Bus stop drama (long-ish)

[RadioNate]

Is your bus stop a playground?

The bus stop is on the corner across the street but we are the closest house with a child at the stop. I am usually the only parent watching. I normally don't go out to the stop if I don't have to. There is another family close, but on Monday and Wednesday they leave for work around 730 and their kids are out there alone. They have asked me to keep an eye on them.

Last week there was in incident where my son kicked another child. I completely understand that my DS shouldn't kick people and he was punished. Apparently, the other child was trying to get my DS involved in a game and was pulling on his clothes etc when my DS didn't want to play. The sister of the boy DS kicked told her parents, I got a call from the mother. No one was hurt, the boys hashed it out, everyone apologized and moved on.

FF to today. Several of the 3rd and 4th graders were swinging their backpacks and hitting each other with them. They were all also kicking at each other and kicking the backpacks around. DS, who is in 2nd grade, was trying to stay out of it but he was being hit in the fray. There was also a kindergartner playing the 'game.' This is the child DS kicked last week.

So DH went out there and told them to knock it off. He wasn't really nice about it. He sounded like Mr Wilson.

My motivation today was really to avoid another call from z parent. And the last thing I needed was one of the kids who's parents weren't home to get hit in the face and come crying to me. They were both heavily involved in the 'game' and the younger one (the same kindergartner) is small for his age.

My question is really for parents who's houses are close to the bus stop. How much do you get involved? I really don't want to make my DS a target and I do think 'kids will be kids' but when is enough a enough?

There are a few parents out there in cars but since their kids are also in their cars they never say anything. Last year there was a grandmother out there who was TOUGH on those kids but she died.

I really really don't want to be 'in charge' of the bus stop but it is out my front door.

So other parents, how do you deal with the bus stop madness when you are the only parent around.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Bus stop at the foot of my driveway. I never get involved. Let the kids work it out. I don't even know if I would stop a fight, though if one of my boys were involved, we would discuss it later.

Children have to learn to respect the boundries of other children. They don't learn from our intervention nearly as much as they learn from a rebuke by a peer...

 

[amberc]

I try not to get involved either. No other parents are out there and my hubby and i usually watch the kids, so they know we're there. Usually when they start playing rough, they'll all look at us to see if we're watching. There are 4 boys-all in second grade, and well, boys will be boys. LoL...They're pretty well behaved over all. Now when my baby girl goes to Kindergarten in the fall, I'll be more in their business.

 

[RadioNate]

Bus stop at the foot of my driveway. I never get involved. Let the kids work it out. I don't even know if I would stop a fight, though if one of my boys were involved, we would discuss it later.

Children have to learn to respect the boundries of other children. They don't learn from our intervention nearly as much as they learn from a rebuke by a peer...

Have the other parents called you to discuss an incident at the bus stop? This is what I'm really trying to avoid. I'd be happy to let the kids work it out but I don't need other parents calling me to 'discuss' it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would send my kids a little later to the bus stop. Closer to the time bus arrives. Just avoid the whole mess.

 

[RadioNate]

Just to clarify a bit. I didn't get involved with last week's incident, even though I saw it, until I was called after school.

Today, I sent DH out because I was in PJ's and the kids from last week were heavily involved. These are also the kids who's parents are already at work. Those parents asked me to watch their kids. I was worried that one of them would be hurt and they would tattle about the situation and I'd get another drama filled call.

I'm just curious as to what other parents do. We are not out there daily. Most days I don't watch at all. The only reason I did today was that the dad specifically called and asked me to. It is MAYBE 1 time a month someone goes out there to say something. I think this was the second time since coming back from winter break. The other time they were running though one of the houses flower beds and I told them to run on the grass not through her breakable lawn ornaments.

 

[amberc]

Just to clarify a bit. I didn't get involved with last week's incident, even though I saw it, until I was called after school.

Today, I sent DH out because I was in PJ's and the kids from last week were heavily involved. These are also the kids who's parents are already at work. Those parents asked me to watch their kids. I was worried that one of them would be hurt and they would tattle about the situation and I'd get another drama filled call.

