Bridzilla Disney Style?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Are the decorations your mom has the ones you did? If so, I would be in my car NOW picking them up and she can figure it out on her own. She is REALLY a piece of work.

I would forward that to your brother...holy moly is he in for a hell of a life

I like!

 

[Brier Rose]

Let me guess......YOU did not get a $10,000 honeymoon, did you?

Yeahhh, that would be a big fat no!! It wasn't the most traditional circumstances tho. I was 17 and just had DD when DH and I were married. We just had our 23rd wedding anniversary yesterday.

I was also told basically that I didn't follow the "rules" so I was due none of the rewards. I've seen my sister have a lavish wedding..she's divorced..and now my bro who is spoiled beyond words. I love them both and don't begrudge them any of it. I've always understood and accepted my place so to speak.

 

[Suger Mag]

Thank you everyone for all of your kindness. I really do appreciate it. I wish I was still angry. As it is I'm starting to feel nothing but heartbroken. I love my mother and my baby brother. We are..were..very close.

This definitely is not easy. I'm so confused, and my head is still spinning. It's so crazy I can barely wrap my mind around it. Her text was so cold.

We won't be attending the wedding. Not out of spite or anger. It's just that I don't think I can stomach it.

Time for a cool down. How far away is the wedding? I think your Mom is just trying to keep the peace and likey you are more reasonable than your soon to be SIL. You need to be the bigger person, show your daughter the proper way to deal with thi kind of behavior.

Tell the bride 'OK'. Nothing more and nothing less.... and then sit back and watch the show from the sidelines. Don't engage, don't stoop to her level. Let her pay full price for a new hair/MU person at the last minute.

If the wedding is a bit in the future, keep your options open, things may cool off enough. I still think you should attend the ceremony. For me it would be a matter of pride. Show up as a guest, right when it will start and then leave right when it is over. Be perfectly civil. That way you can see your brother married, but can hightail it out of dodge before the fireworks start at the reception. She will be busy during the ceremony so you will not have much interaction.

 

[Jennasis]

Honestly, what kind of teenage nonsense is this-engaging in this type of huge family dynamic changing decision via TEXT??

Sides have clearly been chosen over the event. Just walk away from all of them for as long as necessary. At some point I'm willing to bet they will come seeking forgiveness. ..likely as the divorce is happening.

Not that I condone or would do this, but it'd be hilarious to send them a wedding card, and include in lieu of a gift the business card of the areas, most prominent divorce attorney.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

Respond with "K"... I think that one is the worst.

Hahaha. That was my first thought too.

But, in all honesty, walk away. This whole "I'm being the bigger person" card she's playing with that vague text is too little, too late. I hope your brother comes to his sense and runs away, too.

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

OP I am late to this thread party you have going on here but I spent the past I don't know how many minutes catching up. You planned an absolutely fabulous trip and even if it wasn't what she would have planned, she should have been thankful and pretended to enjoy herself. The most disgusting thing of all is how she is treating your DD in this situation. The problems this girl has were with you, not your DD, so why she is dragging her into everything is unfathomable. I'm so sorry your mom and brother are both turning against you too. Unfortunately it sounds like your mom is kind of stuck trying to keep peace while your brother is just wrapped up in her spell. I hope you plan something more fabulous then what is probably going to be a disaster of a wedding anyway for you and DD to do. I am surprised this bride hasn't turned on her other bridesmaids at this point. I suppose there is still time for her to accomplish this!

 

[maekeith]

Hi Brier Rose,

As much as I would love to also tell you to take a little vacation with your daughter and husband and forget about the wedding, I think "Sugar Mag" has probably given you some solid advice. Be the bigger person.

I'm curious though as to what your husband and daughter think of the situation.

 

[Lynne M]

OP, for your brother's sake, go to the ceremony. Just sit in the back of the church if that's all you feel up to doing. Let him know you're there. Because his life is going to be hellish.

I'm sure he's having major doubts by now, and he's not going to tell anyone because he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. She's maneuvered it so that he has to choose between her and his family, and he's going with her because he knows there's be living hell to pay if he doesn't. He figures he can't back out of the wedding because he knows how much money your parents sunk into it, and besides, he'll look like the dirtbag who abandoned his dear, sweet fiancee.

Your mother is just trying to keep the peace and keep the engagement/wedding from imploding. She may come to her senses and realize that that's the last thing she should be doing.

