Cell phones and relationships/marriage

[FireDancer]

Of course there are needy and controlling members of both sexes. Agreed.

I'm talking how men/women process emotions. But I guess we disagree that there is a difference. I think women, in general, have a greater tendency to go on and on getting the emotions out. Do any men do that? Of course they do. But at this age of experience - it's my female friends and family that do this more - meaning talk it out - not any of my male ones even if they are completely involved in the argument or even started the discussion.

I also think women, in general, have less of an ability to let things go.

Oh, I agree with you but I just don't see the correlation between that emotion and the requirement of answering your phone the moment it rings. Perhaps my male brain is missing something .

 

[scrapquitler]

Its not a bad thing for my relationship...texting/talking anytime we want through the day is really nice.

I agree. And before it was cellphones and texting, we talked on and off on Yahoo messenger all day (back when he had an office job rather than a work at home job).

 

[dicar123]

It's funny to see these comments about women and the phone- my brother is the one with the phone problem. His girlfriend-they live together- won't answer the phone if it is him calling. Never. And then she gets mad because he didn't tell her something she thought was important.

She found out that my dad was having a heart by-pass on facebook because she was out of town and wouldn't answer her phone.

Good thing it wasn't an emergency with her son, who was with my brother.

Maybe he calls all the time for no reason, but I don't like her, so I'm sure it's her fault.

 

[PatsGirl]

I have made a conscious effort to not be "tied" to my cell phone so that this never becomes an issue. My friends, kids, and husband all know that I only check my phone at breaks and when I get home its often still in my car or on another floor and I refuse to jump for it. These same people also know how to get in touch in case of emergency ~ work phone during the day, home phone during the evening. If I don't pick up, leave a message.

I occasionally find myself worrying that someone might be trying to get in touch and have to remind myself that I enjoy my freedom and don't want anybody expecting immediate gratification.

It works for me

 

[njmom47]

Hmm...yes, the instant gratification generation. Sigh. DD#2 is like that. I hear her on her phone sometimes saying the same thing.

DH and I both have cellphones. He refuses to text. One or both of our phones is usually MIA or dead. We are terrible with our cell phones. We still have a landline, and anyone can call me at work (and leave a message if I'm away from my desk), which DH does 2 or 3 times a day. Age sometimes does give you patience....I agree!!!

 

[lisaviolet]

While working out?
.

The funny thing is she didn't stop once and used two machines. And it wasn't a short fight and it was multiple calls. And her phone was a headset in case anyone is wondering how she accomplished such a feat.

Ya think?

Yeah, I think. A lot.

I do think that in a sense they have. I think there's something to the idea that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", not to mention the old standard that "familiarity breeds contempt". Keeping in touch all day long undermines the desire to talk and reconnect in the evenings when you're face-to-face, so impersonal remote conversation comes to replace more intimate in-person conversation to some degree. And a constant connection makes it hard to impose any space or cooling-off time after an argument; if one person walks away to calm down, the other has the temptation of 'blowing up' the phone and/or leaving nasty voice mail or text messages that they might come to regret.

Wow you and I think alike.

Oh, I agree with you but I just don't see the correlation between that emotion and the requirement of answering your phone the moment it rings. Perhaps my male brain is missing something .

Because it's you - I literally had to hold my hands back from blowing up the bold.

Come on laugh FireDancer. It's a beautiful day when you say "perhaps (my male) brain is missing something". And the "I agree with you" on the same day - same post.

Okay, hmmm.

My thought was twofold. I could tell it was an issue that had already been on the burner so to speak. So I know there are males attached to their phones more or just as much but this is different - this was a fight and emotions were flying - he just might have called her a word . So if females don't let things go as easily and want to talk it out more I thought that maybe he was letting his emotions sit for a bit and wasn't answering - taking space if he wasn't busy. And I think that's a valid choice at times.

And I openly wondered, during the show, if men often want to whip their phones when women won't let something go. Or some of that overlap generation long for the days that they couldn't always be found. She really was on a tangent. Not saying that it wasn't valid, who knows, but he had little space to say a thing. I could hardly keep up with her.

Age sometimes does give you patience....I agree!!!

But my 78 year old father proves that sometimes must always be there in that sentence.

It's funny to see these comments about women and the phone- my brother is the one with the phone problem.

