Cell phones and relationships/marriage

[lisaviolet]

Yes, I know they are here to stay.

But I was privy to a meltdown in my gym today. It really was a meltdown. A woman was having a huge fight - yelling and crying, by phone, with her husband - while working out. (laughing at the while working out only - the fight was ugly and very personal). And without saying too much - part of the argument was "you ignored my calls for over an hour - just admit it!".

I'm sorry but I was shocked over the statement. I guess I just think everyone needs some personal space at times whether they love another or not. And it must be greatly lessened by technology of course. And it got me to thinking - "have cell phones hurt relationships?"

(My gym is a private gym in a condo so happened to be not crowded at the time - but surprised she didn't care nonethess)

 

[Granny square]

I'd guess there was more to it than you were forced to hear. So whether there was a cell and an expectation the problems would exist.

I love being able to talk with dh while he is walking to meetings or driving around the state. He catches me while I am walking across campus. and having spent the day texting with son trying to find the best textbook prices means I think the phones benefit that relationship too.

 

[wiigirl]

Its not a bad thing for my relationship...texting/talking anytime we want through the day is really nice.

 

[Nolcrest]

Yes, I think they do. I feel people dependent on cell phones do expect instant response. Glad I grew up during party lines & pay phones. I rarely call my husband on his cell. I wait until he gets home & then we discuss what needs to be discussed. I can handle the day to day stuff and am able to make my own decisions so I really don't have a need to call him while he is working or vice versa.

I do love them though for emergencies. Real emergencies.

 

[lisaviolet]

I'd guess there was more to it than you were forced to hear. So whether there was a cell and an expectation the problems would exist.

Yes, you're right. Absolutely. I understand that.

There was a lot more that I'm not saying here as it was very personal and the rest might not have been connected to the hour he didn't pick up.

I love being able to talk with dh while he is walking to meetings or driving around the state. He catches me while I am walking across campus. and having spent the day texting with son trying to find the best textbook prices means I think the phones benefit that relationship too.

Its not a bad thing for my relationship...texting/talking anytime we want through the day is really nice.

Good to hear for both of you.

__________________

I really wanted to hear people's thoughts. I live downtown but for a short time I lived in a resort town. And every single time I went up to the spit there would be a myriad of men sitting alone in their cars for an extended period of time. Most of them would be married - just the age/makeup of that place. And it made me wonder if all of us are getting enough alone time and moments to be cut off. And I thought of those moments with the fight today.

And I also believe that even in fights - humans need some space to process.

I don't take any technology on vacation - unless I have to for a specific reason - but within my social circle I'm pretty much alone in that.

 

[emilily88]

I love being able to reach my BF whenever - but I am also inclined to get worried if he doesn't respond to a text/call/email/carrier pigeon within a short amount of time. That being said, I think it can hurt the relationship in other ways... He is obsessively checking his email for work from his phone and I have a bad habit of checking Instagram or playing games on my phone, so our "quality time" together ends up with both of us staring at our respective screens. There are pros and cons to technology these days

 

[FireDancer]

If not answering a cellphone call is enough to hurt your relationship is wasn't long for this world anyway. There are times I don't have my phone on me or just don't feel like answering it so I don't. This shouldn't be a problem for any rational, normal human being to deal with. I'll eventually return the call.

 

[lisaviolet]

Yes, I think they do. I feel people dependent on cell phones do expect instant response. Glad I grew up during party lines & pay phones. I rarely call my husband on his cell. I wait until he gets home & then we discuss what needs to be discussed. I can handle the day to day stuff and am able to make my own decisions so I really don't have a need to call him while he is working or vice versa.

I do love them though for emergencies. Real emergencies.

I am very similar Lauri.

Although when I get overly emotional - at times it tends to be all bets off. And I do wonder if my behaviour, at times, would be better served by no access in those moments.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

If not answering a cellphone call is enough to hurt your relationship is wasn't long for this world anyway.

My thoughts exactly. DH and I text more than we talk, especially if I have a specific question. I know he'll always respond when he can, so if he didn't pick up or text back in an hour I'd assume he was busy.

 

[lisaviolet]

If not answering a cellphone call is enough to hurt your relationship is wasn't long for this world anyway.

Agreed.

It was obviously a much bigger issue.

And thank you for answering because I was thinking a lot about men and the difference, in general, about how one processes a disagreement. What one needs. And wanted to hear some male perspectives on the expectation to be instantly connected.

And thinking about the men, at exactly coming home time, at the spit alone.