My heart breaks for your brother, because I know someone like the fiancee. It's all about her, all the time, and God help anyone who doesn't do things her way, or give her everything she wants. It sounds like she's driven most of her own friends away, and over time, she'll drive your brother's friends away, too. She's already driven a wedge between you and your brother, and between him and his niece, and your parents are going to be next. She'll isolate him, and she'll beat him down, until he does whatever she wants just to keep the peace.

I'm sorry. I hope he comes to his senses before the wedding.

 

[EMom]

I read the OP to DH and he figures she must be really good looking and exceptionally gifted in bed. I tend to agree. Lord knows your brother is not attracted to her winning personality and sunny disposition.

When your mother calls in a few years, wanting you to come take care of her after an illness or surgery, remind her that she has a healthy, young DIL who is better suited to that task. Bwaaaahahahaha.....I'd like to see that princess play nursemaid.

 

[EMom]

Because I am JUST that naughty, I suggest your DD go ahead and wear the MOH dress to the wedding and just sit there in the congregation wearing it with a straight face. Then wear it to the reception. If anyone asks why her dress is just like the bridesmaids' or if she realizes it is the same dress, she can truthfully say.....as politely as possible, "Oh, I WAS the MOH, but then she changed her mind. Since the dress was already purchased, I wore it anyway."

Would I really do that? Oh hell yes. Why waste a perfectly good dress?

OMG, I'd pay cash money to see the bride's face when she figures out your DD wore that dress. She'd be fit to be tied and about to choke. Let's face it.....That would be the point of wearing the dress.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I'd have half a mind to attend and when the pastor says if any one here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, blah blah...
I DO!!! I DO!!!!!! Pick Me!!! Me!!! Pick Me!!! Me Me Me!!!! Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Or during the toast say here's to your inevitable divorce!!!

 

[EMom]

I'd have half a mind to attend and when the pastor says if any one here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, blah blah...
I DO!!! I DO!!!!!! Pick Me!!! Me!!! Pick Me!!! Me Me Me!!!! Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Or during the toast say here's to your inevitable divorce!!!

I once attended the wedding of a childhood friend who was marrying a guy that seemed nice enough, but the whole thing smacked of desperation for various reasons. The group of us who drove to the wedding together discussed our fear that the marriage would not last. Once we arrived and listened to those around us, we realized pretty much EVERYONE felt the same way, on both the bride's and groom's sides. Heck, the bride looked ready to back out, as did the groom.

When the minister got to the "if anyone objects" part, there was an incredibly LOUD audible intake of breath as the crowd collectively inhaled, expecting SOMEONE to object. Heads were craning, too, looking for the person who would object. But no one did.

Someone should have. It didn't last.

If the bridezilla in question is still being a pain in the *** on the wedding day, when it gets to the "objections" part, you three could all look around the room in an exaggerated fashion, as if you are searching for the person who is about to speak up.

I am so bad......

 

[dollarmite]

I don't have any sympathy for your brother. He's made his choice, he can live with the consequences. If anyone, even my SO, treated my sibling the way this gf has treated you, there'd be hell to pay.

I'd be absolutely furious at my mother (or father) for choosing someone who hadn't even married into the family yet over me, especially when they'd behaved so disgustingly. I'd also straight out ask my mother why she is choosing this person over me. Then stop speaking and let her sputter as she tries to deny it.

I'd have no hesitation in cutting all of them off.

It would be a no brainer for me not to attend the wedding or any other wedding related activities. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of telling me I could now attend as 'a guest'. I simply wouldn't attend at all.

As others have suggested, take a family holiday that weekend and post the pictures on facebook. Bonus points if the trip is to WDW!

 

[EMom]

I don't have any sympathy for your brother. He's made his choice, he can live with the consequences. If anyone, even my SO, treated my sibling the way this gf has treated you, there'd be hell to pay.

I'd be absolutely furious at my mother (or father) for choosing someone who hadn't even married into the family yet over me, especially when they'd behaved so disgustingly. I'd also straight out ask my mother why she is choosing this person over me. Then stop speaking and let her sputter as she tries to deny it.

I'd have no hesitation in cutting all of them off.

It would be a no brainer for me not to attend the wedding or any other wedding related activities. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of telling me I could now attend as 'a guest'. I simply wouldn't attend at all.

As others have suggested, take a family holiday that weekend and post the pictures on facebook. Bonus points if the trip is to WDW!

Really, I feel as you do. I would not go where I was not welcome and she and her family are not welcome there. Their presence will be ENDURED. So I'd skip it.

If I did go, I'd go on my own terms. I would not be all, "Thank you, sir. May I have more gruel, please?" So I'd wear that MOH dress and I'd look around like a giraffe when the minister asked if anyone had anyone objections to the union. As I said, hell would freeze over before I gave them a gift, since the OP spent a small fortune on the party already.