Yes, there are many men attached to their phone. I was openly thinking about personal space. But for the most part, I meant communication in a fight and taking space and the phone. But maybe your brother is the one with the constant calls then too?

While working out?

There are just more ways to "tick off" or "love" people these days.

You know what? Come to think of it - I might just have a better one or almost as good. A few years ago I was in the recovery room, after a pretty serious operation - a transplant, coming to consciousness. And a nurse was having an argument with her ex, OPENLY, in the room. And then she phoned someone else and complained about the phone call and told the other person the fight point by point - in case we all hadn't heard it.

And no one was doing a thing! I'm like - WELL I AM. It made me even more nauseous to come to with that nonsense - but I mouthed to my nurse "Umm, YOU need to make her stop NOW - that's not okay". My nurse said "she's getting off now". But everyone was horrified - I could tell by their faces. But no one was talking to her. Priceless. People are priceless.

 

[cjbcam]

I am one of the ones that gets upset if my DH doesn't answer right away (my right away is an hour) when I've texted him. I worry like crazy for good reason, but that's another story. Even if its a I'm busy or whatever. Anyways ... We usually don't call we just text.

 

[DisneyWalle]

Our cell phones are really only used for emergencies. My DH and I do text from time to time but its not frequent. Technology isn't a big thing in our house, in fact, our son, who has a cell phone, usually doesn't carry it with him -- we have to remind him to take his phone.

 

[MIGrandma]

Yes, I think they do. I feel people dependent on cell phones do expect instant response. Glad I grew up during party lines & pay phones. I rarely call my husband on his cell. I wait until he gets home & then we discuss what needs to be discussed. I can handle the day to day stuff and am able to make my own decisions so I really don't have a need to call him while he is working or vice versa.

I completely agree.

I am not a phone person at all, and I remember when cell phones were called "car phones" because they had to plug into your cigarette lighter in the car.

I have a cell phone for convenience and emergencies, but rarely make calls on it. I do text some though, actually more than I thought I would. But I don't bother DH during the day unless it's something that really can't wait.

I can't imagine having a cell phone fight with DH while working out in a gym. Wow.

 

[lauradis]

We text more often than we talk..but in person we talk a lot. My kids always say we talk to each other too much in the car.

Wait till your kids are old they tell you "your like teenage girls " lol. Mines firefighter too. I get text randomly from him while at work, it either he is missing me or needs me to do something.

The sound is off on my phone, so I don't always answer right away. I have heard the rare " what where you doing, I was waiting,"

Op I think what you heard was woman trying to control her bf or hubby, I will make you answer me now, because if not I'm going to ***** you out.

For the life of me I don't understand why any man would put up with this. Maybe for the sex? If some girl I know started *****ing at me because I didn't answer her calls and someone wasn't in the hospital dying, I hung up on her till she was rational.

 

[Granny square]

I completely agree. I am not a phone person at all, and I remember when cell phones were called "car phones" because they had to plug into your cigarette lighter in the car. I have a cell phone for convenience and emergencies, but rarely make calls on it. I do text some though, actually more than I thought I would. But I don't bother DH during the day unless it's something that really can't wait. I can't imagine having a cell phone fight with DH while working out in a gym. Wow.

Luckily my husband enjoys hearing from me and I'm not a bother. He isn't a bother either when he calls or texts me at work either.

 

[Sabeking]

It is a blessing for us as far as scheduling is concerned. Who is going to drive what kid where, etc...based on how plans change during the day.

My DH rarely calls to just talk because he is in a lot of meetings...unless he is (ok here comes tmi) "on the throne " at work. I'm thinking, are you kidding me?? You call to talk while you are doing your business?? He says he does his best thinking and talking there. He has closed huge deals while seeing a man about a horse. Sorry, I went there.

 

[stargazer2892]

I guess because DH works in a kitchen I very rarely call him, it's just to loud and busy he will check his phone occasionally when he gets the chance and IF he can step outside then he will call back but 99% of the time he will just text me or I will just text him. It's the same with me at work though I can't take phone calls I can glance at my phone from time to time if I'm not busy but for the most part my phone stays in my purse in the back office. Now my mom who watches DS for us two nights a week knows that if she needs to get a hold of us to call work not us since we probably won't hear it. Now if I'm out by myself and don't answer (or vice versa) neither of us freak out, we will call/text back when we see it. If it's an urgent question then we make the decision and deal with it.

