My mom says she believe me..AND she believes my brother??? Like, this confuses me so much! How can you believe both?? Either you rob a bank or you don't. You don't have one person rob the bank and then somebody say well maybe that was just their interpretation of the event! Good lord!! My husband, my DD, my sister, and two of our friends that were there SAW and HEARD exactly what she said and did! Perfect STRANGERS asked what her problem was!
I can easily see how your mother can believe both of you.
For instance, one scenario could be:
Your mother knows you well, loves you and knows you have a generous heart and put your heart and soul into planning a perfect event. She knows the effort and hard work you put into making what you thought would be the perfect weekend, with everything planned to a detail.
She also believes your brother that the weekend may have been too over the top in the SIL's mind. The reference you made that you usually end up hurt when you do these big plans for people, not just for your SIL, but most people you plan events for, says that maybe you might invest too much of yourself in the planning and have unrealistic expectations of the recipient.
Don't make this an issue where you are trying to force your mother to choose between the two of you. You did your best. The SIL did not like it, her prerogative. Her behavior, if it was as you described, was atrocious. But, she also has the right to not like what you did. She should have appreciated the effort and she shouldn't have treated you the way she did, but you also can't force her to love all the activities you planned. You made an immense effort to make a weekend perfect, through lots of planning and emotional investment, but somehow it did not hit the mark for your future SIL.
But don't take that personally. You did what you thought would please her. She just had a different vision of her bachelorette party. She didn't act very nicely to get her vision, but that does not take away from the effort you put into it and that is why your mother believes you.
She also believes your brother. In all fairness, the party should have been all about the bride, not the plan. I know the original plan was all about the bride, but the surprise was clearly not working. Perhaps the bride was awed by an older, assertive, capable, take charge, future SIL, and didn't know how to handle getting the party she wanted. She then resorted to some pretty immature and rude behavior to get the party she envisioned.
Just a different perspective. I know a lot of people here have said they know people like the SIL, but I am coming from the perspective of having a relative that likes to plan everything. Everybody just goes along with it, going with her plans until somebody blows up and says "no, we are going to go off and do something we want to do." Then it causes family drama because the planner is hurt and upset, thinking they have no worth because they put so much of themselves into the plans, but the others just want some other options to do some things they want to do. But, anytime you try to suggest that maybe we could do something else, the planner gets hurt because she takes it personally and thinks because you don't want to do a certain activity that she worked hard to plan, you don't like her.
