Child-free, but not by choice?

[tiggers_pal]

Hope nobody minds me 'popping in', I am so very luck I have 2 children now aged 14 and 17 ( just where does the time go). But I lost my first child, I was 5 months pregnant, and I called him 'Andrew'. It was the 20th June 1988, our first wedding anniversary. My 2nd son was born on the 20th July 1989, and I look at it that Kristoper wouldnt have been here if Andrew wouldnt have gone, so mixed blessing.

I found it difficult to believe that I had lost a child. I had 3 sisters and 1 brother who died when they where young, 2 late miscarriages ( who would have survived in this day) my sister julie who died at 16 months of cot death, and my sister Maria who died after falling down the stairs. When I lost Andrew I went into complete denial, I thought my mum had lost enough babies and that no way would I lose one, but I did, it took a while to get over, or do you ever really get over it. But now he is with my siblings and they are being great aunts and uncles to him, thats how I feel.

All I would say is that it was totally 'forgotton' that I had lost 3 sisters and a brother, 'hidden under the carpet', its different now with pherapy and all that. But never forget that I know when you lose a child your pain is unbearable at times, but if there is a sibling left, let them talk, let them ask questions, and remember they have lost there brother/sister. Its only now at the age of 39 that I am feeling at peace with now being a 'only child'

Angie

 

[katiemugs2]

Hi everyone,
It is nice to see that I am not alone here. My husband and I are DVC owners, and are also childless. We had come to turns with never having children when I concieved our twins while at Disney in November. Needless to say, it was a very difficult pregnancy as a developed a tear in my uterine wall, along with a large blood clot that would not heal. It was not until after I misscarried at the end of my 1st trimester that I realized that I have a blood clotting problem where my blood clots too much. I am now taking 1 baby aspirin daily, and am waiting for the doctor to give us the green light to start trying but am dealing with the fact that if I misscarry again the doctor states that I may have to go on prescription blood thinners to try to carry to term. It is all very scary and I felt very guilty afterwards was that the only thing that kept me sane was to plan another trip to Disney. I was very embarrassed to even tell people that we(me and my mom) are going in May as I was afraid they would think bad of me for planning a vacation at a time like this but was very glad to see that other people have had the same reactions. I am thinking of you all and wish you all the best. Hopefully one day we will all be at Disney with little ones.
Katie

 

[want2bamommy]

Hello everyone! I am so happy that I found this website (and more importantly this thread). DH and I have been married for a little over 10 years now and are hoping to get pregnant in 2007. He is currently deployed to Afghanistan and has been there for a year, week, and 2 days today (not that I am counting or anything, lol). He was supposed to come home this past Saturday but his Battalion was extended through Mid June. We had a trip planned for DW from April 14-21 and had to cancel. I have rescheduled it now from December 22-January 1st. BTW I cannot WAIT for June 1st so I can see the EMH days for December (lol) and make our ADR's!! I have the list of restaurants we want but want to schedule them according to EMH!! I have the desire to plan it now so it is killing me to wait!

As for the TTC subject well what can I say. I have PCOS and am hypothryoid so they seem to be our contributing factors (in addition to the fact that DH is gone every other year on a deployment). I am overweight and have lost 39 pounds during the year that DH has been gone. I am aiming for 20 more pounds by June and just started training to run a 5K race once he returns.

I guess that is all for now but I am looking forward to getting to know you all! I would LOVE to see some of you get your BFP's!!!!!

Missie

 

[DisneyDreamer8]

Big Hugs to all of you strong women!!! You all have been through so much

I post on another thread here on the Dis about TTC on the Community Board. My journey is not where near as complicated as your (yet) but I can sympathize with you all. My DH (31) and I (29) have been TTC since May 2006. We have been married for 7 years. I had my first HSG a couple of weeks ago which came back clear. So I will be starting my 2nd round of Clomid in a few days (I believe that AF is knocking at the door). I believe I have a luteal phase defect so they will be testing my progesterone at CD21.

I hope that you all are able to be Moms in some fashion. I applaud those who have adopted and I hope that if I am not able to have a child that I can find the strength to do the same.

For those who are still trying...best of luck!!!! and of course...

 

[want2bamommy]

Hi Rebecca!
I wanted to wish you and DH a lot of luck with your TTC journey! We all know how hard it can be. I hope you get your BFP very soon! I am hoping to get my script for Clomid next month when I see a new doctor.

Keep us posted!

Missie

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Rebecca!
I wanted to wish you and DH a lot of luck with your TTC journey! We all know how hard it can be. I hope you get your BFP very soon! I am hoping to get my script for Clomid next month when I see a new doctor.

Keep us posted!

