Cell phones and relationships/marriage

[bigbabyblues]

My DH and I text often during the day. My job has crazy busy times, but when there is nothing going on, there is nothing to do...I am a secretary at a very small school. After the morning rush of calls, parents paying tuition, etc., and attendance, I have a lot of down time. If someone comes in, I do not use my phone, of course. My DH is a flight paramedic and works 24 hour shifts. When he has a flight, he texts me when they take off and when they land if they are empty, or when they are getting ready to land if they are loaded and he is able. When they leave to pick up a patient, he tells me expected flight time and approximately where they are going. He is not always able to send a text when they are loaded, of course.

I normally do not call him while he is at work unless I text first and ask if it is a good time to call.

 

[disneyhand]

I'm glad DH and I aren't the only ones who text more than talk! He's been gone for over a month and I think we've actually talked like twice.

I HATE talking on the phone.

We text more than talk also. It works well for us since we both hate talking on the phone.

Because of my husbands work day and his tendency to set his phone down, I'm not surprised if it takes him a long time to get back to me. If I needed a quicker response or in case of an emergency I know to call his main work number. That is something I don't do often.

I'm not a fan of "public" cell phone conversations such as the OP overhead. I think there should be a better time and place for it, in a quiet voice in private. Far too personal with way too much drama for the gym. I don't even know if I could multitask like that, as yelling and fighting take so much energy.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I don't check work email at home and don't answer calls or emails from work while on vacation ever. If there is an emergency that I absolutely have to deal with there are people I work with who can get a hold of me but those are few and far between. When I see or hear of people who drag their work home regularly or check emails and take calls on vacation (outside of rare emergencies of course) I do feel bad for them and even more so for their families. They deserve your attention when it comes to family time but I don't blame the technology, I blame the person overly attached to it.

I know someone who is struggling with their spouse doing this and he blames the job. I completely agree with you on this! I would be upset if my husband was constantly doing this during family time, especially while on vacation.

My husband and I do call or text at least once or twice a day. I don't go crazy if he doesn't respond right back because he is working after all and I just assume he is in a meeting or on the phone. I'm a stay at home mom and I have my phone by me most all day but he doesn't go crazy other if I happen to not hear it. We both know that we will call or text back when we can.

What is really funny is that I have a very soon to be 16 year old daughter who almost refuses to date because she says some guys are to "needy". She says that they will blow her phone up until she responds. She likes the guys who are not so pushy and she says its a big turn off when they are. That's coming from a very wise teenager IMO.

 

[tvguy]

Wouldn't be an issue here. Cell phones are banned at about every gym I have been in. I suspect it's more because they don't want the cell phone cameras in the gym snapping unbecoming pictures of women working out, than the phone part.

 

[North of Mouse]

Cell phones are great for dh & me. We do not keep up with every move of each other, but love the feeling of being in touch when needed, or just to reach out and 'touch' - have a little chat when needed.

A 'big' pet peeve of mine is the incessant conversations of people while shopping, about mundane, or not so mundane, matters. Of course, this is ALL in their 'outdoor' voices sometimes about very private matters (or things that 'should' be private). You can hear them 20 ft. or more away!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

My husband will take cell phone calls from his friends all day.

But when I call him which is only when something has happened or I need him to talk to him before I make a decision, he won't answer or call me back.

Then he is annoyed with me when he gets home saying I should have called him.
So yes in that case, I think it is detrimental because I let him know that I did call and leave a message but he didn't call me back and I had to make the decision - when that happens our evening is very tense at home.

 

[lauradis]

My husband will take cell phone calls from his friends all day.

But when I call him which is only when something has happened or I need him to talk to him before I make a decision, he won't answer or call me back.

Then he is annoyed with me when he gets home saying I should have called him.
So yes in that case, I think it is detrimental because I let him know that I did call and leave a message but he didn't call me back and I had to make the decision - when that happens our evening is very tense at home.

I'm a meanie. I wouldn't call him. If he asked I just tell he oh I thought you weren't interested since you don't answer your phone! Repeat and rinse.