However, DH works a double today ( 8am-11pm) and I'm due on the 21st so he better be paying more attention to the phone the normal . Especially since we live 30 minutes away from work and 45 from the hospital.

 

[kellyg403]

I think as more and more people grow up and get married/relationships that have utilized cells their entire lives, I can see it being detrimental. Honestly, fighting on the phone at the gym causes more problems then having a private argument at home after you have cooled down and thought about it. I can see the cell phone causing immediate hate and discontent.

My dh and I have not had cells our whole life, basically since early 2000's. Rarely do I call him and visa versa unless there is a need. We typically are working and unless its an emergency he does not like to bother me there.

Now, a cell phone is wonderful in an emergency but day to day I need to speak with him whenever I want really doesn't enter the radar.

One thing I noticed, seems like nothing is private or there are less boundaries. My parents fight like the devil and always have, but no one ever knew that but us kids. No fighting in public. Nowadays its rare to not overhear by sheer being in the wrong place at the wrong time, hear someone arguing over the phone or even worse discussing in intimate detail personal aspects of their life. I don't like it. I am a private person by nature though so that colors some of my thoughts.

Kelly

 

[Allison]

Luckily my husband enjoys hearing from me and I'm not a bother. He isn't a bother either when he calls or texts me at work either.

She said she doesn't want to bother him. That's being courteous. She didn't say he thinks she is a bother.

 

[MIGrandma]

Luckily my husband enjoys hearing from me and I'm not a bother. He isn't a bother either when he calls or texts me at work either.

Luckily? Well then...good for you!

We've been happily married 38 years, l-o-n-g before cell phones came about. And we were taught that when you're at work you there to...well, work. I don't like to "bother" DH with a trivial call when he's working, and when I worked outside the home he didn't "bother" me either with stuff like that. We were working.

Now, of course if it is an emergency that is totally different. Or something extremely important. But most things can wait until we are at home. I don't see anything wrong with that.

I remember when I worked at the restaurant there was one cook who was constantly getting phone calls, mostly from her teen daughter. And it was the waitresses who were basically responsible for answering the phone. I kid you not, she could get upwards of a dozen calls during her shift. Stupid calls. Like "Mom, the VCR isn't working..." Oh my gosh! It was so annoying to have to answer calls like that and it's those kinds of calls that truly do not need to be made while a person is at work...as they are supposed to be working! Thankfully she finally got herself a cell phone and then SHE was the only one being annoyed at her daughter's frequent calls.

 

[luvmy3]

I rarely call or text my dh because when he is at work he's pretty busy and doesn't have time to chit chat. I'll call only if I need to speak to him so if he ignored my calls for an hour, I'd be pretty upset too.

 

[Jennasis]

DH owns a cell phone but it never leaves his vehicle. He almost NEVER uses it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I grew up without a cell phone...and survived!

I don't call DH at work too often. Growing up, we didn't call my father at work unless it was an emergency...an emergency to the tune of "Dad I was on the exit ramp off I-95 and a flatbed truck backed over me could you come pick me up". (Yes, that really happened).

My mother wouldn't have dreamed of calling my father at work to argue with him. That would be saved for home.

If I need to impart info to my hubby, I text him. For example "your sister wants for dinner at her house tonight at 6pm".

If it's something urgent I call him. For example - the toilet just overflowed who would you like me to call?

If it's emergent I call him.

I do have a cell phone which I have with me all the time, basically because I have told my elderly (age 85 & 87) parents to call me on it if they need anything.

I would not be using said cell phone to have a 1 hour argument in a gym with my husband. I can tell you in no uncertain terms that my husband wouldn't stay on the phone with me for an hour arguing. He'd say "we'll discuss it when we gte home" which is where those kinds fo things should be discussed.

But I think the bigger problem isn't technology but the lack of class, and filters and general couth that society no longer seems to have. I mean think about it seriously...who in their right mind would think it's acceptable to argue in a public place for an hour??????

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I text a lot these days instead of call people. People are busy and can respond at their leisure.

In fact I started using the "talk feature" on the phone and don't type hardly anymore. Yep....

I need to show it to DH. He hates texting but if he can speak it, he might use it more.