Missie

I see you have PCOS, have you thought about trying some alternative therapy. I was doing some research on Metformin and PCOS and came upon a message board for women with similar problems. It is www.Soulcysters.net, it has given me some renewed hope. Many of these women have used Soy Isoflavones and it works very much like Clomid, but can be purchased OTC, in fact I bought some at Target recently, so when AF decides to show herself, I am going to try it on days 5-9, just like you take Clomid. Many of the women have conceived on this. I am also trying several other remedies that were suggested by them. I decided it couldn't hurt and they don't cost nearly as much as traditional fertility meds.

BabyDust to all TTCing,

PrincessSuzanne

 

[DisneyDreamer8]

Missie-Thanks for your well wishes!!! And best of luck with you as well!!! A little tip on the Clomid (if you decide to take it) is to take it right before you go to bed. By doing that I didn't have side effects for the five days of pills. After those five days...all bets are off.

 

[hematite153]

I thought I should let you all know that we were unsuccessful this round.

I have an appointment with my Dr. (I see the rotating clinic Dr.s during treatment) later this week to discuss next steps.

How's it going nennie?

 

[aclov]

I thought I should let you all know that we were unsuccessful this round.

I have an appointment with my Dr. (I see the rotating clinic Dr.s during treatment) later this week to discuss next steps.

How's it going nennie?

You had IUI done correct? Was this your first time? Hang in there. I've been ttc for 7 years and usually the first step the dr. puts you on is clomid. When that didn't work we did several IUI's, which failed. Because of financial reasons we couldn't afford IVF so we would just try another IUI until we exhausted all that ins. would cover. We finally did IVF in Nov. and unfortunately failed. Now I'm in my 2ww for the 2nd IVF. Pleeze send me some baby dust

It's an emotional rollercoaster and I often wonder what I did to deserve this. Mine is unexplained so it's so frustrating to me. I'm sending you all hugs of encouragement because I know it's difficult.

 

[want2bamommy]

You had IUI done correct? Was this your first time? Hang in there. I've been ttc for 7 years and usually the first step the dr. puts you on is clomid. When that didn't work we did several IUI's, which failed. Because of financial reasons we couldn't afford IVF so we would just try another IUI until we exhausted all that ins. would cover. We finally did IVF in Nov. and unfortunately failed. Now I'm in my 2ww for the 2nd IVF. Pleeze send me some baby dust

It's an emotional rollercoaster and I often wonder what I did to deserve this. Mine is unexplained so it's so frustrating to me. I'm sending you all hugs of encouragement because I know it's difficult.

I wish you the best of luck during this 2 WW!! I hope this time goes by quickly for you!! What day are you having your test?

Missie

 

[want2bamommy]

I am so sorry to hear that you didn't get your BFP this cycle!! I hope that this cycle turns out to be the one!
Missie

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

It's an emotional rollercoaster and I often wonder what I did to deserve this. Mine is unexplained so it's so frustrating to me. I'm sending you all hugs of encouragement because I know it's difficult.[/QUOTE]



Join the club, I even still often wonder the same thing. I have done the angry at God, angry at the whole world. I read an article just today about a couple in Washington that tortured the man's developmentally delayed 4 year old daughter to death and I wonder why people like that are allowed to have children and those that can give them everything they need can't have children or have to use every resources available to have a child. This is a screwed up world we live in. I work in a hospital and see many things and have had to learn to control my anger at people that hurt children and even at babies having babies. There was a set of 15 year old twins that each had a baby this year, 22 days apart, now what kind of parent is a 15 year old going to make. My cousin had her first daughter at 19 and she is still at 28 a bad parent IMHO(not as bad as some though, mainly selfish).

Just know that you are not alone in this. It took alot of internet surfing and book reading to figure this out and I still have really bad days and I have been at this for over 5 years (don't know how many more I can take though).

Hugs and BabyDust to all

PrincessSuzanne

 

[want2bamommy]

I see you have PCOS, have you thought about trying some alternative therapy. I was doing some research on Metformin and PCOS and came upon a message board for women with similar problems. It is www.Soulcysters.net, it has given me some renewed hope. Many of these women have used Soy Isoflavones and it works very much like Clomid, but can be purchased OTC, in fact I bought some at Target recently, so when AF decides to show herself, I am going to try it on days 5-9, just like you take Clomid. Many of the women have conceived on this. I am also trying several other remedies that were suggested by them. I decided it couldn't hurt and they don't cost nearly as much as traditional fertility meds.

BabyDust to all TTCing,

PrincessSuzanne

Hello! I have purchased the Soy Isoflavones and I used them one month. I will start them again during my next cycle (I have 2 cycles left before my DH returns from Afghanistan). I am going to visit that site you posted too.

Thanks!

Missie

 

[CinRell]

Hi! I'm not sure I "belong" here... but I AM child-free but not by choice.. mostly because at 31 I'm still single. I was engaged and hopeful but he decided to be with his coworker and not tell me about it.