 

[sasywtch]

I do think that in a sense they have. I think there's something to the idea that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", not to mention the old standard that "familiarity breeds contempt". Keeping in touch all day long undermines the desire to talk and reconnect in the evenings when you're face-to-face, so impersonal remote conversation comes to replace more intimate in-person conversation to some degree. And a constant connection makes it hard to impose any space or cooling-off time after an argument; if one person walks away to calm down, the other has the temptation of 'blowing up' the phone and/or leaving nasty voice mail or text messages that they might come to regret.

I agree. Pre cell phone marriage here. He would maybe call me before leaving work on Friday to see if I wanted him to pick up KFC or something but never did we call just to say hi how's your day every day.



I have a coworker, while she's filing she calls her husband and then while she's xeroxing she's talking to someone else. Maybe I don't have enough friends or something because I just don't see the need to call people every day for an hour and especially why you would be holding a normal conversation walking around shopping. I admit, I have gotten a call from one of my adult kids while shopping but they asked me a question, I answered, told them I was shopping and cut the call short.

To answer your question, I do think technology is hurting relationships. (ok, so not the technology but the people but it's the access part of it). I saw a family out looking at Christmas trees with little kids, dad is on the cell phone the entire time. I see my oldest son constantly checking messages while his kids are trying to get his attention. Same with the wife.

In my relationship, he doesn't always have his phone on or leaves it in the car. I may text and he may answer 2 hours later. If he tries to get ahold of me and I don't answer, he throws a minor fit. It's becoming an issue that I don't know if I will put up with much longer (not that he doesn't answer right away but he little fit he will throw back at me).

Off to make more cookies. Just made hershey kiss cookies and making sugar now.

 

[Laura66]

I don't work outside the home - but I never call my husband at work unless it's super important. He's at work to work. If I need a quick answer about something or need him to pick up something I'll text him. It cld be immediately that I get an answer or hours - depending on how busy he is. I wound never call him to "talk"!

And as much I admit I'm a chronic texter - I hate talking on the phone and avoid it at all costs! I'd rather get together for coffee or lunch!

I guess if I knew my husband or kids weren't calling me back when I needed an answer to something right away and they weren't doing anything to prevent them from calling or texting I might be mad. But otherwise none of us expect return calls or texts to be immediate.

 

[NFLDERS]

She said she doesn't want to bother him. That's being courteous. She didn't say he thinks she is a bother.

Agree! However, I realize from past posts MIGrandma can hold her own.

I personally have been retired for almost 10 yrs now the policy at my place of employment was NO personal phone calls. I wonder what their policy is today.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I was once privy in a coffee shop to a woman having a very personal and ugly conversation with her ex via skype. Her young dd was there and she was a big part of the argument, in that it involved visitation issues. I was uncomfortable as were most likely, every body else in that space. It was weird.

 

[Mousemom234]

The only time my cellphone is even on is when I'm away from the house. Same with DH.
Where he works, he's only allowed to use the phone on his breaks, and it constantly drops calls at that location anyhow. So, I text if I need him to know something. I will call if it's really important, just so he hears it ring - it's a signal that I need a response. Otherwise it can wait until dinnertime
It doesn't upset me not to get an instant reply, because I know he'll get to it as soon as he can.

I can't even imagine having a fight on the cellphone I'd get more ___ at the phone dropping the call than I was at the person on the other end !

 

[Granny square]

I was once privy in a coffee shop to a woman having a very personal and ugly conversation with her ex via skype. Her young dd was there and she was a big part of the argument, in that it involved visitation issues. I was uncomfortable as were most likely, every body else in that space. It was weird.

How terribly sad:/

 

[Allison]

Agree! However, I realize from past posts MIGrandma can hold her own.

I personally have been retired for almost 10 yrs now the policy at my place of employment was NO personal phone calls. I wonder what their policy is today.

No one said she couldn't.

 

[pigletgirl]

Sounds like that woman has no trust in her husband. How horrible. I'm sure she watches his every move on FB too.

 

[NFLDERS]

No one said she couldn't.

The at the end was to show my added support of your post and affirm her spunk that's all.