But overall, I could not stomach being a guest at a wedding I could not give my blessing to. Because this one is doomed.

 

[strangebutspecial]

I just got caught up with this thread. My gosh. This bridezilla girl. I kind of feel bad for her because she's the type to be miserable for the rest of her life no matter how much good happens to her.

The only thing you need to worry about, Rose, is keeping a connection open with your brother. He will need you, probably after two kids and a divorce. :/ As long as you still care for him, don't burn that bridge.

And as fun as some of the revenge ideas are to imagine, DON'T do any of them. Haha. Based on that text, this woman seems pretty manipulative an good at spinning things. Any revenge on your part will make her seem "right". As others have said, go to the ceremony and be civil. If you don't think you can do that, I'd suggest writing your brother a letter or an email (not a text) and say how sorry you are that you can't attend his wedding, and explain that this has no bearing on your willingness to be there for him in the future.

And if you don't go, DEFINITELY plan the best getaway weekend ever!

 

[kaytieeldr]

As others have suggested, take a family holiday that weekend and post the pictures on facebook. Bonus points if the trip is to WDW!

Extra credit if you can get some pictures taken with some other bridal party...

 

[TaylorEar]

First - She sounds like a real *******. And you sound like the kind of person I'd want to help me plan my next trip to Disney World! (my first and only trip was a DISASTER due to brother/sister in-law problems... so much so that I decided not to post a trip report even though I had been lurking on these boards for SO long and was really excited to have my first post be a trip report...)

Do you all live in the same town/near each other? Do you spend holidays/other family functions together? Is this something that is going to have an impact on future family get-togethers?

While I would also love to see some sort of revenge fantasy play out (ie - showing up in the MOH dress, pointedly looking around at the whole "who objects" question) I get that those are not real-world options for most of us... unless we are willing to become accidental youtube stars

It sucks to not feel supported, especially when you know that your intentions were pure and you did everything and MORE to do the "right" thing. It especially sucks when the people who aren't supporting you (out of possible fear/conflict avoidance) are your direct family.

If it were me... I would not respond to the text. I would rant and rave and seeth to my DD and DH and friends (and message boards!). And then I would attend the wedding and be there to support my brother. And I would offer up a "congrats" to my new (unfortunately-stuck-with) sister-in-law. And then I would let things lie, and know that the future relationship will be built on surface pleasantries unless she makes an effort to bring up the topic and allow you two to have an honest dialogue about what went on.

I think your DD's relationship with the Bride is a WHOLE other issue, and she should be able to deal with it however she feels comfortable.

 

[bellebud]

OP - I already stated that if I were you, I wouldn't go.

A few have posted for you to go to support your brother.

I get where they're coming from, but I still wouldn't do that - I'd write him a letter from the heart, saying you love him, and you don't feel it's good for either side if you attend, and you'll see him soon.

I would just be too hurt to attend.

His new bride will change your relationship with your brother (she already has) and there's honestly nothing you can do about it. It stinks, but if he's willing to let it happen, that's on him.

You can do your best to keep some sort of relationship with him - after the wedding, text him occasionally just to say hi, communicate with him on facebook, enjoy his company when you do see him at family functions.

 

[NewRVLady]

You will also need to consider different accommodation arrangements over the wedding weekend instead of what we had previously planned.

OP-what does the above mean? were you staying with family and now have to stay in a Hotel?

I think this whole thing is just terrible-and for your MOM to join in with this nut's opinion is totally wrong. I feel bad for your DD also

 

[Darcy03231]

OP - BTDT. My brother is married to the same type of person as your future SIL. He and his wife just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. Whatever the rest of the family feels about her, he loves her.

I would not go to the wedding. I would do as a PP suggested and write him a letter telling him you love and support him. He will always be your brother.

My brother attends family functions with his children and his wife refuses to come. That's fine, we still get to see him (and honestly he's much more fun when she's not around anyway). My parents, who gave them the land to build their house one, have never been invited to any holidays at their home, although they live only two houses away. PPs are right when they say that she will try to alienate him from his family. She will, to a certain extent if your brother will allow it.

Our family celebrates the holidays on different days because of scheduling issues within the family (some people have to work on the holidays). Because of that my brother comes to the family functions with the kids. If we did it on the actual date, they wouldn't come as every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, etc. is celebrated with her family.

Take the high road. That's what we've always done and, for us, it has allowed us to maintain a relationship with my brother.

I will say, my parents would never take the future SIL side over their own child's. That would hurt me more that future SILs antics.