 

[lisaviolet]

My thoughts exactly. DH and I text more than we talk, especially if I have a specific question. I know he'll always respond when he can, so if he didn't pick up or text back in an hour I'd assume he was busy.

He did answer for them to have the fight - I did see that. So I too thought, being totally nosy , maybe he was too busy to answer during that hour.

 

[lisaviolet]

I love being able to reach my BF whenever - but I am also inclined to get worried if he doesn't respond to a text/call/email/carrier pigeon within a short amount of time. That being said, I think it can hurt the relationship in other ways... He is obsessively checking his email for work from his phone and I have a bad habit of checking Instagram or playing games on my phone, so our "quality time" together ends up with both of us staring at our respective screens. There are pros and cons to technology these days

Absolutely.

 

[aaarcher86]

Cell phones haven't hurt my relationship. I prefer texting over talking and it's nice to know I can shoot off a thought or question and DH will get to it when he can (before I forget!).

I'm a little sad I missed this spectacle though. Sounds like a magnificent people watching experience

 

[disykat]

My DH doesn't have a cell phone! In general, we're not real reliant on cell phones in our family. However, I admit that there are times when we know we'll be expecting to be in contact where if I can't reach them I'm pretty irritated - like if we're running errands and had a "call me when you're done" agreement to meet. The worst is if we give one of our phones to DH to be able to contact him and he doesn't answer!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I'm glad DH and I aren't the only ones who text more than talk! He's been gone for over a month and I think we've actually talked like twice.

I HATE talking on the phone.

 

[JVL1018]

I never call my husband at work, on his cell.
If I need him, I call him at work(office phone). If he doesn't answer, I figure he's in a meeting, talking to coworkers, in the middle of something. If its super important, I'll text him to call me as soon as he's able.
If it was an emergency, I'd call him on his cell, but that's never happened.

He works a side job on Saturdays, and he doesn't carry his phone then(testing fire truck pumps, lots of water). He's also a firefighter and is either too busy to answer, or won't hear it, when he's on calls, so just by the nature of our life together, I'm used to him not being accessible at times and it's never bothered me.

Sometimes he calls me and I would swear my phone never rang, so I don't notice until I look on my phone and see a missed call. That happens to him at times, too. No big deal.
We text more often than we talk..but in person we talk a lot. My kids always say we talk to each other too much in the car.

He coaches jr football and sometimes I do text him handy tips during the game that I think would be helpful. Those I am SURE he's purposely ignoring. ROFL

 

[JessicaR]

Sometimes it's hours before I get a call back and vice versa. Unless it is an emergency neither of us freaks over not getting back to the other. In an emergency we say so. We're also in an area where cell service can be spotty.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Sometimes it's hours before I get a call back and vice versa. Unless it is an emergency neither of us freaks over not getting back to the other. In an emergency we say so. We're also in an area where cell service can be spotty.

DH automatically thinks it is an emergency if I call lol. I always have to text him after(if he doesn't pick up) and tell him it's not!

 

[lisaviolet]

There are pros and cons to technology these days

I have a good friend in Taiwan and a niece in Kenya. And both were in this summer. And it made me think. I lived in Japan for awhile and it was a totally different experience in comparison to them. Snail mail. And phone calls that cost a mortgage. No joke on that - it was easy to run up quite a bill back then.

I would have loved to have been more connected with friends and family. But boy was I excited to get mail there! And actually miss getting letters in general.

 

[FireDancer]

Agreed.

It was obviously a much bigger issue.

And thank you for answering because I was thinking a lot about men and the difference, in general, about how one processes a disagreement. What one needs. And wanted to hear male's perspectives.

And thinking about the men, at exactly coming home time, at the spit alone.

I'm not sure this was about the difference between men and women. It is more likely about the difference in high strung people who always need to be connected and those that don't.

In your question about hurting relationships I don't think it is really technology that does that, it is distractions. Technology just happens to be the vehicle for the distraction. I do think that if either party of a relationship ignores the other when they are supposed to be together it can (and probably will) be a problem but that isn't the technology's fault. It is the person misusing it.

I don't check work email at home and don't answer calls or emails from work while on vacation ever. If there is an emergency that I absolutely have to deal with there are people I work with who can get a hold of me but those are few and far between. When I see or hear of people who drag their work home regularly or check emails and take calls on vacation (outside of rare emergencies of course) I do feel bad for them and even more so for their families. They deserve your attention when it comes to family time but I don't blame the technology, I blame the person overly attached to it.