I'm just curious as to what other parents do. We are not out there daily. Most days I don't watch at all. The only reason I did today was that the dad specifically called and asked me to. It is MAYBE 1 time a month someone goes out there to say something. I think this was the second time since coming back from winter break. The other time they were running though one of the houses flower beds and I told them to run on the grass not through her breakable lawn ornaments.

I would definitely say something about them running through flower beds and such. The bus stop is actually in someone else's yard who brings his child to school and is overall not very friendly, so I've told my son about going into his yard at all. I try to have him just stand on the corner.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Have the other parents called you to discuss an incident at the bus stop? This is what I'm really trying to avoid. I'd be happy to let the kids work it out but I don't need other parents calling me to 'discuss' it.

No, but we are friends with all of our neighbors, so we talk about everything. We had a neighbor at our previous residence that sometimes got annoyed when our "boys" got too rough with her "girls", but we just blew her off. The girls started it 100% of the time, and she knew it. When we let the kids sort it out, the behavior actually stops. When we tried to intervene, they just waited until we weren't looking.

If you have a neighbor that you are worried about, invite them over for coffee. Develop a relationship with them. It will make all of this easier...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When my kids were in elementary parents were always present and I kept an eye out as well.

Never had any trouble.

Young kids should have their parents at the stop imo. Esp if they are home.

However that is my opinion only.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would definitely say something about them running through flower beds and such. The bus stop is actually in someone else's yard who brings his child to school and is overall not very friendly, so I've told my son about going into his yard at all. I try to have him just stand on the corner.

Agreed - we set those ground rules on the first day of school. We usually only have to enforce it once before they realize that we are serious. We warn them once if they break a "rule", then we call their parents...

 

[Kae]

I hear ya. The bus stop is at my house it is just my kids & the 2 girls across the street. The beginning of the year the Step brother was hanging around he goes to school in MI so he started later, DS was riding his bike & a group of kids met at my house before riding to school DD still rode the bus. Anyways this Kid "Bobby" is a little older & he would be out there just trash talking & yelling, so I would stick my head out & say chill out it is not even 8 yet nobody wants to hear this & I was mainly talking to him but directing it toward the group. Now I know the parents could hear Bobby but , they never called him in or anything. I finally told the kids after they complained about him to just calmly tell him to shut up, not nice but one morning one of the girls did & he never came back over.

Kae

 

[JimmyPicker]

We live in the middle of nowhere, and our kids get picked up in front of their own houses. This makes me pretty glad about that.

I'd hate having to play referee, which is essentially what you're doing. But if no one else is, it has to be you, doesn't it?

 

[RadioNate]

No, but we are friends with all of our neighbors, so we talk about everything. We had a neighbor at our previous residence that sometimes got annoyed when our "boys" got too rough with her "girls", but we just blew her off. The girls started it 100% of the time, and she knew it. When we let the kids sort it out, the behavior actually stops. When we tried to intervene, they just waited until we weren't looking.

If you have a neighbor that you are worried about, invite them over for coffee. Develop a relationship with them. It will make all of this easier...

I am friends with this parent. We just have very very different styles. I am FAR more of a kids will be kids parents and as long as no one is bleeding a lot I try to stay out of it. The boys were more than over it by after school. The sister brought it up. The mom is very 'hands on.' Lots of discussions about 'good choices' etc etc and while she doesn't think her kids are 100% innocent all the time, she does have some blinders about how innocent they really are. Her DD was WAY involved in the backpack hitting today but I'm sure if she was hurt she would say that she was an innocent victim. I want a good relationship with this family. I LIKE them a lot. They are very good people, even if we parent differently. ETA; I also know they wouldn't approve of the 'backpack hitting game' that both of their children were participating in.

It sounds to me like everyone has a similar level of involvement. I think I will back off a little and see if anyone else steps up when there is a problem (the flower beds.) I will also try to hold DS back a bit from the stop.

I was worried we were too over the top but it doesn't sound like we are too far out of line. I told DH he was a little harsh this am and he gets that.

 

[randommail]

We have a similar situation and basically I only worry about my kids now.