I always thought by the age of 30 I'd at LEAST have one child working on more... but it didn't work that way for me.

My fear is that I like to take things slow... and at my age I really can't. I always thought date 5 years.. be married 5 years.. then think of kids. Well.. not happenin!

I also have PCOS (and would love to be in touch with those here that have it for support and advice)... and it's another concern for me.

Motherhood is so important to me I've decided if I'm still single at age 38 I will begin the process of adoption and pray I'm accepted as a single women.

My prayers, encouragement and support to those trying. My understanding to those unable to even try.

Tig the story of losing ALL of your siblings and your first to be born really tugged at my heartstrings (hugs) to you.

 

[katmattsmom]

I normally don't post about this but so many of these stories bring on the tears because I've been there too. I have pcos and struggled for many years with the fact that I couldn't get pregnant.
10 years and 1 marriage later, we've adopted 2 children from fostercare. We were fosterparents for 4 years and adopted our first two foster placements... our daughter (she came to us at 4 months, adopted at 1 yr) and son (came to us at 2 months, adopted at 18 months). They're happy and healthy 2 & 4 year olds now. Yes, it was hard living through the 'what if they leave' but we did it and are now, finally parents

Good luck to all of you TTC, I sincerely hope there are little ones in your future!

 

[lady_hlh]

I just wanted post my experience because this thread reminded me of everything that we went through before we had our DD. I had 2 miscarriages in my early thirties and then started having trouble conceiving. We did all the drug treatments and then we did an IVF because I used to have insurance that covered part of the costs. I had a few poor quality embryos and nothing took so the RE told us that we were wasting our money on another IVF. He recommended a new treatment that was being done in NJ that has since been stopped by the FDA; my DH called the center and they didn't want anything to do with a 37 year old who had poor egg quality. The RE also told us that we should start considering donor eggs but I just couldn't imagine doing that. As all of this was happening I was diagnosed with an automimmune disorder and TTC was no longer a priority. While I was dealing with the autoimmune problems my DH and I periodically discussed adoption but my DH kept hoping I would just conceive so he really wasn't interested in adoption. I conceived right before I turned 40 and found out that I was pregnant on my B-Day so I tell my DD all the time that she was the best B-Day present in my entire life. I never did conceive again and I'm 46 now so it doesn't seem likely that I'll have another miracle baby.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi! I'm not sure I "belong" here... but I AM child-free but not by choice.. mostly because at 31 I'm still single. I was engaged and hopeful but he decided to be with his coworker and not tell me about it.

I always thought by the age of 30 I'd at LEAST have one child working on more... but it didn't work that way for me.

My fear is that I like to take things slow... and at my age I really can't. I always thought date 5 years.. be married 5 years.. then think of kids. Well.. not happenin!

I also have PCOS (and would love to be in touch with those here that have it for support and advice)... and it's another concern for me.

Motherhood is so important to me I've decided if I'm still single at age 38 I will begin the process of adoption and pray I'm accepted as a single women.

My prayers, encouragement and support to those trying. My understanding to those unable to even try.

Tig the story of losing ALL of your siblings and your first to be born really tugged at my heartstrings (hugs) to you.

Let me be the first to welcome you and to say taht I have been there done that. I was engaged the first time at 20, he left me a little over a year later. I fell in love with a wonderful someone else at 26, but he did't love me the same way, and then I met DH when I was 27, just as I was ready to give up on finding love. We were maried 14 months after we met and have been TTCing since the day we got married. I had decided that if I wasn't married or with someone by the time I turned 30, I was going to have a baby on my own, and now I have these problems. I gave up on the slow thing a long time ago. I want things now and having to deal with infertility with my attitude like that hasn't helped much.

I haven't officially been diagnosed with PCOS, but I believe that is the way my Gyn is leaning, she is waiting to see some of my past workup (my current Gyn is new for me, finally one that isn't judgemental). My Gyn started me on Metformin 500mg twice a day, and I have started taking Vitex, Yeast Fend, Cinnamon, and of course Folic Acid on my own, since reading about them from the Soulysters. If AF ever shows, I am going to take the Soy Isoflavones.

I appreciate having someone who understands, because DM and DH just don't. Well, most men just don't, and my mother doesn't because, well she has me. I have two wonderful friends at work that listen, but they don't understand either, b/c they have their children. I just always knew that I would be a mother, heck, that is what I was born for. I have always loved babies, even from the time I was a baby and has really been hard these last 5 years. I have shed alot of tears and pent up alot of anger and hostility, but things have gotten a little easier. I feel sometimes though, that if I could at least get pregnant, if I lost the baby, that would be easier than not being able to get pregnant at all. But I have heard other women say the opposite, so there is no happy medium.

