Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[Fitswimmer]

If I recall correctly, you are Catholic? I am just curious how you feel when your Church comes out against birth control and a woman's right to choose? It must be hard for you sometimes.

I do have a right to choose and I make choices that are best in line with my values. I don't feel that the Church has taken any choice away from me, my faith puts the point where I make the choice at a different point. I won't lie, it's not easy, never has been, but in the end I can live with the choices I've made.
However, I don't believe that the laws of my Church should be the laws of the land. Just because abortion is against the laws of my Church, doesn't mean that I want to make it illegal for everyone. Just because something is legal it doesn't mean I or anyone else has to partake in it if they believe it is a sin.

 

[MELSMICE]

Just to clarify- I do not believe abortion should be used as your sole method of birth control. I'm talking about using it in cases where the condom, pill, etc fails.

Then it is still using it as a form of birth control, whether it is the main method or the back-up method.

 

[Muushka]

I'm childfree by choice. I SURE hope people don't think we ALL think the way a previous poster does. I'm not guilty by association.

Ironically, my only other sibling is also childfree by choice.

I was the previous poster. What did I say??
.

I was just trying to understand GoofyGirl's reasoning.

 

[goofygirl]

I do have a right to choose and I make choices that are best in line with my values. I don't feel that the Church has taken any choice away from me, my faith puts the point where I make the choice at a different point. I won't lie, it's not easy, never has been, but in the end I can live with the choices I've made.
However, I don't believe that the laws of my Church should be the laws of the land. Just because abortion is against the laws of my Church, doesn't mean that I want to make it illegal for everyone. Just because something is legal it doesn't mean I or anyone else has to partake in it if they believe it is a sin.

Cool. Thanks for insight.

 

[Muushka]

I was the previous poster. What did I say??
.

I was just trying to understand GoofyGirl's reasoning.

Oops. I just noticed you used the word "a" and not "the".
Not necessarily me then, right?

 

[goofygirl]

I was the previous poster. What did I say??
. .

I think they meant me, not you!

 

[MELSMICE]

I was the previous poster. What did I say??
.

I was just trying to understand GoofyGirl's reasoning.

I don't think she meant you.

 

[RC Fan]

OK, and now I really will unsubscribe and stop replying to this thread, as it's not where I belong.

Stick around! Everyone is welcome, as long as they are not here to condemn us!

 

[Hixski]

Stick around! Everyone is welcome, as long as they are not here to condemn us!

Bravo!!! That is what makes me mad. The folks that want to tell us that being childfree is wrong no matter what. Look how many people were childfree because of infertility on that other thread. Most have not even told anyone of their problems. They are condemned right along with us who have chosen to remain childfree.

 

[goofygirl]

RC, I have to ask about your signature, I don't get it. Who's Harry?

 

[bookgirl]

I have twin nephews age 7 and three godchildren girl 18 and two boys 15 and 8. When I get maternal feelings I borrow a kid or two and after an hour or so the feeling goes away. Thank you very much, I don't want kids. But I love them all alot. Not ever getting married either but THAT is a whole nother thread....

 

[mking624]

Actually, yeah, they are. I've had childfree related personal heartache. Okay, my heartache may be different than an infertile person's , but it's still heartache. In the past I've had family fight with me until I'm in tears because I don't want children. I also lost a man I loved very much and whom I thought I was going to marry- because he wanted children and I didn't. It felt like a death to me. And it doesn't help when I see childfree women who have managed to meet a male soulmate who is also childfree, when I haven't been able to meet a decent CF mate, and it feels like I never will be able to. Heartache? Yep, I've got it.

I believe that you have definitely struggled with heartache. It's absolutely horrible when people try to make decisions for you, believing they can run your life. They try to control something you're already controlling perfectly fine. I'm sorry they do that to you!!
In my case with infertility, I'm not even in control of my situation...I don't get the choice of whether or not to have kids, the choice was already made for me without my permission, so to speak. Then to have people lump it all on me like it's my fault, how horrible I am for not having children, and then how awful I am for feeling heartbroken because not only does my body not work, but people are putting me down for it...it's enough to drive a person insane. People trying to control my uncontrollable situation.

Though you and I are on different ends of a spectrum, we are both without children and we both experience heartache as a result, even if the heartache isn't exactly the same. It's so unfortunate that while there are so many in our situations, in our shoes, it seems that there's this unspoken rule that we should be kept silent. I hate that. Whether we're happy, trying to be happy, unhappy...or even numb about our choices or circumstances, we still need a network of support. And I'm glad that we both have that here.

 

[RC Fan]

RC, I have to ask about your signature, I don't get it. Who's Harry?

Harry Potter. I love the books! 'Save Harry!' is my silent plea to J K Rowling not to kill my favorite character off in her upcoming seventh and final book.

 

[KimR]

Not childfree here, but I do want to chime in and express how surprised I am that people would actually condemn another person's choice not to have children. Do you all seriously get a lot of this?? We have quite a few friends who are childfree by choice and to be honest, it's just not something we really ever discuss nor would I ever dream of criticizing them for it. I couldn't even imagine.