I was becoming the "guardian" for all these kids at the bus stop and finally I told all the other parents they were on their own.

What I did was just start bring my kids last to the stop. Or I would have them stay in the car with me while we listened to the radio or such.

I had one parent whine that she had to stay because of it, but sorry, I got stuck in the middle of everything and was not worth it.

 

[Aneille]

I started to drive my kids to school. I hated having to stand at the bus stop with my K and 1st grader and I can't really see it well from my door. I also have a younger son (just turned 3) and so it was not fun.

The kids at the stop are usually all fine but sometimes they would run through the yards, hit each other, pull on the tree that looks sick, and I didn't like having to keep telling my kids to knock it off when everyone else was doing it. Or telling the other kids to knock it off when I knew they were doing something their parent wouldn't allow or was dangerous or just plain wrong.

The kids get to sleep later in the morning and I don't have to deal with the bus stop. Win/Win all around.

I would hold your kid back more and send him out closer to the time the bus was coming.

 

[RadioNate]

I started to drive my kids to school. I hated having to stand at the bus stop with my K and 1st grader and I can't really see it well from my door. I also have a younger son (just turned 3) and so it was not fun.

The kids at the stop are usually all fine but sometimes they would run through the yards, hit each other, pull on the tree that looks sick, and I didn't like having to keep telling my kids to knock it off when everyone else was doing it. Or telling the other kids to knock it off when I knew they were doing something their parent wouldn't allow or was dangerous or just plain wrong.

The kids get to sleep later in the morning and I don't have to deal with the bus stop. Win/Win all around.

I would hold your kid back more and send him out closer to the time the bus was coming.

I just talked to the other mom. She is cool with today's situation. I knew she wouldn't approve of what the kids we doing. We are both going to start holding our kids back some.

 

[clutter]

Today, I sent DH out because I was in PJ's and the kids from last week were heavily involved. These are also the kids who's parents are already at work. Those parents asked me to watch their kids.

If I'd been asked to watch the kids, I'd interfere. And rather than wait until the parents call, I'd call the parents. Let them know that their kids were acting up at the bus stop AGAIN. Frankly, if my kid was in second grade with a bunch of kids acting up, I'd be like the grandmother that passed. Out there with an eye on them. Making sure my kid wasn't hurt, didn't act up, and didn't accidentally hurt anyone else. I have to work, but I pay a sitter to be at the bus in the morning.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I think that if another parent is upset with the situation and what is going on then they need to get off their hiney and be the "bus stop monitor". If they aren't going to then they have no right to complain about anything that happens.

You also might as the neighbor what their definition of "keep an eye on" their kids is. For me it is: keep an eye out so they don't get kidnapped, be someone they can go to if there is bleeding, puking or broken bones, and if the bus doesn't come please get them to school. I don't expect you to be refreeing. If making sure they didn't get jostled and hit was a priority then I would be sure I was there.

 

[Todd&Copper]

Just to clarify a bit. I didn't get involved with last week's incident, even though I saw it, until I was called after school.

Today, I sent DH out because I was in PJ's and the kids from last week were heavily involved. These are also the kids who's parents are already at work. Those parents asked me to watch their kids. I was worried that one of them would be hurt and they would tattle about the situation and I'd get another drama filled call.

I'm just curious as to what other parents do. We are not out there daily. Most days I don't watch at all. The only reason I did today was that the dad specifically called and asked me to. It is MAYBE 1 time a month someone goes out there to say something. I think this was the second time since coming back from winter break. The other time they were running though one of the houses flower beds and I told them to run on the grass not through her breakable lawn ornaments.

Since the other parent asked you to monitor her kids and you agreed, I think you are kind of on the hook to keep an eye out while they are waiting for the bus, even if you hold you kid back a bit so he goes outside closer to the bus arrival. Or, you tell the mom you are not comfortable watching her kids and she should ask someone else.

 

[WL Fan]

I'd be tempted to put the smack down on the whole bunch of them. Kids need to learn to behave themselves, and I'm not usually shy about it. If the parents don't like what the rules are, at my house, don't ask me to watch your kids.

Good luck!