - I wish I was going too! I could use a trip especially right now. It does make you feel better at least for the time being someplace magical.

 

[stepdisney]

Aclov:

We adopted from an agency that had a special program for minority children. We only paid $36.00, a document fee. Some American adoption agencies are looking for families who either want to or wouldn't mind adopting African American, biracial or other minority children and a lot of the birth mothers are choosing mothers before they deliver. The agency was when we were in NC, we have now since moved to NJ. It was a legitimate private adoption agency. Also, for those interested in IVF cycles, we moved to Maryland when I was trying to conceive and, in fact did. I did a lot of research because, as we all know, a cycle out of pocket is VERY expensive. We were living in northern VA near Maryland and my husband worked in Bethesda, MD. We learned that they had something in MD called the Maryland mandate which stated that if you lived in MD and worked in MD, if your insurance covered pregnancy, it had to cover IF procedures. We moved imediately and our IVF cycles (all 3 ) were paid in full including meds! (Those who have had a cycle know the metradin, lupron and progesterone injections are very expensive). Maryland has some of the BEST IF doctors in the country. A lot of them are out of Johns Hopkins. Hope this information helps someone. If anyone is in NC, I would recommend Children's Home Society, thats the agency we used.

 

[want2bamommy]

My co-worker, who I have been working with for almost three years, told me that she suffers from infertility, then I want to know why then did she get spontaneously pregnant for a second time (this second one is an "accident" she talked so terrible about being preg with this one. She says "it messed up me being able to go to Canada for a vacation") before her son turned 1. Infertile my hind end. She is just the kind of person to pull your heartstrings and then let them slap you in the face (I hate people like her)(I HATE her). She is a "mean girl"
Hugs to everyone and lots of BabyDust too.

PrincessSuzanne

Pricess Suzanne,

I am so sorry! It can be so hard to hear of other's around us becoming pregnant (especially on "accident") when some of us have to jump through hoops and undergo procedures to get there! I have a co-worker (with 16 year old and 22 year old sons) who tells me every few days that I am LUCKY that I don't have kids and they are harder than I think. She KNOWS that my hubby and I have been trying for a few years now. It hurts my feelings that she is insensitive but I am too passive to say anything. One day I might boil over though.

I really hope that you get your BFP soon (and that we all will)!!!

I love that we have a place to come and vent about this too!

Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

Hi there!

I know I'm chiming in here late but just discovered this post.

First of all, we LOVE Disney. We're DVC members, and this year we have 3 trips planned. I love being there, even without kids.

My partner and I have been trying for over 2 years to have a baby. Here's our brief history:

Me: 9 cycles at home (6 with Clomid), 6 injectable IUI cycles, 2 IVFs. Turns out my egg quality is bad. We've never had an embryo made it past day 3- so we've never transfered any embryos. Apparently, my cytoplasm is bad so I won't be having any biological children.

Partner: High FSH, one tube blocked, just recently had a lap and she has some fibroids. RE isn't sure she'd be an ideal candidate for IVF.

We just got great news though. My RE has a donor embryo program and after waiting for 3 months we got to choose some embryos. The embryos happen to be the result of donor egg/donor sperm cycle! I'm thrilled. We're transfering in June (we have to wait a mandatory grace period of 90 days).

We have 2 trips to WDW planned between now and then. We're headed to BCV next week, and SSR the first week of June! At least I'll have the 2 trips to keep me busy during the wait!

Good luck to you all out there!

Wow! Good luck to you and your partner for the June cycle!! I sure hope that will be "the month" for you.

I just discovered these boards about 2 weeks ago and I think I am more addicted to Disney than ever, lol. My sister just called me this morning to ask for my help quoting a trip for her, her BF, and my niece (5 yr old). I was so happy!!

Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

I know a lot of people on the board have suggested adoption. For me and DH we definitely will proceed with adoption after we give IUI/IVF a go. I have already looked into specific agencies and searched the websites, etc.

DH is adopted (from Colombia, South America). We have always discussed adoption even before we got married. DH really wants to have a biological child because he has an issue with not "looking like his family." It is hard for me to understand because I haven't experienced it but I certainly empathize with him.

One of the main obstacle's I have encountered with Adoption is the cost/requirements. DH is active duty Army and he doesn't make that much money. We don't own a home (only because we move every few years) and most places want us to have $80,000 in assets. We are falling about 50% short there. I will keep looking into it though to see what we can find though.

I am excited because I have a referral to a Civilian Gyno to discuss Clomid and other options. Our nearest RE is an hour away and the Army doesn't cover ANYTHING for Infertility so we will have to pay 100% out of pocket confused. Apparently, there are 2-3 bases around the country that can do IVF at a cheaper rate for us but we'd have to stay there for a few weeks, etc and right now with me working it isn't an option. I guess I'll have to keep doing my research.

Good luck ladies!!

Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

PrincessSuzanne - thanks so much for the adoption information.

jjk1107 - People are very insensitive especially if they never had infertility problems. I have people tell me often too about getting pregnant like it's so easy. They make you feel guilty like if something is wrong with you, when none of this is our fault. I've had to come to terms with that. That's awesome on your adoption, you have something great to look forward to.

I was just browsing the internet earlier on adoption and there is sooo much information out there. Some agencies have pictures of the babies waiting to be adopted. It's so sad I'm just scared because you hear of scammers or agencies promising you a baby and than nothing. I'm just a very suspicious person, so it's great to hear about all the success stories. I'm interested in adopting from Mexico, Guatemala or other Latin Am countries. DH and I are both Mex-Am and speak Spanish. The traveling part would be closer too. But it is costly, i was reading 10k or more depending where you adopt from. Right now, I'm not working because I had taken some time off to do the treatments so I'm currently looking for new employment. It would be great to get into a company with awesome health benefits and adoption assistance.

For those of you going to WDW soon - I wish I was going too! I could use a trip especially right now. It does make you feel better at least for the time being someplace magical.

I know exactly what you mean about the adoption scams! I have had a friend adopt in Guatamala and I have been meaning to ask her what agency she went through. She wound up paying around $25-$30K for the entire adoption and it took a little over a year.

Dr. Phil recently did a show about Adoption Scams (but it was private women (well one in particular) that was scamming many different families at once and she wasn't even pregnant. I would imagine for Adoption Agencies that there must be a way to weed out the reputable ones (maybe the Better Business Bureau or something?)

Good luck in your job hunt!!! I hope you find the perfect job! /B]


Missie