I can remember being on the fence about whether or not to have kids (actually I was fairly adamant about NOT wanting them) and I did get questions now and then about when we were going to start a family but never really pressure and certainly nothing rude. You really can't win, though because once I had DD and I got the questions about when I was going to have another. Then, once I had DD2 it was 'so, are you going to try for a boy now?' Then when I got pg with DD3 I heard 'ANOTHER ONE?!!! '3 KIDS??!!', 'better you than me'. Usually those kinds of comments were from clueless strangers. I'm convinced that unless you have 2 kids, one of each gender, your family is not 'perfect' or 'complete' and somebody at one time or another is going to comment on it. Why some people feel the need to question others' choices regarding procreation mystifies me.

 

[Fitswimmer]

Not childfree here, but I do want to chime in and express how surprised I am that people would actually condemn another person's choice not to have children. Do you all seriously get a lot of this?? We have quite a few friends who are childfree by choice and to be honest, it's just not something we really ever discuss nor would I ever dream of criticizing them for it. I couldn't even imagine.

I can remember being on the fence about whether or not to have kids (actually I was fairly adamant about NOT wanting them) and I did get questions now and then about when we were going to start a family but never really pressure and certainly nothing rude. You really can't win, though because once I had DD and I got the questions about when I was going to have another. Then, once I had DD2 it was 'so, are you going to try for a boy now?' Then when I got pg with DD3 I heard 'ANOTHER ONE?!!! '3 KIDS??!!', 'better you than me'. Usually those kinds of comments were from clueless strangers. I'm convinced that unless you have 2 kids, one of each gender, your family is not 'perfect' or 'complete' and somebody at one time or another is going to comment on it. Why some people feel the need to question others' choices regarding procreation mystifies me.

Anyone who steps outside of the "normal" path is grounds for rude comments. We're all supposed to go to school, get a job, get married and have kids. My cousin's son decided not to go to college and instead chose a trade school. He had the grades to get in, he just wanted to learn a trade instead. He got grief over that choice because it was different. Another cousin and his wife have 5 kids and people ask them if they "know what causes that yet?". I know more than one married couple who has chosen not to have kids and they get comments all the time. I never married, so I've been asked if I'm gay (I'm not) or if I'm "a nun or something" (I'm not that either).

If society could just GROW UP and allow people to live their own values we'd all be a lot happier.

 

[RC Fan]

Not childfree here, but I do want to chime in and express how surprised I am that people would actually condemn another person's choice not to have children. Do you all seriously get a lot of this?? We have quite a few friends who are childfree by choice and to be honest, it's just not something we really ever discuss nor would I ever dream of criticizing them for it. I couldn't even imagine.

I can remember being on the fence about whether or not to have kids (actually I was fairly adamant about NOT wanting them) and I did get questions now and then about when we were going to start a family but never really pressure and certainly nothing rude. You really can't win, though because once I had DD and I got the questions about when I was going to have another. Then, once I had DD2 it was 'so, are you going to try for a boy now?' Then when I got pg with DD3 I heard 'ANOTHER ONE?!!! '3 KIDS??!!', 'better you than me'. Usually those kinds of comments were from clueless strangers. I'm convinced that unless you have 2 kids, one of each gender, your family is not 'perfect' or 'complete' and somebody at one time or another is going to comment on it. Why some people feel the need to question others' choices regarding procreation mystifies me.

I personally have heard the whole gamut of comments, everything from God put you on Earth to have kids, to some poster on one of the boards here who said that people without kids shouldn't be able to go to Disney.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I personally have heard the whole gamut of comments, everything from God put you on Earth to have kids, to some poster on one of the boards here who said that people without kids shouldn't be able to go to Disney.

I've gotten the one about WDW too! A friend of mine and I went down a couple of years ago. We were on line for a ride and this woman behind us was making comments about people who come here without kids and make the lines longer!
Like there are SO many of us that it was keeping her little darling off the rides!!!

 

[Hixski]

I've gotten the one about WDW too! A friend of mine and I went down a couple of years ago. We were on line for a ride and this woman behind us was making comments about people who come here without kids and make the lines longer!
Like there are SO many of us that it was keeping her little darling off the rides!!!

We have gotten the WDW comment too!!! Crazy people. I suppose when folks children grow up and they are empty nesters they must stop going. Or can they go if they carry a document stating that they are parents? I have worked nights for over 20yrs. People can't wrap their heads around that either. I get alot of comments about not having children and working nights in the same breath. I have told more than one person that I am a vampire.

 

[luvwinnie]

The question I hate is WHY aren't you having kids?? I've never heard anyone ask a pregnant woman WHY she IS having a child, have you?

 

[luvwinnie]

Just had to tell you that my childfree best friend was asked at a party recently "Where do your kids go to school?" AHHHHHHH!! HOw could someone just ASSUME like that? And if she was suffering with infertility this could be downright painful.