BabyDust Always

PrincessSuzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi! I'm not sure I "belong" here... but I AM child-free but not by choice.. mostly because at 31 I'm still single. I was engaged and hopeful but he decided to be with his coworker and not tell me about it.

I always thought by the age of 30 I'd at LEAST have one child working on more... but it didn't work that way for me.

My fear is that I like to take things slow... and at my age I really can't. I always thought date 5 years.. be married 5 years.. then think of kids. Well.. not happenin!

I also have PCOS (and would love to be in touch with those here that have it for support and advice)... and it's another concern for me.

Motherhood is so important to me I've decided if I'm still single at age 38 I will begin the process of adoption and pray I'm accepted as a single women.

My prayers, encouragement and support to those trying. My understanding to those unable to even try.

Tig the story of losing ALL of your siblings and your first to be born really tugged at my heartstrings (hugs) to you.

Let me be the first to welcome you and to say taht I have been there done that. I was engaged the first time at 20, he left me a little over a year later. I fell in love with a wonderful someone else at 26, but he did't love me the same way, and then I met DH when I was 27, just as I was ready to give up on finding love. We were maried 14 months after we met and have been TTCing since the day we got married. I had decided that if I wasn't married or with someone by the time I turned 30, I was going to have a baby on my own, and now I have these problems. I gave up on the slow thing a long time ago. I want things now and having to deal with infertility with my attitude like that hasn't helped much.

I haven't officially been diagnosed with PCOS, but I believe that is the way my Gyn is leaning, she is waiting to see some of my past workup (my current Gyn is new for me, finally one that isn't judgemental). My Gyn started me on Metformin 500mg twice a day, and I have started taking Vitex, Yeast Fend, Cinnamon, and of course Folic Acid on my own, since reading about them from the Soulysters. If AF ever shows, I am going to take the Soy Isoflavones.

I appreciate having someone who understands, because DM and DH just don't. Well, most men just don't, and my mother doesn't because, well she has me. I have two wonderful friends at work that listen, but they don't understand either, b/c they have their children. I just always knew that I would be a mother, heck, that is what I was born for. I have always loved babies, even from the time I was a baby and has really been hard these last 5 years. I have shed alot of tears and pent up alot of anger and hostility, but things have gotten a little easier. I feel sometimes though, that if I could at least get pregnant, if I lost the baby, that would be easier than not being able to get pregnant at all. But I have heard other women say the opposite, so there is no happy medium.

BabyDust Always

PrincessSuzanne

 

[hematite153]

You had IUI done correct? Was this your first time? Hang in there.

This was my third IUI. However, we spent about 3 years working on my wife first. So, I know a lot about the full system. Initially she looked like the easier candidate since I have never had regular cycles. However, she went through clomid (to the point of developing a drug resistance) and other interventions before we decided to try switching roles.

According to my workup I actually have surprisingly good hormone levels--they are just hard to predict. I seem to build really slowly (with random stalling) and then leap through the surge. Because I build slowly the one doc is suggesting something. (Yes, I suspect you are right about it being clomid--except that my doc prescibes seraphine because it has fewer side effects.) However, clomid increases chances of multiple births and I had 2 viable follicles when I did my baseline scans so I need to know more (and hear my own doc's opinion) before I make decisions. I have a sense that the sudden surge is more of a problem and I'm not convinced they are timing the IUI correctly.

Now I'm in my 2ww for the 2nd IVF. Pleeze send me some baby dust

It's an emotional rollercoaster and I often wonder what I did to deserve this. Mine is unexplained so it's so frustrating to me. I'm sending you all hugs of encouragement because I know it's difficult.

<baby dust>

 

[R Dog Walt]

Hi there!

I know I'm chiming in here late but just discovered this post.

First of all, we LOVE Disney. We're DVC members, and this year we have 3 trips planned. I love being there, even without kids.

My partner and I have been trying for over 2 years to have a baby. Here's our brief history:

Me: 9 cycles at home (6 with Clomid), 6 injectable IUI cycles, 2 IVFs. Turns out my egg quality is bad. We've never had an embryo made it past day 3- so we've never transfered any embryos. Apparently, my cytoplasm is bad so I won't be having any biological children.

Partner: High FSH, one tube blocked, just recently had a lap and she has some fibroids. RE isn't sure she'd be an ideal candidate for IVF.

We just got great news though. My RE has a donor embryo program and after waiting for 3 months we got to choose some embryos. The embryos happen to be the result of donor egg/donor sperm cycle! I'm thrilled. We're transfering in June (we have to wait a mandatory grace period of 90 days).

We have 2 trips to WDW planned between now and then. We're headed to BCV next week, and SSR the first week of June! At least I'll have the 2 trips to keep me busy during the wait!

Good luck to you all out there!